THE HONEYMOON
It had been decided that we should pass the first week of our honeymoon
at Madame de C.'s chateau. A little suite of apartments had been fitted
up for us, upholstered in blue chintz, delightfully cool-looking. The
term "cool-looking" may pass here for a kind of bad joke, for in reality
it was somewhat damp in this little paradise, owing to the freshly
repaired walls.
A room had been specially reserved for me, and it was thither that, after
heartily kissing my dear mother-in-law, I flew up the stairs four at a
time. On an armchair, drawn in front of the fire, was spread out my
maroon velvet dressing-gown and close beside it were my slippers. I
could not resist, and I frantically pulled off my boots. Be that as it
may, my heart was full of love, and a thousand thoughts were whirling
through my head in frightful confusion. I made an effort, and reflected
for a moment on my position:
"Captain," said I to myself, "the approaching moment is a solemn one.
On the manner in which you cross the threshold of married life depends
your future happiness. It is not a small matter to lay the first stone
of an edifice. A husband's first kiss"--I felt a thrill run down my
back--"a husband's first kiss is like the fundamental axiom that serves
as a basis for a whole volume. Be prudent, Captain. She is there beyond
that wall, the fair young bride, who is awaiting you; her ear on the
alert, her neck outstretched, she is listening to each of your movements.
At every creak of the boards she shivers, dear little soul."
As I said this, I took off my coat and my cravat. "Your line of conduct
lies before you ready traced out," I added; "be impassioned with due
restraint, calm with some warmth, good, kind, tender; but at the same
time let her have a glimpse of the vivacities of an ardent affection and
the attractive aspect of a robust temperament." Suddenly I put my coat
on again. I felt ashamed to enter my wife's room in a dressing-gown and
night attire. Was it not equal to saying to her: "My dear, I am at home;
see how I make myself so"? It was making a show of rights which I did
not yet possess, so I rearranged my dress, and after the thousand details
of a careful toilette I approached the door and gave three discreet
little taps. Oh! I can assure you that I was all in a tremble, and my
heart was beating so violently that I pressed my hand to my chest to
restrain its throbs.
She answered nothing, and after a moment of anguish I decided to knock
again. I felt tempted to say in an earnest voice, "It is I, dear; may I
come in?" But I also felt that it was necessary that this phrase should
be delivered in the most perfect fashion, and I was afraid of marring its
effect; I remained, therefore, with a smile upon my lips as if she had
been able to see me, and I twirled my moustache, which, without
affectation, I had slightly perfumed.
I soon heard a faint cough, which seemed to answer me and to grant me
admission. Women, you see, possess that exquisite tact, that extreme
delicacy, which is wholly lacking to us. Could one say more cleverly,
in a more charming manner, "Come, I await you, my love, my spouse"?
Saint Peter would not have hit upon it. That cough was heaven opening to
me. I turned the handle, the door swept noiselessly over the soft
carpet. I was in my wife's room.
A delightful warmth met me face to face, and I breathed a vague perfume
of violets and orris-root, or something akin, with which the air of the
room was laden. A charming disorder was apparent, the ball dress was
spread upon a lounging-chair, two candles were discreetly burning beneath
rose-colored shades.
I drew near the bed where Louise was reposing, on the farther side of it,
with her face to the wall, and her head buried in the pillows.
Motionless and with closed eyes she appeared to be asleep, but her
heightened color betrayed her emotion. I must acknowledge that at that
moment I felt the most embarrassed of mankind. I resolved humbly to
request hospitality. That would be delicate and irreproachable. Oh!
you who have gone through these trials, search your memories and recall
that ridiculous yet delightful moment, that moment of mingled anguish and
joy, when it becomes necessary, without any preliminary rehearsal, to
play the most difficult of parts, and to avoid the ridicule which is
grinning at you from the folds of the curtains; to be at one and the same
time a diplomatist, a barrister, and a man of action, and by skill, tact,
and eloquence render the sternest of realities acceptable without
banishing the most ideal of dreams.
I bent over the bed, and in the softest notes, the sweetest tones my
voice could compass, I murmured, "Well, darling?"
One does what one can at such moments; I could not think of anything
better, and yet, Heaven knows, I had tried.
