and disappeared, leaving me his card. He hadn't been gone two minutes
when I discovered that the hat he had exchanged for the stovepipe was
_not_ mine. It came from the same firm, but the initials proved it
without doubt to belong to the young fellow I had met at the table. I
said some uncomplimentary things. Where the deuce _was_ my hat?
Evidently the benevolent old gentleman hadn't waked up yet.
Ting-a-ling! It was the boy's bell again.
"Well?"
"Another man after a hat. What's goin' on?"
"Send him up!" I yelled. It came over me that the Frenchman had made a
second mistake.
I was not disappointed this time in my visitor. It was the benevolent
old gentleman. Evidently he had not located _his_ hat either, and might
not for some time to come. I began to believe that I had given it to the
Frenchman. He seemed terribly excited.
"You are the gentleman who occupies number six?"
"Yes, sir. This is my apartment. You have come in regard to a hat?"
"Yes, sir. My name is Chittenden. Our hats got mixed up at Martin's this
evening; my fault, as usual. I am always doing something absurd, my
memory is so bad. When I discovered my mistake I was calling on the
family of a client with whom I had spent most of the afternoon. I missed
some valuable papers, legal documents. I believed as usual that I had
forgotten to take them with me. They were nowhere to be found at the
house. My client has a very mischievous son, and it seems that he
stuffed the papers behind the inside band of my hat. With them there was
a letter. I have had two very great scares. A great deal of trouble
would ensue if the papers were lost. I just telephoned that I had
located the hat." He laughed pleasantly.
Good heavens! here was a howdy-do.
"My dear Mr. Chittenden, there has been a great confusion," I faltered.
"I had your hat, but--but you have come too late."
"Too late?" he roared, or I should say, to be exact, shouted.
"Yes, sir."
"What have you done with it?"
"Not five minutes ago I gave it to a Frenchman, who seemed to recognize
it as his. It was the Frenchman, if you will remember, who sat near your
table in the café."
"And this hat isn't yours, then?"--helplessly.
"This" was a flat-brimmed hat of the Paris boulevards, the father of all
stovepipe hats, dear to the Frenchman's heart.
"Candidly, now," said I with a bit of excusable impatience, "do I look
like a man who would wear a hat like that?"
He surveyed me miserably through his eye-glasses.
"No, I can't say that you do. But what in the world am I to do?" He
mopped his brow in the ecstasy of anguish. "The hat must be found. The
legal papers could be replaced, but.... You see, sir, that boy put a
private letter of his sister's in the band of that hat, and it must be
recovered at all hazards."
"I am very sorry, sir."
"But what shall I do?"
"I do not see what can be done save for you to leave word at the café.
The Frenchman is doubtless a frequenter, and may easily be found. If you
had come a few moments sooner...."
With a gurgle of dismay he fled, leaving me with a half-finished
sentence hanging on my lips and the Frenchman's chapeau hanging on my
fingers. And _my_ hat; where was _my_ hat? (I may as well add here, in
parenthesis, that the disappearance of my eight-dollar hat still remains
a mystery. I have had to buy a new one.)
So the boy had put a letter of his sister's in the band of the hat, I
mused. How like _her_ kid brother! It seemed that more or less families
had Toddy-One-Boys to look after. Pshaw! what a muddle because a man
couldn't keep his thoughts from wool-gathering!
Well, here I had two hats, neither of which was mine. I could, at a
pinch, wear the opera-hat, as it was the exact size of the one I had
lost. But what was to be done with the Frenchman's?... Fool that I was!
I rushed over to the table. The Frenchman had left his card, and I had
forgotten all about it. And I hadn't asked the benevolent old gentleman
where he lived. The Frenchman's card read: "M. de Beausire, No. ----
Washington Place." I decided to go myself to the address, state the
matter to Monsieur de Beausire, and rescue the letter. I knew all about
these Toddy-One-Boys, and I might be doing some girl a signal service.
I looked at my watch. It was closing on to ten. So I reluctantly got
into my coat again, drew on a topcoat, and put on the hat that fitted
me. Probably the girl had been writing some fortunate fellow a
love-letter. No gentleman will ever overlook a chance to do a favor for
a young girl in distress. I had scarcely drawn my stick from the
umbrella-jar when the bell rang once again.
"Hello!" I called down the tube. Why couldn't they let me be?
"Lady wants to see you, sir."
"A lady!"
"Yes, sir. A real lady; l-a-d-y. She says she's come to see the
gentleman in number six about a plug hat. What's the graft, anyway?"
