REFLECTIONS.--VISIT TO WASHINGTON.--VISIT TO RAINSFORD ISLAND.--VIEWS
OF DEATH.--REFLECTIONS.
From memorandum-book of property, December 31, 1835:
"My expenses have been ---- thousand dollars this year; of which
about one half went for persons and objects that make me feel
that it has been well expended, and is better used than to remain
in my possession. God grant that I may have the disposition to
use these talents in such manner as to receive at last the joyful
sound of 'Well done!'"
On March 29, 1836, Mr. Lawrence writes:
"My anxiety for a day or two about little things kept me from the
enjoyment of those bright scenes that are so common to me when
not oppressed by any of these _may_ be events. My nerves are in
such a shattered state, that I am quite unfit to encounter the
responsibilities incident to my station, and I am ashamed of
myself thus to expose my weakness."
During the spring, Mr. Lawrence's health was so feeble, and his
nervous system so shattered, that a journey was recommended; and, in
the month of May, in company with his friend and pastor, the Rev. Dr.
Lothrop, he paid a visit to his brother Abbott, at Washington, then
the representative in Congress for Boston. During this journey, he
experienced a severe illness, and was shortly joined by Mrs. Lawrence.
The visit to Washington extended through several weeks: and, although
his health remained feeble and the weather unfavorable, he seems to
have been alive to objects around him, and interested in what was
going forward in the halls of Congress as well as in the society of
the capital. He speaks of visits to the houses of Congress, and
pleasant rides on horseback, "with hosts of agreeable companions ready
to sally forth when the weather shall permit." He also takes a survey
of the general state of society in Washington, with an occasional
allusion to some particular personage. He writes:
"It used to be said that Washington and the Springs were the
places for matrimonial speculations. I feel a natural dislike to
a lady being brought out as an extraordinary affair, having all
perfections, and having refused _forty-nine_ offers, and still
being on the carpet. It shows that she is either very silly
herself, or has very silly friends, or both. Good strong common
sense is worth more than forty-nine offers, with any quantity of
slaves, or bank-notes, or lands, without it. * * * * *
"I have passed two hours in the Representatives' Hall and Senate
Chamber to-day. I heard the usual sparring, and confess myself
greatly interested in it. I could learn nothing of the merits of
any of the questions; but I had a preference, such as one feels
in seeing two dogs fight, that one should beat. It was very
agreeable to me to see and hear those various distinguished
characters, and goes to demonstrate the common saying, that some
objects appear smaller by our getting nearer to them."
During this absence, one of his family remaining at home had
experienced a light attack of varioloid; and, according to the law
then in force, was obliged to be transported to the Quarantine
Hospital, situated in Boston Harbor. Soon after Mr. Lawrence's return
from the South, he paid a visit to Rainsford Island, on the invitation
of Dr. J. V. C. Smith, then Quarantine Physician, and there passed
some weeks very pleasantly, riding about the island on his horse, and
watching, from the shores, the sea-views, which, with the passing
ships, here afford an endless variety.
In August, he returned to his own house in Boston; and, on the 21st,
writes to his sister as follows:
"The scenery in front, side, and rear, and all within, is
unrivalled, except by the charms of the dear old home of my
mother and sister; in short, it seems to me that no two spots
combine so many charms as my early and present homes; and they
impress me more fully now by my being so well as to enjoy not
only natural scenery, but the social intercourse with loved ones,
that more than compensate for anything I may have lost by
sickness and suffering. I yesterday was on horseback nearly three
hours, but did not ride more than ten miles; and, in that
distance, I went over some scenes that I felt unwilling to leave,
especially some of the old works on and near Dorchester Heights,
for they appeared more interesting than ever before, from the
circumstance of your showing me that mass of original letters
from Washington, Hancock, Samuel Adams, and various other
revolutionary characters, to General Ward; some of them touching
the occupation of these heights sixty years ago, and some of them
alluding to scenes which have scarcely been noticed in the
published histories of those days. All go to show, however, the
whole souls of those men to have been engaged in their work; and,
further, how vain it is for us of this day, who are ambitious of
distinction, to found it on any other basis than uprightness of
character, purity of life, and the active performance of all
those duties included in 'the doing justly, loving mercy, and
walking humbly.' How few of us remember this! I hardly know when
I have been more forcibly impressed with a plain truth than I was
yesterday, while sitting alone on horseback, on the top of the
redoubt on Dorchester Heights, and the considerations of the
past, the present, and the future, were the subject of my
thoughts, connecting the men of those days with the present, and
the men of these days with the future. The evidence is
irresistible, that there is a downhill tendency in the character
of the people, which, in sixty years more, will make us more
corrupt than any other enlightened nation so young as ours,
unless we are checked by adversity and suffering. But this is not
what I intended to write about, so I will go to something else.