No reply, and yet she was awake. I will admit that my embarrassment was
doubled. I had reckoned--I can say as much between ourselves--upon more
confidence and greater yielding. I had calculated on a moment of
effusiveness, full of modesty and alarm, it is true, but, at any rate, I
had counted upon such effusiveness, and I found myself strangely
disappointed. The silence chilled me.
"You sleep very soundly, dear. Yet I have a great many things to say;
won't you talk a little?"
As I spoke I--touched her shoulder with the tip of my finger, and saw her
suddenly shiver.
"Come," said I; "must I kiss you to wake you up altogether?"
She could not help smiling, and I saw that she was blushing.
"Oh! do not be afraid, dear; I will only kiss the tips of your fingers
gently, like that," and seeing that she let me do so, I sat down on the
bed.
She gave a little cry. I had sat down on her foot, which was straying
beneath the bedclothes.
"Please let me go to sleep," she said, with a supplicating air; "I am so
tired."
"And how about myself, my dear child? I am ready to drop. See, I am in
evening dress, and have not a pillow to rest my head on, not one, except
this one." I had her hand in mine, and I squeezed it while kissing it.
"Would you be very vexed to lend this pillow to your husband? Come, are
you going to refuse me a little bit of room? I am not troublesome, I can
assure you."
I thought I noted a smile on her lips, and, impatient to escape from my
delicate position, in a moment I rose, and, while continuing to converse,
hastelessly and noiselessly undressed. I was burning my ships. When my
ships were burned there was absolutely nothing left for me to do but to
get into bed.
Louise gave a little cry, then she threw herself toward the wall, and I
heard a kind of sob.
I had one foot in bed and the other out, and remained petrified, a smile
on my lips, and supporting myself wholly on one arm.
"What is the matter-dear; what is the matter? Forgive me if I have
offended you."
I brought my head closer to her own, and, while inhaling the perfume of
her hair, whispered in her ear:
"I love you, my dear child; I love you, little wife; don't you think that
I do?"
She turned toward me her eyes, moistened with tears, and said in a voice
broken by emotion and so soft, so low, so tender, that it penetrated to
the marrow of my bones:
"I love you, too. But let me sleep!"
"Sleep, my loved angel; sleep fearlessly, my love. I am going away;
sleep while I watch over you," I said.
Upon my honor I felt a sob rise to my throat, and yet the idea that my
last remark was not badly turned shot through my brain. I pulled the
coverings over her again and tucked her up like a child. I can still see
her rosy face buried in that big pillow, the curls of fair hair escaping
from under the lace of her little nightcap. With her left hand she held
the counterpane close up under her chin, and I saw on one of her fingers
the new and glittering wedding-ring I had given her that morning. She
was charming, a bird nestling in cottonwool, a rosebud fallen amid snow.
When she was settled I bent over her and kissed her on the forehead.
"I am repaid," said I to her, laughing; "are you comfortable, Louise?"
She did not answer, but her eyes met mine and I saw in them a smile which
seemed to thank me, but a smile so subtle that in any other circumstances
I should have seen a shadow of raillery in it.
"Now, Captain, settle yourself in this armchair and goodnight!" I said
this to myself, and I made an effort to raise my unfortunate foot which I
had forgotten, a heroic effort, but it was impossible to accomplish it.
The leg was so benumbed that I could not move it. As well as I could I
hoisted myself upon the other leg, and, hobbling, reached my armchair
without appearing too lame. The room seemed to me twice as wide to cross
as the Champ de Mars, for hardly had I taken a step in its chilly
atmosphere--the fire had gone out, it was April, and the chateau
overlooked the Loire--when the cold reminded me of the scantiness of my
costume. What! to cross the room before that angel, who was doubtless
watching me, in the most grotesque of costumes, and with a helpless leg
into the bargain! Why had I forgotten my dressing-gown? However, I
reached the armchair, into which I sank. I seized my dress-coat which
was beside me, threw it over my shoulders, twisted my white cravat round
my neck, and, like a soldier bivouacking, I sought a comfortable
position.
