I was again foiled in seeing Trevanion. It was the Easter recess, and
he was at the house of one of his brother ministers somewhere in the
North of England. But Lady Ellinor was in London, and I was ushered
into her presence. Nothing could be more cordial than her manner,
though she was evidently much depressed in spirits, and looked wan and
careworn.
After the kindest inquiries relative to my parents and the Captain, she
entered with much sympathy into my schemes and plans, which she said
Trevanion had confided to her. The sterling kindness that belonged to
my old patron (despite his affected anger at my not accepting his
proffered loan) had not only saved me and my fellow-adventurer all
trouble as to allotment orders, but procured advice as to choice of site
and soil, from the best practical experience, which we found after wards
exceedingly useful. And as Lady Ellinor gave me the little packet of
papers, with Trevanion's shrewd notes on the margin, she said, with a
half sigh, "Albert bids me say that he wishes he were as sanguine of his
success in the Cabinet as of yours in the Bush." She then turned to her
husband's rise and prospects, and her face began to change; her eyes
sparkled, the color came to her cheeks. "But you are one of the few who
know him," she said, interrupting herself suddenly; "you know how he
sacrifices all things,--joy, leisure, health,--to his country. There is
not one selfish thought in his nature. And yet such envy,--such
obstacles still! And [her eyes dropped on her dress, and I perceived
that she was in mourning, though the mourning was not deep], and," she
added, "it has pleased Heaven to withdraw from his side one who would
have been worthy his alliance."
I felt for the proud woman, though her emotion seemed more that of pride
than sorrow. And perhaps Lord Castleton's highest merit in her eyes had
been that of ministering to her husband's power and her own ambition. I
bowed my head in silence, and thought of Fanny. Did she, too, pine for
the lost rank, or rather mourn the lost lover?
After a time I said, hesitatingly, "I scarcely presume to condole with
you, Lady Ellinor, yet, believe me, few things ever shocked me like the
death you allude to. I trust Miss Trevanion's health has not much
suffered. Shall I not see her before I leave England?"
Lady Ellinor fixed her keen bright eyes searchingly on my countenance,
and perhaps the gaze satisfied her; for she held out her hand to me with
a frankness almost tender, and said "Had I had a son, the dearest wish
of my heart had been to see you wedded to my daughter."
I started up; the blood rushed to my cheeks, and then left me pale as
death. I looked reproachfully at Lady Ellinor, and the word "cruel!"
faltered on my lips.
"Yes," continued Lady Ellinor, mournfully, "that was my real thought, my
impulse of regret, when I first saw you. But as it is, do not think me
too hard and worldly if I quote the lofty old French proverb, Noblesse
oblige. Listen to me, my young friend: we may never meet again, and I
would not have your father's son think unkindly of me, with all my
faults. From my first childhood I was ambitious,--not, as women usually
are, of mere wealth and rank, but ambitious as noble men are, of power
and fame. A woman can only indulge such ambition by investing it in
another. It was not wealth, it was not rank, that attracted me to
Albert Trevanion: it was the nature that dispenses with the wealth and
commands the rank. Nay," continued Lady Ellinor, in a voice that
slightly trembled, "I may have seen in my youth, before I knew
Trevanion, one [she paused a moment, and went on hurriedly]--one who
wanted but ambition to have realized my ideal. Perhaps even when I
married--and it was said for love--I loved less with my whole heart than
with my whole mind. I may say this now, for now every beat of this
pulse is wholly and only true to him with whom I have schemed and toiled
and aspired; with whom I have grown as one; with whom I have shared the
struggle, and now partake the triumph, realizing the visions of my
youth."
Again the light broke from the dark eyes of this grand daughter of the
world, who was so superb a type of that moral contradiction,--an
ambitious woman.
"I cannot tell you," resumed Lady Ellinor, softening, "how pleased I was
when you came to live with us. Your father has perhaps spoken to you of
me and of our first acquaintance!"
Lady Ellinor paused abruptly, and surveyed me as she paused. I was
silent.
"Perhaps, too, he has blamed me?" she resumed, with a heightened color.
"He never blamed you, Lady Ellinor!"
"He had a right to do so,--though I doubt if he would have blamed me on
the true ground. Yet no; he never could have done me the wrong that
your uncle did when, long years ago, Mr. de Caxton in a letter--the very
bitterness of which disarmed all anger--accused me of having trifled
with Austin,--nay, with himself! And he, at least, had no right to
reproach me," continued Lady Ellinor warmly, and with a curve of her
haughty lip; "for if I felt interest in his wild thirst for some
romantic glory, it was but in the hope that what made the one brother so
restless might at least wake the other to the ambition that would have
become his intellect and aroused his energies. But these are old tales
of follies and delusions now no more: only this will I say, that I have
ever felt, in thinking of your father, and even of your sterner uncle,
as if my conscience reminded me of a debt which I longed to discharge,--
if not to them, to their children. So when we knew you, believe me that
your interests, your career, instantly became to me an object. But
mistaking you, when I saw your ardent industry bent on serious objects,
and accompanied by a mind so fresh and buoyant, and absorbed as I was in
schemes or projects far beyond a woman's ordinary province of hearth and
home, I never dreamed, while you were our guest,--never dreamed of
danger to you or Fanny. I wound you,--pardon me; but I must vindicate
myself. I repeat that if we had a son to inherit our name, to bear the
burden which the world lays upon those who are born to influence the
world's destinies, there is no one to whom Trevanion and myself would
sooner have intrusted the happiness of a daughter. But my daughter is
the sole representative of the mother's line, of the father's name: it
is not her happiness alone that I have to consult, it is her duty,--duty
to her birthright, to the career of the noblest of England's patriots;
duty, I may say, without exaggeration, to the country for the sake of
which that career is run!"