"A plug hat!"
"Yes, sir; a plug hat. She seems a bit anxious. Shall I send her up?
She's a peach."
"Yes, send her up," I answered feebly enough.
And now there was a woman in the case! I wiped the perspiration from my
brow and wondered what I should say to her. A woman.... By Jove! the
sister of the mischievous boy! Old Chittenden must have told her where
he had gone, and as he hasn't shown up, she's worried. It must be a
tremendously important letter to cause all this hubbub. So I laid aside
my hat and waited, tugging and gnawing at my mustache.... Had the Girl
acted reasonably I shouldn't have gone to Martin's that night.
How easy it is for a woman to hurt the man she knows I is in love with
her! And the Girl had hurt me more than I was willing to confess even to
myself. She had implied that I had carelessly broken an engagement.
Soon there came a gentle tapping. Certainly the young woman had abundant
pluck. I approached the door quickly, and flung it open.
The Girl herself stood on the threshold, and we stared at each other
with bewildered eyes!
II
She was the most exquisite creature in all the wide world; and here she
was, within reach of my hungry arms!
"You?" she cried, stepping back, one hand at her throat and the other
against the jamb of the door.
Dumb as ever was Lot's wife (after the turning-point in her career), I
stood and stared and admired. A woman would instantly have noticed the
beauty of her sables, but I was a man to whom such details were
inconsequent.
"I did not expect ... that is, only the number of the apartment was
given," she stammered. "I ..." Then her slender figure straightened, and
with an effort she subdued the fright and dismay which had evidently
seized her. "Have you Mr. Chittenden's hat?"
"Mr. Chittenden's hat?" I repeated, with a tingling in my throat similar
to that when you hit your elbow smartly on a corner. "Mr. Chittenden's
hat?"
"Yes; he is so thoughtless that I dared not trust him to search for it
alone. Have _you_ got it?"
Heavens! how my heart beat at the sight of this beautiful being, as she
stood there, palpitating between shame and anxiety! She _was_ beautiful;
and I knew instantly that I loved her better than anything else on
earth.
"Mr. Chittenden's hat," I continued, as lucid as a trained parrot and in
tones not wholly dissimilar.
"Can't you say anything more than that?"--impatiently.
How much more easily a woman recovers her poise than a man, especially
when that man gives himself over as tamely as I did!
"Was it _your_ letter he was seeking?" I cried, all eagerness and
excitement as this one sane thought entered my head.
"Did he tell you that there was a letter in it?"--scornfully.
"Yes,"--guiltily. Heaven only knows why I should have had any sense of
guilt.
"Give it to me at once,"--imperatively.
"The hat or the letter?" Truly, I did not know what I was about. Only
one thing was plain to my confused mind, and that was the knowledge that
I wanted to put my arms around her and carry her far, far away from
Toddy-One-Boy.
"Are you mad, to anger me in this fashion?" she said, balling her little
gloved hands wrathfully. Had there been real lightning in her eyes I'd
have been dead this long while. "Do you dare believe that I knew you
lived in this apartment?"
"I ... haven't the hat."
"You dared to search it?"--drawing herself up to a supreme height, which
was something less than five-feet-two.
I became angry, and somehow found myself.
"I never pry into other people's affairs. You are the last person I
expected to see this night."
"Will you answer a single question? I promise not to intrude further
upon your time, which, doubtless, is very valuable. Have you either the
hat or the letter?"
"Neither. I knew nothing about any letter till Mr. Chittenden came. But
he came too late."
"Too late?"--in an agonized whisper.
"Yes, too late. I had, unfortunately, given his hat to another gentleman
who made a trifling mistake in thinking it to be his own." Suddenly my
manners returned to me. "Will you come in?"
"Come in? No! You have given the hat to another man? A trifling mistake!
He calls it a trifling mistake!"--addressing the heavens, obscured
though they were by the thickness of several ceilings. "Oh, what _shall_
I do?" She began to wring her hands, and when a woman does that what
earthly hope is there for the man who looks on?
"Don't do that!" I implored. "I'll find the hat." At a word from her,
for all she had trampled on me, I would gladly have gone to Honolulu in
search of a hat-pin. "The gentleman left me his card. With your
permission I will go at once in search of him."
"I have a cab outside. Give me the address."
"I refuse to permit you to go alone."
"You have absolutely nothing to say in regard to where I shall or shall
not go."
"In this one instance. I shall withhold the address."
