I was describing, at the end of my last chapter, my uncle's uninvited
guest--Jonas Quelch--dead drunk, with his head on the table. I sat at
the further end of the room watching proceedings. Peter Crean gave a
well-satisfied nod, and then left the room. In a short time he returned
with Pat Brady, and a bundle of papers in his hand. Without much ado,
they commenced an examination of the pockets of the stranger, and
produced from them several documents. One of them, as Peter ran his
eyes over it, seemed to excite his excessive indignation. However,
producing one from among his own papers, of a similar size and
appearance, he sat down and wrote off several paragraphs, which seemed
to afford him and Pat infinite amusement. This, with some other papers,
which he had taken from the stranger's pockets, he then returned to
them. This done, he and Pat--having removed the provisions and jugs--
left the stranger still sleeping, with his head resting on his arms, as
before, I soon got tired of watching, and made my way into the
banqueting hall, from which shouts of boisterous merriment were
proceeding. His guests were, indeed, doing ample justice to my new
uncle's good cheer, and speeches and songs were succeeding each other in
rapid succession. Sometimes, indeed, two or three of the guests seemed
disposed to sing or speak at the same time, one exciting the other, and
adding not a little to the Babel of tongues. At this state of affairs
the ladies took their departure, though not without several gentlemen
rushing after them to bring them back. "Are ye after leaving us without
a sun in the firmament!" exclaimed one. "The stars are going out, and
we shall be in darkness presently," cried another. "A garden without
roses is a sorry garden, by my faith!" exclaimed a third. "What shall
we do without those beautiful eyes beaming out on us?" shouted a fourth.
However, in spite of the flatteries and efforts of Mr Tim Gillooly and
his companions--for he was among the most demonstrative of the party--
the ladies made their escape to an upper room. Curiosity at length
prompted me to go back and see what had become of the stranger. As I
entered the room, he lifted up his head and looked about him, evidently
wondering where he was. At length he rose to his feet, and with
unsteady steps began to pace backwards and forwards.
"This won't do," he said to himself. "I am not in a fit condition, I
have a notion, to execute this writ. However, it must be done. That
liquor was not bad, or I should not feel as comfortable as I do. If now
I can get a basin of water, and pour some of the cold liquid down my
throat, I shall be soon all to rights again. I wonder when that foolish
old steward will come back. He seemed to fancy that I had some favour
to bestow on his master by the way he treated me. However, these Irish
have very poor wits, and it is no hard matter to impose on them."
While he was speaking, Peter opened the door. The stranger made his
request, with which he promised to comply. In a short time, Pat
appeared with a basin and a jug of water. "I am your man now,"
exclaimed Mr Quelch, having dipped his head several times in the cold
water, "and shall be happy to pay my respects to your master."
"To be sure, sir, to be sure," answered Pat. "He is with his friends in
the great hall, and you will be welcome as all gentlemen from England
are sure to be. You have only to go in and make your bow and give your
message, and depend upon it you will get a civil answer, whatever else
you get, and be requested to sit down and make yourself happy with the
rest."
Peter, on this, led the way, followed by Mr Quelch. He did not observe
that a number of women and others who had been feasting outside brought
up the rear. A large party followed him into the hall, where he
enquired for Mr Kilcullin, as he said, that he might make no mistake.
"There he is to be sure, at the end of his table, where a gentleman,
with a beautiful wife always should be," answered Peter, pointing to the
lord of the mansion, who, with his guests, appeared to be enjoying
himself amazingly without any consciousness of the approach of a
bailiff.
"Your servant, sir," said Mr Quelch, advancing towards him, and drawing
from his pocket a long document.
"The same to you, I beg your pardon, what is your name?" said Mr
Kilcullin, with a complacent smile. "You are welcome to Ballyswiggan,
as all honest men are, and if they are not honest, by the powers they
had better keep away! And what is that paper with which you are about
to favour me?"
"Perhaps, sir, you will read it," said Mr Quelch, with a somewhat
doubtful expression in his countenance.
