As Carr was leaving the house he came across Esther, who, very white,
but with a resolute look on her face, met him on the stairs.
"How is my mistress, sir?"
Carr felt nettled at her tone.
"Why do you ask?" he said shortly; "when last you saw her I presume she
was well."
"No, sir."
"No?"
Carr paused. He gave Esther a quick piercing look, and his manner
changed. Her face was strong, it could be relied on.
"You are the little boy's nurse, are you not?"
"I am, Mr. Carr."
"And you are attached to your mistress?"
Esther hesitated.
"I--I am," she said, but her voice trembled.
"Mrs. Wyndham wants some one who can be kind and sympathetic near her.
Some one who can be tactful, and full of common-sense. Her nerves are
greatly shaken. For instance she was much agitated at some music she
heard in the street to-night."
"I heard it, sir. I was surprised. It wasn't like ordinary music."
"Oh, you thought so, did you? For heaven's sake don't repeat your
thoughts to Mrs. Wyndham. You look a sensible young woman."
Esther dropped a curtsey.
"I hope I am," she said in a demure voice.
"Has your mistress a maid--a maid she likes?"
"No. I render her what little services are necessary."
"Can you stay in her room to-night? She ought not to be alone."
"I will sleep on the sofa in my mistress' room."
"That is right. Don't allude to the music in the street if you can help
it."
Carr ran downstairs and went away, and Esther, slowly and hesitatingly,
entered the drawing-room.
Mrs. Wyndham was standing with her two arms clasped round her husband's
violin. The tears were raining from her eyes. Before she could
disengage herself Esther saw the action, and a queer pang, half of
pleasure, half of pain, shot through her. She saw at a glance that
Gerald Wyndham's wife cared for no one but her husband. She stepped
across the room quickly, and without any thought of the familiarity of
the action put her hand through her mistress' arm, and led her towards
the door.
"Come," she said, "you are tired and weak. Master baby is in his nest,
and he wants you. Come, I am going to put you to bed."
Valentine raised no objection. She was trembling and cold. The tears
were undried on her cheeks; the look of infinite pathetic patience in
her eyes almost crushed Esther Helps.
"What a fool I was to suppose she didn't love her husband," she
murmured. "As if any woman could be much with him and not love him. Ah,
lucky Mrs. Wyndham--notwithstanding all your sorrow you are the woman I
envy most on earth."
Valentine did not object to her maid's attentions. She felt shaken and
worn out, and was glad passively to submit. When she was in bed she
spoke for the first time.
"Esther, get a shawl, and lie here, outside the clothes. It comforts me
to have you near."
Esther obeyed without any comment. She wrapped a thick shawl around
her, and lay down near the edge of the big bed. Valentine took her
little rosy boy into her arms.
"Now you must go to sleep, Mrs. Wyndham," said the maid, and she
resolutely shut her own dark eyes.
For an hour she lay motionless, every nerve keenly awake, and on
tension. For an hour she never lifted her eyelids. At the end of that
time she opened them, and glanced at her mistress. Valentine was lying
as still as if she were carved in marble. Her eyes were wide open. They
were looking straight before her out into the big room. She scarcely
seemed to breathe, and never saw Esther when she glanced at her.
"This won't do," thought the maid. "Poor little soul, she has got an
awful shock. She will be very ill if I don't do something to rouse and
interest her. I know she loves her husband--I will speak of him."
Esther moved on purpose somewhat aggressively. Valentine's wide-open
eyes never flinched or changed their expression. The maid touched her
mistress on the shoulder.
"This isn't good of you," she said; "you ought to be asleep."
Valentine started and shivered violently.
"I thought I was asleep," she said. "At any rate I was far away."
"When people sleep they shut their eyes," quoth Esther.
"Were mine open? I did not know it. I was looking at a picture--a
picture in real life. It was lovely."
"I like beautiful pictures," said Esther. "Tell me what you saw."
By this time these two women had forgotten the relative positions they
bore to each other. Valentine observed no familiarity in Esther's tone.
Esther spoke and thought as though she were Valentine's social equal.
She knew she was above her mentally just then; it was necessary for her
to take the lead.
"Tell me what you saw, madam," she said. "Describe your beautiful
picture."
Valentine obeyed with the docility of a child.
"It was a seaside picture," she began. "The sun was setting, and there
was a path of light across the waters. The path seemed to go right up
into the sky, and melt, and end there. And I--I thought of Jacob's
ladder, from earth to heaven, and the angels walking up and down. On
the shore a man and a girl sat. He had his arm round her waist; and she
was filling her hands with the warm soft sand and letting it dribble
away through her fingers. She was happy. She felt warm and contented,
and protected against the whole world. Although she did not know that
she loved it so much, it was the arm that encircled her that gave her
that feeling."