How her eyes blazed!
"Oh, it is easily to be seen that you do not trust me." I was utterly
discouraged.
"I did not imply that," with the least bit of softening. "Certainly I
would trust you. But ..."
"Well?"--as laughingly as I could.
"I must be the one to take out that letter,"--decidedly.
"I offer to bring you the hat untouched," I replied.
"I insist on going."
"Very well; we shall go together; under no other circumstances. This is
a common courtesy that I would show to a perfect stranger."
I put on my hat, took up the Frenchman's card and tile, and bowed her
gravely into the main hallway. We did not speak on the way down to the
street. We entered the cab in silence, and went rumbling off southwest.
When the monotony became positively unbearable I spoke.
"I regret to force myself upon you."
No reply.
"It must be a very important letter."
"To no one but myself,"--with extreme frigidity.
"His father ought to wring his neck,"--thinking of Toddy-One-Boy.
"Sir, he is my brother!"
"I beg your pardon." It seemed that I wasn't getting on very well.
We bumped across the Broadway tracks. Once or twice our shoulders
touched, and the thrill I experienced was as painful as it was
rapturous. What was in a letter that she should go to this extreme to
recall it? A heat-flash of jealousy went over me. She had written to
some other fellow; for there always is some other fellow, hang him!...
And then a grand idea came into my erstwhile stupid head. Here she was,
alone with me in a cab. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. I could
force her to listen to my explanation.
"I received your note," I began. "It was cruel and without justice."
Her chin went up a degree.
"The worst criminal is not condemned without a hearing, and I have had
none."
No perceptible movement.
"We are none of us infallible in keeping appointments. We are liable to
make mistakes occasionally. Had I known that Tuesday night was the night
of the dance I'd have crossed to Jersey in a rowboat."
The chin remained precipitously inclined.
"I am poor, and the case involved some of my bread and butter. The work
was done at ten, and even then I did not discover that I had in any way
affronted you. I had it down in my note-book as Wednesday night."
The lips above the chin curled slightly.
"You see," I went on, striving to keep my voice even-toned, "my uncle is
rich, but I ask no odds of him. I live entirely upon what I earn at law.
It's the only way I can maintain my individuality, my self-respect and
independence. My uncle has often expressed his desire to make me a
handsome allowance, but what would be the use ... now?"--bitterly.
The chin moved a little. It was too dark to see what this movement
expressed.
"It seems that I am only a very unfortunate fellow."
"You had given me your promise."
"I know it."
"Not that I cared,"--with cat-like cruelty; "but I lost the last train
out while waiting for you. Not even a note to warn me! Not the slightest
chance to find an escort! When a man gives his promise to a lady it does
not seem possible that he could forget it ... if he cared to keep it."
"I tell you honestly that I mixed the dates." How weak my excuses
seemed, now that they had passed my lips!
"You are sure that you mixed nothing else?"--ironically. (She afterward
apologized for this.) "It appears that it would have been better to come
alone."
"I regret I did not give you the address."
"It is not too late."
"I never retreat from any position I have taken."
"Indeed?"
Then both our chins assumed an acute angle and remained thus. When a
woman is angry she is about as reasonable as a frightened horse; when a
man is angry he longs to hit something or smoke a cigar. Imagine my
predicament!
When the cab reached Washington Place and came to a stand I spoke again.
"Shall I take the hat in, or will you?"
"We shall go together."
Ah, if only I had had the courage to say: "I would it were for ever!"
But I feared that it wouldn't take.
I rang the bell, and presently a maid opened the door.
"Is Monsieur de Beausire in?" I asked.
"No, sir, he is not," the maid answered civilly.
"Do you know where he may be found?"
"If you have a bill you may leave it,"--frostily and with sudden
suspicion.
There was a smothered sound from behind me, and I flushed angrily.
"I am not a bill-collector."
"Oh; it's the second day of the month, you know. I thought perhaps you
were."
"He has in his possession a hat which does not belong to him."
"Good gracious, he hasn't been _stealing_? I don't believe"--making as
though to shut the door.
This was too much, and I laughed. "No, my girl; he hasn't been stealing.
But, being absent-minded, he has taken another man's hat, and I am
bringing his home in hopes of getting the one he took by mistake."
"Oh!" And the maid laughed shrilly.
I held out the hat.
"My land! that's his hat, sure enough. I was wondering what made him
look so funny when he went out."
"Where has he gone?" came sharply over my shoulder.
"If you will wait," said the maid good-naturedly, "I will inquire."