"Certainly!" exclaimed my new uncle, "with the greatest pleasure in the
world. Now listen, friends and gentlemen all. This is to give notice
to all present that the bearer--Jonas Quelch--has come across the
Channel to the west side of ould Ireland, on a fool's errand. There are
many more like him, may be, but he must understand that he will have to
go back the way he came, or else consent to be deported forthwith to the
coast of Africa, to live henceforth among the black sons of the soil,
for whom alone he is a fit associate."
The astonishment of Mr Quelch on hearing this knew no bounds. Scarcely
recovered from the effects of his ample potations, the little sense he
possessed entirely forsook him. He began to storm and swear, and
declared that he had been vilely tricked. Loud peak of laughter from
the guests present were the only answer he received.
"Come, come, Mr Quelch!" exclaimed Peter Crean, touching him on the
shoulder. "You have your choice, my boy, but, by my faith, if you go on
abusing Irish gentlemen in this fashion, you will be sent off sooner
than a Kilkenny cow can leap over the moon to the country where the
niggers come from, and it will be no easy matter for you to find your
way back again, I'm after thinking." This answer only increased the
anger of the unhappy bailiff. The consequence was that he found himself
seized by several of the men around, and amid the varied cries of the
guests quickly hurried out of the hall. Derisive shouts of laughter
followed the unhappy man as he was carried away. Most of the guests
had, in their time, taken part in a similar drama to that which was
about to be enacted, and knew full well how the man was to be treated.
The carouse continued till it was time to clear the room for the ball.
Several of the guests had to be borne off, and their heads bathed in
cold water to make them fit companions for the ladies in the dance.
Meantime, Jonas Quelch was carried back to the room he had left, where
Crean plied him with a further supply of whisky under the excuse of
keeping up his spirits.
"Faith, my friend, we bear you no ill-will," observed the steward, "but
you should have known that in this part of ould Ireland it's against the
law to execute writs. Such a thing never has been done, and it would be
contrary to our consciences ever to allow it to be done, and, therefore,
though it's your masters are to blame, it's _you_ who will have to bear
the consequences."
Mr Quelch, however, by the time these remarks were made, was scarcely
in a condition to understand their full meaning; and he was shortly
again reduced very much to the condition in which he had been before he
had gone into the hall. At this juncture a party of men entered the
room, one of them telling him that they had come to conduct him on board
the ship which was to convey him to the coast of Africa. In vain he
urged that he had no wish to go there, and that he would do anything,
even to going back to the country from which he had come, if that would
satisfy them. No excuses, however, were available. Away he was
carried, in spite of all his struggles, down to the sea-shore, where a
boat was waiting, as he was told, for him. As I preferred remaining to
see the dancing, I can only give the story as I afterwards heard it. In
spite of his struggles he was placed in the boat, which immediately
pulled off into the bay, where he quickly found himself transferred on
board a vessel which lay there at anchor. He was carried down below,
and placed in a small cabin by himself.
"We will treat you decently," said one of the men, who appeared to be
the leader of the party. "There are just two things you will have to
do, you must understand, or have a chance of being knocked on the head.
You must not attempt to get out, and you must ask no questions. It is
to the coast of Africa we are going to carry you, and to the coast of
Africa you must go. The voyage will not be a long one if we have a fair
breeze, and they are dacent sort of people where we are going to land
you; may be they will make you a prince of their country, and let you
marry a princess, but you will understand that if you love your life, on
the shores of ould Ireland again you will never venture to set foot."
The unfortunate Mr Quelch could make no resistance. All his
expostulations were in vain. He heard, as he fancied, the anchor being
got up and sail made, and was fully under the impression that he had
begun the voyage which was to carry him away for ever from his native
land. The man who had first spoken to him again came below.
"We wish to treat you as a jintleman, though may be it's more than you
deserve," he said, "so we will not stint you in liquor. You shall have
as much as you can pour down your throat, for I have a notion you will
not get an over abundant supply when you reach Africa. It's a fine
country, I am told, though a little more sandy than ould Ireland."
As may have been discovered, one of Quelch's failings was his fondness
for liquor, and he soon imbibed enough to bring him into a state of
unconsciousness. He thus had very little idea how the time passed. As
soon as he awoke he found another bottle placed by his side. Thus he
could not tell whether he had been days or weeks on board the ship. All
that he knew was, that he had been fearfully tossed about, and often
horribly uncomfortable. It had not occurred to him to feel his beard,
in so confused a state was his mind. At length he heard the Captain's
voice calling him.
