_House of Commons, Monday, July_ 13. Emperor WILLIAM leaves to-day
having taken affectionate farewell of Grandmamma. On the whole been
most successful visit. Weather a little Frenchy in its tendency,
but not all rain and thunder. If things could only have been kept
comfortable to last moment there need have been nothing to mar success
of event. Unfortunately, TANNER's active brain discovered opportunity
of casting a stone at head of departing EMPEROR. Looking in at
Charing Cross Telegraph Office, intending to send sixpenny-worth
of genial remark to his late esteemed Leader PARNELL on result of
Carlow election, TANNER observed "Gutknecht" on shaft of lead pencil
gratuitously provided. Much puzzled at this; thought at first it was
RAIKES's way of spelling good night; found on inquiry it was German.
TANNER's patriotic bosom filled with storm of indignation. "What!"
he cried, apostrophising the absent RAIKES, "at a time when trade is
declining, Ireland is unhappy, strikes are rampant, and human misery
seems to have reached its bitterest point, at such a time it might be
hoped you would have given up your days and nights to ameliorating
the common lot, instead of which you go about importing lead pencils
made in Germany, and so taking the very bread out of the mouth of the
British Workman."
Might have asked question on subject a week ago when he made
discovery; adroitly put it down for to-night; and so whilst Emperor
WILLIAM was taking leave of Grandmamma in the stately halls of
Windsor, TANNER was flinging a lead pencil at his retreating figure,
stabbing him, so to speak, in the Imperial back with a commercial
product retailed at the inconsiderable price of twopence-halfpenny a
dozen.
With some sense of relief House got into Committee of Supply. Various
questions brought up on Colonial Vote. P. and O. SUTHERLAND championed
claims of Singapore for deliverance from arbitrary conduct of
Government in levying military contributions. Doesn't often take
part in Debate; showed to-night that abstention is not due to lack of
debating faculty. Set forth case of his clients in clear business-like
speech, which commanded attention of audience, for whom topic itself
not particularly attractive.
[Illustration: "A Bad Sixpence."]
"SUTHERLAND," said the Member for Sark, one of his most attentive
listeners, "has introduced a new element into Parliamentary oratory.
His intercurrent cough is the most remarkable adjunct to oratory I
ever heard. Suppose the fact is, when he pauses, he is thinking over
the next word, or surveying for a new line of argument. Other men
would consult their notes. P. and O. indulges in a kind of clearing
of his throat, a compromise between a cough and an articulate
remark--commanding, conciliatory, threatening, beseeching, or
convincing, according as the exigencies of the moment require. As a
work of art, the only contemporary thing equal to it that I know, and
that, of course, in quite a different way, is some of the bye-play of
the old gentleman in _L'Enfant Prodigue_."
_Business done_.--In Committee of Supply.
_Tuesday_.--Met CHAPLIN just now, striding along corridor, mopping his
statesmanlike brow with a bandana that would, on emergency, serve as
foresail for one of the cattle-carrying steamers just now troubling
the Minister for Agriculture.
"Anything gone wrong?" I asked, for it was impossible to be blind to
his evident trepidation.
"No, dear boy, it's all right as it turns out, but it might have
been otherwise. What do you think? LABBY's positively been moving the
reduction of the Vote by the amount of my salary! Shouldn't have been
surprised if some Member had got up, and, in neat speech, dilating
on the enormous forward strides made by the Empire since Ministry
of Agriculture was created, moved to double my screw. But to go and
propose to dock it altogether at the end of the first year is, if I
may say so, not encouraging."
"Oh," I said, "you mustn't mind SAGE of QUEEN ANNE'S GATE; his bark is
worse than his bite."
"Yes, I know," said CHAPLIN; "but I should be obliged to him if he'd
bark at someone else's heels. Not, mind you, that I care so much
about the money question. Between you and me (though don't let it go
further, or they might be holding me to my bargain), I would rather
pay £2000 a year than not have a seat on the Treasury Bench in charge
of a department. You've never tasted the delight of standing up in
a full House and reading out answer to a question, whilst all the
world hangs on your lips. Nor have you ever drunk the deep delight of
explaining a Bill, or replying on behalf of HER MAJESTY's Government
to an Amendment. The joy is all the greater to me, since it is newly
acquired. For years I sat below the Gangway, striving to catch the
SPEAKER's eye in competition with the herd, and when I succeeded
Members either howled at me or left the House. Now I speak without
waiting for the SPEAKER's call, and the House listens attentively to
the utterances of the Minister for Agriculture. That's better than
salary paid quarterly: worth paying for as I say. Still it's not
pleasant to have LABBY seriously proposing to stop your wages. Wish
he'd try it on someone else. There's PLUNKET for example; must put him
up in that quarter."
_Business done_.--In Committee of Supply.
[Illustration: A Salmon Fisher.]
_Thursday_.--A long dull night varied by occasional squalls. An
immense relief to Hon. Members, after sitting through an hour
discussing Alienation of Crown Rights in Salmon Fishing in Scotland,
on which CALDWELL delivers discourse, to have opportunity of
exercising their lungs. MORTON a benefactor in this respect. As soon
as ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS is discovered on his feet there goes forth a
howl that shakes the building. To-night rather awkward circumstance
followed. ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS rising for the eighth time, Members broke
forth into agonised howl that lasted several minutes. Was stopped
by sudden commotion at the Bar. Engineer PRIM rushed wildly in,
gesticulating towards the astonished Chair, and disappeared. A body of
workmen appearing mysteriously from depths beneath House, tumultuously
crossed the doorway, and also vanished. Presently news came that flood
of water was raging down staircase; gradually truth got at; a large
water-main had burst in Upper Committee Corridor; cracked at startling
sound of outburst upon ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS's re-appearance.
"This is all very well," said PLUNKET. "I am myself no enthusiastic
admirer of MORTON's Parliamentary eloquence. Still, as First
Commissioner of Works, I feel this thing must be discouraged. Must
draw the line somewhere. Can't have our water-mains bursting with
vicarious indignation because MORTON would speak eight times in
Committee of Supply."
_Business done_.--Committee of Supply.
_Friday_.--In Lords to-night, STANLEY OF ALDERLEY, L.C.C., gave fresh
advertisement to CALDERON's picture, "_St. Elizabeth of Hungary._"
Not a pleasant subject, from any point of view, artistic or moral.
Everybody but well-meaning people like STANLEY OF ALDERLEY, glad to
drop it. He brings it forward at this late day; tries to make the
MARKISS responsible for whole business. The MARKISS protests that
STANLEY has had the advantage of him; hasn't even seen the picture.
"The only idea I have been able to form of it," he said to delighted
House, "is derived from a picture in _Punch_, in which _ZÆO_ is
showing her back to the Members of the County Council." Lords don't
often indulge in hearty laughter; this too much for them, and STANLEY
OF ALDERLEY temporarily extinguished, amid almost uproarious mirth.
_Business done_.--Supply in Commons.
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