THE LINK GOES MISSING.
THE Missing Link was recognised by patrons of Thunder's Museum of Marvels
as no ordinary animal. The Professor's show being conducted in a small
shop, and owing nothing of its popularity to expensive advertisments in
the "Amusements" columns, received no recognition from the press,
consequently fame on a large scale did not come to Professor Thunder.
Nevertheless the Museum of Marvels enjoyed a reputation in humble
circles, and here Mahdi was talked of, and accepted without a question,
as an astonishing vindication of the Darwinian hypothesis about which the
Professor discoursed so fluently in his three minutes' lecture before the
cage. It had only taken Nicholas Crips two weeks to assert himself, and
already he had introduced many novelties into the recognised "business"
for Missing Links.
Occasionally a too-inquisitive visitor with a taste for natural history
became obtrusive and sought close investigation. It was part of Nickie's
duty to fill such visitors with a proper respect for Missing Links, but
ninety-nine out of every hundred accepted Mahdi in good faith. It is an
axiom in the show business that the people who can't be deceived are so
few that they are not worth considering.
It was a hot day, life in the cage was very oppressive. Nickie the Kid
was painfully thirsty. Probably no Missing Link since the day when man
began to emerge from the monkey had ever been so sorely afflicted with
the craving for alcoholic stimulants.
Mahdi had a fixed allowance his beer supply was rigorously prescribed by
Professor Thunder, and precisely measured by Madame Marve. It was this
precision that prevented Nickie being quite content with an artistic
career.
He had had his first pint. The second pint was not due for two hours.
Nicholas Crips was not satisfied he would survive the time. The place was
stifling.
"Yar-r, get to blazes!" snorted the Darwinian hypothesis, and hurled his
water tin at Ammonia.
Ephraim, the pig, grunted pitifully, and Matty Cann, the bone man,
drowsed in his chair. Madame Marve was sleeping, too, and the ripple of a
monotonous snore came from the Egyptian tent.
There were no patrons, the town was still, prone under the great heat.
Professor Thunder entered, mopping his brow, and the Missing Link pressed
against the bars.
"How is it for a drink?" he said. "You've got to be generous, Professor,
or I resign. There you are, a drink, or my resignation--the loss of the
most versatile Link in the profession."
The Professor entered the Egyptian tent, and presently returned with a
pint pannikin which he passed through to Mr. Crips. Nickie seized it
greedily, raised it to his lips, and then changed his mind, and hurled it
at Thunder with a furious imprecation.
"Water!" snarled the Missing Link, "Water! You have the heart to insult a
Christian thirst with water on a day like this, you blastiferous heathen!
Let me out! I resign. Let me out of this monkey house."
Professor Thunder laughed and returned to his post at the door, and the
baffled Link pushed his face through the bars and poured a torrent of
frantic objurgations in the direction of the street door.
"Nickie, fer th' love iv 'Eaven let er man sleep," pleaded the Living
Skeleton pitifully. "I was just a-dreamin' iv pickled pigs' feet an'
fried taters--crisp, brown, fried taters. Oh, Lord!"
"Be quiet!" snarled the Missing Link, "and do a perish here from thirst
while that cow of a man swills his fill and makes a fortune out of my
mortal agony? No, hanged if I do."
The Missing Link howled again, and Madame Marve, that she might sleep
peacefully, broke rules and regulations, and smuggled him another half
pannikin of beer.
"Lucky dog!" sighed the bone man. "If I was t' tear the place up they
wouldn't give me half yard iv grilled steak an' er pint iv chips."
After tea, Mahdi was very quiet on his straw. The Professor and Madame
Marve were making their usual dinner of cold boiled leg of mutton, bread
and beer, in the Egyptian tent. The other animals were sleeping.
The Link was not sleeping, he was amusing him self in a quaint way at the
back of his cage. He had a small lassoo made of cord, and was throwing it
at an object near the wall at a distance of five feet.
Every time Nickie failed he swore in a patient heart-broken way, but he
persisted, and eventually success crowned his efforts. An exclamation of
great joy burst from his lips.
"No silly business there, Mahdi," cried Madame warningly from her tent.
"The public will be here in half a tick."
Mahdi dropped his string and curled in a knot, but presently he started
cautiously hauling in his prize. A long hairy arm reached out and
clutched it, and hastily hid the object in the straw. The treasure was a
bottle three-parts full of brandy, Professor Thunder's extra special.
The Missing Link's performances during the next hour were curious and
perfunctory: the animal was not himself. If Missing Links were habitually
intemperate one would be inclined to say this Missing Link had taken
something too much. During a quiet quarter of an hour Mahdi got the key
of his cage from the Professor's ordinary vest, which had been left
hanging within his reach, opened the door, and going quietly along the
wall behind the cages, reached the back door, opened it, and stepped into
the night.
Two minutes later a monstrous shape came out of the shadows of a
right-of-way into the well-lighted City Street, a strange, misshapen
animal, with a head half-human half-monkey, with a body like that of an
ourang-outang and long, flapping feet. The brute was covered with short,
tufted, reddish hair, and in its hand it carried a brandy bottle
containing about half-a-cup of spirit.
The first to confront Nicholas Crips, the Missing Link, was a woman. She
did not attempt to escape, but stood right in his way, staring at him
with eye frantic with terror. Fear had struck her motionless but not
dumb; she shrieked in Mahdi's face again and again. Her screams echoed
along the street.