We waited. So far as I was concerned, I hoped he was miles away, and
that we might go on riding for hours and hours. The maid returned soon.
"He has gone to meet the French consul at Mouquin's."
"Which one?" I asked. "There are two, one down and one up town."
"I'm sure I don't know. You can leave the hat and your card."
"Thank you; we shall retain the hat. If we find monsieur he will need
it."
"I'm sorry," said the maid sympathetically. "He's the worst man you ever
saw for forgetting things. Sometimes he goes right by the house and has
to walk back."
"I'm sorry to have bothered you," said I; and the only girl in the world
and myself reëntered the cab.
"This is terrible!" she murmured as we drove off.
"It might be worse," I replied, thinking of the probable long ride with
her: perhaps the last I should ever take!
"How could it be!"
I had nothing to offer, and subsided for a space.
"If we should not find him!"
"I'll sit on his front stoop all night.... Forgive me if I sound
flippant; but I mean it." Snow was in the air, and I considered it a
great sacrifice on my part to sit on a cold stone in the small morning
hours. It looks flippant in print, too, but I honestly meant it. "I am
sorry. You are in great trouble of some sort, I know; and there's
nothing in the world I would not do to save you from this trouble. Let
me take you home and continue the search alone. I'll find him if I have
to search the whole town."
"We shall continue the search together,"--wearily.
What had she written to this other fellow? _Did_ she love some one else
and was she afraid that I might learn who it was? My heart became as
lead in my bosom. I simply could not lose this charming creature. And
now, how was I ever to win her?
It was not far up town to the restaurant, and we made good time.
"Would you know him if you saw him?" she asked as we left the cab.
"Not the least doubt of it,"--confidently.
She sighed, and together we entered the restaurant. It was full of
theater-going people, music and the hum of voices. We must have created
a small sensation, wandering from table to table, from room to room, the
girl with a look of dread and weariness on her face, and I with the
Frenchman's hat grasped firmly in my hand and my brows scowling. If I
hadn't been in love it would have been a fine comedy. Once I surprised
her looking toward the corner table near the orchestra. How many joyous
Sunday dinners we had had there! Heigh-ho!
"Is that he?" she whispered, clutching my arm of a sudden, her gaze
directed to a near-by table.
I looked and shook my head.
"No; my Frenchman had a mustache and a goatee."
Her hand dropped listlessly. I confess to the thought that it must have
been very trying for her. What a plucky girl she was! She held me in
contempt, and yet she clung to me, patiently and unmurmuring. And I had
lost her!
"We may have to go down town.... No! as I live, there he is now!"
"Where?" There was half a sob in her throat.
"The table by the short flight of stairs ... the man just lighting the
cigarette. I'll go alone."
"But I can not stand here alone in the middle of the floor...."
I called a waiter. "Give this lady a chair for a moment;" and I dropped
a coin in his palm. He bowed, and beckoned for her to follow.... Women
are always writing fool things, and then moving Heaven and earth to
recall them.
"Monsieur de Beausire?" I said.
Beausire glanced up.
"Oh, eet ees ... I forget zee name?"
I told him.
"I am delight'!" he cried joyfully, as if he had known me all my life.
"Zee chair; be seat'...."
"Thank you, but it's about the hats."
"Hats?"
"Yes. It seems that the hat I gave you belongs to another man. In your
haste you did not notice the mistake. _This_ is your hat,"--producing
the shining tile.
"_Mon Dieu!_" he gasped, seizing the hat; "eet _ees_ mine! See! I bring
heem from France; zee _nom_ ees mine. _V'là!_ And I nevaire look in zee
uzzer hat! I am _pair_fickly dumfound'!" And his astonishment was
genuine.
"Where is the other hat: the one I gave you?" I was in a great hurry.
"I have heem here," reaching to the vacant chair at his side, while the
French consul eyed us both with some suspicion. We _might_ be lunatics.
Beausire handed me the benevolent old gentleman's hat, and the burden
dropped from my shoulders. "Eet ees _such_ a meestake! I laugh; eh?" He
shook with merriment. "I wear _two_ hats and not know zee meestake!"
I thanked him and made off as gracefully as I could. The girl rose as
she saw me returning. When I reached her side she was standing with her
slender body inclined toward me. She stretched forth a hand and solemnly
I gave her Mr. Chittenden's hat. I wondered vaguely if anybody was
looking at us, and, if so, what he thought of us.
