opened, to see who is coming in. Such a disregard of good manners well
deserved the rebuke it received once from a Scotch minister, who,
annoyed by this habit, astonished his congregation one Sunday morning by
announcing to them the name of each late comer as he entered.
If we cannot give respectful attention to the service, we had better
stay at home, and not disturb those who go to church to worship.
The clergyman is often annoyed by the dropping of hymn-books or
prayer-books noisily into the rack, especially at the close of the last
hymn, when he is waiting to pronounce the benediction. This might be
done as well and better without any noise whatever.
It is rude in the extreme to seize hats and rush for the door as soon as
the last word is said, or to engage at once in idle chatter and
laughter. There should be a reverent pause, and then we should pass
slowly and quietly down the aisle. It is ill-bred to seem in haste to be
gone. Unless we can sit through the service with patience, we should not
attend it. Looking at the clock or taking out one's watch during service
comes under the same condemnation as leaving with unbecoming haste at
the close.
LESSON IX.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.
_Punctuality._
_Finding seats._
_Waiting with quietness._
_Gazing about and making criticisms._
_Talking and laughing,--story._
_Looking at watches and clocks._
_Applause._
_Doing fancy work._
_Courtesy to others._
_Time and manner of leaving._
LESSON IX.
MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.
WHEN we attend a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, we should go
in season: to enter after the performance begins is a discourtesy to the
performers and an annoyance to every person in the audience. If we are
obliged to be late, we should wait for a favorable time, and then be
seated quickly and quietly.
When there is a choice of seats we have a right to take the best that
remain when we arrive; but this right offers no excuse for us to push
and elbow other people, or to obtain such seats by crowding others
aside. It is better to have the poorest seat in the house or none at all
than to sacrifice good manners and self-respect. We often see
disgraceful exhibitions of selfishness at entertainments on the part of
people who pride themselves at home and in company on their politeness.
If we are too early, or if there is delay in commencing, we should wait
with well-bred quietness. Nothing marks more surely the ill-bred person
than noisy demonstrations of impatience at waiting. This is one of the
occasions to practise the graceful sitting still which has been spoken
of in the lesson on manners in society.
It is not polite to gaze at those around us, still less to make remarks
about them or their dress.
Loud talking and laughing, and all conduct calculated to make ourselves
conspicuous, should be avoided. The people who attract attention in
these ways will be likely to eat candy, nuts, and popped corn while the
exercises are going on, and to violate propriety in other ways.
Whispering during a performance is an offence against good manners; yet
it is surprising how common the offence is. School children know how the
visitors on examination days often talk to each other throughout the
exercises, to the great disturbance of the whole school as well as the
teacher, and this recollection ought to make them more careful to avoid
the impoliteness themselves. Many people seem to attend places of
amusement for the sole purpose of talking with their friends. They will
hold long discussions upon dress, cooking, and family matters, as if no
music or speaking were in progress, and as if no one else cared to hear
more than they. If we do not go to a concert to hear the music, we have
no right there; and the same is true at all public entertainments.
It is related of Margaret Fuller that at one of Jenny Lind's concerts
her evening's enjoyment was destroyed by some rude young people who
whispered incessantly, laughed at each other's foolish jokes, and paid
no attention to the wonderful music. At the close of the concert she
sent for the young girl whose behavior had been most noticeable to come
to her. The girl was much flattered by the request from so distinguished
a person, though she was at a loss to account for it. As she appeared
with an air of pleased curiosity, Margaret Fuller said to her, "I hope
that never again in your life will you be the cause of so much annoyance
and pain to any one as you have been to me this evening."
It is to be hoped that this rebuke, with the good advice given with it
to this thoughtless girl, was a lesson in good manners which she and her
companions never forgot.
To take out one's watch or to turn the head to look at the clock is like
saying we are impatient to go, and must be disturbing to the speaker. If
it is necessary for us to look at a watch, we should do so without its
being seen, and should stifle in our pockets the click of shutting it.
It is rude to applaud noisily: we can be enthusiastic in applause
without being boisterous.
Some ladies have a habit of carrying fancy work to places of amusement.
If they knit or crochet before the performance begins, it is a foolish
parade of industry which is probably not carried out at home; but if
they continue the occupation after one begins to sing or speak or read,
it is impertinent, and extremely annoying to the speaker. It seems like
saying that his words are not worthy of undivided attention, but are of
so little consequence that one can take in their meaning and beauty
while counting stitches and studying patterns.
We should be mindful of little courtesies to those near us, such as
handing our programme or opera-glass to one who has none. If a question
is asked about the performance, we should answer with cordial politeness
and cheerfully give any information we can.
We should never leave the hall while the performance is going on. It is,
like coming in late, an affront to the performers and to the audience.
