FEVERISH SYMPTOMS
Masters did not leave Wivernsea. The obstinacy of his character came
into play there; he had come down for a month, and he stopped.
He had come for a purpose too--business purpose--had his book to finish.
Was a trifling incident, the accident common to men's lives, to disturb
the current of his life? To turn him from his prearranged plan in the
smallest degree? Perish the thought!
All he altered was the direction of his walks; he thought that wisdom.
Because, like other wise men, he left the east and went west. It was
Cliffland there; sheltered spots innumerable were easily found.
She, yet more proud than he, altered nothing; took her walks with Gracie
as usual. Sat on the seat at the far end of the walk; read novels there
with stoic fortitude--except for an occasional long look across the
waters.
Looking across the wide sea seems to afford scope for, to encourage,
limitless, aimless reflections. At any rate hers were aimless; she knew
that. But a woman dearly loves the memories of the past, to bring them
before her: to pet and fondle and keep them alive with the warmth of her
heart.
Being at opposite poles, east and west, their daily meetings ended. Once
he met her in the post office; he was leaving as she was entering. He
raised his hat, and would--from mere courtesy--have said: Good Morning.
But the unframed words wilted on his lips.
Her eyes, as they fell on him, lighted up with indignation; a second
edition of what he had seen before. As they for a moment rested on him
they seemed to scorch up what he would have said. His raised-to-hat hand
trembled and fell: he passed out.
Reaching home she found that she had carried with her a recollection of
his face. By the seat he had said things to her that no woman could
forgive. She told herself that an average hundred times a day--to say
nothing of the sleepless nights she passed with thoughts full of him.
But she was sorry to see the haggard, worn look he was wearing as he
left the post office.
He had appeared ill. His, she had told him, was a face which had borne
no worry lines; lines of thought but not of trouble. The absence of the
latter had made him appear younger than he really was.
With a smile she thought back on the time--it seemed quite a long while
ago--when she had fancied that she had almost come to love that eager,
enthusiastic face; boyish, but still with an air of manly determination
about it, set in a manly frame.
Masters' shoulders were quite abnormally broad and square; accentuated
the impression of strength made by the broad bronzed forehead. How
foolish women were, she thought. Well, she had learnt a lesson; she
would profit by it. Experience had taught her; she would prove herself a
grateful pupil.
She had deceived herself for the first time and the last. Of course it
was painful--the awakening. Waking up to the perception of unvarnished
facts generally is unpleasant. But she could look at her own foolishness
without wincing, indulgently--her foolishness of a week ago. Just an
error of judgment that there was no scrap of likelihood of her
repeating.
Still--she admitted it to herself--he was undeniably attractive. Hardly
less so because he looked older in the post office than he had done
formerly. The worry lines, whose absence she had remarked, were there
now.
One hasty glance had shown them to her; they were so apparent. She
wondered--a kindly feeling stealing over her--whether she had anything
to do with it: the change. Then memory came and withered up the
softness; pointed out what had been said to her that night when she
knelt by the seat! The memory was a blasting breath; her softness fell
away.
The mere remembrance of it made her feel hot all over. She--she to kneel
to a man! Because she had fancied he was ill--full of kind feelings
towards him, she had knelt; and he had talked of hugging and slobbering!
To have her kindness, so well meant, recoil on her, thrown back on her
hands as it were, with gratuitous, unwarranted insult instead of thanks!
It is galling to have a gift returned; the gall is greater when the gift
is of the heart's kindness; more galling still when the ungracious
recipient vacates a place in that heart itself. The return then savours
of brutality.
Fury, too, came to her at the mere memory of his speech. She was almost
as angry as when the words rang freshly in her ears. But with all the
temper there was mingled wonder. Surely he could not be a man to whom
brutality came easily. Why--why--why--had he behaved so?
Fool? No. She told herself that she was not that. She had read in his
eyes that he loved her; indeed, had more than once checked his telling
her so. What could be the cause?
He had spoken of seeing her in the back garden that night--but that was
a mere incident--there were a thousand-and-one explanations of that. He
would know that; there must have been something else.
But why should she worry herself about the matter--about the man?
Plainly he was not worthy a second thought. Ready to misjudge her as he
had been--well let him! She did not care; not a scrap. She was quite
capable of fighting her way alone.
Then she picked up one of the books of his he had given her. On the fly
leaf she read:
_Miss Mivvins; to remind her of Our Seat, on which so many of
these pages were written._
_William Masters._
She stood with her eyes on the writing, the book in her hand, for many
minutes. Then put the volume down with a sigh. After all, she thought,
real friends are as rare as Christian charity.
Crunching sounds--boot pressure of gravel, made her look out of the
window on to the path leading to the gate. The doctor was coming up it
to the house. She went out to meet him.
Gracie was not well--restless and feverish--was now lying on her bed
sleeping. The doctor, on his previous visit, had thought it a cold
merely, but there were faint symptoms which made him promise to come
again. He was there in fulfilment of that promise now.
She was waiting for him at the door when he reached it. Nodding to her,
in an informal, friendly way, he questioned cheerily:
"And how is the little one this morning?"
"Much better, I think, doctor. She is sleeping peacefully now."
"Sleeping? Still? Is she drowsy?... Let me see her."
They walked into the bedroom together. The noise of their entrance
roused the child. She looked up and around her, with the frightened eyes
of one suddenly awakened from alarming dreams.
"Well, little girlie!"
The doctor spoke merrily. He was of that type; did not carry the
undertaker with him when visiting a patient. He advanced to take the
child's hand lying on the coverlet; continued:
"This is a nice idea of yours, upon my word! Going to sleep in the
day----"
His intent in the adoption of a reassuring tone was to change the
current of her thoughts: the wild thoughts evidently surging in that
active little brain. But when he clasped the child's hand in his own,
the merriment left his voice, the smile his face. His other hand he
placed on her forehead, then turning, said:
"Why did you not send for me?"
