MORE TREACHERY
Walter Hammond is a truly remarkable person to associate with
Eveleen. She is rather short, even for a girl, while he is a perfect
lamp-post of a man--one of those long, lean persons who seem all
bones. As he fancies himself horsey, and will persist in dressing the
part, and wearing the tightest clothes, his extreme slimness is still
more conspicuous. He is one of those creatures who, when they are in a
room, seem to be all over the place at once. When he is sitting down
he never seems to know what to do with his legs, they really are
tremendously long; if he stretched them out at full length under an
ordinary dining-table, I should not be surprised if his toes peeped
out the other side; and when he stands up he is equally at a loss what
use to make of his hands and arms. He speaks in a rapid, jerky sort of
way--in fact, he is jerky altogether. When anyone addresses him, he
not only twists his body round with one jerk, and his head with
another, and puts his eyeglass in with one jerk, and out with a
second, but he jerks at his moustache, first with his right hand, and
then with his left, in a fashion which a slightly nervous person, who
is not used to him, must find not a little disconcerting. But I
believe he is harmless, though I don’t think he is as wise as he might
be. He appears to have the whole of the “Turf Guide,” or whatever you
call the thing, at his finger ends; and, if you will let him, will
talk about horses until you begin to pray for the hour when motor-cars
will have made them as extinct as the dodo.
His manner of entering the room was, on that occasion, characteristic.
He was groping about for his eyeglass, which, as usual, eluded search
between the buttons of his waistcoat, and was carrying his hat, and
gloves, and stick, and a good-sized parcel, with an evident want of
certainty as to the hand they ought to be in, which it gave one the
fidgets to observe.
Audrey greeted him with a degree of warmth which suggested that she
regarded his appearance as a welcome interlude. I know I did. I should
have regarded the advent of anyone or anything as a welcome interlude
just then, I believe even mad dogs; though, as I have never
encountered a mad dog, and never wish to, perhaps I had better not be
too sure.
“Oh, Mr Hammond, is that you? How delightful! We want somebody to
amuse us, we are so dull. Eveleen will be charmed; she will be down in
a moment.”
“Needn’t ask how you are, Miss Audrey; you’re always fit. And Miss
Doris too; can’t make out how you manage.”
Doris spoke.
“We don’t manage. We have our sufferings like other folk--sometimes
very unexpected ones they are. What have you in that great parcel? It
does seem to be in your way; won’t you leave it in the hall?”
“Gloves! gloves! couldn’t possibly leave it in the hall. It’s a little
bet I lost to Miss Eveleen over Rocketter. The Brimstone filly was
giving him four pounds, it seemed to me that at the weights it was a
cert--dead snip. Rocketter won the Horndean Plate, the Scratchem Cup,
the Slingsbury Stakes, with the weights against him. Appeared to me
down the Lingfield straight, with such a handicap, there was only one
horse in it. I was wrong. Told Jim Smiff rode a ripping race--hung on
to Rocketter’s tail--caught him at the distance--nosed him at the
post. So Miss Eveleen wins her gloves; sure, it gives me the greatest
pleasure to pay them.”
I am not an expert in racing slang, so, if there is anything wrong in
the way Mr Hammond’s observations are reported I am not to blame. I
only pretend to give a rudimentary impression of the general style of
his conversation. It was an extraordinary thing that when Eveleen bet
with him she nearly always won. Either he was careful to arrange it
so, or else he knew less than he supposed, and she more. Anyhow,
somehow, her horse was nearly always in front of his. A remark which
Doris made seemed to convey a hint which he might or might not have
considered flattering.
“It must be nice to bet with you, Mr Hammond. It ensures one having a
constant gratuitous supply of little necessaries.”
“Awfully good of you to say so, Miss Doris--really. Always delighted
to lose to a lady--especially when I’ve had a good run for my
money--yes. Tremendous rush there seems to be on the Gaiety. Had
deuce’s own business to get two stalls.”
“For to-night?”
“Yes. Miss Eveleen said she’d like to see the show--so been worrying
round--yes--had to worry too; but I got ’em.”
“Eveleen is fortunate. I also should like to see the show.”
“Very kind of you to say so--jolly flattering to the theatre
people--they ought to go up one.”
