"Say not good-night--but, in some brighter clime,
Bid me good-morning!"
When I was a little girl I was called Meg. I do not mean to say that I
have got a different name now that I am big, but my name is _used_
differently. I am now called Margaret, or sometimes Madge, but never
Meg. Indeed I do not wish ever to be called Meg, for a reason you will
quite understand when you have heard my story. But perhaps I am wrong
to call it a "story" at all, so I had better say at the beginning that
what I have to tell you is only a sort of remembrance of something that
happened to me when I was very little--of some one I loved more dearly,
I think, than I can ever love any one again. And I fancy perhaps other
little girls will like to hear it.
Well then, to begin again--long ago I used to be called Meg, and the
person who first called me so was my sister Winny, who was not quite two
years older than I. There were four of us then--four little sisters--
Winny, and I, and Dolly, and Blanche, baby Blanche we used to call her.
We lived in the country in a pretty house, which we were very fond of,
particularly in the summer time, when the flowers were all out. Winny
loved flowers more dearly than any one I ever knew, and she taught me to
love them too. I never see one now without thinking of her and the
things she used to say about them. I can see now, now that I am so much
older, that Winny must have been a very clever little girl in some ways,
not so much in learning lessons as in thinking things to herself, and
understanding feelings and thoughts that children do not generally care
about at all. She was very pretty too, I can remember her face so well.
She had blue eyes and very long black eyelashes--our mamma used to
teaze her sometimes, and say that she had what Irish people call "blue
eyes put in with dirty fingers"--and pretty rosy cheeks, and a very
white forehead. And her face always had a bright dancing look that I
can remember best of all.
We learnt lessons together, and we slept together in two little beds
side by side, and we did everything together, from eating our breakfast
to dressing our dolls--and when one was away the other seemed only half
alive. All our frocks and hats and jackets were exactly the same, and
except that Winny was taller than I, we should never have known which
was which of our things. I am sure Winny was a very good little girl,
but when I try to remember all about her exactly, what seems to come
back most to me is her being always so happy. She did not need to think
much about being good and not naughty; everything seemed to come rightly
to her of itself. She thought the world was a very pretty, nice place;
and she loved all her friends, and she loved God most of all for giving
them to her. She used to say she was sure Heaven would be a very happy
place too, only she did so hope there would be plenty of flowers there,
and she was disappointed because mamma said it did not tell in the Bible
what kinds of flowers there would be. Almost the only thing which made
her unhappy was about there being so many very poor people in the world.
She used to talk about it very often and wonder why it was, and when
she was very, very little, she cried because nurse would not let her
give away her best velvet jacket to a poor little girl she saw on the
road.
But though Winny was so sweet, and though we loved each other so,
sometimes we did quarrel. Now and then it was quite little quarrels
which were over directly, but once we had a bigger quarrel. Even now I
do not like to remember it; and oh! how I do wish I could make other
boys and girls feel as I do about quarrelling. Even little tiny
squabbles seem to me to be sorrowful things, and then they so often grow
into bigger ones. It was generally mostly my fault. I was peevish and
cross sometimes, and Winny was never worse than just hasty and quick for
a moment. She was always ready to make friends again, "to kiss
ourselves to make the quarrel go away," as our little sister Dolly used
to say, almost before she could speak. And sometimes I was silly, and
then it was right for Winny to find fault with me. My manners used
occasionally to trouble her, for she was very particular about such
things. One day I remember she was very vexed with me for something I
said to a gentleman who was dining with our papa and mamma. He was a
nice kind gentleman, and we liked him, only we did not think him pretty.
Winny and I had fixed together that we did not think him pretty, only
of course Winny never thought I would be so silly as to _tell_ him so.
We came down to dessert that evening--Winny sat beside papa, and I sat
between Mr Merton and mamma, and after I had sat quite still, looking
at him without speaking, I suddenly said,--I can't think what made
me--"Mr Merton, I don't think you are at all pretty. Your hair goes
straight down, and up again all of a sudden at the end, just like our
old drake's tail."
Mr Merton laughed very much, and papa laughed, and mamma did too,
though not so much. But Winny did not laugh at all. Her face got red,
and she would not eat her raisins, but asked if she might keep them for
Dolly, and she seemed quite unhappy. And when we had said good-night,
and had gone upstairs, I could see how vexed she was. She was so vexed
that she even gave me a little shake. "Meg," she said, "I am so ashamed
of you. I am really. How _could_ you be so rude?"