Usually, if we cannot stay until the close, we should stay away. If
there is any urgent reason, such as taking a train, for our leaving
before the close, we should do so between the parts of a performance,
and as noiselessly as possible. When we stay to the end we should remain
seated and give our attention until the last word is uttered. The
speaker usually keeps his best effort for the close, and he should not
be embarrassed, or those listening be disturbed, by the confusion of
preparations for departure. To reach the door a minute or two sooner, or
to get the best seats in a car, is not worth the rudeness it requires.
We shall never be guilty of it if we only apply the Golden Rule and
consider how we should feel in the speaker's place.
LESSON X.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.
_Shutting doors._
_How to ask for articles in stores._
_Making trouble for clerks._
_Handling goods._
_Finding fault with articles or prices._
_Courtesy to other customers._
_Courtesy to clerks._
_Conduct in the post-office,--entering in crowds,
not waiting for others, noise and rudeness._
_Visiting railroad stations._
_Two things to consider._
LESSON X.
MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.
ON entering or leaving a store in cold weather we should consider the
comfort of those behind the counters and shut the door, if there is no
one whose business it is to do it for us. We ought to state clearly and
definitely what we want to buy, and patiently explain if the clerk,
through inexperience or dulness, does not at first understand our
request.
A good supply of patience and politeness is needed in shopping, and a
true lady or gentleman will not lose temper or forget good manners, even
if a clerk is impertinent or disobliging.
We should not make unnecessary trouble for clerks by asking them to take
down and unfold piece after piece of goods for us to examine, if we have
no intention of buying. Many ladies do this habitually, because they
enjoy it, and then wonder that the clerks are not more polite. If we
wish merely to examine before buying at some future time, it is better
to say so, and then the merchant or clerk will not be disappointed if we
do not purchase.
We should handle delicate fabrics in stores as carefully as if they were
our own, and not tumble them over, leaving ribbons and laces in tangled
heaps, especially if we do not buy.
We should not find fault with the quality of articles. If we are not
satisfied, it is enough to say that the goods do not suit us, without
making disparaging remarks to the clerk, who has no responsibility in
the matter.
It is a sign of ignorance and ill-breeding to haggle over the price of a
thing and try to induce the seller to take less for it. In Oriental
countries, it is said, the dealer always asks at first four times the
price he expects to receive, but in our country this is not customary,
and the price stated is supposed to be fair and final. If we think the
article is not worth the price, or if it is beyond our means, it is best
to say we do not wish to pay so much and leave it. If the dealer can
afford to sell it cheaper, and will do so for the sake of our buying, it
is his place to offer it for less, not ours to ask. If he asks more than
a thing is worth, hoping to take advantage of our need of it or our
ignorance, he ought to be punished by our refusal to buy.
We should wait our turn at a counter and regard the convenience of
others as well as ourselves. It is not polite to demand the attention of
a clerk who is waiting upon another customer, or to take up what another
is looking at. If we are in great haste, and customers who seem to have
plenty of time are at the counter before us, we may sometimes ask their
permission to be waited on while they are looking at goods, apologizing
for doing so. If we are sitting at a counter, we should politely give
our seat to an older lady, or to one who looks weary.
If a clerk takes uncommon pains to please us, or puts himself to more
trouble than we have a right to expect, we must not forget to thank him.
If customers are polite and considerate, they seldom have reason to
complain of those behind the counter. The same is true at post-offices,
railroad stations, and wherever we are served by others.
These general principles of politeness in stores can be applied in all
similar public places.
The post-office is often the scene of most unmannerly conduct on the
part of boys and girls, especially just after the close of school, when
they all rush in for letters. Instead of quietly walking up to the
window, one at a time, the boys giving way to the girls when there is
but one place of delivery, and both boys and girls waiting for older
people, they are apt to go in by dozens, crowding to the window and
clamoring for their letters, making themselves extremely annoying to all
grown people present.
We should say, "I would like a dozen stamps, if you please," or, "Please
weigh this letter," rather than, "I want a dozen stamps," or, "Weigh
this letter, will you?"
The post-office is a place of business, like a store or a bank. Our only
object in going there is to mail or receive letters, which we should do
like any other business,--in a quiet, respectable manner. No one has a
right to stand around in the way of others, or to make it a place of
idle resort. No well-bred person, even a child, will indulge in loud
laughing and talking, staring at or making remarks about people, or
other conspicuous behavior here or in any public resort.
A railroad station is also a place of business, and unless it is
necessary for us to go there, we had better stay away. In small towns it
is quite a fashion for boys and girls to go to the station "to see the
cars come in"; but it is not improving to their manners or morals. If
they could realize, especially the girls, how out of place they appear
standing on platforms, where they have no occasion to be, jostled by
passengers and baggage-men, and exposed to the rude remarks of
passers-by, they would never go there unnecessarily.
