"Oh," I said. "Ugh!"
I didn't feel good. I'd almost forgotten what it was like, but I was
sick. Awful. I didn't particularly want to look around but I did, eyes
moving rustily in their sockets. There was a nurse and a doctor. They
were standing by my bed in what was certainly a hospital.
"Don't ask," said the doctor. I wasn't going to. I didn't even care
where I was, but he told me anyway, "You are in the South Side
Hospital, Mr. Barth. You will be all right--which is a wonder,
considering. Remarkable stamina! Please tell me, Mr. Barth, what kind
of lunatic suicide pact was that?"
"Suicide pact?"
"Yes, Mr. Barth. Why couldn't you have settled for just one simple
poison, hm-m? The lab has been swearing at you all day."
"Uh?"
"Yes. At what we pumped from your stomach. And found in the girl's.
Liquor, lots of that--but then, why aspirin? Barbiturates we expect.
Roach pellets are not unusual. But aureomycin? Tranquilizers? Bufferin?
Vitamin B complex, vitamin C--and, finally, half a dozen highly
questionable contraceptive pills? Good Lord, man!"
"It was an accident. The girl--Julia----?"
"You are lucky. She wasn't."
"Dead?"
"Yes, Mr. Barth. She is dead."
"Doctor, listen to me! It was an accident, I swear. We didn't know what
we were doing. We were, well, celebrating."
"In the medicine cabinet, Mr. Barth? Queer place to be celebrating!
Well, Mr. Barth, you must rest now. You have been through a lot. It was
a near thing. The police will be in to see you later."
With this kindly word the doctor and his silently disapproving nurse
filed out of the room.
The police? Julia, poor Julia--dead.
Now what? What should I do? I turned, as always, inward for advice and
instructions. "Folks! Why didn't you stop me? Why did you let me do it?
And now--what shall I do? Answer me, I say. Answer!"
There was only an emptiness. It was a hollow, aching sensation. It
seemed to me I could hear my questions echoing inside me with a lonely
sound.
I was alone. For the first time in nearly ten years, I was truly alone,
with no one to turn to.
They were gone! At last, after all these years, they were gone. I was
free again, truly free. It was glorious to be free--wasn't it?
The sheer joy of the thing brought a tightness to my throat, and I
sniffled. I sniffled again. My nose was stuffy. The tightness in my
throat grew tighter and became a pain.