Mary, when she left her kind friend in the vicarage, went out and took a
long walk. She had received a shock so great that it took all sensation
from her, and threw her into the seething and surging of an excitement
altogether beyond her control. She could not think until she had got
familiar with the idea, which indeed had been vaguely shaping itself in
her mind ever since she had emerged from the first profound gloom and
prostration of the shadow of death. She had never definitely thought of
her position before,--never even asked herself what was to become of her
when Lady Mary died. She did not see, any more than Lady Mary did, why
she should ever die; and girls, who have never wanted anything in their
lives, who have had no sharp experience to enlighten them, are slow to
think upon such subjects. She had not expected anything; her mind had not
formed any idea of inheritance; and it had not surprised her to hear of
the earl, who was Lady Mary's natural heir, nor to feel herself separated
from the house in which all her previous life had been passed. But there
had been gradually dawning upon her a sense that she had come to a crisis
in her life, and that she must soon be told what was to become of her. It
was not so urgent as that she should ask any questions; but it began to
appear very clearly in her mind that things were not to be with her as
they had been. She had heard the complaints and astonishment of the
servants, to whom Lady Mary had left nothing, with resentment,--Jervis,
who could not marry and take her lodging-house, but must wait until she
had saved more money, and wept to think, after all her devotion, of
having to take another place; and Mrs. Prentiss, the housekeeper, who was
cynical, and expounded Lady Mary's kindness to her servants to be the
issue of a refined selfishness; and Brown, who had sworn subdued oaths,
and had taken the liberty of representing himself to Mary as "in the same
box" with herself. Mary had been angry, very angry at all this; and she
had not by word or look given any one to understand that she felt herself
"in the same box." But yet she had been vaguely anxious, curious,
desiring to know. And she had not even begun to think what she should do.
That seemed a sort of affront to her godmother's memory, at all events,
until some one had made it clear to her. But now, in a moment, with her
first consciousness of the importance of this matter in the sight of
others, a consciousness of what it was to herself, came into her mind. A
change of everything,--a new life,--a new world; and not only so, but a
severance from the old world,--a giving up of everything that had been
most near and pleasant to her.
These thoughts were driven through her mind like the snowflakes in a
storm. The year had slid on since Lady Mary's death. Winter was beginning
to yield to spring; the snow was over, and the great cold. And other
changes had taken place. The great house had been let, and the family who
had taken it had been about a week in possession. Their coming had
inflicted a wound upon Mary's heart; but everybody had urged upon her the
idea that it was much better the house should be let for a time, "till
everything was settled." When all was settled, things would be different.
Mrs. Vicar did not say, "You can then do what you please," but she did
convey to Mary's mind somehow a sort of inference that she would have
something to do it with. And when Mary had protested. "It shall never be
let again with my will," the kind woman had said tremulously, "Well, my
dear!" and had changed the subject. All these things now came to Mary's
mind. They had been afraid to tell her; they had thought it would be so
much to her,--so important, such a crushing blow. To have nothing,--to be
destitute; to be written about by Mr. Furnival to the earl; to have her
case represented,--Mary felt herself stung by such unendurable
suggestions into an energy--a determination--of which her soft young life
had known nothing. No one should write about her, or ask charity for her,
she said to herself. She had gone through the woods and round the park,
which was not large, and now she could not leave these beloved precincts
without going to look at the house. Up to this time she had not had the
courage to go near the house; but to the commotion and fever of her mind
every violent sensation was congenial, and she went up the avenue now
almost gladly, with a little demonstration to herself of energy and
courage. Why not that as well as all the rest?
It was once more twilight, and the dimness favored her design. She wanted
to go there unseen, to look up at the windows with their alien lights,
and to think of the time when Lady Mary sat behind the curtains, and
there was nothing but tenderness and peace throughout the house. There
was a light in every window along the entire front, a lavishness of
firelight and lamplight which told of a household in which there were
many inhabitants. Mary's mind was so deeply absorbed, and perhaps her
eyes so dim with tears that she could scarcely see what was before her,
when the door opened suddenly and a lady came out. "I will go myself,"
she said in an agitated tone to some one behind her. "Don't get yourself
laughed at," said a voice from within. The sound of the voices roused
the young spectator. She looked with a little curiosity, mixed with
anxiety, at the lady who had come out of the house, and who started, too,
with a gesture of alarm, when she saw Mary move in the dark. "Who are
you?" she cried out in a trembling voice, "and what do you want here?"