I began to cry, and I said I did not mean to be rude; and I promised
that I would never say things like that again; and then Winny forgave
me; but I never forgot it. And once I remember, too, that she was vexed
with me because I would not speak to a little girl who came to pay a
visit to her grandfather, who lived at _our_ grandfather's lodge. Winny
stopped to say good-morning to her, and to ask her if her friends at
home were quite well; and the little girl curtseyed and looked so
pleased. But I walked on, and when Winny called to me to stop I would
not; and then, when she asked me what was the matter, I said I did not
think we needed to speak to the little girl, she was quite a common
child, and we were ladies. Winny _was_ vexed with me then; she was too
vexed to give me a little shake even. She did not speak for a minute,
and then she said, very sadly, "Meg, I _am_ sorry you don't know better
than that what being a lady means."
I do know better now, I hope; but was it not strange that Winny _always_
seemed to know better about these things? It came of itself to her, I
think, because her heart was so kind and happy.
Winny was very fond of listening to stories, and of making them up and
telling them to me; but she was not very fond of reading to herself.
She liked writing best, and I liked reading. We used to say that when
we were big girls, Winny should write all mamma's letters for her, and I
should read aloud to her when she was tired. How little we thought that
time would _never_ come! We were always talking about what we should do
when we were big; but sometimes when we had been talking a long time,
Winny would stop suddenly, and say, "Meg, growing big seems a dreadfully
long way off. It almost tires me to think of it. What a great, great
deal we shall have to learn before then, Meg!" I wonder what gave her
that feeling.
Shall I tell you now about the worst quarrel we ever had? It was about
Winny's best doll. The doll's name was "Poupee." Of course I know now
that that is the French for all dolls; but we were so little then we did
not understand, and when our aunt's French maid told us that "poupee"
was the word for doll, we thought it a very pretty name, and somehow the
doll was always called by it. Grandfather had given "Poupee" to Winny--
I think he brought it from London for her--and I cannot tell you how
proud she was of it. She did not play with it every day, only on
holidays and treat-days; but every day she used to peep at "Poupee" in
the drawer where she lay, and kiss her, and say how pretty she looked.
One afternoon Winny was going out somewhere--I don't remember exactly
where; I daresay it was a drive with mamma--and I was not to go, and I
was crying; and just as Winny was running down-stairs all ready dressed
to go, she came back and whispered to me, "Meg, dear, don't cry. It
takes away all my pleasure to see you. Will you leave off crying and
look happy if I let you have `Poupee' to play with while I am out?"
I wiped away my tears in a minute, I _was_ so pleased. Winny ran to
"Poupee's" drawer and got her out, and brought her to me. She kissed
her as she put her into my arms, and she said to her, "My darling
`Poupee,' you are going to spend the afternoon with your aunt. You must
be a very good little girl, and do exactly what she tells you."
And then Winny said to me, "You _will_ be very careful of her, won't
you, Meg?" and I promised, of course, that I would.
I did mean to be careful, and I really was; but for all that a sad
accident happened. I had been very happy with "Poupee" all the
afternoon, and I had made her a new apron with a piece of muslin nurse
gave me, and some ribbon, which did nicely for bows; and I was carrying
her along the passage to show nurse how pretty the apron looked, when
the housemaid, who was coming along with a trayful of clean clothes from
the wash in her arms, knocked against me, and "Poupee" was thrown down;
and, terrible to tell, her dear, sweet little right foot was broken. I
cannot tell you how sorry I was, and nurse was sorry too, and so was
Jane; but all the sorrow would not mend the foot. I was sitting on the
nursery floor, with "Poupee" in my lap, crying over her, as miserable as
could be, when Winny rushed in, laden with parcels, in the highest
spirits.
"O! I have had such a nice drive, and I have brought some buns and
sponge-cakes for tea, and a toy donkey for Blanche. And has Poupee been
good?" she exclaimed. But just then she caught sight of my face. "What
is the matter, Meg? What _have_ you done to my darling, beautiful
Poupee? O Meg, Meg, you surely haven't broken her?"