He had been fumbling, at intervals, for his eyeglass. Now, having
dropped his hat, stick, and gloves, and only retaining his clutch on
his parcel, he at last succeeded in jerking his glass into a
stationary position in front of his eye. He turned towards me. As he
did so he beamed all over, stood up, and advanced towards me with what
he possibly intended for a seraphic smile, but which did not strike me
in that light at all.
“’Pon my word, Miss Norah, fancy you sitting there all the time and my
not noticing you--only fancy. How very strange! How are you? I needn’t
ask; you always are so fit; how do you manage? I never saw you looking
fitter than you are looking just now--does one’s eyesight good to look
at you. Cannot understand how I came to overlook you--so singular.”
The idea of that man talking to me like that--after the way he had
treated me--put me all on end, as I let him see.
“It is not at all singular. On the contrary, you have always treated
me in exactly the same manner. I have sat in the same room with you
for hours and hours, and you have paid no more attention to me than if
I was an unnecessary piece of furniture. I doubt if you have ever
spoken twenty consecutive words to me in your life.”
The wretch was not at all abashed. That afternoon everybody seemed to
be incapable of shame--particularly those who ought to have been most
keenly alive to it. It is a disagreeable world. Talk about
brazen-faced, impudent deceitfulness! I believe that all men are
capable of anything; I am convinced they are.
That Hammond creature went blundering on as calmly and easily as if I
had not said what ought to have made him writhe.
“Can only assure you that if I haven’t spoken twenty consecutive words
to you, I’ll make up for it now--only like to have the chance. Feel I
could talk to you for ever--sure I could. Like gloves? Sure to. All
girls like gloves--get through lots of them. Here’s a box full; find
them rather a decent sort; hope you’ll do me the honour of wearing
them.”
He held out to me the parcel of gloves which he had just been
announcing, in the presence of us all, that he had bought to pay the
debt which he had lost to Eveleen. That did freeze me. I sat up as
straight as a beanpole.
“I don’t understand you, Mr Hammond.”
But I did not succeed in freezing him. He indulged in an affable
smile, which made him seem all teeth and mouth.
“Quite simple. Hope you’ll permit me to have the pleasure of
presenting you with a box of gloves; you’ll find them rippers, got
them from a really decent fellow; makes specially for me--sixes.”
“I take sevens.”
“Do you? Glad to hear it. Like a girl to have a good-sized hand. Hate
your little namby things, better suited to a doll than to the end of a
woman’s arm.” A nice observation to make, considering that both Audrey
and Doris were present, and that they are notorious for their tiny
hands. But Mr Hammond went unconcernedly on. “If you want a more
sensible size you can easily change them, or I will for you. I’ve got
a largish hand myself.”
He had. He held out in front of me, with an air of simpering
satisfaction, the very largest hand I had ever seen. I wondered what
acreage of ground a hand like that might represent. But I did not
quite say so.
“I understood you to say that those gloves were to settle a bet which
you had lost to Eveleen.”
“That’s all right. You take these--I’ll soon get her some
others--don’t you worry about Miss Eveleen.”
“I would rather not take them, thank you.”
“Perhaps you’re right; may as well get a decent size straight away--a
larger box--better quality. Got two stalls for the Gaiety to-night;
hope you’ll do me the pleasure of occupying one.”
“Do I understand that you are offering me Eveleen’s stall?”
“Much rather you came, if it’s all the same to you. Awfully jolly if
you would.”
“I would rather not come, thank you, Mr Hammond.”
Basil Carter came forward. I was really glad of his interference,
though I would rather he had been a little more sensible.
“Miss Norah will certainly not come with you, Hammond. And, in order
that you may not annoy her with your importunities, perhaps it would
be as well that I should tell you at once that to-night, at the Gaiety
Theatre, Miss Norah will share my box.”
At once Mr Purchase contradicted him.
“Do you wish to quarrel with me, Basil? Because, if not, I must ask
you to refrain from persisting in such statements. Already I have
borne them nearly as long as I can. Permit me to inform you, Hammond,
that it is my box which will be honoured by Miss Norah’s presence.”
“You haven’t the faintest ground for such an assertion. To begin with,
you haven’t a box.”
“I shall have one. And I have this ground, Basil, that the original
invitation to Miss Norah came from me.”
