FAMILY WORSHIP
Family worship has declined until, at least in the United States, the
percentage of families practicing daily worship in the home is so small
as to be negligible. If this meant that a general institution of
religion had passed out of existence the fact would be highly
significant. But it is well to remember that family worship has never
been a general institution. We have generalized the picture of the
"Cotter's Saturday Night" so eloquently drawn by Burns; it has been
applied to every night and to every fireside. Daily family worship was
observed in practically all the Puritan homes of New England; but there
is no evidence for it as a uniform custom, either in other parts of this
country or in other parts of the world, save perhaps in sections of
Scotland. True, there were many families which observed the custom; but
there were also many families of church members and doubtless of truly
religious people in which family worship as a regular institution was
unknown. This has been especially true in the type of family life which
has developed under modern social conditions. Further, even so simple an
exercise as grace at meals has not always been a general custom.
§ 1. PAST CUSTOMS
But the fact today is that family worship is so rare as to be counted
phenomenal wherever found. The instances, though not general, were
common a generation ago. Many are living to whom family worship afforded
the largest part of their conscious and formal religious education.
Following the morning meal, or, occasionally, the evening meal, the
family waited while the father, or the mother in his absence, read a
portion of the Scriptures and offered prayer. In other families the act
of worship would be the closing one of the day, perhaps participated in
by the older members only, the younger children having repeated their
prayers at bedside on retiring. A thousand happy and sacred associations
gather about the memories of these occasions: the sense of reverence,
the feeling that the home was a sacred place, the impression of noble
words and elevating thoughts, the reflex influence of the prayer that
committed all to the keeping and guidance of God.[24]
§ 2. WHY FAMILY WORSHIP?
Parents need to see the values in family worship. We have been insisting
on the primary importance of the religious interpretation of the family
as an institution, on the power of the religious motive, and the
atmosphere of religion. But wherever there is a truly religious motive
and a permanent religious atmosphere these will find definite expression
in acts easily recognized as religious. Love is the motive and
atmosphere of the true home, but love blossoms into words and bears
fruit in a thousand deeds. The life of love dies without reality in act.
Ideals are precipitated in expressive acts. So is it with religion in
the home; it must not only be real in its sincerity, it must be
realized, must pass over into conduct and action, as suggested above in
chaps. vii and viii. And it must do this in ways so sharply defined and
readily recognized as to leave no doubt as to their meaning. True, all
acts may be religious and thus full of worship--this is most important
of all--but worship expressly unites all such acts in a spirit of
loyalty and aspiration.
Worship is a necessity for the sake of the ideal unity of the family
life. Just as the individual must not only feel the religious emotion
but must also do the thing called for, so must this united personality
of the family give expression to its faith and aspiration, its motives
and emotions, in such a manner that, acting as a social unit, all can
together put the inner life into the outer form. The social value of
family worship is the strongest reason for its maintenance. It is the
united act of the family group, the one in which group consciousness is
expressly directed to the highest possible aims. Every period of worship
brings the family into unity at an ideal level.
The expression of religion in definite forms is necessary for children,
too, as furnishing a means by which they can manifest their feeling of
the higher meaning of family life. The reality of that feeling is
stimulated in the daily, common life of the right family; the hour of
worship is one out of many definite forms of its concrete expression. It
is the form which gathers up the totality of feeling and aspiration into
an act of worship and praise toward God, the Father of all families. It
is evident there cannot be true worship in the family that is
irreligious in its essential qualities, in its character, in its ideals
and atmosphere.
§ 3. ADVANTAGES
The period of worship is a necessity in interpreting to all the spirit
and meaning of a religious family. It objectifies the inner life. It
makes definite, tangible, and easily remembered the general impressions
of religion. It precipitates the atmosphere of religion into
definiteness. In the chemical laboratory of a university there is
usually a decided atmosphere of chemistry, but no one expects to become
a chemical engineer by absorbing that atmosphere, nor even to attain a
simple working knowledge by merely general impressions. Definiteness
aids in gathering up our knowledge, our impressions.
The reading of the Bible in the home will give, when the passages are
wisely chosen, forms of language into which the often chaotic but
nevertheless valuable and potential emotions of youth fall as into a
beautiful mold; they become remembered forms of beauty thereafter.
