HORSE FEATHERS

BRIGID O’SHAUGHNESSY was huddled in the armchair by the table. Her

forearms were up over her cheeks, her knees drawn up until they hid the

lower part of her face. Her eyes were white-circled and terrified.

Joel Cairo stood in front of her, bending over her, holding in one hand

the pistol Spade had twisted out of his hand. His other hand was clapped

to his forehead. Blood ran through the fingers of that hand and down

under them to his eyes. A smaller trickle from his cut lip made three

wavy lines across his chin.

Cairo did not heed the detectives. He was glaring at the girl huddled in

front of him. His lips were working spasmodically, but no coherent sound

came from between them.

Dundy, the first of the three into the living-room, moved swiftly to

Cairo’s side, put a hand on his own hip under his overcoat, a hand on

the Levantine’s wrist, and growled: “What are you up to here?”

Cairo took the red-smeared hand from his head and flourished it close to

the Lieutenant’s face. Uncovered by the hand, his forehead showed a

three-inch ragged tear. “This is what she has done,” he cried. “Look at

it.”

The girl put her feet down on the floor and looked warily from Dundy,

holding Cairo’s wrist, to Tom Polhaus, standing a little behind them, to

Spade, leaning against the door-frame. Spade’s face was placid. When his

gaze met hers his yellow-grey eyes glinted for an instant with malicious

humor and then became expressionless again.

“Did you do that?” Dundy asked the girl, nodding at Cairo’s cut head.

She looked at Spade again. He did not in any way respond to the appeal

in her eyes. He leaned against the door-frame and observed the occupants

of the room with the polite detached air of a disinterested spectator.

The girl turned her eyes up to Dundy’s. Her eyes were wide and dark and

earnest. “I had to,” she said in a low throbbing voice. “I was all alone

in here with him when he attacked me. I couldn’t—I tried to keep him

off. I—I couldn’t make myself shoot him.”

“Oh, you liar!” Cairo cried, trying unsuccessfully to pull the arm that

held his pistol out of Dundy’s grip. “Oh, you dirty filthy liar!” He

twisted himself around to face Dundy. “She’s lying awfully. I came here

in good faith and was attacked by both of them, and when you came he

went out to talk to you, leaving her here with this pistol, and then she

said they were going to kill me after you left, and I called for help,

so you wouldn’t leave me here to be murdered, and then she struck me

with the pistol.”

“Here, give me this thing,” Dundy said, and took the pistol from Cairo’s

hand. “Now let’s get this straight. What’d you come here for?”

“He sent for me.” Cairo twisted his head around to stare defiantly at

Spade. “He called me up on the phone and asked me to come here.”

Spade blinked sleepily at the Levantine and said nothing.

Dundy asked: “What’d he want you for?”

Cairo withheld his reply until he had mopped his bloody forehead and

chin with a lavender-barred silk handkerchief. By then some of the

indignation in his manner had been replaced by caution. “He said he

wanted—they wanted—to see me. I didn’t know what about.”

Tom Polhaus lowered his head, sniffed the odor of _chypre_ that the

mopping handkerchief had released in the air, and turned his head to

scowl interrogatively at Spade. Spade winked at him and went on rolling

a cigarette.

Dundy asked: “Well, what happened then?”

“Then they attacked me. She struck me first, and then he choked me and

took the pistol out of my pocket. I don’t know what they would have done

next if you hadn’t arrived at that moment. I dare say they would have

murdered me then and there. When he went out to answer the bell he left

her here with the pistol to watch over me.”

Brigid O’Shaughnessy jumped out of the armchair crying, “Why don’t you

make him tell the truth?” and slapped Cairo on the cheek.

Cairo yelled inarticulately.

Dundy pushed the girl back into the chair with the hand that was not

holding the Levantine’s arm and growled: “None of that now.”

Spade, lighting his cigarette, grinned softly through smoke and told

Tom: “She’s impulsive.”

“Yeah,” Tom agreed.

Dundy scowled down at the girl and asked: “What do you want us to think

the truth is?”

“Not what he said,” she replied. “Not anything he said.” She turned to

Spade. “Is it?”

“How do I know?” Spade responded. “I was out in the kitchen mixing an

omelette when it all happened, wasn’t I?”

She wrinkled her forehead, studying him with eyes that perplexity

clouded.

Tom grunted in disgust.

Dundy, still scowling at the girl, ignored Spade’s speech and asked her:

“If he’s not telling the truth, how come he did the squawking for help,

and not you?”

“Oh, he was frightened to death when I struck him,” she replied, looking

contemptuously at the Levantine.

Cairo’s face flushed where it was not blood-smeared. He exclaimed:

“Pfoo! Another lie!”