Then Mary made a step or two forward and said, "I must ask your pardon if
I am trespassing. I did not know there was any objection--" This stranger
to make an objection! It brought something like a tremulous laugh to
Mary's lips.
"Oh, there is no objection," said the lady, "only we have been a little
put out. I see now; you are the young lady who--you are the young lady
that--you are the one that--suffered most."
"I am Lady Mary's goddaughter," said the girl. "I have lived here all my
life."
"Oh, my dear, I have heard all about you," the lady cried. The people who
had taken the house were merely rich people; they had no other
characteristic; and in the vicarage, as well as in the other houses
about, it was said, when they were spoken of, that it was a good thing
they were not people to be visited, since nobody could have had the heart
to visit strangers in Lady Mary's house. And Mary could not but feel a
keen resentment to think that her story, such as it was, the story which
she had only now heard in her own person, should be discussed by such
people. But the speaker had a look of kindness, and, so far as could be
seen, of perplexity and fretted anxiety in her face, and had been in a
hurry, but stopped herself in order to show her interest. "I wonder," she
said impulsively, "that you can come here and look at the place again,
after all that has passed."
"I never thought," said Mary, "that there could be--any objection."
"Oh, how can you think I mean that?--how can you pretend to think so?"
cried the other, impatiently. "But after you have been treated so
heartlessly, so unkindly,--and left, poor thing! they tell me, without a
penny, without any provision--"
"I don't know you," cried Mary, breathless with quick rising passion. "I
don't know what right you can have to meddle with my affairs."
The lady stared at her for a moment without speaking, and then she said,
all at once, "That is quite true,--but it is rude as well; for though I
have no right to meddle with your affairs, I did it in kindness, because
I took an interest in you from all I have heard."
Mary was very accessible to such a reproach and argument. Her face
flushed with a sense of her own churlishness. "I beg your pardon," she
said; "I am sure you mean to be kind."
"Well," said the stranger, "that is perhaps going too far on the other
side, for you can't even see my face, to know what I mean. But I do mean
to be kind, and I am very sorry for you. And though I think you've been
treated abominably, all the same I like you better for not allowing any
one to say so. And now, do you know where I was going? I was going to the
vicarage,--where you are living, I believe,--to see if the vicar, or his
wife, or you, or all of you together, could do a thing for me."
"Oh, I am sure Mrs. Bowyer--" said Mary, with a voice much less assured
than her words.
"You must not be too sure, my dear. I know she doesn't mean to call upon
me, because my husband is a city man. That is just as she pleases. I am
not very fond of city men myself. But there's no reason why I should
stand on ceremony when I want something, is there? Now, my dear, I want
to know--Don't laugh at me. I am not superstitious, so far as I am aware;
but--Tell me, in your time was there ever any disturbance, any appearance
you couldn't understand, any--Well, I don't like the word ghost. It's
disrespectful, if there's anything of the sort: and it's vulgar if there
isn't. But you know what I mean. Was there anything--of that sort--in
your time?"
In your time! Poor Mary had scarcely realized yet that her time was over.
Her heart refused to allow it when it was thus so abruptly brought before
her, but she obliged herself to subdue these rising rebellions, and to
answer, though with some _hauteur_, "There is nothing of the kind that I
ever heard of. There is no superstition or ghost in our house."
She thought it was the vulgar desire of new people to find a conventional
mystery, and it seemed to Mary that this was a desecration of her home.
Mrs. Turner, however (for that was her name), did not receive the
intimation as the girl expected, but looked at her very gravely, and
said, "That makes it a great deal more serious," as if to herself. She
paused and then added, "You see, the case is this. I have a little girl
who is our youngest, who is just my husband's idol. She is a sweet little
thing, though perhaps I should not say it. Are you fond of children? Then
I almost feel sure you would think so too. Not a moping child at all, or
too clever, or anything to alarm one. Well, you know, little Connie,
since ever we came in, has seen an old lady walking about the house."