The old revolutionary documents, memorials of our father, never
appeared to me so interesting as now; and those I now return to
you will be carefully preserved, and such others as you may find,
added to them. I would give a great sum of money, if by it I
could get all the documents I used to see when I was a child, and
which we thought of so little value that we did not preserve them
with that care which should have been used in a family which
cherishes such deep feelings of respect and affection for
parents."
The year 1837 will be remembered as one of great pecuniary
embarrassment and distress in the commercial world. Mr. Lawrence
alludes to it as follows, on May 13
"The violent pecuniary revulsion that has been anticipated for
more than a year has at length overtaken this country, and is
more severe than our worst fears. In addition to the failure of
people to pay their debts, in all sections of the country, for
the last two months, the banks, from Baltimore to Boston, and
probably throughout the Union, as fast as the intelligence
spreads, have suspended specie payment, and will not probably
resume again very soon."
On December 17 of the same year, he writes to his mother as follows
"This day completes thirty years since my commencing business,
with the hope of acquiring no very definite amount of property,
or having in my mind any anticipation of ever enjoying a tithe of
that consideration my friends and the public are disposed to
award me at this time. In looking back to that period, and
reviewing the events as they come along, I can see the good hand
of God in all my experience; and acknowledge, with deep
humiliation, my want of gratitude and proper return for all his
mercies. May each day I live impress me more deeply with a sense
of duty, and find me better prepared to answer his call, and
account for my stewardship! The changes in our family have been
perhaps no greater than usual in other families in that period,
excepting in the matter of the eminent success that has attended
our efforts of a worldly nature. This worldly success is the
great cause of our danger in its uses, and may prove a snare,
unless we strive to keep constantly in mind, that to whom much is
given, of him will much be required. I feel my own deficiencies,
and lament them; but am encouraged and rewarded by the enjoyment,
in a high degree, of all my well-meant efforts for the good of
those around me. In short, I feel as though I can still do a
little to advance the cause of human happiness while I remain
here. My maxim is, that I ought to 'work while the day lasts; for
the night of death will soon overtake me, when I can no more
work.' I continue to mend in strength, and feel at times the
buoyancy of early days. It is now raining in torrents, keeping us
all within doors. I have been at work with gimblet, saw,
fore-plane, and hammer, thus securing a good share of exercise
without leaving my chamber."
* * * * *
"_January 1, 1838._--Bless the Lord, O my soul! and forget not
all his benefits; for he has restored my life twice during the
past year, when I was apparently dead, and has permitted me to
live, and see and enjoy much, and has surrounded me with
blessings that call for thankfulness. The possession of my mind,
the intercourse with beloved friends, the opportunity of
performing some labor as his steward (although imperfectly done),
all call upon me for thanksgiving and praise. The violent
revulsion in the business of the country during the past year has
been ruinous to many; but, so far as my own interests are
concerned, has been less than I anticipated. My property remains
much as it was a year ago. Something beyond my income has been
disposed of; and I have no debts against me, either as a partner
in the firm or individually. Everything is in a better form for
settlement than at any former period, and I hope to feel ready
to depart whenever called."
The following is copied from an account-book, presented at the
commencement of the year to his youngest son, then twelve years of
age:
"MY DEAR SON: I give you this little book, that you may write in
it how much money you receive, and how you use it. It is of much
importance, in forming your early character, to have correct
habits, and a strict regard to truth in all you do. For this
purpose, I advise you never to cheat yourself by making a false
entry in this book. If you spend money for an object you would
not willingly have known, you will be more likely to avoid doing
the same thing again if you call it by its right name here,
remembering always that there is _One_ who cannot be deceived,
and that _He_ requires his children to render an account of all
their doings at last. I pray God so to guide and direct you that,
when your stewardship here is ended, he may say to you that the
talents intrusted to your care have been faithfully employed.