She kicked his leg, the high heel of her blue slipper striking him just

below the knee. Dundy pulled him away from her while big Tom came to

stand close to her, rumbling: “Behave, sister. That’s no way to act.”

“Then make him tell the truth,” she said defiantly.

“We’ll do that all right,” he promised. “Just don’t get rough.”

Dundy, looking at Spade with green eyes hard and bright and satisfied,

addressed his subordinate: “Well, Tom, I don’t guess we’ll go wrong

pulling the lot of them in.”

Tom nodded gloomily.

Spade left the door and advanced to the center of the room, dropping his

cigarette into a tray on the table as he passed it. His smile and manner

were amiably composed. “Don’t be in a hurry,” he said. “Everything can

be explained.”

“I bet you,” Dundy agreed, sneering.

Spade bowed to the girl. “Miss O’Shaughnessy,” he said, “may I present

Lieutenant Dundy and Detective-sergeant Polhaus.” He bowed to Dundy.

“Miss O’Shaughnessy is an operative in my employ.”

Joel Cairo said indignantly: “That isn’t so. She—”

Spade interrupted him in a quite loud, but still genial, voice: “I hired

her just recently, yesterday. This is Mr. Joel Cairo, a friend—an

acquaintance, at any rate—of Thursby’s. He came to me this afternoon

and tried to hire me to find something Thursby was supposed to have on

him when he was bumped off. It looked funny, the way he put it to me, so

I wouldn’t touch it. Then he pulled a gun—well, never mind that unless

it comes to a point of laying charges against each other. Anyway, after

talking it over with Miss O’Shaughnessy, I thought maybe I could get

something out of him about Miles’s and Thursby’s killings, so I asked

him to come up here. Maybe we put the questions to him a little rough,

but he wasn’t hurt any, not enough to have to cry for help. I’d already

had to take his gun away from him again.”

As Spade talked anxiety came into Cairo’s reddened face. His eyes moved

jerkily up and down, shifting their focus uneasily between the floor and

Spade’s bland face.

Dundy confronted Cairo and bruskly demanded: “Well, what’ve you got to

say to that?”

Cairo had nothing to say for nearly a minute while he stared at the

Lieutenant’s chest. When he lifted his eyes they were shy and wary. “I

don’t know what I should say,” he murmured. His embarrassment seemed

genuine.

“Try telling the facts,” Dundy suggested.

“The facts?” Cairo’s eyes fidgeted, though their gaze did not actually

leave the Lieutenant’s. “What assurance have I that the facts will be

believed?”

“Quit stalling. All you’ve got to do is swear to a complaint that they

took a poke at you and the warrant-clerk will believe you enough to

issue a warrant that’ll let us throw them in the can.”

Spade spoke in an amused tone: “Go ahead, Cairo. Make him happy. Tell

him you’ll do it, and then we’ll swear to one against you, and he’ll

have the lot of us.”

Cairo cleared his throat and looked nervously around the room, not into

the eyes of anyone there.

Dundy blew breath through his nose in a puff that was not quite a snort

and said: “Get your hats.”

Cairo’s eyes, holding worry and a question, met Spade’s mocking gaze.

Spade winked at him and sat on the arm of the padded rocker. “Well, boys

and girls,” he said, grinning at the Levantine and at the girl with

nothing but delight in his voice and grin, “we put it over nicely.”

Dundy’s hard square face darkened the least of shades. He repeated

peremptorily: “Get your hats.”

Spade turned his grin on the Lieutenant, squirmed into a more

comfortable position on the chair-arm, and asked lazily: “Don’t you know

when you’re being kidded?”

Tom Polhaus’s face became red and shiny.

Dundy’s face, still darkening, was immobile except for lips moving

stiffly to say: “No, but we’ll let that wait till we get down to the

Hall.”

Spade rose and put his hands in his trousers-pockets. He stood erect so

he might look that much farther down at the Lieutenant. His grin was a

taunt and self-certainty spoke in every line of his posture.

“I dare you to take us in, Dundy,” he said. “We’ll laugh at you in every

newspaper in San Francisco. You don’t think any of us is going to swear

to any complaints against the others, do you? Wake up. You’ve been

kidded. When the bell rang I said to Miss O’Shaughnessy and Cairo: ‘It’s

those damned bulls again. They’re getting to be nuisances. Let’s play a

joke on them. When you hear them going one of you scream, and then we’ll

see how far we can string them along before they tumble.’ And—”

Brigid O’Shaughnessy bent forward in her chair and began to laugh

hysterically.

Cairo started and smiled. There was no vitality in his smile, but he

held it fixed on his face.

Tom, glowering, grumbled: “Cut it out, Sam.”

