DR. CONY--If you please, madame. Let me explain first. You can have it
out with your husband later. I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Cottontail,
that your husband has gout. He has contracted it from excessive
drinking. You knew, of course, that he was a heavy drinker?
MRS. COTTONTAIL (_surprised, but not in the least incredulous_)--I
couldn't go so far as to say I knew it.
DR. CONY--He must stop or he'll die.
COTTONTAIL (_rapidly and wildly_)--I can explain everything, my dear.
The doctor's all wrong. The whole trouble is somebody pulled the roof
off the other day and stabbed me with a poisoned sword. I was right here
in this room. I was just quietly reading _The Evening Post_. I knew no
good would come of our moving into this new apartment house, with its
fancy wire and green paint and free food, and all the rest of it.
DR. CONY (_to Mrs. Cottontail, who aids him in ignoring the
patient_)--You can see for yourself, madame, just how rational he is. I
leave him in your care, Mrs. Cottontail. Don't let him out of your
sight. Try and find out where he gets his liquor. If he pleads with you
for a drink, be firm with him. Follow him everywhere. Make him obey. It
won't be hard in his enfeebled condition. I'll be around to-morrow. (_To
Cottontail_) Remember, one drink may be fatal.
(_Exit Dr. Cony_.)
COTTONTAIL--My dear, it was a pink monster, with an enormous dagger. It
lifted off the ceiling--
MRS. COTTONTAIL--Peter, can't you even be temperate in your lies?
COTTONTAIL (_sinking helplessly in his chair_)--My dear, I was just
sitting quietly, reading _The Evening Post_--
MRS. COTTONTAIL--You brute! I always had a feeling you were too good to
be true.
COTTONTAIL (_feebly and hopelessly_)--I was just sitting, reading _The
Evening Post_ (_his voice trails off into nothingness. He sits
motionless, huddled up in the chair. Suddenly he speaks again, but it is
a new voice, strangely altered._) Mopsy, give me _The Sun_.
MRS. COTTONTAIL (_looking at him in amazement_)--What do you say?
COTTONTAIL (_His muscles relax. His eyes stare stupidly. He speaks
without sense or expression_)--_The Sun! The Sun! The Evening Sun!_
(_He is quite mad_.)
(_Curtain_.)