It would have been all very well without the icy cold that assailed my
legs, and I saw nothing in reach to cover me. I said to myself,
"Captain, the position is not tenable," when at length I perceived on the
couch--One sometimes is childishly ashamed, but I really dared not, and I
waited for a long minute struggling between a sense of the ridiculous and
the cold which I felt was increasing. At last, when I heard my wife's
breathing become more regular and thought that she must be asleep, I
stretched out my arm and pulled toward me her wedding-gown which was on
the couch--the silk rustled enough to wake the dead--and with the energy
which one always finds on an emergency, wrapped it round me savagely like
a railway rug. Then yielding to an involuntary fit of sybaritism, I
unhooked the bellows and tried to get the fire to burn.
"After all," I said to myself, arranging the blackened embers and working
the little instrument with a thousand precautions, "after all, I have
behaved like a gentleman. If the General saw me at this moment he would
laugh in my face; but no matter, I have acted rightly."
Had I not sworn to be sincere, I do not know whether I should acknowledge
to you that I suddenly felt horrible tinglings in the nasal regions. I
wished to restrain myself, but the laws of nature are those which one can
not escape. My respiration suddenly ceased, I felt a superhuman power
contract my facial muscles, my nostrils dilated, my eyes closed, and all
at once I sneezed with such violence that the bottle of Eau des Carmes
shook again. God forgive me! A little cry came from the bed, and
immediately afterward the most silvery frank and ringing outbreak of
laughter followed. Then she added in her simple, sweet, musical tones:
"Have you hurt yourself--, Georges?" She had said Georges after a brief
silence, and in so low a voice that I scarcely heard it.
"I am very ridiculous, am I not, dear? and you are quite right to laugh
at me. What would you have? I am camping out and I am undergoing the
consequences."
"You are not ridiculous, but you are catching cold," and she began to
laugh again.
"Naughty girl!"
"Cruel one, you ought to say, and you would not be wrong if I were to let
you fall ill." She said this with charming grace. There was a mingling
of timidity and tenderness, modesty and raillery, which I find it
impossible to express, but which stupefied me. She smiled at me, then I
saw her move nearer to the wall in order to leave room for me, and, as I
hesitated to cross the room.
"Come, forgive me," she said.
I approached the bed; my teeth were chattering.
"How kind you are to me, dear," she said to me after a moment or so;
"will you wish me good-night?" and she held out her cheek to me. I
approached nearer, but as the candle had just gone out I made a mistake
as to the spot, and my lips brushed hers. She quivered, then, after a
brief silence, she murmured in a low tone, "You must forgive me; you
frightened me so just now."
"I wanted to kiss you, dear."
"Well, kiss me, my husband."
Within the trembling young girl the coquetry of the woman was breaking
forth in spite of herself.
I could not help it; she exhaled a delightful perfume which mounted to my
brain, and the contact of this dear creature whom I touched, despite
myself, swept away all my resolutions.
My lips--I do not know how it was--met hers, and we remained thus for a
long moment; I felt against my breast the echo of the beating heart, and
her rapid breathing came full into my face.
"You do love me a little, dear?" I whispered in her ear.
I distinguished amid a confused sigh a little "Yes!" that resembled a
mere breath.
"I don't frighten you any longer?"
"No," she murmured, very softly.
"You will be my little wife, then, Louise; you will let me teach you to
love me as I love you?"
"I do love you," said she, but so softly and so gently that she seemed to
be dreaming.
How many times have we not laughed over these recollections, already so
remote.
ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:
A ripe husband, ready to fall from the tree
Answer "No," but with a little kiss which means "Yes"
As regards love, intention and deed are the same
Clumsily, blew his nose, to the great relief of his two arms
Emotion when one does not share it
Hearty laughter which men affect to assist digestion
How rich we find ourselves when we rummage in old drawers
Husband who loves you and eats off the same plate is better
I came here for that express purpose
Ignorant of everything, undesirous of learning anything
It is silly to blush under certain circumstances
Love in marriage is, as a rule, too much at his ease
Rather do not give--make yourself sought after
Reckon yourself happy if in your husband you find a lover
There are pious falsehoods which the Church excuses
To be able to smoke a cigar without being sick
Why mankind has chosen to call marriage a man-trap