Spade chuckled and said: “But that’s the way it was. We—”

“And the cut on his head and mouth?” Dundy asked scornfully. “Where’d

they come from?”

“Ask him,” Spade suggested. “Maybe he cut himself shaving.”

Cairo spoke quickly, before he could be questioned, and the muscles of

his face quivered under the strain of holding his smile in place while

he spoke. “I fell. We intended to be struggling for the pistol when you

came in, but I fell. I tripped on the end of the rug and fell while we

were pretending to struggle.”

Dundy said: “Horse feathers.”

Spade said: “That’s all right, Dundy, believe it or not. The point is

that that’s our story and we’ll stick to it. The newspapers will print

it whether they believe it or not, and it’ll be just as funny one way as

the other, or more so. What are you going to do about it? It’s no crime

to kid a copper, is it? You haven’t got anything on anybody here.

Everything we told you was part of the joke. What are you going to do

about it?”

Dundy put his back to Spade and gripped Cairo by the shoulders. “You

can’t get away with that,” he snarled, shaking the Levantine. “You

belched for help and you’ve got to take it.”

“No, sir,” Cairo sputtered. “It was a joke. He said you were friends of

his and would understand.”

Spade laughed.

Dundy pulled Cairo roughly around, holding him now by one wrist and the

nape of his neck. “I’ll take you along for packing the gun, anyway,” he

said. “And I’ll take the rest of you along to see who laughs at the

joke.”

Cairo’s alarmed eyes jerked sidewise to focus on Spade’s face.

Spade said: “Don’t be a sap, Dundy. The gun was part of the plant. It’s

one of mine.” He laughed. “Too bad it’s only a thirty-two, or maybe you

could find it was the one Thursby and Miles were shot with.”

Dundy released Cairo, spun on his heel, and his right fist clicked on

Spade’s chin.

Brigid O’Shaughnessy uttered a short cry.

Spade’s smile flickered out at the instant of the impact, but returned

immediately with a dreamy quality added. He steadied himself with a

short backward step and his thick sloping shoulders writhed under his

coat. Before his fist could come up Tom Polhaus had pushed himself

between the two men, facing Spade, encumbering Spade’s arms with the

closeness of his barrel-like belly and his own arms.

“No, no, for Christ’s sake!” Tom begged.

After a long moment of motionlessness Spade’s muscles relaxed. “Then get

him out of here quick,” he said. His smile had gone away again, leaving

his face sullen and somewhat pale.

Tom, staying close to Spade, keeping his arms on Spade’s arms, turned

his head to look over his shoulder at Lieutenant Dundy. Tom’s small eyes

were reproachful.

Dundy’s fists were clenched in front of his body and his feet were

planted firm and a little apart on the floor, but the truculence in his

face was modified by thin rims of white showing between green irises and

upper eyelids.

“Get their names and addresses,” he ordered.

Tom looked at Cairo, who said quickly: “Joel Cairo, Hotel Belvedere.”

Spade spoke before Tom could question the girl. “You can always get in

touch with Miss O’Shaughnessy through me.”

Tom looked at Dundy. Dundy growled: “Get her address.”

Spade said: “Her address is in care of my office.”

Dundy took a step forward, halting in front of the girl. “Where do you

live?” he asked.

Spade addressed Tom: “Get him out of here. I’ve had enough of this.”

Tom looked at Spade’s eyes—hard and glittering—and mumbled: “Take it

easy, Sam.” He buttoned his coat and turned to Dundy, asking, in a voice

that aped casualness, “Well, is that all?” and taking a step towards the

door.

Dundy’s scowl failed to conceal indecision.

Cairo moved suddenly towards the door, saying: “I’m going too, if Mr.

Spade will be kind enough to give me my hat and coat.”

Spade asked: “What’s the hurry?”

Dundy said angrily: “It was all in fun, but just the same you’re afraid

to be left here with them.”

“Not at all,” the Levantine replied, fidgeting, looking at neither of

them, “but it’s quite late and—and I’m going. I’ll go out with you if

you don’t mind.”

Dundy put his lips together firmly and said nothing. A light was

glinting in his green eyes.

Spade went to the closet in the passageway and fetched Cairo’s hat and

coat. Spade’s face was blank. His voice held the same blankness when he

stepped back from helping the Levantine into his coat and said to Tom:

“Tell him to leave the gun.”

Dundy took Cairo’s pistol from his overcoat-pocket and put it on the

table. He went out first, with Cairo at his heels. Tom halted in front

of Spade, muttering, “I hope to God you know what you’re doing,” got no

response, sighed, and followed the others out. Spade went after them as

far as the bend in the passageway, where he stood until Tom had closed

the corridor-door.

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