"Come up, if you please, Mr Quelch, we are off the coast of Africa, and
it is time for you to be on shore. We will just see you comfortably
landed, and then wish you farewell."
The shades of evening were just settling down over the land, when Mr
Quelch made his appearance on the deck. He could not distinguish
objects distinctly, but he saw before him high hills and a sandy beach.
On looking over the side he discovered a boat with six black men in her.
"Good-bye, Mr Quelch," cried the friendly Captain, as he took Mr
Quelch's arm. "Good luck go with you. May be the niggers will look
after you when they have put you on shore, but don't trust them too
much, for it's small love they have for white men."
Poor Quelch did not feel very comfortable on hearing this, but though
inclined to resist, the butt end of a pistol which was sticking out of
the Captain's belt, and which that gentleman significantly began to
handle, reminded him that resistance was useless. With a trembling
heart he stepped into the boat. He was soon conveyed on shore. From
the suppressed laughter of the crew, and from the broad grin which, as
far as he could distinguish, appeared on their countenances, he had an
idea that they were inclined to be amused at his expense.
"Dare, massa," said one of them, "step on shore. Welcome to Africa.
Make yourself at home. De king of de country come and see you
by-and-by. He very fond of eating men, but no eat you, me hope."
Poor Jonas was compelled to obey, and being placed on shore, the boat
again pulled away. Soon after she had disappeared round a rocky point
he heard loud shouts coming from inland, and looking up he saw, to his
horror and dismay, several black men dancing and shrieking, and showing
by their gestures their intention of coming down, and of making him the
chief article of their supper. He was now utterly overcome with terror,
and dared not leave the shore lest he should fall into the hands of his
enemies. Yet, as he had not been supplied with food or water, he was
under the dread of dying from hunger or thirst. He sat himself down
disconsolately on a rock. The shouts continued round and above him,
which made him shrink within himself for fear.
"Oh, if ever I get back home to England it is the last time that I will
undertake to serve a writ in the West of Ireland, at all events," he
said, over and over again to himself. Still the savages did not
descend, though he every instant expected to see them rushing towards
him. At length the sounds ceased, and he sat himself down on the rock,
where he remained all the night long, afraid of moving lest he should
find himself attacked by them.
The morning broke. He saw a large ship in the offing, and after some
time a boat left her side and came towards the spot where he was
sitting. "Oh!" he thought to himself, "if I could get on board that
ship how happy I should be." No sooner did the boat's bow touch the
sand than he ran towards her. "Oh! Take me on board! Take me on board
out of this savage land!" he exclaimed. "I will do anything to serve
you! I will make myself generally useful on board! There is nothing I
will not do. Oh! Take me away out of the power of these blackamoors!"
"You may enter as a seaman, perhaps," answered the midshipman, in
command of the boat. "If you will promise to do that, we will take you
on board, but we have no idlers, and if you do not know your duty you
must learn it as quickly as you can."
Without further ado Quelch was lifted into the boat, which soon returned
to the frigate. He found that she was the "Grecian" frigate, and that
she was standing on and off the land, waiting to take the Captain and
some of the officers on board. He, however, was at once regularly
entered, and found himself speedily transferred into a man-of-war's-man.
Scarcely had he signed the papers, than loud peals of laughter broke
from the seamen round him. None, however, would explain the cause of
their merriment. At length once more the frigate put about and stood
towards the land. As he gazed at the shore, he could not help fancying
that its appearance was very much like that of the neighbourhood of
Ballyswiggan. At length he put the question to one of the people
standing near him.
"Why, my boy," was the answer of an old quarter-master, "you have been
nicely bamboozled. This comes of attempting to serve a writ in this
part of the world. As to the coast of Africa, you have never been
nearer it than you are at this present moment, nor much further from the
place from which you started. However, take my advice; many a better
man than you has found himself on board a man-of-war, and has had no
cause to regret having done his duty."
Jonas Quelch had the sense to see the wisdom of this counsel, and
fortunately, being an unmarried man, made the best of his case, and, I
can answer for it, became a very fair sailor in a short time, though his
besetting sin occasionally interfered with his happiness and liberty,
and brought him more than once into difficulties.