"Your affectionate father,
A. L."
In transmitting to his sister a letter received from Baltimore, from a
mutual friend, he writes, on March 12, in a postscript:
"This morning seems almost like a foretaste of heaven. The sun
shines bright, the air is soft; I am comfortable, and expect a
pleasant drive in the neighborhood. It is indeed brilliant,
beautiful, and interesting to me, beyond any former experience of
my life. I am the happiest man alive, and yet would willingly
exchange worlds this day, if it be the good pleasure of our best
Friend and Father in heaven."
The extract quoted above will give an idea of that state of mind in
which Mr. Lawrence was often found by his friends, and which he
unceasingly strove to cultivate. He could not always exult in the same
buoyant and almost rapturous feelings here expressed; for, with his
feeble frame and extreme susceptibility to outward influences, to
believe such was the case would be to suppose him more than mortal.
The willingness to exchange worlds was, however, a constant frame of
mind; and the daily probability of such an event he always kept in
view. The work of each day was performed with the feeling that it
might be his last; and there is, throughout his correspondence and
diary, frequent allusion to the uncertain tenure by which he held
life, and his determination to work while the day lasted. If a matter
was to be attended to, of great or little importance, whether the
founding a professorship, signing a will, or paying a household bill,
all was done at the earliest moment, with the habitual remark, "I may
not be here to-morrow to do it."
In the same cheerful spirit, he writes to his son a few days after his
marriage, and then on a journey to Virginia:
"The whole scene here on Thursday last was so delightful that I
hardly knew whether I was on the earth, or floating between earth
and heaven. I have been exalted ever since, and the group of
happy friends will be a sunny spot in your no less than in their
remembrance."
To his sister he writes, Dec. 22:
"It is thirty-one years this week since I commenced business on
my own account, and the prospects were as gloomy at that period
for its successful pursuit as at any time since; but I never had
any doubt or misgiving as to my success, for I then had no more
wants than my means would justify. The habits then formed, and
since confirmed and strengthened by use, have been the foundation
of my good name, good fortune, and present happy condition. At
that time (when you know I used to visit you as often as I could,
by riding in the night until I sometimes encroached upon the
earliest hour of the Sabbath before reaching my beloved home, to
be at my business at the dawn of day on Monday morning), my gains
were more than my expenses; thus strengthening and encouraging me
in the steady pursuit of those objects I had in view as a
beginner. From that time to this, I am not aware of ever desiring
or acquiring any great amount by a single operation, or of taking
any part of the property of any other man and mingling it with my
own, where I had the legal right to do so. I have had such
uniform success as to make my fidelity a matter of deep concern
to myself; and my prayer to God is, that I may be found to have
acted a uniform part, and receive the joyful 'Well done,' which
is substantial wealth, that no man can take away. If my
experience could be made available by my successors, I sometimes
feel that it would be a guaranty that they would keep in the best
path; but, as they are to be fitted by discipline for the
journey, it is perhaps a vain thing for me to allow any doubts
to rest upon my mind that _that_ discipline is not for their
highest good. The pleasures of memory have never been more highly
enjoyed than during the period of my last sickness. They have
solaced my pains, and supported me through numerous fainting
fits, growing out of the surgical treatment I have endured. I
would ask you, my dear sister, if a merciful Parent has not
stretched forth his hand almost visibly to support me through
this trying scene, by scattering in my path these flowers and
fruits so freely as almost to make me forget bodily pains; and
bless him for what is past, and trust that what is future will be
the means of making me a better man."
* * * * *
"_December 31, 1838._--The business of the year now brought to a
close has been unexpectedly productive, and the prospects of
continued success are very flattering. At the commencement of the
year, my life seemed a flickering light, with small hope of its
continuance through the winter; but a merciful Providence has
permitted a brighter view, and my happiness through the year has
been superior to that of any year of my life."
After enumerating some domestic events which had contributed to this
result, he adds:
"My own health is so far restored as to allow me the enjoyment of
everything around me in perfection. May God in mercy keep me
mindful of my duties, and prepared to surrender my account at any
moment he may call me hence!"