Family worship furnishes opportunity for direct religious instruction.
When the home life has its regular institution, as regular as meals and
play, the formality, the apparent abnormality of conversation about
religion, is absent. Children expect and look forward to the period when
the family will lay other things aside to think on the eternal values.
Their questions in the breathing-space that always ought to follow
worship become perfectly natural and sincere.
Family worship lifts the whole level of family life. Ideally conceived,
it simply means the family unity consciously coming into its highest
place. Children may not understand all the reading nor enter into the
motives for all parts of the petition, but they do feel that this moment
is the one in which the family enters a holy place. They feel that God
is real and that their family life is a part of his whole care and of
his life. One short period of natural reverence sends light and calm
all through the day. Where the home is the place where true prayer is
offered, the family is the group which meets in an act of worship; here
and into this group there cannot easily enter strife, bickerings, or
baseness. One short period, five minutes or even less, of quietness, of
united turning toward the eternal, gives tone to the day and finer
atmosphere to the home.
What our community life might be like without the churches, faulty or
incompetent as we may know some of them to be, what that life would lose
and miss without them is precisely, and perhaps in larger degree, what
the family life misses without its own institution of regular devotion
and worship.
§ 4. THE DIFFICULTIES
We can always afford to do that which is most worth while doing; our
essential difficulty is to shake off the delusion of the lesser values,
the lower prizes, to realize that, of all the good of life, the
characters of our children, the gain we can all make in the eternal
values of the spirit, in love and joy and truth and goodness, is the
gain most worth while. We tend to set the making of a living before the
making of lives. We need to see the development of the powers of
personality, the riches of character, as the ultimate, dominant purpose
of all being. Once grasp that, and hold to it, and we shall not allow
lesser considerations, such as the pressure of business, the desire for
gain, for ease, for pleasure, for social life, to come before this first
and highest good; we shall make time for definite conscious religion in
the life of the family.[25]
§ 5. TYPES OF WORSHIP
There are three simple forms which worship takes in the family: first,
grace offered at the meals; secondly, the prayers of children on
retiring and, occasionally, on rising; thirdly, the daily gathering of
the family for an act of the spirit. The statement of the three forms
reads so as to give them a formal character, but the most important
point to remember is that wherever they are true acts of worship they
are formal only in that they occur at definite, determined times and
places. The acts have no merit in themselves. Merely to institute their
observance will not secure religious feeling and life in the home. These
three observances have arisen because at these times there is the best
and most natural opportunity for the expression of aspiration, desire,
and feeling.
§ 6. METHODS OF FAMILY WORSHIP
1. _Grace at meals._--Shall we say grace at meals? To assent because it
is the custom, or because it was so done in our childhood's home, may
make an irreligious mockery of the act. Perhaps, too, there are some who
even hesitate to omit the grace from an unspoken fear that the food
might harm them without it. All have heard grace so muttered, or
hurriedly and carelessly spoken, void of all feeling and thought, that
the act was almost unconscious, a species of "vain repetition."
There are two outstanding aspects of the asking of a blessing--the
desire to express gratitude for the common benefits of life, and the
expression of a wish, with the recognition of its realization, that at
each meal the family group might include the Unseen Guest, the Infinite
Spirit of God. That wish lifts the meal above the dull level of
satisfying appetites. Just as, in good society, we seek to make the meal
much more than an eating of food, "a feast of reason and a flow of
soul," so does this act make each meal a social occasion lifted toward
the spiritual. The one thought at the beginning, the thought of the
reality of the presence of God, and of the nearness of the divine to us
in our daily pleasures, gives a new level to all our thinking.
How shall we say grace, or "ask a blessing"? First, with simplicity and
sincerity. Avoid long, elaborate, ornate phrases. It is better to err
in rhetoric than in feeling and reality. The sonorous grace may soon
become stilted and offensive. It is better to say in your own words just
what you mean, for that will help all, even to the youngest, to mean
what they say with you.
Vary the form of petition. Sometimes let it be the silent grace of the
Quakers; sometimes children will enjoy singing one of the old four-line
stanzas, as
Be present at our table, Lord,
Be here and everywhere adored;
These mercies bless and grant that we
May feast in Paradise with thee.
One might use the first three of the following lines for breakfast and
the last three at another meal:
For the new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
We thank the heavenly Father.