"Thash all ri', missus," said the Missing Link affably, "I don' know you,
an' excuse me; I don' wanter hear you sing." He brushed her aside, and
rolled drunkenly into a wine shop.
In the wine shop a large mirror served as a door screen. Nickie saw his
grizzly shape reflected in this, and after surveying it in stupid
surprise for a few moments, smashed the glass with his bottle, and rolled
out again.
Amazed men assembled at the door, fell back in awe before the Missing
Link, and Mahdi crossed the road, carrying the neck of the broken bottle,
his quaint feet, like huge hands, flopping in the dust. Mahdi's make-up
did Professor Thunder great credit--it was grotesquely inhuman. The shape
of the costume demanded a stooping attitude and shambling gait. Only in a
good light and at close quarters could the deception be seen.
People came running from all directions. A cab horse backed in terror
before the monster, reared, plunged furiously and bolted into a peanut
stall.
Nickie waddled on, blissfully unconscious of the sensation he was
creating. He invaded a secondhand clothes shop.
"Shemima, mother of der brophet!" gasped Moses Aaronstein, throwing out
his palms in a gesture terror, and Moses bolted through a side door.
The Missing Link appropriated a spangled skirt and trailed it after him
down the street. The shouting crowd followed at a respectful distance. In
a small eating-house the Link encountered two men eating fried steak and
onions. They beheld him with indescribable emotion, glared for a moment
and fled. A girl coming in with a tureen of stew dropped the lot on the
floor, threw her apron over her head, and fainted amongst the broken
crockery and scattered viands.
For a moment the strange inebriate stood swaying over the prostrate girl,
making a grave, drunken effort to grasp the situation, then the Italian
proprietress came into the room humming a cheerful strain, and carrying a
burden of fried sausages. She beheld the horror, uttered a piercing
scream, and dashed up the narrow stairs. Nickie went up the stairs after
her, anxious to explain. The horrified people pressing at the front door
and the windows saw him pass out of sight. There was now a large, excited
crowd in the street. All sorts of rumours were afloat. Already it was
stated that the mighty gorilla had killed three men and eaten half a
horse. Two policemen were busy beating back the crowd, and collecting
evidence from excited onlookers who had seen nothing.
At this stage, Professor Thunder dashed through the assemblage. The
Professor was in an agitated frame of mind.
"What is it?" he cried. "Has anyone seen a Missin' Link--a dark brown
Missin' Link?"
Ten persons explained at once.
"He's in there now," cried a bewildered cabman, pointing to the
eating-house. "He's ate er girl, an' he's out after the missus with a
club."
"'T went up them stairs," cried a trembling woman.
Yells from the crowd in the road brought the people surging into the
middle of the street. Mahdi had opened a front window, and stepped out on
to the roof of the verandah. He was dancing clumsily on the corrugated
iron, and gesticulating, with his long, shaggy hands. Nickie was
declaring with the warmth of absolute conviction that he was a king, but
the yelling of the crowd rendered his speech inaudible.
"I'm a king!" cried the Missing Link. "Behold in me your rightful
sovereign. Bow down t' ye ri'ful sovereign, ye base born!" He threw five
fried sausages into the crowd.
The crowd continued yelling, and Nickie broke into a vain-glorious song,
and capered like an idiot brandishing a Vienna loaf.
Professor Thunder beat on his forehead like the baffled villain in the
play. "Ten thousand furies!" he howled, and dashed for the stairs.
While the Missing Link was still capering, Professor Thunder appeared at
the window. He climbed through. The crowd loudly applauded his courage.
He descended upon Mahdi, he seized him. The crowd cheered vociferously.
Professor Thunder kicked the Missing Link. He dragged him back to the
window, and kicked him through. The crowd nearly went frantic in its
appreciation of such heroism.
Presently the Professor appeared on the stairs, dragging the hairy
monster after him. He dragged it by the leg. It bumped cruelly on the
steps. The Professor pulled the Missing Link to his feet, took him by his
rudimentary tail and the scuff of his neck, and ran him out of the shop.
He ran the grizzly monster up the street as a publican ejects the
unwelcome drunk. The crowd followed, cheering still.
It was an inspiriting sight. The Missing Link running on tip-toes, his
eyes projecting, seemingly in imminent danger of falling on his nose, the
Professor furious, two wild policemen with drawn clubs following after,
ready to do or die should the terrible brute break loose again.
The Professor ran Mahdi into the show, kicking him through the door. He
kicked him into his cage, and ten seconds later was vociferating on his
kerosene box again, strenuously inviting the crowd to roll up, roll up,
roll up, and see the wonderful Missing Link, the only genuine man-monkey
in captivity.
The rush that followed was unprecedented in the history of Professor
Thunder's Museum of Marvels. The people flocked in. Prices were put up to
a shilling all round, but still the people flocked, and Letitia took
nearly a bucketful of silver before public interest was exhausted.
Meanwhile, Madame Marve stirred up Nickie in his cage, and made him grin
and howl and caper for the edification of the crowd, whose souls his
street escapades had filled with awe.
Next day the papers contained an account of the excitement occasioned in
the city by the escape of a huge monkey from Thunder's Museum of Marvels,
and the Missing Link demanded an increase of salary and a double
allowance of beer, and got both, in view of his increased importance as
the greatest draw the show had ever known.