"An old lady!" said Mary, with an involuntary smile.
"Oh, yes. I laughed too, the first time. I said it would be old Mrs.
Prentiss, or perhaps the char-woman, or some old lady from the village
that had been in the habit of coming in the former people's time. But the
child got very angry. She said it was a real lady. She would not allow me
to speak. Then we thought perhaps it was some one who did not know the
house was let, and had walked in to look at it; but nobody would go on
coming like that with all the signs of a large family in the house. And
now the doctor says the child must be low, that the place perhaps doesn't
agree with her, and that we must send her away. Now I ask you, how could
I send little Connie away, the apple of her father's eye? I should have
to go with her, of course, and how could the house get on without me?
Naturally we are very anxious. And this afternoon she has seen her again,
and sits there crying because she says the dear old lady looks so sad. I
just seized my hat, and walked out, to come to you and your friends at
the vicarage, to see if you could help me. Mrs. Bowyer may look down upon
a city person,--I don't mind that; but she is a mother, and surely she
would feel for a mother," cried the poor lady vehemently, putting up her
hands to her wet eyes.
"Oh, indeed, indeed she would! I am sure now that she will call
directly. We did not know what a--" Mary stopped herself in saying,
"what a nice woman you are," which she thought would be rude, though poor
Mrs. Turner would have liked it. But then she shook her head and added,
"What could any of us do to help you? I have never heard of any old lady.
There never was anything--I know all about the house, everything that has
ever happened, and Prentiss will tell you. There is nothing of that
kind,--indeed, there is nothing. You must have--" But here Mary stopped
again; for to suggest that a new family, a city family, should have
brought an apparition of their own with them, was too ridiculous an idea
to be entertained.
"Miss Vivian," said Mrs. Turner, "will you come back with me and speak to
the child?"
At this Mary faltered a little. "I have never been there--since
the--funeral," she said.
The good woman laid a kind hand upon her shoulder, caressing and
soothing. "You were very fond of her--in spite of the way she has used
you?"
"Oh, how dare you, or any one, to speak of her so! She used me as if I
had been her dearest child. She was more kind to me than a mother. There
is no one in the world like her!" Mary cried.
"And yet she left you without a penny. Oh, you must be a good girl to
feel for her like that. She left you without--What are you going to do,
my dear? I feel like a friend. I feel like a mother to you, though you
don't know me. You mustn't think it is only curiosity. You can't stay
with your friends for ever,--and what are you going to do?"
There are some cases in which it is more easy to speak to a stranger
than to one's dearest and oldest friend. Mary had felt this when she
rushed out, not knowing how to tell the vicar's wife that she must leave
her, and find some independence for herself. It was, however, strange to
rush into such a discussion with so little warning, and Mary's pride was
very sensitive. She said, "I am not going to burden my friends," with a
little indignation; but then she remembered how forlorn she was, and her
voice softened. "I must do something,--but I don't know what I am good
for," she said, trembling, and on the verge of tears.
"My dear, I have heard a great deal about you," said the stranger; "it is
not rash, though it may look so. Come back with me directly, and see
Connie. She is a very interesting little thing, though I say it; it is
wonderful sometimes to hear her talk. You shall be her governess, my
dear. Oh, you need not teach her anything,--that is not what I mean. I
think, I am sure, you will be the saving of her, Miss Vivian; and such a
lady as you are, it will be everything for the other girls to live with
you. Don't stop to think, but just come with me. You shall have whatever
you please, and always be treated like a lady. Oh, my dear, consider my
feelings as a mother, and come; oh, come to Connie! I know you will save
her; it is an inspiration. Come back! Come back with me!"
It seemed to Mary too like an inspiration. What it cost her to cross that
threshold and walk in a stranger, to the house which had been all her
life as her own, she never said to any one. But it was independence; it
was deliverance from entreaties and remonstrances without end. It was a
kind of setting right, so far as could be, of the balance which had got
so terribly wrong. No writing to the earl now; no appeal to friends;
anything in all the world,--much more, honest service and kindness,--must
be better than that.