“Fiddle-dee-dee!”
Mr Carter snapped his fingers; and they were at it again. Mr Hammond
took advantage of their wrangling to press what he appeared to have
the audacity to regard as his claims.
“As these gentlemen don’t seem to be able to agree as to whose guest
you are going to be, Miss Norah, I vote that you settle the question
by becoming mine. It would be splendid fun! First rate! Good
stalls--bang in the middle of the second row--better than a box--it
would be awfully sporting of you, don’t you know. Say you’ll come!
Yes! Do! Be the jolly good sort you look, Miss Norah.”
Since the moment Mr Hammond had planted himself at my side, and
commenced to conduct himself in such a peculiar manner, both Audrey
and Doris had been speechless. Possibly they felt that the singularity
of the general proceedings went beyond the capacity of words. But when
that Hammond man--who, although a friend of Eveleen’s, was, to all
intents and purposes, a stranger to me--called me “a jolly good sort”
to my very face, Audrey burst out laughing, as though the joke had
gone past bearing.
“What is the matter with you all?” she cried. “Is this a conspiracy
between you three, or have you suddenly gone mad? What is it in Norah
that has made her, all at once, such an irresistible object of
attention?”
While she was still speaking Eveleen came in. She addressed herself to
her.
“So, Eveleen, here you are at last; and it’s quite time you were here.
Perhaps you will be able to supply the key to the riddle. Mr Carter
and Mr Purchase have given Norah our roses and our seats at the
theatre; and now Mr Hammond is endeavouring to induce her to accept
your gloves and your stall. If there is a rational explanation of
these gentlemen’s behaviour, do, dear, lose no time in finding it.”
Eveleen came forward with a smile, and that little alert air which
seems to suggest that there must be quicksilver in her veins.
“What’s the joke? Don’t keep me out of it. How do, Walter?” Their
acquaintance had got to the Christian-name stage. Eveleen is a little
familiar with her young men; though she encourages them to behave only
with the strictest decorum. “You’re looking rather chippy; have you
been having too many skittles since I saw you?”
She can be slangy; particularly when she thinks that sort of thing is
sympathetic. I fancy she endeavours to adapt the style of her
conversation to her company. I am sure that when she has been talking
to a parson her language has seemed to reek of the odour of sanctity.
I think she expected him to spring to his feet at sight of her, and
burst into a fit of jerky enthusiasm. If she did she was disappointed.
He just raised himself an inch or two, and, in an extremely
perfunctory fashion, extended to her the extreme tips of his fingers.
“Feeling as fit as a fiddler. Sorry you don’t think I look it.” He
turned to me. “Don’t you think I’m looking pretty fit, Miss Norah?”
A slight shade of surprise flitted across her features, as it had done
across Doris’ face, and Audrey’s.
“Have you brought me my gloves?”
“Did bring them--rather wanted Miss Norah to have them--seems she
takes a decent size--none of your little dollie flippers; so as
they’ll fit you, you may as well have them. Here you are. Now we’re
straight.”
He thrust the parcel into her hands; she taking it with the expression
of surprise growing on her countenance.
“And have you got the stall you promised me?”
He inserted his thumbs in the armholes of his waistcoat, and began to
shake himself in the manner which recalled a dog which has just come
out of the water. Only he did it in such a very jerky way that one
almost expected to hear his joints all cracking.
“Got a stall--had dreadful bother to get one--seems as if everyone
wants to go to the place at the same time. If you don’t mind--and it
don’t make any difference to you--’pon my word don’t see why it
should--had rather Miss Norah went with me.”
“I don’t understand you.”
“I say that unless it upsets you in any way--and I don’t see how it
can--sure to find a chap who’ll be only too glad to place a stall at
your disposal--lots of chaps about--I’d rather Miss Norah went with
me--much rather--really; in fact I’ve asked her.”
She looked at him in a way which I should have thought would have made
even such a hardened sinner, as he seemed to be, wince. But he failed
to turn a hair.
“Still, I don’t quite understand. Do you mean, Walter, that you have
offered my stall to Norah--to my sister Norah?”
“Yes--that’s it--exactly what I do mean. It’s clear enough, don’t you
know. Don’t see where the difficulty comes in, ’pon my word. Only I
don’t quite see why you should call it _your_ stall, really! I paid
for it.”
