AN ENGAGEMENT
TOMINA and Doreen lunched at the Hall and dined at the Rectory. But
neither of them cared for visiting. One afternoon, young Tracy St.
Vincent came over to call. In the course of conversation, he asked
Tomina if she could ride.
"I have a spare mount. I wondered if you would like to exercise her.
She is a black mare and a very easy goer."
"I do ride occasionally, but I really have no time at present to
indulge in it."
"Would Mrs. Gavin like to try her? Oh, I say, you might be friendly
with me! I'm awfully down in my luck! The country isn't my style at
all. I haven't a single friend."
"You are a very foolish young man," said Tomina, sitting up very
straight and speaking in a grandmotherly fashion. "Take the people as
they are round here, and don't keep abusing the country. That is what
they dislike in you."
"Do they now? Who told you that? That stiff old Johnny at the Hall
here? Norman is still away, isn't he? Why is he selling his place? I
met the fellow who has bought it yesterday. He came over to my place to
ask me about one of my keepers who is leaving me."
"Who is buying it?" asked Tomina, with interest. She was always glad
when Tracy got off himself.
"He's an old chum of Norman's—Maurice Holme, he calls himself. A major
in the same regiment as Norman used to be in, he told me. He and his
wife are staying at the 'Red Deer' in Damerton. He's rather a decent
chap—not so stiff and starchy as most of our neighbours. He took me for
an old inhabitant; it was quite a change from the way most treat me."
Just by chance, Tomina happened to glance at Doreen. She was struck by
the ashen pallor of her face.
"Aren't you well?" she asked.
"I think your room is very warm," Doreen said, rising as she spoke and
walking towards the door. "I'm all right; don't trouble to follow me."
She closed the door after her. Tracy St. Vincent went on talking, but
Tomina only half heard him.
At last, she asked—
"How long is this Major Holme staying in Damerton? Is he going to take
possession of Yockley Court at once?"
"I believe so. The arrangement is that he should walk straight in and
have the use of the contents of it till Norman can come back to see to
his personal effects."
"Oh, I am sorry—I can't bear old places to lose their owners! Has he a
family?"
"Didn't ask him. His wife is with him."
Tomina was very distrait for the rest of Tracy's visit. She was
relieved when he went. He did not stay to tea, as he was going on to
the Hall.
Doreen sent word by Susan that she had such a bad headache that she was
going to bed, and would rather not be disturbed.
Tomina sent her up a cup of tea, but did not attempt to go near her.
She sat over her fire thinking deeply. Before she went to bed, she
tapped at Doreen's door. It was locked. So she called out good night
and went to bed.
The next morning, Doreen appeared at breakfast with much her usual
manner, and apologised for her abrupt departure the previous afternoon.
"I do get very sudden headaches, and it's no good inflicting other
people with one's misery. Silence and bed generally cure me."
"That is fortunate," said Tomina, quietly.
Doreen looked quickly at her, opened her lips as if about to say
something, and then closed them.
They walked out together after breakfast, and Doreen said suddenly—
"I think I shall have to leave you at the end of this week, Tomina. I
must be up in town to see the decorators about my house."
"But you have only been with me a week."
"Ten days, have I not?"
"And yesterday morning you said you need not be back in town for
another fortnight."
Tomina's tone was quiet dignity itself.
Doreen was dumb.
Then Tomina turned to her, and she linked her arm in hers as she spoke
as if to take away the sting of her words.
"Yockley Court is a long way from here, Doreen, and you need not go
near Damerton."
Not a tremor nor an extra pulse beat from Doreen, but she looked
steadfastly in front of her as she said—
"I did not intend to conceal it from you. Of course, it was palpable
from my want of self-control. I do not wish to run the risk of meeting
Major Holme. It is extraordinary that in a place like this I should
hear of him."
"Not so extraordinary as my meeting Colonel Norman down here, for they
are evidently friends, and it is quite natural that one should take the
property from the other. How strangely we are connected, Doreen, you
and I! Can't we talk freely with each other?"
Doreen drew a deep breath.
"You never told me that you knew Colonel Norman."
"You never asked me."
"I don't know why you should expect me to confide in you when you are
so reticent about yourself. You reminded me the first night that I came
here that our lives were our own, that we need not be inquisitive about
each other's way of living."
"Perhaps I was wrong," said Tomina, in a low voice. "I haven't much to
tell, Doreen. I had a bitter quarrel with Colonel Norman years ago; we
parted, and the savour of my life seemed gone. That made me reckless.
And then I met him down here, and now we're friends—nothing more, and
he is away with his invalid mother, nursing her and keeping her happy."
"But he is not married?"
"No," said Tomina, a startled look coming into her eyes. "Did you ever
meet him?"
"Yes, more than once."
There was a little silence between them.
Then Tomina spoke, and there was almost a touch of tenderness in her
tone.
"You need not tell me anything, Doreen. I guess. Major Holme has been
in your past life, and though you are married to another man who holds
your heart, you don't feel ready yet to meet your old admirer."