For rest and food, for love and friends,
For everything his goodness sends,
We thank the heavenly Father.[26]
or
When early in the morning the birds lift up their songs,
We bring our praise to Jesus to whom all praise belongs.
One especially needs to guard against the purely dietetic grace, the one
that only asks that the deity will aid digestion, as that form so often
heard, "Bless these mercies to our use."[27]
Should we say grace on all occasions of meals? What shall we do at the
social dinner in the home? The answer depends on the purpose of the
grace. Is it not that in our own group we may have the consciousness of
the presence of God? When the meal is that of our own group with a
friend or two, we bring the friends into the group and the act of family
worship is maintained. Usually this is the case. So it will be when the
group is entirely at one in this desire: the asking of grace will be
perfectly natural. But when the group is a large one, when the sense of
family unity is lost, or when the observance would seem unnatural, it is
better to omit it. Grace in large gatherings often seems an uncovering
of the sacred aspects of the home life.
2. _Bedtime prayers._--What of children's bedtime prayers? Many can
remember them. To many the most natural, helpful time for formal periods
of prayer is in the quiet of the bedroom just before retiring. But there
is a grave danger in establishing a regular custom of bedside prayers
for children, a danger manifest in the very form of certain of these
prayers, as
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
It is as though the child were saying, "The day is ended during which I
have been able to take care of myself, the hours of helpless sleep
begin, and I ask God to take care of me through the terrors of the
night." For some children, at least, the night has been made terrible by
that thought; they have been led to feel that the day was safe and
beautiful, but that the night was so dangerous and fearful that only the
great God could keep them through it, and it was an open question
whether their prayer for that keeping would be heard.
One must avoid also the notion that such prayers are part of a price
paid, a system of daily taxation in return for which heaven furnishes us
police protection.
The best plan seems to be to encourage children to pray, to establish in
them the habit of closing the day with quiet, grateful thoughts, to
watch especially that the prayers learned in early life do not distort
the child's thoughts of God, and to make the evening prayer an
opportunity for the child to express his desires to God his Father and
Friend. Having done this, as the children grow up it is best to leave
them free to pray when and where they will. One may properly encourage
the evening, private prayer; but the child ought to have the feeling
that it is not obligatory, that it must grow out of his desire to talk
with God, and, above all, that it has no special connection with the
hour and act of retiring for sleep but rather, so far as time is
concerned, with the closing of the day. Mothers must see far beyond the
charm of the picture formed by the little white-robed figure at her
knee. There is no hour so rich in possibilities for this growing life.
It is one of the great opportunities to guide its consciousness of
God.[28]
3. _General family prayers._--It is true that, in many homes, under
modern conditions of business, it is almost impossible for the family to
be united at the hour when worship used to be customary, following
breakfast. However, that is not the only hour available. In many
respects it is a poor one for the purpose of social worship; it lacks
the sense of leisure. But there are few families where the members do
not all gather for the evening meal. It is not difficult to plan at its
close for ten minutes in which all shall remain. Without leaving the
table it is possible to spend a short time in united, social worship.
Or, by establishing the custom and steadily following it, it is possible
to leave the table and in less than ten minutes find ample time for
worship in another room.
Really everything depends at first on how much we desire to have family
worship, whether we see its beauty and value in the knitting of home
ties, in the elevation of the family spirit, and in the quickening of
the religious ideas. We find time to eat simply because we must; when
the necessity of the spirit is upon us we shall find time also to
worship and to pray.
Next to the will to make time comes the question of method. First,
determine to be simple, natural, and informal. A stilted exercise soon
becomes a burden and a source of pain to all. In whatever you do, seek
to make it possible for all to have a share by seeing that every thought
is expressed within the intelligence of even the younger members, that
is, of those who desire to have a share. This does not mean descending
to "baby-talk." Just read the Twenty-third Psalm; that is not baby talk,
but a child of seven can understand what is meant up to the measure of
his experience; the language is essentially simple though the ideas are
sublime.
Secondly, insure brevity. For that part of worship in which all are
expected regularly to unite, ten minutes should be ample. Some excellent
programs will not take more than half this time. Family worship is not a
diminutive facsimile of church worship. Doubtless the experiment has
failed in many families because the father has attempted to preach to a
congregation which could not escape. Keep in mind the thought that this
is to be a high moment in each day in which every member will have an
equal share.