In all public places we should consider, in reference to our conduct,
two things: first, the courtesy we owe to others; and second, the
respect we owe to ourselves.
LESSON XI.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.
_Politeness in the waiting-room._
_Buying a ticket._
_Getting on and off the cars._
_Obtaining and occupying seats._
_Offering seats to ladies._
_Leaving seats temporarily._
_Talking, laughing, and eating._
_Taking a seat with another._
_Courtesy toward officials._
_Courtesy toward fellow-travellers._
_Conduct if delays occur._
_Behavior at places for refreshment._
_A French boy's politeness in travelling._
LESSON XI.
MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.
BEFORE we fairly begin the journey we want to consider what belongs to
good manners at the station.
If the waiting-room is crowded, and there are not seats for all, the
young ought cheerfully to give place to older people, especially to old
ladies and to mothers with little children in their arms. There is often
opportunity here to show little courtesies to others which may brighten
their whole day.
To amuse a fretful child for a few moments, or bring it a glass of water
when the mother cannot leave other children to do it, or to find the
baggage-master and get a trunk checked for a nervous old lady, is a
small thing in itself, but it may be more welcome to the receiver under
the circumstances than a far greater favor at another time. The comfort
or discomfort of a journey is made up of just such small things.
When the ticket window is opened there is no need for us to rush to it
or to push aside any one else. Time is given for all to buy their
tickets comfortably. We ought, if possible, to hand the exact price of
the ticket, and not take the ticket-seller's time to change large bills.
For the same reason we should ask for the ticket in the briefest
sentence we can frame, and if a question is necessary, put it in the
most business-like manner, and thank him for the information given.
We should not attempt to get on the cars while others are getting off:
it hinders them and ourselves, and nothing is gained by such unbecoming
haste. The much-ridiculed American hurry is well illustrated by a
company of people crowding up the steps while another company is
crowding down. When we leave the cars it is better to wait until they
come to a full stop before rising from our seats. We shall be likely to
get out as soon as if we went swaying down the aisle, crowding other
people, and in danger of falling headlong when the train finally stops.
What has been said about obtaining seats at places of amusement applies
to seats in cars as well. Those who come first have the first choice;
but we should not forget good manners in the choosing. We have no right
to more room than we pay for, and, unless there are plenty of unoccupied
seats, it is rude and selfish to spread out our parcels and wraps so as
to discourage any one from asking to sit beside us; yet a well-dressed
woman, with her possessions unconcernedly arranged on a seat facing her,
ignoring the fact that others are standing in the aisle, is not an
uncommon spectacle.
Courtesy in the cars or in a coach is as binding on us as courtesy in
the parlor, and never, perhaps, is it better appreciated than by tired
travellers.
Good-breeding does not require a gentleman or a boy to offer his seat to
any lady who is standing, but he should never fail to do it to an old
lady or one with a child in her arms, or one with an inconvenient
package; and it is pleasant to see that fine politeness which prompts
its possessor to treat every lady as he would wish his mother or sister
treated. A lady should not accept such a civility in silence. We too
often see her drop into a seat which a gentleman rises to offer as if it
were her right, without a word or even a bow of acknowledgment. Such a
person has no right to expect a similar courtesy the second time.
If any one leaves his seat for a time without leaving any piece of
property in it to show that it belongs to him, he cannot lawfully claim
it on returning; but civility should prevent any one from taking it, if
he knows it belongs to another.
In travelling, as everywhere in public, noisy conversation and the "loud
laugh that speaks the vacant mind" are offensive to good taste. Constant
eating of fruit and peanuts is bad manners, and, as has been said
before, it is generally associated with loud talking and laughing and
other rude behavior.
On long journeys it is necessary to eat luncheons or even regular meals,
but this, done in a well-bred way, is a very different thing from the
continual eating indulged in by a certain class of travellers.
We should not sit down beside another without asking if the seat is
engaged. If a person asks to sit beside us, we should assent with
cordiality, not sullenly gather up our bundles, as we often see people
do, impatient at having their selfish ease disturbed. It is polite for a
gentleman to offer a lady the seat next the window.
We ought to have our ticket ready when the conductor comes around, and
not keep him waiting while we hunt for it in bag or pocket.
If a brakeman raises a window or shuts a door for us, we should thank
him; and it is polite to thank the train boy who passes us water. We
need not be ill-natured because he puts a magazine or prize package in
our lap every half-hour. It is not an uncivil thing to do, and it is
just as easy for us to receive it civilly, and say in a pleasant tone
that we do not care for it, as to add one more snappish answer to the
many given him in the course of a day.
We should be watchful of occasions to show politeness to our
fellow-travellers. There may be an old lady not accustomed to
travelling, anxious and uneasy, to whom we can be of use. We can ask
where she is going, and take the burden off her mind by saying, "I will
tell you when we come to it."
