THE BROWN MAN
I was enjoying myself pretty fairly, taking it altogether. I wished
I was better dressed. It made me wild to see women in such lovely
things. Not that I envied them their clothes. I can safely say that
about a good many of them, that was all there was to envy; and, after
all, clothes are not quite everything. But it was disgusting that I
should be so dowdy. And the consciousness was forcing itself on me
momentarily more and more, that Jane’s shoes were tight, even for
shoes. Still, there were alleviations. It was not so unpleasant as one
might think, to feel that five grown men were hanging on your
skirts--even if they were not in the latest fashion--as if it was
painful to be more than a yard or so away from you. The ill-concealed
fury with which they resented the interest which I roused in the
breasts of other men was not without its amusing side.
There could be no doubt that I did arouse interest, not the very
slightest. As we passed through the hall to the omnibus--that
undignified vehicle!--I accidentally dropped Audrey’s fan--at least,
almost accidentally. I ought not to have dropped it, because it was a
lovely fan, and it was awfully good of Audrey to lend it me, and it
might have been damaged by the fall. But it was not; it fell on the
carpet, and was not hurt a bit. And I could not help but drop it. The
men of the hall looked at me in one kind of queer way, and the women
looked at me in another, so I felt bound to try an experiment; and
down went the fan.
The result was most surprising. In an instant every male creature
there came rushing to pick it up, guests and attendants. It was so
odd; and not the least odd part of it was the faces of the women. I
doubt if some of them had ever been more astonished in their lives
before, or angrier. For every one of them to be deserted, without a
moment’s warning, for a dowdily-dressed girl’s fan--and, oh dear! I
did not need their critical glances to tell me I was dowdy--was a
trifle marked. There was quite a scramble to pick up Audrey’s fan. It
ran more risk of being damaged in the scrimmage than by the fall.
“I am sorry to give you all so much trouble,” I murmured.
But they did not seem to mind in the least. They appeared, if
anything, to like it.
The fan was returned to me by a man who was really better-looking than
that manager of the private rooms--at least, in my opinion. And he had
as fine a moustache, though there was not such an ostentatious
quantity of it, and it stood out straight at either end in the
daintiest way. He was what I should call a brown man, with a pair of
eyes which positively laughed at you. He had on a white waistcoat,
which fitted him like a glove, and was both a dandy and a man.
He stood in front of me, with Audrey’s fan in his hand, and something
in his eyes which sent a thrill all over. I fancy it must have been
because he looked so masterful.
“It is very good of you to take so much trouble. I am very awkward.”
“I am very fortunate.”
That was all he said. I do not think I ever heard a more musical voice
in a man. With a graceful movement of his handsome head he handed me
the fan. But he did not move. And, somehow, I did not seem to mind his
continuing to stand there with his eyes looking into mine. But my
escort did. The Major began to fuss.
“Now, are we going to that theatre or are we not? Because, if we are,
we shall have to make haste if we want to get there before the piece
is over.”
The procession continued towards the door, the men giving way to let
us pass, following me with their eyes in a manner which was
pronounced. I was conscious that the women also were following me with
their eyes, in a manner which was equally pronounced, in an entirely
different sense. I knew they were picking me to pieces, failing to see
anything in me of any sort or kind, and disapproving of me most
heartily. But I was also aware that the brown man was coming after us
towards the door. As we were climbing into the omnibus he stood on the
top of the steps, out in the open street, and watched us. When Mr
Hammond told the coachman to drive to the Gaiety Theatre I felt sure
he heard. He gave a little inclination of his head as we drove off
which as good as said he did.
In the omnibus the atmosphere was not less charged with electricity
than it had been before. Indeed, I should have said that it even more
inclined to give off sparks. As soon as we had started, Mr Carter
observed, with his very sweetest air:
“There seem to be a great many impertinent persons about to-night.”
I knew he had the brown man in his mind’s eye. He had glared at him
throughout.
“One does meet impertinent persons sometimes. Occasionally one even
goes out with them.”
He looked as if he could have said a good deal, but he managed to
refrain. The others, apparently, were warned by his fate; they joined
him in an ominous silence. So I went on, sweetly:
“What a handsome man that head-waiter was, wasn’t he? And wasn’t he
big? I couldn’t see what fault you had to find with him, I thought he
was most attentive; and it was nice of him to give me this rose. One
values small attentions from persons in his position.”
I thought that that most innocent remark would have had the effect of
a lighted match dropped into a barrel of gunpowder. But I was
mistaken. They all, with one accord, persisted in saying nothing at
all. I knew that they thought the more. Still, their dumbness had an
effect which was disconcerting. I was just beginning to wonder if I
was to spend the evening in the society of a company of deaf-mutes,
when a remark from Mr Hammond loosed their tongues in earnest.
“By the way, about sitting in the theatre, you’ll sit with me first,
won’t you, Miss Norah? Now say you will?”
Mr Rumford interposed, before I could reply:
“That sort of thing is contrary to our agreement, Mr Hammond, entirely
contrary. Personal appeals were expressly forbidden. We arranged the
order in which the sitting was to be; and by that arrangement you
undertook to stand.”
“That’s all very well, but according to that arrangement she was to
sit first with you.”
“Precisely. Which makes my astonishment the greater that you should
attempt to upset it.”
“And afterwards with Purchase.”
Then came Mr Purchase’s turn.
“Quite so; after sitting for twenty minutes with Mr Rumford.”
“And then with Carter.”
“Perfectly correct.” This Mr Carter. “Unfortunately, Miss Norah, I
have not been able to get another box. So we have agreed that I shall
remain outside Purchase’s box while he enjoys your company, and that
then he shall go down to Mr Rumford’s stall when my turn comes.”