Thirdly, plan for the largest possible amount of common participation.
This is to be the expression of the unity of the family life. Children
enjoy doing things co-operatively and in concert.
Fourthly, treat the occasion naturally in relation to other affairs.
Proceed to the worship without formal notice, without change of voice,
and without apology to visitors. Take this for granted. At the close
move on into other duties without the sense of coming back into the
world. You have not been out of it; you have only recognized the eternal
life and love everywhere in it.
4. _Suggestions of plans._--There are given below seven outlines of
plans of worship. They are plans which have been in use and have been
tried for years. Their only merit is simplicity and practicability; but
they are at least worthy of trial. There is no special significance in
the arrangement of the days and this may be changed in any way
desirable. Further, all plans should be elastic; there will come special
days, such as festivals and birthdays, when the program should be
varied. For example, on a birthday the child whose anniversary then
occurs should have the privilege of making the choice of recitation or
reading or of determining the order of all the parts of this brief
period of worship.
MONDAY
1. A short psalm repeated in concert.
2. A brief, informal petition by father or mother.
3. The Lord's Prayer, in which all join.
Before attempting even this simple plan, prepare for it by first
selecting several suitable psalms. The following should be
included: the 1st, 19th, 23d, 24th, 100th, 117th, 121st, and a part
of the 103d. You would do well to memorize one of these yourself,
so as to be able to lead without reading from the book. Next, think
over with some care the things for which you may pray, the
aspirations which your children can share with you. Few things are
more difficult than this, so to pray that all can make the prayer
their own. Let it also be a prayer of love and joy, not a craven
begging off from punishments, nor a cowardly plea for protection
and provision. We can pray over all these things with gratitude and
with confidence toward the God of love. Do not try to preach in
your prayers. Many prayers have been ruined by preaching, just as
some preaching has been spoiled by praying to the people. Usually
four or five sentences will do for the one day. Better a single
thought simply expressed than the most brilliant attempt to inform
the Almighty on all the events of the world that day.
A prayer in which all can join is always desirable. The Lord's
Prayer never wearies us nor grows old. Children enter into it with
some new meaning every day; it covers all our great, common, daily
needs.
TUESDAY
1. A few favorite memory verses repeated by all (from either the
Bible or other literature).
2. Read a very brief passage from the Bible.
3. Prayer, ending with the Lord's Prayer.
Many excellent selections will be found in Dr. Dole's book
mentioned at the end of this chapter. Encourage children, however,
to make their selections from the poems and passages they already
know.
The passage of the Bible selected to be read should be one which
first of all incites to worship, and should be chosen for its
inspiration and literary beauty. A few lines from the great
chapters of Isaiah (e.g., chaps. 35 and 55), from the Psalms (e.g.,
Pss. 61, 65, 145), from the Sermon on the Mount, from 1 Cor., chap.
13, from the parables of Jesus, will be suitable.
The closing prayer may be extemporaneous or may be read from one of
the books of prayers. Many of the prayers in the Episcopal Prayer
Book are especially beautiful and quite suitable. Of course in
families of the Episcopal church the collect for the day would be
the right prayer to use. It is sometimes necessary to use prayers
prepared beforehand; some persons never acquire the ability to pray
aloud, even in their own families. But halting sentences that are
your own, that your children recognize as yours, may mean more to
them than the finest flowing phrases from a book. Use the prayers
from the book, not as a substitute, but as an addition.
WEDNESDAY
1. A good poem from general literature.
2. Prayer.
There are so many good collections of the great and inspiring poems
that one hesitates to recommend any collection. Remember that a
poem may be religious and imbued with the spirit of worship,
helpful to the purpose of this occasion, even though it contains no
allusions to Scripture and makes no direct references to religious
belief. "A House by the Side of the Road"[29] is thoroughly human,
popular, and could not even be accused of being a classic; but it
has a helpful motive and is likely to lead the will toward the life
of service and brotherhood. Some would prefer to read a part of one
of the great hymns.
THURSDAY
1. A brief reading or recitation from the New Testament.
2. A few moments' conversation on the reading.
3. A very brief prayer followed by a song.
The only apparent difficulty here is in starting the conversation.