"Ah," said Doreen, with a quick-caught breath, "you have only
yourself to thank for your separation, but I did nothing but love too
wholeheartedly. We were within a day of our marriage when—I can't tell
you the sordid story—another woman turned up and threatened him, and I
happily heard of it just in time. He married her two months afterwards,
and to use his own words to a friend of his, he has been in 'hell ever
since.'"
"Do you write to him?"
"Don't insult me."
"Forgive me, and thank you for your confidence. How crooked life is
sometimes!"
"It's not very exhilarating as one lives on."
"I don't know. It depends upon the part of ourselves which we
cultivate. That is what I have been taught since I have been here. And
I have got a new lease of life altogether. I feel as if I could be
ready for all the blows that fate could deal me. I dare say I should
crumple up when they came, but I don't know. All I do know is that I
have a breadth and height of vision that I was in absolute ignorance of
before."
"How do you mean?"
"I have got into touch with the Unseen."
Doreen looked at her with interest.
"Are you a spiritualist?"
"Not as you mean it. But we all belong to the Unseen, you know, and
numbers of us are going into it every day."
"How strangely you talk!"
"Perhaps I'm beating round the bush," said Tomina; "it is a way we
English have when we don't want to open our hearts to each other.
But in simple language I have been brought into touch with God, and
am beginning life again with my hand in His. You've no idea of the
difference it makes in everything. I walked alone for twenty-six years
of my life, and it wasn't a success, though I tried my utmost to make
it so."
Doreen gazed at her gravely and thoughtfully.
"I have walked alone all my life," she said, "and shall continue to do
so till the end."
"That will be a pity," said Tomina, "because I see now what a lot of
happiness and sunshine we miss if we do so. And we do make a mess of
things, don't we?"
"Or rather other people do it for us," said Doreen, bitterly.
They said no more. Doreen abruptly changed the conversation, and Tomina
felt a great pity for her, as she saw that poor Tom had not yet taken
the place of her former lover in her heart, and that the past was
casting a blight over her life.
In two days' time, she left Little Honeycombe, and Tomina did not seek
to detain her.
They drove together to the station, and fate did indeed seem against
them when, pacing up and down the quiet little country platform, they
saw Major Holme with his wife. When he saw Doreen, he lifted his hat
apparently with the greatest composure. But Tomina's quick eyes noted
that his hand trembled like a woman's as he held it out.
"How are you?" he said. "Who would have thought of seeing you in this
part? May I introduce my wife to you?"
Doreen held herself proudly; she shook hands with him, and bowed to
his wife, who was a very smart woman of fashion, but who did not bear
the stamp of a gentlewoman. Then Tomina was introduced, and a few
commonplace remarks were made till the train came in.
Mrs. Holme had evidently no idea who Doreen was; she suggested that
they should travel together. But Doreen promptly said she was going
third class, and Major Holme did not endorse his wife's request.
As he wished Doreen good-bye, a miserable, pleading look shot into his
eyes. Her face was as cold and hard as steel. And when Tomina kissed
her in parting, it did not relax or soften.
Tomina came home in low spirits. Doreen had told her she must come
to her for a visit after she had settled in her new house, and she
had promised to do so. But she still felt vexed with her for not
appreciating her husband more, and she did not look forward to the
visit.
A week or two later, she met Major Holme at the Hall. His wife was
not with him, and he seemed a different man without her. He turned to
Tomina at once.
"You and I must be friends," he said in his cheerful, hearty voice;
"for I believe you know Norman, and he and I have always been pals!"
"You are coming to live at Yockley Court," said Tomina.
"Yes, we are—at least, I'm going to settle my wife in. But I am still
in the Service, and have just been ordered up to Edinburgh."
"Won't your wife be lonely?"
"She says she won't. She has always been wild to possess a country
house—the only thing Norman can't give us with his is a ghost. And
that's a sad lack."
Tomina laughed.
"You can soon conjure up one. Have you heard from Colonel Norman
lately? Do you know how his mother is?"
"About the same, he says. I heard yesterday. Funny chap, isn't he? He
can alter his mode of life so extraordinarily quickly! He was just the
man I should have said who would always stay in the Service and never
be happy anywhere else. But he chucked it, and then came off down here
and settled into a country gentleman. I came down for his shooting
about a year ago, and you'd never have guessed he'd been a soldier.
Never mentioned it. Now he's had to chuck the gentleman 'rôle,' and
he's a sick-nurse and attendant to his mother, and I hear can't be
dragged into anything out there—plays a game of golf occasionally and
drops in at the club, but otherwise leads a woman's life. He and I
write to each other on and off."
"I think he has been having some buffets of fate," said Tomina. "I
expect his heart is still in the Service."
"Do you think so? I say, do tell me—has Miss Forrester married a
relation of yours?"
"My twin brother."
"Really! Do they live in this part?"
"My brother is in the Navy. She was only staying with me; she is
settling into a house somewhere in the Midlands."
Major Holme stroked his moustache thoughtfully. Tomina wondered what
were his thoughts. But Sir Alfred Digby came up at that minute, and
they had no more opportunity for private conversation.
