ON DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.
Whenever the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will be
allowed, that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that, by
seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and all
our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.
Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing, and whose nervous system is
tender and excitable, need much more amusement, than persons of mature
age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities and
duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement, need
recreations which secure physical exercise, and draw off the mind from
absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least
resort to amusements, while the idle, gay, and thoughtless, seek those
which are needless, and for which useful occupation would be a most
beneficial substitute.
As the only legitimate object of amusements, is, to prepare mind and
body for the proper discharge of duty, any protracting of such as
interfere with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or
weary the mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.
In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following
rules are binding. In the first place, no amusements, which inflict
needless pain, should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright, or
vexation, and all sports, which involve suffering to animals, should be
utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never be
justified. If a man can convince his children, that he follows these
pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example may
not be very injurious. But, when children see grown persons kill and
frighten animals, for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings of
tenderness and benevolence, are induced.
In the next place, we should seek no recreations, which endanger life,
or interfere with important duties. As the only legitimate object of
amusements, is to promote health, and prepare for more serious duties,
selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency, cannot be
justified. Of course, if a person feel that the previous day's
diversions have shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a
lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain
that an evil has been done, which should never be repeated.
A third rule, is, to avoid those amusements, which experience has shown
to be so exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be
pernicious in tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It
is on this ground, that horse-racing and circus-riding are excluded. Not
because there is any thing positively wrong, in having men and horses
run, and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for the
diversion; but because experience has shown so many evils connected with
these recreations, that they should be relinquished. So with theatres.
The enacting of characters, and the amusement thus afforded, in itself
may be harmless; and possibly, in certain cases, might be useful: but
experience has shown so many evils to result from this source, that it
is deemed wrong to patronize it. So, also, with those exciting games of
chance, which are employed in gambling.
Under the same head, comes _dancing_, in the estimation of the great
majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent,
excellent, and conscientious persons, who hold a contrary opinion. Such
maintain, that it is an innocent and healthful amusement, tending to
promote ease of manners, cheerfulness, social affection, and health of
mind and body; that evils are involved only in its excess; that, like
food, study, or religious excitement, it is only wrong, when not
properly regulated; and that, if serious and intelligent people would
strive to regulate, rather than banish, this amusement, much more good
would be secured.
On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in itself
considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that it would
be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it does not
tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and mind, to grace
of manners, and to social enjoyment: all these things are conceded. But
it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing, card-playing, and
theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as they
_are_, and not as they _might_ be. Horseraces might be so managed, as
not to involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and every other vice. And
so might theatres and cards. And if serious and intelligent persons,
undertook to patronize these, in order to regulate them, perhaps they
would be somewhat raised from the depths, to which they are now sunk.
But such persons, know, that, with the weak sense of moral obligation
existing in the mass of society, and the imperfect ideas mankind have of
the proper use of amusements, and the little self-control, which men, or
women, or children, practise, these will not, in fact, be
thus-regulated. And they believe dancing to be liable to the same
objections.
As this recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce
health of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went
out to dance together, in the open air, as the French peasants do, it
would be a very different sort of amusement, from that which is
witnessed, in a room, furnished with many lights, and filled with
guests, both expending the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the
young collect, in their tightest dresses, to protract, for several
hours, a kind of physical exertion, which is not habitual to them.
During this process, the blood is made to circulate more swiftly than
ordinary, in circumstances where it is less perfectly oxygenized than
health requires; the pores of the skin are excited by heat and
exercise; the stomach is loaded with indigestible articles, and the
quiet, needful to digestion, withheld; the diversion is protracted
beyond the usual hour for repose; and then, when the skin is made the
most highly susceptible to damps and miasms, the company pass from a
warm room to the cold night-air. It is probable, that no single
amusement can be pointed out, combining so many injurious particulars,
as this, which is so often defended as a healthful one. Even if parents,
who train their children to dance, can keep them from public balls,
(which is seldom the case,) dancing in private parlors is subject to
nearly all the same mischievous influences.
As to the claim of social benefits,--when a dancing-party occupies the
parlors, and the music begins, most of the conversation ceases; while
the young prepare themselves for future sickness, and the old look
smilingly on.
As to the claim for ease and grace of manners,--all that is gained, by
this practice, can be better secured, by Calisthenics, which, in all its
parts, embraces a much more perfect system, both of healthful exercise,
graceful movement, and pleasing carriage.
The writer was once inclined to the common opinion, that dancing was
harmless, and might be properly regulated; and she allowed a fair trial
to be made, under her auspices, by its advocates. The result was, a full
conviction, that it secured no good effect, which could not be better
gained another way; that it involved the most pernicious evils to
health, character, and happiness; and that those parents were wise, who
brought up their children with the full understanding that they were
neither to learn nor to practise the art. In the fifteen years, during
which she has had the care of young ladies, she has never known any
case, where learning this art, and following the amusement, did not have
a bad effect, either on the habits, the intellect, the feelings, or the
health. Those young ladies, who are brought up with less exciting
recreations, are uniformly likely to be the most contented and most
useful, while those, who enter the path to which this diversion leads,
acquire a relish and desire for high excitement, which make the more
steady and quiet pursuits and enjoyments of home, comparatively
tasteless. This, the writer believes to be generally the case, though
not invariably so; for there are exceptions to all general rules.
