_House of Commons, Monday, May 6._--Welsh Disestablishment Bill on.
So is The Man from Shropshire. STANLEY LEIGHTON, as GEORGE TREVELYAN
pointed out long ago, is irresistibly like the ruined Chancery
Suitor of _Bleak House_. Always dashing into debate as The Man from
Shropshire broke in on the business of the Court of Chancery. "Mr.
Chairman!" he shouts, and waves his arms, as The Man from Shropshire
cried aloud, "My lord! My lord!" and tried to seize the Lord
Chancellor by wig or neck. After first ebullition, our Man from
Shropshire quietens down. Argues with gravity of tone and manner that
seem to imply he has something to say. Turns out he hasn't; but, on
the Welsh Disestablishment Bill, that no matter.
[Illustration: The Joys of Office. "Speaker! Hats off, Strangers!"]
Curious how this Church Bill brings to the front men who, if heard at
all, certainly do not speak in chorus on any other question. After
The Man from Shropshire comes TOMLINSON, who, early in proceedings,
displays irresistible tendency to discuss points of order with
SPEAKER. New SPEAKER has, however, already got hand in, and, before
TOMLINSON, who remembers being on his feet addressing Chair, quite
knows where he is, he finds himself sitting down again, CRANBORNE also
on warpath, his very hair bristling with indignation at this fresh
attack on the Church. Glib GRIFFITH-BOSCAWEN has a field-night;
makes long speech on moving Instruction standing in his own name. His
obvious, unaffected enjoyment of his own oratory should be infectious;
but isn't.
[Illustration: The Cares of Office. Mr. Cawmel-Bannerman crosses the
Lobby.]
Colonel LOCKWOOD, that pillar of the Church, was the first called on
in Committee to move amendment. Colonel not in his place. Report
has it the devout man is in library reading THOMAS À KEMPIS, or
DRELINCOURT on Death. Here is opportunity for GLIB-GRIFFITH to
make another speech. Dashes in; starting off with promise of good
half-hour; desire for LOCKWOOD'S appearance irresistible. As ADDISON
says, with hereditary disposition to drop into poetry, and the belief
that he is quoting TENNYSON,
Better fifty words from LOCKWOOD
Than a thousand from BOSCAWEN.
Scouts sent out in all directions. The Colonel discovered in sort of
oratory he has contrived in far recess of library. Brought back to
House; found BOSCAWEN bowling along. "This is my show," said the
Colonel as he passed BOSCAWEN on his way to his seat. More fierceness
in his eye than befit the man or the occasion. BOSCAWEN stared over
his head, and went on with his speech. Opportunity too precious to
be lost. If LOCKWOOD meant to move his amendment he should have been
there when called upon. He wasn't: BOSCAWEN found it, so to speak,
by roadside. Now it was his; would make the most of it; pegged along
whilst the Colonel muttered remarks as he glared upon him. Some who
sat by said it was a prayer. Others, catching a word here and there,
said it was a quotation from THOMAS À KEMPIS. Whatever it might have
been, Colonel seemed much moved. Hardly pacified when, at end of
twenty minutes, GLIB-GRIFFITH sat down, and LOCKWOOD, finding himself
in peculiar position of seconding his own amendment, delivered the
speech he had prepared for moving it.
_Business done._--Got into Committee on Welsh Disestablishment Bill.
_Tuesday._--Pretty to see PRINCE ARTHUR drop down on GEORGE RUSSELL
just now for speaking disrespectfully of SILOMIO. That eminent
patriot, having in his newly-assumed character of Patron Saint of
Japan, cross-examined EDWARD GREY upon latest Treaty negotiations,
accused ASQUITH of nothing less than stealing a county. "Filching"
was precise word, which has its equivalent in Slang Dictionary in
sneaking. Idea of HOME SECRETARY hovering over the Marches in dead
of night, and, when he thought no one was looking, picking up
Monmouthshire, and putting it in his coat-tail pocket, amused
scanty audience. But SILOMIO really wrath. "Always Anti-English this
Government," he exclaimed, with scornful sweep of red right hand along
line of smiling faces on Treasury Bench. "A stirring burst of British
patriotism," GEORGE RUSSELL characterised it. JOHN BULL _in excelsis_.
The more notable since, on reference to official record, he found the
Knight from Sheffield was born in the United States, and descended
from the Pilgrim Fathers.
"Which one?" inquired voice from back bench, an inquiry very properly
disregarded. (A new phrase this, SARK notes, for use by retired
tradesmen, setting up to spend rest of useful lives in retirement
at Clapham or Camberwell. To trace their family tree back to
transplantation at period of Conquest, played out. Instead of "Came
over with the Conqueror," newer, more picturesque, equally historical
to say, "Came over with the Pilgrim Fathers.")