“There promises to be a good deal of transferring,” I observed.
“Something like not having more than one dance with a single partner.”
“And afterwards,” continued the injured Mr Hammond, “Miss Norah is to
sit with Tibbet.”
“And I shall be only too charmed to have her,” simpered the Major.
“Better late than never. Only unluckily, Miss Norah, I’m in an almost
worse plight than Mr Carter, inasmuch as I have only succeeded in
procuring two seats, in what, I am given to understand, is called the
upper circle--wretched places in the clouds.”
“They’re not seats in which a lady ought to be asked to sit, certain
fact.”
“Then,” suggested Mr Rumford, “when it is the Major’s turn, you might
let him have your two stalls.”
“Capital notion, Mr Rumford, excellent. I am sure that Mr Hammond will
be only too delighted.”
Mr Hammond might be delighted, but he did not show it. He preferred to
air a grievance which evidently lay heavy on his mind.
“What I have to say is this. When we made the arrangement you’re all
so keen about, it was understood that we should be in the theatre by
eight. But it’s now past nine.”
“We are hardly to blame for that.”
“Don’t say you are--don’t say anyone’s to blame,--only stating a fact.
But as things are, it comes to this--that, by the time you’ve all had
your turns, the performance will be over, and then where shall I be?
That’s what I want to know.”
“A bargain is a bargain, Mr Hammond; and when one is signed and sealed
one generally has to adhere to it.”
“It may be a bargain for you, Rumford, but don’t call it a bargain for
me. The entire arrangement was based on the presumption that we should
be in the theatre at eight o’clock, and, as we’re not, then the whole
thing falls to the ground.”
“An astounding proposition, Mr Hammond! A most astounding
proposition!”
Then they all began to talk at once, in tones which did not suggest
that they would quickly arrive at a clear and amicable common
understanding. It struck me that it was about time for me to say a
word. So I said one.
“It seems to me, if I may be allowed to speak--and I really don’t care
to hear people bawling in an omnibus, at least not more than two or
three at once, unless I am first permitted to get out--I say that it
seems to me that you are drawing up the programme of how I am to spend
the evening without the slightest reference to my wishes. So far as I
understand I am to be passed round and round the theatre, as if I were
an old shoe, in a sort of game of hunt-the-slipper.”
“Say, rather, like some priceless jewel, which each desires to
regard--though only for a few fleeting moments--as his own.”
“That may sound prettier, Mr Purchase, but the idea does not appeal to
me, and I’m not fond of trotting in and out of stalls and boxes.”
“But the arrangement was made, Miss Norah.”
“Really, Mr Carter, you seem to have arrangements on the brain. Have I
not already told you that I care nothing for arrangements, whether
made or unmade? You are taking me to the theatre at a ridiculously
late hour. I cannot understand why you went through the farce of
asking me to go if you did not propose to get me there before the
performance was over. I exceedingly dislike arriving after the piece
has commenced. The least you could do was to manage matters so as to
ensure that I didn’t.”
The pause which followed was instinct with the silence of
speechlessness. The audacity of my method of presenting the case took
those five men’s breath away. I looked into each of their faces with a
look which dared them to contradict me. And none of them dared. It was
delicious. The idea that if I chose to say that black was white I
could induce normally reasonable people to refrain from, at any rate
openly, attempting to demonstrate the contrary was a novel one. Yet I
could not but feel that such a power might become dangerous if it were
carried too far. It would not be pleasant for persons to be compelled
to regard chalk as cheese.
I was not, however, disposed to consider that I had carried that power
too far as yet. So I continued my observations in a strain which was
intended to impress them with my conviction that I was the injured
party.
“Since, owing to your curious method of managing affairs, so much of
the evening has been already wasted, all that remains is for you to do
your utmost to enable me to enjoy those portions of the performance
which we may still be in time to see.”
“That is our one desire, Miss Norah; our one desire!”
“If that is the case then you will not consider yourselves at all, you
will only consider me.”
“How are we to do that, Miss Norah?”
“By observing my wishes.”
“What--wh--what are your wishes?”
The question was asked with a faltering intonation which spoke
volumes.
“They are very simple. It is plain that we cannot all sit together. It
is equally plain that you cannot agree as to how the division is to be
effected. I will solve the difficulty by telling you what are my own
wishes in the matter. If you have any regard for me, whatever, you
will observe them. Mr Purchase will sit in the stalls with Mr Hammond;
Mr Carter with Mr Rumford; Major Tibbet will have his two seats in the
upper circle to himself, and I will occupy the box--alone.”
My proposal was not greeted with any greater warmth than I expected. I
never saw five blanker looking faces.
“Miss Norah, you’re not--you’re not--very complimentary to us all.”
“I did not intend to be. I did not know you brought me out to pay you
compliments.”
“You’ve hit the nail in pointing out that you ought to consider the
box as yours, and only yours. That’s right enough. We’re pretty idiots
not to have seen it all along. But mayn’t some of us come up and talk
to you now and then?”
“I’d rather you didn’t. You might spoil my enjoyment of what was
taking place upon the stage.”
“Miss Norah!”
“However, I have no desire to enjoy myself at your expense. So, when
we reach the theatre, you go to your seats--and ask the coachman to
drive me home.”
As it happened, just then we reached the theatre. The door of the
omnibus was opened, and, almost before I knew it, I was being handed
out of it on to the pavement. It was all done so quickly that I really
had no time to remonstrate. Still less to carry the trampling process
to a further stage. Those five men had more ways of obtaining their
own ends than one might suppose. And when a brougham dashed up, and
the brown man sprang out of it, almost within a couple of feet of
where I was standing, in a manner of speaking I lost my head
completely.