In reference to these exciting amusements, so liable to danger and
excess, parents are bound to regard the principle, which is involved in
the petition, "Lead us not into temptation." Would it not be
inconsistent, to teach this prayer, to the lisping tongue of childhood,
and then send it to the dancing-master, to acquire a love for a
diversion, which leads to constant temptations that so few find strength
to resist?
It is encouraging, to those who take this view of the subject, to find
how fast the most serious and intelligent portion of the community is
coming to a similar result. Twenty-five years ago, dancing was
universally practised by the young, as a matter of course, in every part
of the Nation. Now, in those parts of the Country, where religion and
intelligence are most extensively diffused, it is almost impossible to
get up a ball, among the more refined classes of the community. The
amusement is fast leaving this rank in society, to remain as a resource
for those, whose grade of intelligence and refinement does not relish
more elevated recreations. Still, as there is great diversity of
opinion, among persons of equal worth and intelligence, a spirit of
candor and courtesy should be practised, on both sides. The sneer at
bigotry and narrowness of views, on one side, and the uncharitable
implication of want of piety, or sense, on the other, are equally
illbred and unchristian. Truth, on this subject, is best promoted, not
by ill-natured crimination and rebuke, but by calm reason, generous
candor, forbearance, and kindness.
There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the
religious world have been accustomed to put under the same condemnation
as the preceding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of
opinion on this subject, have arisen from a want of clear and definite
distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and
what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and
exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting
them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of
imagination, which belong to the class of narratives. That this species
of reading, is not only lawful, but necessary and useful, is settled by
Divine examples, in the parables and allegories of Scripture. Of course,
the question must be, what kind of fabulous writings must be avoided,
and what allowed. In deciding this, no specific rules can be given; but
it must be a matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances of
each case. No works of fiction, which tend to throw the allurements of
taste and genius around vice and crime, should ever be tolerated; and
all that tend to give false views of life and duty, should also be
banished. Of those, which are written for mere amusement, presenting
scenes and events that are interesting and exciting, and having no bad
moral influence, much must depend on character and circumstances. Some
minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have the imagination
stimulated: such would be benefitted by this kind of reading. Others
have quick and active imaginations, and would be as much injured. Some
persons are often so engaged in absorbing interests, that any thing
innocent, which will for a short time draw off the mind, is of the
nature of a medicine; and, in such cases, this kind of reading is
useful.
There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the
current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger.
For this purpose, it is more suitable for _editors_, _clergymen_, and
_teachers_, to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of
persons; for they are the guardians of the public weal, in matters of
literature, and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons
of the evils in one direction and the good in another. In doing this,
however, they are bound to go on the same principles which regulate
physicians, when they visit infected districts,--using every precaution
to prevent injury to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious
exposures, as a benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully
employing all the knowledge and opportunities, thus gained, for warning
and preserving others. There is much danger, in taking this course, that
men will seek the excitement of the imagination, for the mere pleasure
it affords, under the plea of preparing to serve the public, when this
is neither the aim nor the result.
In regard to the use of such works, by the young, as a general rule,
they ought not to be allowed to any, except those of a dull and
phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are secured,
and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these stimulating
condiments in literature be freely used, in youth, all relish for more
solid reading, will, in a majority of cases, be destroyed. If parents
succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience, it will
be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading of any
story-book, until the consent of the parent is obtained.
It is not unfrequently the case, that advocates for dancing, and the
other more exciting amusements, speak as if those, who were more strict
in these matters, were aiming to deprive the young of all diversions;
just as if, when cards, theatres, and dancing, are cut off, nothing
remains but serious and severe duties. Perhaps there has been some just
ground of objection to the course often pursued by parents, in
neglecting to provide agreeable and suitable substitutes, for the
amusements denied; but, there is a great abundance of safe, healthful,
and delightful, recreations, which all parents may secure for their
children. Some of these will here be pointed out.
One of the most useful and important, is, the cultivation of flowers and
fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly
promotive of health and amusement. It is with the hope, that many young
ladies, whose habits are now so formed, that they can never be induced
to a course of active domestic exercise, so long as their parents are
able to hire domestics, may yet be led to an employment, which will tend
to secure health and vigor of constitution, that so much space is given,
in this work, to directions for the cultivation of fruits and flowers.
It would be a most desirable improvement, if all female schools could be
furnished with suitable grounds, and instruments, for the cultivation of
fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered, to engage the young
ladies in this pursuit. No father, who wishes to have his daughters grow
up to be healthful women, can take a surer method to secure this end.
Let him set apart a portion of his yard and garden, for fruits and
flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and all
the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would need
to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble, or garden trowel, a
watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds, roots,
buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling expense. Then,
with proper encouragement, and by the aid of such directions as are
contained in this work, every man, who has even half an acre, could
secure a small Eden around his premises.