PRINCE ARTHUR not in mood for speculation of this kind. Cut to the
heart by remarks he suspected of slighting intent towards his friend
and colleague. In SILOMIO PRINCE ARTHUR has long learned to recognise
all the graces and all the talents. Apart from personal consideration,
he feels how much the Party owe to him for having raised within its
ranks the standard of culture and conduct. To have him attacked, even
in fun, by an Under Secretary, was more than he could stand. So,
in gravest tone, with no flicker of a smile on his expressive
countenance, he declared that a more unfortunate speech he had
never heard. "If the hon. gentleman intends," he added, "to take a
considerable part in debate, I would earnestly recommend him either
to change the character of his humour, or entirely to repress the
exhibition."
Beautiful! In its way, all things considered, best thing PRINCE ARTHUR
has done this Session. House grinned; but two big hot tears coursed
down cheek of SILOMIO, making deep furrows in the war paint.
"That's tit for tat with GEORGIE RUSSELL," said HERBERT GARDNER to
SOLICITOR-GENERAL, with vague recollection of a historic phrase.
"Quite perfect," said LOCKWOOD. "But what a loss the stage has
sustained by PRINCE ARTHUR taking to politics? Tried both myself and
know something about it." _Business done._--An eight hours day with
Welsh Disestablishment Bill.
[Illustration: Piling Peeler upon Rossa!]
_Thursday._--TANNER'S curiosity inconveniently uncontrollable. At
end of sitting given up to Scotland no one thinking about
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF or TANNER either. Successive divisions had carried
sitting far beyond midnight, that blessed hour at which, in ordinary
circumstances, debate stands adjourned. Quarter of an hour occupied in
dividing on question whether they should divide on amendment. Proposal
affirmed; another quarter of an hour spent in fresh division. Nothing
possible further to be done, Members streamed forth, scrambling for
cabs in Palace Yard. CONYBEARE in charge of a Bill dealing with false
alarms of fire, managed to get it through Committee unopposed. Members
little recked how near they were to real alarm of worse than fire.
Twenty minutes earlier, when last division taken, over 330 Members
filled House. Now the tide ebbed; only the thirty odd Members in their
places jealously watching SPEAKER running through Orders of the
Day. TANNER bobbing up and down on bench like parched pea. Heard
it somewhere whispered that Duke of CAMBRIDGE, worn out with long
campaign, about to unhelm, unbuckle his sword, hang up his dinted
armour. TANNER feels he can't go to bed leaving unsettled the problem
of truth or phantasy. Not a moment to be lost. SPEAKER risen to put
question "That this House do now adjourn." Then TANNER blurts out the
inquiry, "Is it true?" "Order! order!" says the SPEAKER. Well, if they
didn't like the question in the form he had first put it, he would try
again.
"I would ask," he said, adopting conditional mood as least likely to
hurt anyone's feelings, "whether a member of the Royal Family who has
really" (most desirous of not putting it too strongly, but really you
know) "been drawing public money too long is going to retire?"
"Order! order!" roared the few Members present.
"I would ask that question," repeated TANNER, still in the conditional
mood, but nodding confidentially all round.
The Blameless BARTLEY happily at post of duty. Broke in with protest.
SPEAKER ruled question out of order. But the good TANNER came back
like a bad sixpence.
"Is his Royal Highness going to retire?" he insisted, getting redder
than ever in the face. "Order! order!" shouted Members in chorus. Thus
encouraged, TANNER sang out the solo again, "Is his Royal Highness
going to retire?"
That was his question. The SPEAKER, distinctly differing, affirmed
"The question is that the House do now adjourn;" which it did
straightway, leaving Dr. TANNER to go to a sleepless bed haunted by an
unanswered question.
"What I should like," said Lieut.-General Sir FREDERICK WELLINGTON
FITZ WYGRAM, who served in the Crimea with H.R.H., has been in command
of the Cavalry Brigade at Aldershot, and in other positions come in
personal contact with the COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, "What I should like," he
repeated reflectively, stroking his chin, "would be the opportunity,
enjoyed from a safe distance, of hearing the Dook personally reply to
TANNER'S interrogation."
_Business done._--Wrangle all night round Scotch Committee.
_Friday._--SQUIRE sat through dull morning sitting listening with air
of pathetic resignation to Members talking round Budget. QUILTER led
off with prodigiously long paper on the Art of Brewing Beer. Seems
they fill up the cup with all kinds of mysterious ingredients.
BROOKFIELD, looking round and observing both JOSEPH and JESSE
absent, whispered in ear of sympathetic Chairman that Birmingham has
reputation in the Trade of making and drinking beer containing minimum
of malt, maximum of sugar, and warranted to do the greatest damage to
the system. SQUIRE, momentarily waking up from mournful mood, observed
that Birmingham is also headquarters of Liberal Unionism. Might
be nothing in coincidence, but there it was. RASCH posed as the
distressed agriculturist. JOKIM tried to walk on both sides of road at
same time, and Government got majority of 24. _Business done._--Budget
Resolutions agreed to.
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