ERMYNTRUDE [interrupting]. There! Her Highness forgives you; but don't
do it again. Now go downstairs, my good man, and get that suite on the
first floor ready for us. And send some proper tea. And turn on the
heating apparatus until the temperature in the rooms is comfortably
warm. And have hot water put in all the bedrooms--
THE MANAGER. There are basins with hot and cold taps.
ERMYNTRUDE [scornfully]. Yes: there WOULD be. Suppose we must put up
with that: sinks in our rooms, and pipes that rattle and bang and guggle
all over the house whenever anyone washes his hands. I know.
THE MANAGER [gallant]. You are hard to please, mademoiselle.
ERMYNTRUDE. No harder than other people. But when I'm not pleased I'm
not too ladylike to say so. That's all the difference. There is nothing
more, thank you.
The Manager shrugs his shoulders resignedly; makes a deep bow to the
Princess; goes to the door; wafts a kiss surreptitiously to Ermyntrude;
and goes out.
THE PRINCESS. It's wonderful! How have you the courage?
ERMYNTRUDE. In Your Highness's service I know no fear. Your Highness can
leave all unpleasant people to me.
THE PRINCESS. How I wish I could! The most dreadful thing of all I have
to go through myself.
ERMYNTRUDE. Dare I ask what it is, Your Highness?
THE PRINCESS. I'm going to be married. I'm to be met here and married to
a man I never saw. A boy! A boy who never saw me! One of the sons of the
Inca of Perusalem.
ERMYNTRUDE. Indeed? Which son?
THE PRINCESS. I don't know. They haven't settled which. It's a dreadful
thing to be a princess: they just marry you to anyone they like. The
Inca is to come and look at me, and pick out whichever of his sons he
thinks will suit. And then I shall be an alien enemy everywhere except
in Perusalem, because the Inca has made war on everybody. And I shall
have to pretend that everybody has made war on him. It's too bad.
ERMYNTRUDE. Still, a husband is a husband. I wish I had one.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, how can you say that! I'm afraid you're not a nice
woman.
ERMYNTRUDE. Your Highness is provided for. I'm not.
THE PRINCESS. Even if you could bear to let a man touch you, you
shouldn't say so.
ERMYNTRUDE. I shall not say so again, Your Highness, except perhaps to
the man.
THE PRINCESS. It's too dreadful to think of. I wonder you can be so
coarse. I really don't think you'll suit. I feel sure now that you know
more about men than you should.
ERMYNTRUDE. I am a widow, Your Highness.
THE PRINCESS [overwhelmed]. Oh, I BEG your pardon. Of course I ought to
have known you would not have spoken like that if you were not married.
That makes it all right, doesn't it? I'm so sorry.
The Manager returns, white, scared, hardly able to speak.
THE MANAGER. Your Highness, an officer asks to see you on behalf of the
Inca of Perusalem.
THE PRINCESS [rising distractedly]. Oh, I can't, really. Oh, what shall
I do?
THE MANAGER. On important business, he says, Your Highness. Captain
Duval.
ERMYNTRUDE. Duval! Nonsense! The usual thing. It is the Inca himself,
incognito.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, send him away. Oh, I'm so afraid of the Inca. I'm not
properly dressed to receive him; and he is so particular: he would order
me to stay in my room for a week. Tell him to call tomorrow: say I'm ill
in bed. I can't: I won't: I daren't: you must get rid of him somehow.
ERMYNTRUDE. Leave him to me, Your Highness.
THE PRINCESS. You'd never dare!
ERMYNTRUDE. I am an Englishwoman, Your Highness, and perfectly capable
of tackling ten Incas if necessary. I will arrange the matter. [To the
Manager.] Show Her Highness to her bedroom; and then show Captain Duval
in here.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, thank you so much. [She goes to the door. Ermyntrude,
noticing that she has left her hat and gloves on the table, runs after
her with them.] Oh, THANK you. And oh, please, if I must have one of his
sons, I should like a fair one that doesn't shave, with soft hair and a
beard. I couldn't bear being kissed by a bristly person. [She runs out,
the Manager bowing as she passes. He follows her.]
Ermyntrude whips off her waterproof; hides it; and gets herself swiftly
into perfect trim at the mirror, before the Manager, with a large jewel
case in his hand, returns, ushering in the Inca.
THE MANAGER. Captain Duval.
The Inca, in military uniform, advances with a marked and imposing stage
walk; stops; orders the trembling Manager by a gesture to place the
jewel case on the table; dismisses him with a frown; touches his helmet
graciously to Ermyntrude; and takes off his cloak.
THE INCA. I beg you, madam, to be quite at your ease, and to speak to me
without ceremony.
ERMYNTRUDE [moving haughtily and carelessly to the table]. I hadn't the
slightest intention of treating you with ceremony. [She sits down: a
liberty which gives him a perceptible shock.] I am quite at a loss to
imagine why I should treat a perfect stranger named Duval: a captain!
almost a subaltern! with the smallest ceremony.
THE INCA. That is true. I had for the moment forgotten my position.
ERMYNTRUDE. It doesn't matter. You may sit down.
THE INCA [frowning.] What!
ERMYNTRUDE. I said, you...may...sit...down.