THE ONLY WAY
The cabman was of a speculative nature. Had hung on the chance of
Masters' needing to return. Half-sovereign fares are not picked up every
hour in the day; the man who dispensed them was worth waiting for.
"Where to, sir?"
The query called down through the trap in the cab roof. The reply was:
"Back again."
Directions so given, because, for the moment, the fare could think of
nowhere else.... The cool air blowing on his face gradually brought him
back to his usual clear perception of things; he remembered.
The woman he loved so, was lost and dead to him; he quite realized that.
Knew too that he loved her still; would do anything to ensure or bring
about her happiness. Pity--heart-felt, whole-souled pity--was mingled
with his feeling for her now.
Pondering over his position, he came to think of her as more sinned
against than sinning. Almost joined in the prayer that the man she
loved--whose existence was a bar to his own success--might return well
enough to marry.
For Gracie's sake too--sweet, winsome little Gracie! If the man returned
well enough to marry it would silence tongues. Surely it was a good
prayer.
Then Gracie would grow up knowing nothing of her childhood. No bar
sinister would, anyway, be apparent on her escutcheon. She could travel
her road in life without a dark shadow o'erhanging it.
If he returned well enough to marry! Why shouldn't he? Or was he, in the
solitude which he feared, likely to become despondent again? Was he not
more liable to be so, in abstinence from those accustomed stimulants?
Despondent even to the clutching of a razor again?
What manner of man was he that had stolen the heart of Gracie's mother?
What manner of man was he who could have led astray so pure, so loving a
soul?
Surely Rigby had spoken rightly; it were best for such a man no longer
to cumber the earth. And yet--that was not the only consideration. There
was another. Two: Gracie and her mother.
The man had said that he feared solitude. Had spoken of his personal
appearance with loathing. Had feared that no soul would wish to speak to
him; that Drink was written on his face. Even allowing for exaggeration,
there must be a basis of truth.
Was it wise to let him spend that voyage alone? Was it not possible to
send with him a companion? One who would interest him; divert his
thoughts; take him out of himself?
A companion to do this for her sake--for her child's sake. Why not
himself? What was there in it after all? Not even self-sacrifice.
Masters felt that a voyage would do him good. That to stop in England
just then, where he was, would stifle him. Let him go on to the broad
ocean where he would be able to breathe.
His work he could take with him. Write as well, better, on the ship than
in his own rooms. Why not? There was a soul to help to save! There was a
woman to be made happy! A child to be taken out of the range of the
pointed finger of shame! Why not?
If it were true, as the mother said, that he had saved the child's life,
was it to be saved only that she should suffer misery thereafter?
Undeserved misery in all the future years? Should he not prevent that if
he could?
Himself! Who better fitted? His heart and soul would be in the act. He
would be working for those he loved! What a triumph if he could restore
this man to her Well Enough To Marry. Why not?
Resolution: he would go. Yes, he would go on to the boat: it was the
only way. The cab passed a bill-poster's hoarding. A drama being played
in London just then was: _The Only Way_. The mind of the man in the cab
had run in keeping with the theatre announcement. He thought of Sidney
Carton.
He would go! The hero of that _Tale of Two Cities_ was not the only man
who had made sacrifices for the woman he loved; although his own
sacrifice was hardly worth such a name. In his heart he wished it
greater.
The thought trembled through his mind, result of the years of
journalistic labour, that his cruise would serve in affording a supply
of copy. He hated himself for the thought; it seemed to sully the purity
of his motive, his love. He wanted to give to the woman he loved
whole-souled service. Yet was weak enough to want an excuse.
Sidney Carton, when his good work was accomplished, died on the
scaffold. When Masters had accomplished his good work--well, there would
be time enough to think of that later.
Life was worth living just then: for her sake. It would have little
value to him after; after its work was over. Then he would be content,
wishful to rest.
The cab had reached Parliament Street. The fare's hand went through the
roof trap; the driver reined up.
"There is a passenger--ship's passenger--agent's, somewhere round here,"
he called up to the bending-down driver, "Cockspur Street, I think; do
you know it?"
"So many about, sir. Might you happen to know the name, sir?"
"M'no. Yes! I have just remembered it: Sewell and Crowther."
"Oh, yes; I know the place, sir. Do you want to drive there?"
"Please."
"Right, sir."
A few minutes later the cab stopped and he was alighting at the
passenger agents' door. Entering, he said to the counter clerk:
"You are booking for _La Mascotte_, leaving for the Mediterranean,
aren't you?"
"Yes, sir; we're the agents."
"Have you any berths left?"
"Oh, yes, sir, a number. It's an off time of the year, and we do not
fill up from London. We are stopping at coast stations. We shall fill up
from those."
"Let me see a plan of the ship."
"Yes, sir.... That's it. Which class--which part of the boat do you
want, sir?"
Masters ignored the question. Pointing to the pen and ink list of names,
inquired:
"These are the names of those who have already booked their passages?"
"Yes, sir."
Having located what he wanted he turned to the plan of the ship again,
saying:
"This is a two-berthed cabin. One berth is taken, I see. Is the other
vacant?"
"Yes, sir. But you can book one in an empty cabin if you like. You will
have more room, unless we fill up."
"Thank you. I prefer this one. I think I happen to know the Mr. Rigby
who has the other half."
"Oh, I see, sir--friend of yours--of course, companionship. I beg your
pardon."
Masters paid his passage money; booked in the name of Charleigh;
inquired the time of sailing on the morrow.
"Tide serves at noon, sir. The vessel will go out on top of the water."
"From St. Katharine's?"
"Yes, sir.... Good-day, sir, and thank you.... Not that way, sir....
This door on the left.
"Good-day."
The cabman was waiting. Stooped down from his perch to receive
instructions.
"The Telegraph Office, Charing Cross."
There the fare despatched a wire to his Wivernsea landlady; telling her
to pack everything of his in his portmanteaux, and send them up by the
afternoon train to the care of the Cloak Room, Charing Cross.
Then he drove to his publishers. He would be away some time, and there
were certain business arrangements to be made.... Then to his flat in
Shaftesbury Avenue. He slept there the night.
More correctly, he spent the night there. Spent it in pacing to and fro,
recalling all the events of that long last month. All the happiest days;
all the most miserable ones.
He was heart-full of pity for the woman, poor soul! Wished he could wipe
away the bitterness of his words that night on the seat at Wivernsea.
That was impossible. But he could try to make amends.
In the early morning--dawn just lightening the sky--he wrote a note to
Gracie's mother: directed it to Ivy Cottage. Just a purely formal little
letter, saying he was called away on urgent business and would not
return to Wivernsea again.
As coming from an author it was a disappointing note; there was nothing
clever in it. Most authors' notes, perhaps because literary fireworks
are supposed to be contained in them, are disappointing.
He sent his fondest love to his little sweetheart Gracie, and expressed
a sincere hope for her mother's future happiness. That letter later on
in the morning he dropped into a post office.
Gracie's mother, who had journeyed home by the previous evening's train,
read it, dry-eyed.
The dryness which burns.