“You paid for it? I see. And did you offer my gloves--these gloves, to
Norah also?”
“That’s all right. I wanted her to have them; but as she has a really
decent sort of hand, they’re miles too small for her, so as I know
they’ll be all right for you, you may as well have them. Don’t you
worry about that a little bit.”
She looked about her with an air of bewilderment as if seeking an
explanation from someone, somewhere. Her face had quite altered during
the few moments she had been in the room. Even her voice had changed,
it seemed to have grown husky. I knew that she was really fond of Mr
Hammond. He had been in the habit of prostrating himself in the dust
at her feet. It must have been a dreadful wrench to have been spoken
to by him like that.
“I suppose that there is a joke somewhere; but I’m so dull that I
don’t see where. Norah, has Mr Hammond really done as he says? What
have you been doing?”
She favoured me with an accusatory glance, as if I had been guilty of
the blackest crimes. Audrey came to my rescue.
“To do her justice, so far as I have seen, Norah has been doing
nothing. Norah has been sitting mumchance; scarcely saying boo! to a
goose, as if she were on prickles. The men appear to have done all the
doing--unless they have been indulging in an elaborate practical joke,
at her expense, and ours, which they have already carried too far to
be in the best of taste. It may be funny, in its way, which is not a
pretty one.”
Eveleen was continuing to glare at me, as if she would have liked her
eyes to have scorched my face.
“Are you going with Mr Hammond?”
Mr Carter took upon himself to answer.
“No, Miss Eveleen; Miss Norah is not going with Mr Hammond. Miss Norah
is going with me.”
Eveleen looked up at him.
“With you?”
Before he could reply, Mr Purchase interposed:
“Again adventuring, Basil, upon forbidden ground, and, in so doing,
conveying a totally wrong impression. Miss Eveleen, Miss Norah will be
my guest.”
“Jack, do you wish to tempt me to lose my temper?”
“My dear Basil, let me beg you to remember.”
Mr Hammond reseated himself at my side.
“Since these two chaps do nothing but call each other names!”--they
had not called each other a single name up to then; it was only that
Mr Hammond has his own way of expressing himself--“supposing we fix it
quietly between ourselves. As they can’t hit it off who you’re to go
with, don’t you go with either of them--you go with me. That’ll suit
me to a T!--down to the ground, Miss Norah! We shan’t quarrel; you can
bet your hat on that, and your boots on top of it. We’ll have the best
time, Miss Norah, if you’ll take my word for it, that anyone ever did
have yet. I’ll do you a treat, on my honour! And if you’ll only say
yes, you’ll come, you’ll make me pretty nearly as happy as if I’d won
the Derby on my very own horse--you can lay your money on it all the
while.”
Mr Carter touched him on the shoulder.
“Surely, Hammond, it cannot be necessary to again ask you to refrain
from troubling Miss Norah, who, this evening, will be my guest!”
“But that’s just the point, my dear chap! Will she? Purchase says
not.”
“I do say not. And that for the sufficient reason that she will be
mine. And that is also a reason, Hammond, why you should not continue
your persecution of Miss Norah.”
“There you are--one says one thing, t’other says t’other. What I want
to know is, who’s who? which is which? what’s what? Straight
tip!--fight it out between yourselves. Leave Miss Norah and I to fix
up things between ourselves! There’s a friendly hint for you!”
“Hammond, is it possible that you intend to be impertinent?”
“My dear boy, there isn’t a grain of impertinence in the whole of my
constitution, honest Injun! All I ask is--talk sense.”
“The sense of the matter is that Miss Norah will be my guest.”
“Jack, that’s utter nonsense!”
“There you are! there you are! Where are you?”
Eveleen spoke, her words coming from her lips like drops of vitriol.
“Don’t you think, Norah, that you had better favour all three of these
gentlemen with your delightful company? It would be so nice--for them,
and for you--and it would save further complications.” She turned to
Audrey and Doris. “Has it not occurred to you two girls that we are
rather in the way?”
Both Audrey and Doris burst out laughing. I do not know what at. There
did not seem to be much merriment in their mirth. While they were
still making those somewhat discordant sounds, Major Paul Tibbet
entered the room.