Valentine stopped suddenly.
"That was a pretty picture, madam," said Esther. "A pretty picture, and
you described it well. I suppose the gentleman was the girl's lover or
husband."
"Her lover and husband in one. They were married. They sat like that
once during their honeymoon. Presently he, the husband, took up his
violin, which he had beside him, and began to play."
"Don't go into the music part, please, Mrs. Wyndham. I want just to
keep to the picture alone. I want to guess something. I am good at
guessing. You were the happy young girl."
"I was; oh, I was."
"And the gentleman was your husband; yes, your husband, whom you dearly
loved."
"Don't talk of him, he is lost, gone. Esther, I'm a miserable,
miserable woman."
Her icy quiet was broken up. Long-drawn sobs escaped her; she shivered
as she wept.
"It is an awful thing to love too late--to love loo late," she moaned.
"Madam, I'm going to give you some sal-volatile and water: when you
have taken it you shall tell me the whole story from first to last.
Yes, you had better; you have said too much or too little. I may be
able to comfort you if I know all."
Esther administered the restorative. When the distressful sobs were
quieted, and Mrs. Wyndham lay back exhausted on her pillow, she took
her hand, and said with infinite tact and tenderness:--
"You love him you have lost very deeply. Is that not so?"
"Beyond words to describe."
"You were young when you were married, Mrs. Wyndham; you are a very
young woman still. Perhaps, as a young girl, as almost a child-girl,
you did not know what great love meant."
"I always knew what great love meant. As a little girl I used to
idolize my father. I remember when I was very young, not much older
than baby here, lying down on the floor and kissing the carpet over
which his steps had walked. I used to steal into his study and sit like
a mouse; perfectly happy while I was watching him. When I saw his face
that was bliss; when he took me in his arms I thought Heaven could give
me no more. You are an only child, Esther Helps. Did you feel like that
for your father?"
"No, madam, I always loved my father after a quiet fashion; I love him
after a quiet fashion still. That kind of intense love I did not know.
And you feel it still for Mr. Paget? I suppose it is natural. He is a
handsome gentleman; he has a way about him that attracts people. For
instance, my father would do anything for him. It is still bliss to
you, Mrs. Wyndham, to watch your father's face."
"Come near to me, Esther; let me whisper to you. That love which I
thought unquenchable is--dead!"
"Madam, you astonish me! Dead?"
"It died, Esther Helps, on the morning my husband sailed away."
"Then you only love your husband now?"
"I love many people. For instance, this little child; for instance, my
sister Lilias. What I feel for my husband is high above all these
things. I cannot describe it. It lies here--in my heart--and my heart
aches, and aches."
"It would make Mr. Wyndham very happy to hear you," said Esther.
Her words were unguarded. Valentine began to sob feebly.
"He can never hear me," she said. "That is the dreadful part. I loved
him when we were married, but I did not know it. Then the knowledge
came to me, and I was so happy. One evening I told him so. I said, 'I
love you!' I shall never forget his face. Often he was sad, but his
face seemed to shine when I said those words, and he took me in his
arms, and I saw a little way into the depth of his great heart. Soon
after that something happened--I am not going to tell it, it doesn't
matter--please don't hold my hand, Esther. It is very queer that _you_
should be with me to-night."
"Why, dear madam? Don't you like to have me with you?"
"I think I do. I really quite think I do. Still it is strange that you
should be here."
"Your story interests me wonderfully, Mrs. Wyndham. Will you tell me
more?"
"There is not a great deal to tell. For a time I misunderstood my
husband, and the love which really filled my heart seemed to go back
and back and back like the waves when the tide is going out. Then the
time came for him to go to Sydney. He could not say good-bye; he wrote
good-bye. He said a strange thing in the middle of the letter; he asked
me if I really loved him to join him the next morning on board the
_Esperance_. Loved him! Of course I loved him! I was so relieved.
Everything was made clear to me. He was first--all others everywhere
were second. My father came in, and I told him what I meant to do. He
was angry, and tried to dissuade me. When he saw that I would not yield
he appeared to consent, and promised to go with me the next morning to
Southampton. The _Esperance_ was not to sail until noon. There seemed
lots of time. Still, for the first time, I began to doubt my father. I
determined not to wait for the train he had arranged to travel by with
me, but to go down by a much earlier one. I went to Southampton with a
German maid I had at the time. We arrived there at eight in the
morning, we reached the docks soon after nine, the _Esperance_ was
away--she had sailed at eight. Don't question me about that day, Esther
Helps. It was on that day my love for my father died."