(_Prepared for his use by the Authorities at the Admiralty._)
_Question._ Does not England possess the best possible fleet?
_Answer._ Certainly, and always has enjoyed that advantage.
_Q._ But do not the iron-clads comprising this fleet frequently turn
turtle?
_A._ Assuredly. In fact, whenever they have the smallest opportunity.
_Q._ And do not the guns with which the ships are armed occasionally
burst?
_A._ Not only occasionally, but frequently.
_Q._ And are not the commanders of the fleet sometimes guilty of
errors of judgment?
_A._ To be sure, and sometimes these errors of judgment lead to
absolute disaster.
_Q._ And are not the ships considerably undermanned and some of the
companies of inferior material?
_A._ Quite so. In fact, when there is a special strain--man[oe]uvres
on a large scale, or for a kindred reason--crews have to be obtained
from here, there, and everywhere.
_Q._ And is it not quite a question whether some dozen of our
first-rate men-of-war are practically valueless?
_A._ Well, scarcely a question, because it is all but certain that
they are practically valueless.
_Q._ And isn't there bullying in the _Britannia_, and a general laxity
in the training of young officers to take important commands?
_A._ Yes, but this is a matter of small importance, as all naval
officers are merely machines, and have no right to think or act on
their own responsibility.
_Q._ And does not a commander-in-chief sometimes make a grave
and obvious mistake, and do not all his subordinates, knowing the
consequences, implicitly obey him?
_A._ Of course, for this is the rule of the service.
_Q._ And is it not a fact that the navy is in want of the appliances
to repair ships that have suffered damage abroad?
_A._ Assuredly.
_Q._ And is not our officers' acquaintance with the characteristics of
the sea rather indefinite and distinctly limited?
_A._ It is bound to be with defective charts and other false guides to
naval knowledge.
_Q._ Then may it be justly assumed that we cannot count upon our
ships, guns, and commanders?
_A._ Why, certainly.
_Q._ And yet you declare that England possesses the best possible
fleet?
_A._ I do, and the little drawbacks I have admitted have no force in
qualifying the assertion.
_Q._ Why have they not?
_A._ Because all the drawbacks exist in the piping times of peace, and
consequently the British navy will prove its superiority in the more
dangerous days of war.
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[Illustration: A PROMISING WITNESS!
_Scotch Counsel (addressing an Old Woman in a case before Judge and
Jury)._ "PRAY, MY GOOD WOMAN, DO YOU KEEP A DIARY?"
_Witness._ "NAW, SIR, I KUPS A WHUSKEY SHOP!"]
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