_House of Commons, Tuesday, February 5._--Almost thought just now we
were going to have another BRADLAUGH business. House crowded; Members
on all sides eager for the fray. At the bar, closely packed, stood
group of newly-elected Members. Seen some of them here before.
BROADHURST back again after what seems years of exile. ELLIOTT LEES,
deep in thought as to where he shall next go for his groceries in
Birkenhead, in centre of the group. The new Solicitor-General, our old
friend FRANK LOCKWOOD, like a tall maple (not Sir BLUNDELL), lifts his
head and smiles.
"Members desiring to take their seats will please come to the table,"
says the SPEAKER.
BROADHURST, in the van, sprang forward. Had made a fair start when
HENRY JAMES, watchful in aerie on corner bench below gangway, leaped
to feet and proposed to discuss the legality of situation. Objection
founded on abstruse mathematical problem. Two writs had been moved to
fill vacancies in the representation of Leicester. There had been only
one election. There should, HENRY JAMES argued, have been two.
Consequently, election invalid; the two new Members for Leicester not
Members at all, only strangers, intruders across the bar, liable to be
whipped off in custody of Sergeant-at-Arms.
Here was a pretty prospect for opening of Session to which SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD had come with his pocket full of Bills! Sergeant-at-Arms
glanced uneasily at BROADHURST retreating before interruption. What if
repetition of the old process were imminent? Were there to be more
carpet-dances on floor of House through summer afternoons, as was the
wont of Captain GOSSET pirouetting to and from the Mace, House not
quite sure whether he was clutching BRADLAUGH or BRADLAUGH him? Then
the merry scenes in the outer hall, BRADLAUGH fighting at long odds,
finally thrust down the staircase, breathless, his coat torn, his
stylographic pen broken. BROADHURST a stone or two lighter than
BRADLAUGH. But was he equally nimble-footed? Certainly he had not yet
acquired the practice which in the second Session of the controversy
enabled BRADLAUGH and the Sergeant-at-Arms to advance, retire,
_chasser_, and clasp hands across the middle, in perfect time.
But a great deal has happened in the fifteen years that have sped
since, from a corner seat on the side of the House facing HENRY JAMES,
DRUMMOND WOLFF rose, and with emphatic gesture barred BRADLAUGH'S
progress to the table. By striking coincidence that strange chapter in
Parliamentary history, opening by chance accident and leading to
stirring consequences, was finally closed this very night, when
AKERS-DOUGLAS moved writ to fill vacancy created in South Paddington
by death of "Right Hon. RANDOLPH HENRY SPENCER CHURCHILL, commonly
called Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL."
HENRY JAMES had not concluded his sentence when SPEAKER interposed
with ruling that there must be no interference with Members desiring
to take their seats. So incident closed. Members for Leicester sworn
in. BROADHURST, in exuberance of moment, made as though he would
publicly shake the hand the clerk held out to take writ of return. But
REGINALD FRANCIS DOUCE PALGRAVE not made K.C.B. for nothing. "The
writ, the writ!" he hoarsely murmured, waving back the friendly hand.
BROADHURST hastily produced document from breast-pocket, and thus
fresh scandal was averted.
_Business done._--Address moved.
***
_Wednesday._--Exceptional interest in this afternoon's proceedings in
view of circumstance that ELLIS ASHMEAD-BARTLETT (Knight)--what was it
GRANDOLPH said about mediocrity with double-barrelled names?--would
appear in his new character as SILOMIO. Title conferred during recess
by delegates from Swaziland. Curiosity quickened by report that
_début_ would be made in character. Yesterday we had mover and
seconder of Address in velvet suits with silver buttons and brands
Excalibur at their side. Why no _Silomio_ in the native dress of the
nation that has adopted him? Some disappointment when he turned up in
ordinary frock-coat. Understood that weather responsible for this.
Swazi morning dress picturesque, but with nine degrees of frost in
Palace Yard a little inadequate, especially for a beginner.
Even in commonplace English dress SILOMIO made a striking figure as he
stood at the table, and belaboured it for "Swaziland, my Swaziland."
Looked at times as if he were going to leap over, and seize by the
throat SYDNEY BUXTON provokingly smiling on the other side. Last
week's handkerchief hanging out from his coat tail pocket, in liberal
measure though crumpled state, lent a weird effect to back view, not
interrupted by inconvenient crowding on front Opposition Bench. Odd
how SILOMIO'S colleagues in late Ministry find business elsewhere when
he rises to orate.
_Business done._--Talking round Address.