The girl pulled the hat literally inside out in her eagerness; but her
gloved fingers trembled so that the precious letter fluttered to the
floor. We both stooped, but I was quicker. It was no attempt on my part
to see the address; my act was one of common politeness. But I could not
help seeing the name. It was my own!
"Give it to me!" she cried breathlessly.
I did so. I was not, at that particular moment, capable of doing
anything else. I was too bewildered. My own name! She turned, hugging
the hat, the legal documents and the letter, and hurried down the main
stairs, I at her heels.
"Tell the driver my address; I can return alone."
"I can not permit that," I objected decidedly. "The driver is a stranger
to us both. I insist on seeing you to the door; after that you may rest
assured that I shall no longer inflict upon you my presence, odious as
it doubtless is to you."
As she was already in the cab and could not get out without aid, I
climbed in beside her and called the street and number to the driver.
"Legally the letter is mine; it is addressed to me, and had passed out
of your keeping."
"You shall never, never have it!"--vehemently.
"It is not necessary that I should," I replied; "for I vaguely
understand."
I saw that it was all over. There was now no reason why I should not
speak my mind fully.
"I can understand without reading. You realized that your note was cruel
and unlike anything you had done, and your good heart compelled you to
write an apology; but your pride got the better of you, and upon second
thought you concluded to let the unmerited hurt go on."
"Will you kindly stop, the driver, or shall I?"
"Does truth annoy you?"
"I decline to discuss truth with you. Will you stop the driver?"
"Not until we reach Seventy-first Street West."
"By what right--"
"The right of a man who loves you. There, it is out, and my pride has
gone down the wind. After to-night I shall trouble you no further. But
every man has the right to tell one woman that he loves her; and I love
you. I loved you the moment I first laid eyes on you. I couldn't help
it. I say this to you now because I perceive how futile it is. What
dreams I have conjured up about you! Poor fool! When I was at work your
face was always crossing the page or peering up from the margins. I
never saw a fine painting that I did not think of you, or heard a fine
piece of music that I did not think of your voice."
There was a long interval of silence; block after block went by. I never
once looked at her.
"If I had been rich I should have put it to the touch some time ago; but
my poverty seems to have been fortunate; it has saved me a refusal. In
some way I have mortally offended you; how, I can not imagine. It can
not be simply because I innocently broke an engagement."
Then she spoke.
"You dined after the theater that night with a comic-opera singer. You
were quite at liberty to do so, only you might have done me the honor to
notify me that you had made your choice of entertainment."
So it was out! Decidedly it was all over now. I never could explain away
the mistake.
"I have already explained to you my unfortunate mistake. There was and
is no harm that I can see in dining with a woman of her attainments. But
I shall put up no defense. You have convicted me. I retract nothing I
have said. I _do_ love you."
I was very sorry for myself.
Cabby drew up. I alighted, and she silently permitted me to assist her
down. I expected her immediately to mount the steps. Instead, she
hesitated, the knuckle of a forefinger against her lips, and assumed the
thoughtful pose of one who contemplates two courses.
"Have you a stamp?" she asked finally.
"A stamp?"--blankly.
"Yes; a postage-stamp."
I fumbled in my pocket and found, luckily, a single pink square, which I
gave to her. She moistened it with the tip of her tongue and ... stuck
it on the letter!
"Now, please, drop this in the corner box for me, and take this hat over
to Mr. Chittenden's--Sixty-ninth."
"What--"
"Do as I say, or I shall ask you to return the letter to me."
I rushed off toward the letter-box, drew down the lid, and deposited the
letter--my letter. When I turned she was running up the steps, and a
second later she had disappeared.
I hadn't been so happy in all my life!
Cabby waited at the curb.
Suddenly I became conscious that I was holding something in my hand. It
was the benevolent old gentleman's stovepipe hat!
* * * * *
I pushed the button: pushed it good and hard. Presently I heard a window
open cautiously.
"What is it?" asked a querulous voice.
"Mr. Chittenden?"
"Yes."
"Well, here's your hat!" I cried.
LITIGATION
BY BILL ARP
The fust case I ever had in a Justice Court I emploid old Bob Leggins,
who was a sorter of a self-eddicated fool. I giv him two dollars in
advanse, and he argud the case as I thot, on two sides, and was more
luminus agin me than for me. I lost the case, and found out atterwards
that the defendant had employed Leggins atter I did, and gin him five
dollars to lose my case. I look upon this as a warnin' to all klients to
pay big fees and keep your lawyer out of temtashun.