The mother was standing close beside the child, stooping so that her
face was on a level with the terror-stricken little one's bright eyes.
She was speaking loving words, in the loving way that appeals to
children. Words which read so foolishly, yet sound so sweetly. She
turned round suddenly, startled by the gravity in the doctor's voice.
"Send!" she cried. "Why? She--she is not--oh, don't tell me----"
"Hush!"
She became quiet at once. Another phase of the doctor's character
showed: his will power. The loving anxiety was suppressed. The practical
woman was to the fore, intent on the doctor's instructions:
"She must be undressed and put to bed. Have a fire here; it must be kept
going night and day. Send one of your maids"--he was writing on a leaf
of his note-book as he spoke, and finishing, tore it out--"with this
prescription at once."
Gracie was fever-stricken! Tossed in delirium all that night and the
next day. All the next day and night--and the mother sat by the bedside,
tending, never leaving the little one.
The doctor came three and four times a day. Each time he looked grave.
There was no sign of improvement in the child's condition. The mother,
worn out with watching, ever looking to him for comfort, read none.
Did ever--during all those hours of wearing, waiting, anxious
watching--the thought of Masters cross her mind? She had shut him
resolutely out of her heart, turned the key of consciousness upon him.
But even bolts and bars are proverbially of small efficacy in such
cases.
In those long hours, the only silence breaking sounds were the
monotonous ticking of the clock and the short, quick breathing of the
little white-robed, white-faced form on the white pillows. Sometimes,
then, the woman's resolution broke down; thoughts of The Man crept in
upon her all unbidden. Gentler thoughts than she had harboured in the
previous days: troubles' softening influence was around.
Their first meeting! She thought of that. Of his affection for Gracie;
of the child's love for him. Surely a child's instinctive love and trust
went for something. Perhaps, after all--and then those horrible words of
his rang in her ears, and she hid her hot face in the white coverlet.
Never, never--they were unforgivable. Besides, he did not seek
forgiveness.
Strange that, by the bedside of the panting child, with Life and Death
fighting for possession of the fragile little form, her ears ever
straining to catch the sound of that softer breathing which she knew
would signal Life's victory--strange, that with fear and hope surging in
her bosom, even while her gentle hand restrained her dear one's restless
tossing to and fro and cooled the burning forehead and feverish,
clinging little fingers; strange that there should seem no wrong,
nothing incongruous in the thought of an almost stranger--of William
Masters. Perhaps it was because Gracie loved him so dearly: that must
have been the reason.
Poor little Gracie! She little knew what manner of man it was to whom
she had offered her affectionate, trusting little heart. Yet he had been
kind to her, more than kind. There was pleasantness in the memory of
that.
Fugitive thoughts were these; stealing in under cover of the night.
Those hours when that watchful keeper of the heart--a woman's pride--is
prone to forsake his trust; to leave the secret of that heart revealed
before its Maker, and herself. A moment, and the watchful sentinel is
back again at his post; repentant for his lapse, guarding his treasure
more jealously than ever.
The white soul of the child stood at the entrance of the Valley of the
Shadow. Hour by hour the watching woman seemed to see the Shadow
deepening, growing. Hour by hour she strove with all the power that in
her lay to lead that white soul back into life's sunshine.
The watching and anxiety told on her. The doctor, noting her sunken
eyes, had to speak firmly:
"You must take rest. You need it as much as your patient."
"Rest!"
"Don't be foolish! You have a good woman; this woman who is helping
you."
"She has been a nurse."
"I see she understands. You must take rest or you will be ill. Ill, too,
at a time when you are most needed."
"Tell me, doctor. Oh! For God's sake, tell me--you don't know what she
is to me! Tell me----"
"My dear madam, I can tell you nothing. As it nears midnight, will come
a crucial time. Humour her; whatever she wants, no matter how
extravagant it may seem, let her have it. She has an excitable nature, a
nervous temperament. Do all you can to soothe her. She must not worry
for anything: it might prove her death. Gratify her desires and she may
sleep--sleep will be her salvation. You understand?"
"Yes, doctor."
"Whatever she asks for, gratify her."
"Yes, doctor."
"She is needing sleep; rest for that active little brain of hers. She is
full of ideas of triple-headed giants, fairies and stories of that sort.
Don't contradict her, get her into a state of contentment if possible.
Who is this Prince Charlie she was asking for just now?"
"A friend--a casual friend--some one we know."
"She is inexplainably anxious to see him. Soothe, by letting her do so
if possible. She has intervals when she is as rational as you or I; it
is well to prolong those by letting her talk to people she knows and
wants to see. Does he live far away--this Prince Charlie?"
"In--in the town."
"Then, by all means, if she asks again, send for him."
"Yes, doctor."
"Fretting and excitement are to be avoided. Soothe her in every possible
way; gentleness and firmness combined go a long way. But this Prince
Charlie--from the hold he seems to have on her--may go a longer way
still. Of course she may not ask for him again--maybe it is a mere
delirious fancy--but if she does, you will know how to act."
But Gracie did ask again. Asked persistently, petulantly, pleadingly.
The watcher with the breaking heart allowed the mother in her nature to
smother the mere woman. She resolved to humble herself in the dirt: to
send for him; he who had so grossly insulted her.
She would not write, she would not see him herself: she could not. She
would send a verbal message. Late as it was there was no fear of not
finding him up, she knew. He had told her that he always wrote till one
in the morning.
The midnight oil phrase was one he was ever using.