(_A Conversation not entirely Imaginary in Siamese Territory._)
SCENE--_A Palace. Present, a swarthy_ Sovereign _and Smiling_
Negociator.
_Negociator._ Sorry to trouble you again, your Majesty, but there are
just a few supplementary matters that require settlement.
_Sovereign._ Why, surely your ultimatum has deprived me of everything?
_Neg._ Oh, dear no! For instance, you have foreign advisers.
_Sov._ And I presume I may act upon their advice?
_Neg._ Well, yes; only it will be necessary to send them back to
Europe, and then stop their letters.
_Sov._ But this will be exceedingly arbitrary treatment.
_Neg._ Do you think so? Well, at any rate it will be better than a
bombardment of your capital.
_Sov._ Have you any other demand to make?
_Neg._ Scarcely worth mentioning. But we must insist that in future
all work must be given to artisans of our nationality.
_Sov._ And every other kind of contract?
_Neg._ That follows as a natural sequence.
_Sov._ Would you like anything more?
_Neg._ Not only like, but insist upon having it. You must surrender
your forts, disband your army, and dispose of your fleet.
_Sov._ Come, that's impossible!
_Neg._ Not at all. It is a course I would strongly recommend if you
want to keep your throne, and your subjects desire to preserve their
lives.
_Sov._ Can you suggest anything else?
_Neg._ We never suggest. We order. Well, yes, you will do nothing
without our approval, or it will be the worse for you.
_Sov._ Why, this is absolute bullying!
_Neg._ Pray don't say that, your Majesty. Although I speak plainly, I
wish to treat you with every respect.
_Sov._ But if you have left me nothing, I may as well abdicate in your
favour. Shall I?
NEG. You will do as you like, your Majesty. My instructions are to
treat your will as law. I have no wish to control your actions, as I
accept you as the constitutional sovereign of an independent state.
Do what you please, and what pleases you will please me also. My
instructions are to give you entire freedom of action--so long as that
freedom chimes in with our requirements!
[_Scene closes upon the pleasing proceedings._
* * * * *
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.--Mr. BIGG STUFFER writes to us, "I see the
Princess and her daughters visited the grandest gorge in Norway. Well,
after a day's touring with my friend GRUBBER, I think the pair of us
will show any traveller about the biggest gorge anywhere."
[Illustration: LITTLE BILL-EE!
(_After Thackeray._)
"OH, BILL-EE! WE'RE GOING TO KILL AND EAT YOU,
SO UNDO THE BUTTON OF YOUR CHEMIE."
WHEN BILL RECEIVED THIS INFORMATION,
HE USED HIS POCKET-HANDKERCHIE.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ABSTRACT AND THE CONCRETE.
_Mamma (solemnly)._
"'BUT HE LAY LIKE A WARRIOR TAKING HIS REST,
WITH HIS MARTIAL CLOAK AROUND HIM.'"
_Small Child._ "AND DID HE _REALLY_ GET IT FROM MARSHALL AND
SNELGROVE'S, MUMMY?"]
* * * * *