***
_Thursday._--Rather painful scene in House to-night. CHAPLIN resuming
debate on Address led its course gently by the still waters of
bimetallism. Somehow that a subject that has never quite entranced
attention of frivolous Commons. It works certain subtle spell upon
them. At clink of sovereign and shilling between argumentative finger
and thumb they slink away. So it was to-night whilst CHAPLIN spoke.
Faithful among the faithless found was JEMMY LOWTHER. He sat attentive
beside the orator with an expression of profound wisdom, unmitigated
by boyish habit of keeping his hands in his trouser pocket, not
without suspicion of furtively counting his marbles or attempting to
open his knife with the fingers of one hand.
[Illustration: Spoiling his Peroration]
JEMMY and CHAPLIN rank amongst oldest boys in the school. One took his
seat for mid-Lincolnshire in December, 1868; saw the rise to supreme
power of Mr. G. and, with some intervals, suffered it up to the end.
The other rode in triumphantly from York one July day in 1865. Thus
their united Parliamentary ages if fifty-seven, a record hard to beat.
Shoulder to shoulder they have, through all this time, resisted
attacks on British Constitution. Now, suddenly, publicly, in eye of
the scorner, came sharp parting of the ways.
CHAPLIN viewing state of things depressing industrial communities
admitted it was very bad. Mills closed, mines empty, ship-building
yards silent, workmen starving. Only one thing would save the
State--Bimetallism. "Is there anyone," said the orator with
magnificent wave of arm round desolate benches; "who has any other
suggestion to make for the salvation of these industries?" Then up
spoke JEMMY LOWTHER. "I have," he said with final tug at the blade of
the knife hidden in his pocket.
CHAPLIN stood aghast. Could it be possible--his own familiar friend?
He turned, looked down on him, gasping for breath. Then in a hollow
voice he added, "What has my right hon. friend been doing all this
time? Why doesn't he make his proposal?"
Here was an opening for apology, recantation, or at least, submissive
silence. But JEMMY evidently gone to the bad; got the bit between his
teeth and bolted. "I've made it over and over again," he growled,
thinking resentfully of his much crying in the wilderness for that
blessed thing Protection. Ribald House roared with laughter. CHAPLIN,
cut to heart, avoided repetition of painful incident by bringing
oration to early conclusion.
"Let's put this matter to practical test, TOBY," he said. "Come along
with me, and we'll consult the Unemployed."
Not far to go. On Westminster Bridge a hollow-cheeked man leaning over
low wall stared at ice-floes silently gliding down with the tide. "My
good man," said CHAPLIN, "you look unemployed, and I daresay you're
hungry. Now, in order to put you straight, which would you rather
have, Bimetallism or Protection?"
"Well, if you don't mind, master," said the Unemployed huskily, "I'd
like a chunk o' bread."
"Ah!" said CHAPLIN, "these people are so illogical." And he gave him
half-a-crown.
_Business done._--Drifted into debate on Bimetallism. Business can
wait.
_Friday._--SQUIRE OF MALWOOD left sick room to take part in debate and
division on JEFFREYS' Amendment to Address. Self-devotion dangerous on
foggy, frosty night. But the result worth it, at least for crowded
House that heard the speech. Best thing of the kind done in House
since DIZZY'S prime. SQUIRE evidently profited by necessity for
rapidity of composition. The sharpest barbs aimed at quivering figure
of JOKIM sitting opposite.
[Illustration: A Trifle for the Unemployed!]
"Wot's this he means about stealing my clothes when I was bathing?"
said HARDIE, with puzzled look. "With thirteen degrees of frost under
the fog I DON'T KEIR less than ever about bathing. As for my clothes,
they might suit PRINCE ARTHUR, but they wouldn't quite fit him."
_Business done._--Amendment to Address defeated by twelve votes in
House of 534 Members.
* * * * *
Superior Studies.
_Literature and Philosophy Class for Female Students._
_Master._ What is the analogy between _Hamlet_ and MIRABEAU?
_First Girl_ (_rising_). I know. (_Pause, then suddenly, and with
determination._) MIRABEAU didn't get on well with his father, and
_Hamlet_ was at daggers drawn with his uncle.
[_Reseats herself triumphantly._
* * * * *
RESETTING AN OLD SAW.--The descriptive writer in the _Daily
Telegraph_, giving his account of the opening of Parliament, observed
that "Hypercritics have combated the generally accepted axiom that one
pea entirely resembles another," and he went on to show how one
parliamentary crowd resembled any other parliamentary crowd at the
initial ceremony. Assuming therefore this similarity, suppose we
re-set the old saw, and say, "_As like as two M.P.'s_."
* * * * *
Note: [=O], [=o] represent O-macron, o-macron.