A gentlemanly boy will not see a lady trying to open or shut a window or
reverse a seat without offering to do it for her, any more than a
gentleman would.
We should be patient in answering questions, especially from old people.
If we are passing objects of interest with which we are familiar, it is
polite to speak of them to a stranger sitting near. If we were
journeying in the White Mountain region and were well acquainted with
it, a stranger by our side would like to know the names of the different
peaks, and to have the historic Willey House pointed out to him. One
cheerful, obliging person will add to the comfort of the whole company.
If delays occur on the way, and long periods of waiting, as often
happen, we should be patient and cheerful over the matter ourselves, and
thus help others to be so. Good-nature is contagious at such times. It
is of no use to tire the conductor and brakemen with repeated questions:
they are rarely responsible for the delay, which is more vexatious to
them than to us.
Places for refreshment on a journey, with the brief time usually
allowed, afford opportunities to show one's good or ill breeding. It
would be better to have no lunch than to struggle for the best place and
loudly demand attention, to the exclusion of others. To bring a cup of
tea to an old lady, or to the mother who cannot leave her baby to get it
herself, is a slight thing for us to do, but it may be a great favor to
them.
In an article on the politeness of French children as compared with boys
and girls in America, the writer illustrates what he is saying in this
way:--
"I was travelling in a compartment with a little French boy of twelve,
the age at which American children, as a rule, deserve killing for
their rudeness and general disagreeableness. I sat between him and the
open window, and he was eating pears. Now most boys in our country of
that age would either have dropped the cores upon the floor or tossed
them out of the window, without regard to anybody. But this small
gentleman, every time, with a 'Permit me, sir,' said in the most
pleasant way, rose and came to the window and dropped them out, and then
with a 'Thanks, sir,' quietly took his seat. French children do not take
favors as a matter of course and unacknowledged. And when in his seat,
if an elderly person came in, he was the very first to rise and offer
his place, if it were in the slightest degree more comfortable than
another; and the good-nature with which he insisted on the new-comer's
taking it was delightful to see."
The writer goes on to say that this was not an exceptional boy, but a
fair type of the average French child, and his conduct was a sample of
what might be seen anywhere, even among the ragged boys of the street.
The reason for this state of things is given in the opening sentences of
the article:--
"Politeness, with the French, is a matter of education as well as
nature. The French child is taught that lesson from the beginning of its
existence, and it is made a part of its life. It is the one thing that
is never forgotten, and the lack of it never forgiven."
LESSON XII.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN BORROWING.
_Care of borrowed articles._
_What not to borrow._
_How to return a book._
_Returning an equivalent._
_Promptness in returning,--anecdote._
LESSON XII.
MANNERS IN BORROWING.
IT is an old saying, "He that goes borrowing goes sorrowing"; but it
might often be more truly said of the one to whom the borrower goes.
We should be more careful of a borrowed article than if it were our own.
If we are so unfortunate as to injure or lose it, we should replace it,
if it can be done; if not, make the best possible apology. We have no
right to lend a borrowed thing to an other without the owner's
permission. Perhaps nothing is treated in this way oftener than a book.
People who consider themselves honest and just will lend a borrowed book
to half a neighborhood, and if it is defaced or lost will give
themselves no concern about it.
It is not polite to borrow a garment to wear except of a relative or
intimate friend. Neither is it good manners to ask for a garment or
pattern to cut one by for ourselves: the owner may prefer not to have it
copied. If a person admires a garment or pattern belonging to us, and we
are willing to lend it, it is our place to offer it without its being
asked for.
If a book or article to read is lent us, we should read it promptly, and
when we return it say whatever pleasant things we can of it with truth.
To send it back without expressing an opinion, or making acknowledgment
of the kindness, is inexcusable.
If we borrow something which is not to be returned itself, but its
equivalent, we should be careful to return what is of as good or better
quality, and as much in quantity, if not a little more, to make up for
the trouble of the one who lends to us.
It is not polite to keep a borrowed article long; and if a time for
returning it is specified, we should be careful not to neglect doing it
when the time comes. If possible, we should return it ourselves, not
give it to the owner to carry home or send it by another; and we should
never omit to thank the lender. To compel the owner to send for his
property is a gross violation of good manners on the part of the
borrower. The owner should not send unless he feels that he can wait no
longer, or unless the borrower is habitually careless and needs to be
taught a lesson.
"I never ask a gentleman to return money he has borrowed," said one man
to another.
"How then do you get it?" asked his friend.
"After a while," was the answer, "I conclude he is not a gentleman, and
then I ask him."
This reasoning will apply in case of lending other things as well as
money.
When we lend we should do so with cordial politeness and not spoil the
favor by the half-hearted way in which we offer or grant it; but
borrowing should be regarded as a necessary evil, to be resorted to only
when it cannot well be avoided. The habitual borrower is a burden to
society.
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