"I must! I've tried to stop my ears but I can't; it's no use. Rachel,
it's said that you married Belhaven to save your sister."
She was silent; her clasped hands quivered slightly.
Charter looked at her with love and reproach.
"I understand, I had no right to say it to you, but--Rachel, it's more
than I can bear!"
His cry touched her heart as no agony of her own had ever touched it.
"You're very brave, John, I've always believed in you; you're good,
you've got to help me bear it."
"Isn't that mocking me?" he asked bitterly.
"I never mocked you in my life; I've always honored you."
"I don't deserve it. I'm a scoundrel, for with every thought of my
heart, with every breath I draw, I'm making love to another man's wife!"
"You mustn't do it!"
He laughed, and his laugh was so strange that it startled them both.
"Your advice is good; I can't follow it, that's all. Rachel, for God's
sake, tell me the truth: do you love Belhaven, did you marry him of
your own free will?"
Rachel turned from him and went to the fireplace; she folded her arms
and laid her head upon them. She did not remember that Belhaven had
stood there on the day of their marriage. She was cruelly placed; her
love for Charter seemed to be the only thing in the world. What real
claim had Belhaven upon her? He had deceived her, he had traded upon
her loyalty to her sister, he had accepted her sacrifice, he was only
her husband in name. But what if she told Charter the truth? He was
good, but if she told him the truth? She loved him with all her soul.
"I don't believe you love him," he argued; "you're wretched, I can see
it. I believe these hideous stories. Rachel, I have a right to know the
truth, only the truth!"
She shuddered. The truth? Oh, God, how she longed to tell him the
truth; her heart leaped at the thought!
"I ask for nothing else; if you love him, if you married him of your
own free choice, tell me; it will help me, it will drive me away. I'm
asking for bread, Rachel, and you've given me a stone."
She was weeping now, for she dared not tell him the truth, she dared
not.
"Only the truth, Rachel!"
Her tears dried, they seemed burned into her eyes, and she pressed her
hands against her throat; she felt as if she must surely strangle to
death.
"Did you marry Belhaven of your own choice?" John asked again and his
voice cut her to the heart; it was not like him to force her into a
corner, but he was battling for life himself and this vivid revelation
of his love was an acute agony to her.
She raised her head; she did not look at him, and her voice was very
low as she replied, "Of my own choice!"
Charter turned from her and hid his face a moment in his
hands,--strong, muscular, expressive hands, they were like him.
There was an intense silence.
At last he went slowly to the door. "Forgive me, I've been a
brute--good-by."
But the limit of her endurance had been reached. "John," she cried,
"come back!"
He turned and faced her; he looked as he had looked at death in battle.
"It's no use, Rachel; thank you for telling me the truth."
"I didn't; I lied to you."
He uttered an inarticulate sound.
"I lied to you," said Rachel steadily; "now I'm going to tell you
the truth. It's wrong, but I shall do it; I shall tell you the whole
truth. I married Belhaven to shield my sister from Astry's anger. Astry
accused her and Belhaven, she begged me to save her from disgrace. I
yielded, I married him; I never loved him, I'm only his wife in name."
"Good God, was there no one in the world to stop you? No one to save
you from such madness? Rachel, did you have no thought of me?"
"I thought--" her voice broke a little; she steadied herself again,
"John, let it go--I married him."
"I couldn't let it go--Rachel, you knew I loved you?"
She shook her head sadly.
"You knew it, you must have known it!"
"No woman knows it until she's told."
"Is it possible that you married him thinking I didn't? What a fool I
was, what a dunce! If I had only written you! But, Rachel, there was
the cholera in the camp and I was with the poor fellows all the time. I
thought you knew I loved you, I only tormented myself because I wasn't
sure of you!"
"We were neither of us sure, it seems; it's our poor, stupid, little
tragedy, John; let it go--it's over."
"You love me?" he asked gravely.
"Yes."
They stood looking at each other. There was no light in either face,
no triumphant recognition of mutual feeling; to both the situation was
horrible. He understood perfectly her feelings; that the fact of her
marriage was unchanged, that it constituted an insuperable barrier
between them; but he could not be restrained.
"I can't stand this, Rachel. Your marriage is in fact no marriage.
Belhaven has no right to hold you to it; it must be broken, you shall
be free!"
"I can't; don't you see it?" She held out both hands with a pathetic
gesture. "Can't you see it? It would undo all I've done to save her."
"Do you think for a moment that I'll give you up for Eva?"
Her face quivered pitifully. She longed to give up, to let him take the
lead and sweep her on to liberty. Then her tortured soul rose again to
the struggle. "I knew you wouldn't give up; that's why I lied to you
just now. I never did before, John."
"Is it possible you want this to go on?"
"It must!"
"It can't and it shan't!" he cried hotly. "I'm human, I won't give you
up; you shan't be bound by such a miserable tie--the man was a cowardly
brute to let you shield him."
"I did it for Eva; I've betrayed her by telling you."
"Eva wasn't worth it," said John, in honest wrath. "No one is worth it.
Rachel, I won't endure it."
"We've got to endure it; I can't publicly disgrace my sister."
"You needn't; Belhaven can make the way easy,--he can and he shall!"