Do not ask formal questions; rather put them something like this:
"I wonder whether people would do just the same on our street
today." Make the conversation as general as possible; do not
slight, nor scoff at, the contribution of even the least in the
group.
FRIDAY
1. A few verses in concert.
2. Read a parable or very brief narrative.
3. The Lord's Prayer.
The reading had better be from one of the paraphrases if it is a
narrative from the Old Testament.[30] Even in reading the New
Testament one can at times use with advantage the
_Twentieth-Century Bible_ or the _Modern Reader's Bible_.
SATURDAY
1. A period of song.
2. Closing prayer, with the Lord's Prayer.
Perhaps only one song can be sung. It need not be a hymn; that
should depend on the choice of the children. Help them to put
together all the good songs, including the hymns, in one category
in their minds.
SUNDAY
1. Ask: "What has been the best we have read or repeated in our
worship this week?"
2. Ask: "What shall we learn for memory repetition this week, what
psalm or other passage for our concerted worship?"
3. Read the psalm selected.
4. Closing prayer.
5. Period of song, lasting as long as desired.
This exercise evidently permits of extension in time and should be
arranged in accordance with the program for the day.
I. References for Study
George Hodges, _The Training of Children in Religion_, chaps. viii,
ix. Appleton, $1.50.
_The Improvement of Religious Education_, pp. 108 to 123. Religious
Education Association, $0.50.
Mrs. B.S. Winchester, "Methods and Materials Available," _Religious
Education_, October, 1911. $0.50.
II. Further Reading
Koons, _The Child's Religious Life_. Eaton & Mains, $1.00.
Hartshorne, _Worship in the Sunday School_. Columbia University,
$1.25.
III. Methods and Materials
A.R. Wells, _Grace before Meat_. U.S.C.E., $0.25.
C.F. Dole, _Choice Verses_. Jamaica Plains, Massachusetts.
Privately printed.
F.A. Hinckley (ed.), _Readings for Sunday School and Home_.
American Unitarian Association, $0.35.
J. Martin, _Prayers for Little Men and Women_. Harper, $1.25.
S. Hart (ed.), _Short Daily Prayers for Families_. Longmans, $0.60.
G.A. Miller, _Some Out-Door Prayers_. Crowell, $0.35.
Oxenden, _Family Prayers_. Longmans, $1.50.
George Skene, _Morning Prayers for Home Worship_. Methodist Book
Concern, $1.50.
W.E. Barton, _Four Weeks of Family Prayer_. Puritan Press, Oak
Park, Ill.
Abbott, _Family Prayers_. Dodd, Mead & Co., $0.50.
_Prayers for Parents and Children._ Young Churchman Co., Milwaukee,
Wisconsin, $0.15.
IV. Topics for Discussion
1. What are the causes for the decay of the custom of family
worship?
2. What influences us most: public opinion, popular custom,
economic pressure?
3. How have the changes affected the religious influence of the
home?
4. What features of the older customs are most worth preserving?
5. Recall any of childhood's prayers which you remember. How many
maintain the custom of bedtime prayers in mature life?
6. What should be the central motive of "grace" at meals?
7. Would there be advantage in occasionally omitting the "grace"?
8. Give reasons for and against "grace."
9. Criticize the proposed plan of evening family prayers.
10. Describe any plans which have been tried.
11. Why is it desirable to maintain family worship?
FOOTNOTES:
[24] For a study of children's worship see H.H. Hartshorne, _Worship in
the Sunday School_; "Report of Commission on Graded Worship," _Religious
Education_, October, 1914.
[25] "Parents who give up such a practice as family prayers mainly
because they know of many other people who have done the same are
just as much the slaves of public opinion and ignorant cant as the
narrowest Lowlander who forbids his children secular history on
Sunday."--Lyttleton, _Corner-Stone of Education_, pp. 207-8.
[26] Quoted by W.S. Athearn, _The Church School_.
[27] A number of good poems are given in A.R. Wells, _Grace before
Meat_.
[28] W.B. Forbush gives a number of poetic forms of prayer for children
in _The Religious Nurture of a Little Child_, pp. 12, 13.
[29] By Samuel Walter Foss.
[30] One handy form is _The Heart of the Bible_, prepared by E.A.
Broadus; another, _The Children's Bible_.