"Say no more, Lady Ellinor, say no more; I understand you. I have no
hope, I never had hope--it was a madness--it is over. It is but as a
friend that I ask again if I may see Miss Trevanion in your presence
before--before I go alone into this long exile, to leave, perhaps, my
dust in a stranger's soil! Ay, look in my face,--you cannot fear my
resolution, my honor, my truth! But once, Lady Ellinor,--but once more.
Do I ask in vain?"
Lady Ellinor was evidently much moved. I bent down almost in the
attitude of kneeling; and brushing away her tears with one hand, she
laid the other on my head tenderly, and said in a very low voice,--
"I entreat you not to ask me; I entreat you not to see my daughter. You
have shown that you are not selfish,--conquer yourself still. What if
such an interview, however guarded you might be, were but to agitate,
unnerve my child, unsettle her peace, prey upon--"
"Oh! do not speak thus,--she did not share my feelings!"
"Could her mother own it if she did? Come, come; remember how young you
both are. When you return, all these dreams will be forgotten; then we
can meet as before; then I will be your second mother, and again your
career shall be my care: for do not think that we shall leave you so
long in this exile as you seem to forbode. No, no; it is but an
absence, an excursion,--not a search after fortune. Your fortune,--
leave that to us when you return!"
"And I am to see her no more!" I murmured, as I rose, and went silently
towards the window to conceal my face. The great struggles in life are
limited to moments. In the drooping of the head upon the bosom, in the
pressure of the hand upon the brow, we may scarcely consume a second in
our threescore years and ten; but what revolutions of our whole being
may pass within us while that single sand drops noiseless down to the
bottom of the hour-glass!
I came back with firm step to Lady Ellinor, and said calmly: "My reason
tells me that you are right, and I submit; forgive me! And do not think
me ungrateful and overproud if I add that you must leave me still the
object in life that consoles and encourages me through all."
"What object is that?" asked Lady Ellinor, hesitatingly.
"Independence for myself, and ease to those for whom life is still
sweet. This is my twofold object; and the means to effect it must be my
own heart and my own hands. And now, convey all my thanks to your noble
husband, and accept my warm prayers for yourself and her--whom I will
not name. Farewell, Lady Ellinor!"
"No, do not leave me so hastily; I have many things to discuss with
you,--at least to ask of you. Tell me how your father bears his
reverse,--tell me at least if there be aught he will suffer us to do for
him? There are many appointments in Trevanion's range of influence that
would suit even the wilful indolence of a man of letters. Come, be
frank with me!"
I could not resist so much kindness; so I sat down, and as collectedly
as I could, replied to Lady Ellinor's questions, and sought to convince
her that my father only felt his losses so far as they affected me, and
that nothing in Trevanion's power was likely to tempt him from his
retreat, or calculated to compensate for a change in his habits.
Turning at last from my parents, Lady Ellinor inquired for Roland, and
on learning that he was with me in town, expressed a strong desire to
see him. I told her I would communicate her wish, and she then said
thoughtfully,--
"He has a son, I think; and I have heard that there is some unhappy
dissension between them."
"Who could have told you that?" I asked in surprise, knowing how closely
Roland had kept the secret of his family afflictions.
"Oh! I heard so from some one who knew Captain Roland,--I forget when
and where I heard it; but is it not the fact?"
"My uncle Roland has no son."
"How!"
"His son is dead."
"How such a loss must grieve him!"
I did not speak.
"But is he sure that his son is dead? What joy if he were mistaken,--if
the son yet lived!"
"Nay, my uncle has a brave heart, and he is resigned. But, pardon me,
have you heard anything of that son?"
"I!--what should I hear? I would fain learn, however, from your uncle
himself what he might like to tell me of his sorrows--or if, indeed,
there be any chance that--"
"That--what?"
"That--that his son still survives."
"I think not," said I; "and I doubt whether you will learn much from my
uncle. Still, there is something in your words that belies their
apparent meaning, and makes me suspect that you know more than you will
say."
"Diplomatist!" said Lady Ellinor, half smiling; but then, her face
settling into a seriousness almost severe, she added,--"it is terrible
to think that a father should hate his son!"
"Hate!--Roland hate his son! What calumny is this?"
"He does not do so, then! Assure me of that; I shall be so glad to know
that I have been misinformed."
"I can tell you this, and no more (for no more do I know), that if ever
the soul of a father were wrapped up in a son,--fear, hope, gladness,
sorrow, all reflected back on a father's heart from the shadows on a
son's life,--Roland was that father while the son lived still."
"I cannot disbelieve you!" exclaimed Lady Ellinor, though in a tone of
surprise. "Well, do let me see your uncle."
"I will do my best to induce him to visit you, and learn all that you
evidently conceal from me."
Lady Ellinor evasively replied to this insinuation, and shortly
afterwards I left that house in which I had known the happiness that
brings the folly, and the grief that bequeathes the wisdom.