In which Mr Vanslyperken is taken for a witch.
Mr Vanslyperken hastened into the street, and walked towards the heap of
cabbage-leaves, in which he observed the object of his wishes to have
fallen; but there was some one there before him, an old sow, very busy
groping among the refuse. Although Vanslyperken came on shore without
even a stick in his hand, he had no fear of a pig, and walked up boldly
to drive her away, fully convinced that, although she might like
cabbage, not being exactly carnivorous, he should find the tail in
_status quo_. But it appeared that the sow not only would not stand
being interfered with, but, moreover, was carnivorously inclined; for
she was at that very moment routing the tail about with her nose, and
received Vanslyperken's advance with a very irascible grunt, throwing
her head up at him with a savage augh; and then again busied herself
with the fragment of Snarleyyow. Vanslyperken, who had started back,
perceived that the sow was engaged with the very article in question;
and finding it was a service of more danger than he had expected, picked
up one or two large stones, and threw them at the animal to drive her
away. This mode of attack had the effect desired in one respect; the sow
made a retreat, but at the same time she would not retreat without the
_bonne bouche_, which she carried away in her mouth.
Vanslyperken followed; but the sow proved that she could fight as well
as run, every minute turning round to bay, and chumping and grumbling in
a very formidable manner. At last, after Vanslyperken had chased for a
quarter of a mile, he received unexpected assistance from a large dog,
who bounded from the side of the road, where he lay in the sun, and
seizing the sow by the ear, made her drop the tail to save her
own bacon.
Vanslyperken was delighted; he hastened up as fast as he could to regain
his treasure, when, to his mortification, the great dog, who had left
the sow, arrived at the spot before him, and after smelling at the not
one bone, but many bones of contention, he took it in his mouth, and
trotted off to his former berth in the sunshine, laid himself down, and
the tail before him.
"Surely one dog won't eat another dog's tail," thought Vanslyperken, as
he walked up to the animal; but an eye like fire, a deep growl, and
exposure of a range of teeth equal to a hyena's, convinced Mr
Vanslyperken that it would be wise to retreat--which he did, to a
respectable distance, and attempted to coax the dog. "Poor doggy,
there's a dog," cried Vanslyperken, snapping his fingers, and
approaching gradually. To his horror, the dog did the same thing
exactly: he rose, and approached Mr Vanslyperken gradually, and snapped
his fingers: not content with that, he flew at him, and tore the skirt
of his great-coat clean off, and also the hinder part of his trousers
for Mr Vanslyperken immediately turned tail, and the dog appeared
resolved to have his tail as well as that of his darling cur. Satisfied
with about half a yard of broadcloth as a trophy, the dog returned to
his former situation, and remained with the tail of the coat and the
tail of the cur before him, with his fierce eyes fixed upon Mr
Vanslyperken, who had now retreated to a greater distance.
But this transaction was not unobserved by several of the people who
inhabited the street of cottages. Many eyes were directed to where Mr
Vanslyperken and the sow and dog had been at issue, and many were the
conjectures thereon.
When the dog retreated with the skirt of the great-coat, many came out
to ascertain what was the cause of the dispute, and among others, the
man to whom the dog belonged, and who lived at the cottage opposite to
where the dog had lain down. He observed Vanslyperken, looking very much
like a vessel whose sails have been split in a gale, and very rueful at
the same time, standing at a certain distance, quite undecided how to
act, and he called out to him, "What is it you may want with my
dog, man?"
Man! Vanslyperken thought this designation an affront; whereas, in our
opinion, Vanslyperken was an affront to the name of man. "Man!"
exclaimed Vanslyperken; "why your dog has taken my property!"
"Then take your property," replied the other, tossing to him the skirt
of his coat, which he had taken from the dog.
By this time there was a crowd collected from out of the various
surrounding tenements.
"That's not all," exclaimed Vanslyperken; "he has got my dog's tail
there."
"Your dog's tail!" exclaimed the man, "what do you mean? Is it this
ragged mangy thing you would have?" and the man took the tail of
Snarleyyow, and held it up to the view of the assembled crowd.
"Yes," replied Vanslyperken, coming towards the man with eagerness;
"that is what I want," and he held out his hand to receive it.
"And pray, may I ask," replied the other, looking very suspiciously at
Vanslyperken, "what can you want with this piece of carrion?"
"To make soup of," replied another, laughing; "he can't afford ox-tail."
Vanslyperken made an eager snatch at his treasure; but the man lifted it
up on the other side, out of his reach.
"Let us have a look at this chap," said the first, examining
Vanslyperken, whose peaked nose and chin, small ferret eyes, and
downcast look were certainly not in his favour; neither were his old and
now tattered habiliments. Certainly no one would have taken Vanslyperken
for a king's officer--unfortunately they took him for something else.
"Now tell me, fellow, what were you going to do with this?" inquired the
man in a severe tone.
"I sha'n't tell you," replied Vanslyperken.
"Why that's the chap that I sees go in and out of the room where that
old hell-fire witch lives, who curses all day long."
"I thought as much," observed the man, who still held up the cur's tail.
"Now I appeal to you all, what can a fellow want with such as this--ay,
my good people, and want it so much too, as to risk being torn to pieces
for it--if he arn't inclined to evil practices?"
"That's sartain sure," replied another.
"A witch--a witch!" cried the whole crowd.
"Let's duck him--tie his thumbs--away with him--come along, my lads,
away with him."
Although there were not, at the time we write about, regular
witch-finders, as in the time of James I., still the feeling against
witches, and the belief that they practised, still existed. They were no
longer handed over to summary and capital punishment, but whenever
suspected they were sure to meet with very rough treatment. Such was the
fate of Mr Vanslyperken, who was now seized by the crowd, buffeted, and
spit upon, and dragged to the parish pump, there being, fortunately for
him, no horse-pond near. After having been well beaten, pelted with mud,
his clothes torn off his back, his hat taken away and stamped upon, he
was held under the pump and drenched for nearly half-an-hour, until he
lay beneath the spout in a state of complete exhaustion. The crowd were
then satisfied, and he was left to get away how he could, which he did,
after a time, in a most deplorable plight, bare-headed, in his shirt and
torn trousers. He contrived to walk as far as to the house where his
mother resided, was admitted to her room, when he fell exhausted on the
bed. The old woman was astonished; and having some gin in her cupboard,
revived him by administering a small quantity, and, in the course of
half-an-hour, Vanslyperken could tell his story; but all the consolation
he received from the old beldame was, "Serve you right too, for being
such an ass. I suppose you'll be bringing the stupid people about my
ears soon--they've hooted me before now. Ah, well--I'll not be pumped
upon for nothing--my knife is a sharp one."
Vanslyperken had clothes under his mother's charge, and he dressed
himself in another suit, and then hastened away, much mortified and
confounded with the latter events of the day. The result of his
arrangements with his mother was, however, a balm to his wounded spirit,
and he looked upon Smallbones as already dead. He hastened down into his
cabin, as soon as he arrived on board, to ascertain the condition of
Snarleyyow, whom he found as well as could be expected, and occasionally
making unavailing attempts to lick the stump of his tail.
"My poor dog!" exclaimed Vanslyperken, "what have you suffered, and what
have I suffered for you? Alas! if I am to suffer as I have to-day for
only your tail, what shall I go through for your whole body?" And, as
Vanslyperken recalled his misfortunes, so did his love increase for the
animal who was the cause of them. Why so, we cannot tell, except that it
has been so from the beginning, is so now, and always will be the case,
for the best of all possible reasons--that it is _human nature_.