She did not meet him again for some time.
The winter slowly passed. Tomina came out of her shell, joined the
Rectory working party, and undertook to help Mrs. Herbert with the
village clothing club every Saturday.
"I have a lot of lost time to redeem," she said to Mrs. Francis, "and
if there is anything that I am capable of doing, I mean to have a try
at it."
One afternoon, Mrs. Francis came to see Tomina in the dusk after tea.
They were very friendly by this time, but Tomina saw from her manner
that she had called for some special purpose, and she wondered what it
was.
Mrs. Francis seemed a little nervous and restless. Presently she asked
rather abruptly—
"Have you heard from Colonel Norman lately?"
"No," said Tomina, slightly surprised at the question. "We do not
correspond."
"You are old friends, are you not? He told me so."
Tomina did not reply.
Then Mrs. Francis laid her hand softly on her arm.
"I want to tell you something. I wonder if you will give me your
congratulations? We have cared for each other for some little time now,
and we are going to make our engagement known."
Tomina turned to her quickly; a pink flush rose into her cheeks.
"Of course I congratulate you! I hope you will be very happy. I guessed
it a short time ago."
She spoke quickly and feverishly.
Mrs. Francis gazed into the fire with dreamy eyes and a happy smile
about her lips.
"You have always liked him, have you not? I was sure of your sympathy."
Wild rebellion and misery were seething in Tomina's heart. She hardly
knew what she said.
Mrs. Francis's voice seemed to come to her from a great distance off,
and after a few commonplace remarks, the young widow rose to go.
When Tomina had wished her good-bye, she came into her sitting-room and
threw herself impulsively on her couch. Thor, seeing her face buried
in the cushions, crept up to her and licked her hand. When Tomina was
alone, he generally kept her company. Tomina took no notice of him at
first, until he gave a low whine of perplexity and uneasiness. Then she
sat up and clasped her arms round his shaggy head.
"Oh, Thor, dear Thor, you're a safe confidant! My punishment has come
to me at last for my pride and indifference! I might have known my own
heart before it was too late, but, oh, how fickle men are! And Major
Holme was quite right; he knows him well. He has, after all his earnest
protestations to me, suddenly transferred his affections. I suppose he
thought, and quite rightly too, that I ought to know my own mind, and
as I seemed so decided, he took me at my word. And, Thor, there hasn't
been a day when I have not been thinking of him. The future seemed
to hold only him in it! Aren't you sorry for me? Oh, I am sorry for
myself! It is a bitter and sudden blow."
Tears dropped on the dog's head. Thor looked up with tender, speaking
eyes. He knew his mistress was in trouble, and he wagged his tail to
and fro and watched her intently to see if there was anything he could
do to comfort or please her.
And then Susan came into the room, and Tomina sprang up with a gay
laugh on her lips.
"I have heard such interesting news, Susan, but perhaps I had better
not tell you yet."
"Indeed, I can guess, ma'am. 'Tis all over the village, and we're just
delighted. Mrs. Francis is too good to remain a widow all her life.
Now, if only you and Sir Alfred could come together, it would fit in so
well, wouldn't it? And then we shouldn't lose you from amongst us."
"My dear Susan, Sir Alfred is a confirmed bachelor. You mustn't take to
matchmaking. And I am cut out for a spinster's life; you won't lose me
just yet, I can assure you!"
Then with a smile still on her lips and an agonising weight on her
heart, Tomina went out of the room.
She found it beyond her powers to discuss Mrs. Francis's engagement
with Susan.
She went early to bed that evening, but not to sleep.
Tomina had been half conscious for a long time that her feelings were
undergoing a change as regards Gerald Norman. She would never have
suffered so much all those years had her love for him entirely died.
As she had said to Doreen, life had lost its savour since their
quarrel. And yet she had resolutely and determinedly put him, or
sought to put him, out of her life. When he had insisted upon renewing
their acquaintance, she had at first passionately resisted it. When
later she gradually drifted into friendship, she still crushed the
inclination in her heart to forgive him. Now she knew she had nothing
to forgive; the pride and the wilfulness had all been on her side, and
no self-respecting man could have acted otherwise than he had done. Her
heart was still in his keeping. She was counting the days, too, when
she might see him again. She had already pictured him in imagination
once again pressing his claim upon her. This time she would yield, she
assured herself; she must do so—she could not hold out any longer.
And now this blow had fallen. She was no longer enshrined in his heart.
Another had taken her place. Her opportunity for yielding to his
importunity would never come. He did not want her.
The shock of it stunned, bewildered her. She tossed restlessly from
side to side. Sleep would not come. And then suddenly her soul found
repose in prayer.
"God is my Father," she thought, and a little thrill of hope and light
sprang up in her heart. "He loves me. He knows all about it. If I have
lost Gerald in this life, it must be for the best reason in the world.
I am not guiding my own life any longer. God is. I will trust Him. I
will wait and see what comes."
In a very few moments, the tumult in her heart was stilled and she fell
asleep.