In pursuing this amusement, children can also be led to acquire many
useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and
if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds
and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent
and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children to
share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well as
to distribute roots and seeds to those, who have not the means of
procuring them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds, or slips, or roots,
to a washerwoman, or a farmer's boy, thus exciting them to love and
cultivate fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of
enjoyment in minds, which have few resources more elevated than mere
physical enjoyments. Our Saviour directs, in making feasts, to call, not
the rich, who can recompense again, but the poor, who can make no
returns. So children should be taught to dispense their little
treasures, not alone to companions and friends, who will probably return
similar favors; but to those who have no means of making any return. If
the rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of taste, and have the
means to gratify it, would aim to extend, among the poor, the cheap and
simple enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our Country would soon literally
"blossom as the rose."
If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and
send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest
florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they could
divide these among themselves, so as to secure an abundant variety, at a
very small expense. A bag of flower-seeds, which can be obtained, at
wholesale, for four cents, would abundantly supply a whole neighborhood;
and, by the gathering of seeds, in the Autumn, could be perpetuated.
Another very elevating and delightful recreation, for the young, is
found in _music_. Here, the writer would protest against the common
practice, in many families, of having the daughters learn to play on the
piano, whether they have a taste and an ear for music, or not. A young
lady, who cannot sing, and has no great fondness for music, does nothing
but waste time, money, and patience, in learning to play on the piano.
But all children can be taught to sing, in early childhood, if the
scientific mode of teaching music, in schools, could be introduced, as
it is in Prussia, Germany, and Switzerland. Then, young children could
read and sing music, as easily as they can read language; and might take
any tune, dividing themselves into bands, and sing off, at sight, the
endless variety of music which is prepared. And if parents of wealth
would take pains to have teachers qualified for the purpose, as they may
be at the Boston Academy, and other similar institutions, who should
teach all the young children in the community, much would be done for
the happiness and elevation of the rising generation. This is an
amusement, which children relish, in the highest degree; and which they
can enjoy, at home, in the fields, and in visits abroad.
Another domestic amusement, is, the collecting of shells, plants, and
specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets. If
intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have been
prepared for the young, and study them, with their children, a _taste_
for such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has seen young
boys, of eight and ten years of age, gathering and cleaning shells from
rivers, and collecting plants, and mineralogical specimens, with a
delight, bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who, by proper
influences, would not find this a source of ceaseless delight and
improvement.
Another resource, for family diversion, is to be found in the various
games played by children, and in which the joining of older members of
the family is always a great advantage to both parties. All medical men
unite, in declaring that nothing is more beneficial to health, than
hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator would not have
provided risibles, and made it a source of health and enjoyment to use
them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a tendency to
asceticism, on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such commands,
as forbid _foolish_ laughing and jesting, "_which are not convenient_;"
and which forbid all idle words, and vain conversation, cannot apply to
any thing, except what is foolish, vain, and useless. But jokes,
laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends only to
promote health, social feelings, and happiness, are neither vain,
foolish, nor "not convenient." It is the excess of these things, and not
the moderate use of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper
of the mind, should be cheerful, yet serious; but there are times, when
relaxation and laughter are proper for all. There is nothing better for
this end, than that parents and older persons should join in the sports
of childhood. Mature minds can always make such diversions more
entertaining to children, and can exert a healthful moral influence over
their minds; and, at the same time, can gain exercise and amusement for
themselves. How lamentable, that so many fathers, who could be thus
useful and happy with their children, throw away such opportunities, and
wear out soul and body, in the pursuit of gain or fame!
Another resource for children, is in the exercise of mechanical skill.
Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to make
wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute both
to the physical, moral, and social, improvement of their children. And
in regard to little daughters, much more can be done, in this way, than
many would imagine. The writer, blessed with the example of a most
ingenious and industrious mother, had not only learned, before the age
of twelve, to make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut and fit
and sew every article, that belongs to a doll's wardrobe. This, which
was done for mere amusement, secured such a facility in mechanical
pursuits, that, ever afterward, the cutting and fitting of any article
of dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire ease.
When a little girl first begins to sew, her mother can promise her a
small bed and pillows, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them;
and then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for
pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made the
under garments; and thus go on, till the whole contents of the
baby-house are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus,
the task of learning to sew, will become a pleasure; and every new toy
will be earned by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the
aid of patterns prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles
necessary for her doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub,
and irons, to wash and iron, and thus keep in proper order a complete
miniature domestic establishment.
Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in walking,
riding, visiting, and many others which need not be recounted. Children,
if trained to be healthful and industrious, will never fail to discover
resources of amusement; while their guardians should lend their aid to
guide and restrain them from excess.
There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice, in this
Nation, in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many
sensible and conscientious men, spend all their time, abroad, in
business, except, perhaps, an hour or so at night, when they are so
fatigued, as to be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment.
And some of the most conscientious men in the Country, will add, to
their professional business, public or benevolent enterprises, which
demand time, effort, and money; and then excuse themselves for
neglecting all care of their children, and efforts for their own
intellectual improvement, or for the improvement of their families, by
the plea, that they have no time for it. All this, arises from the want
of correct notions of the binding obligation of our social and domestic
duties. The main object of life, is not to secure the various
gratifications of appetite or taste, but to _form such a character_, for
ourselves and others, as will secure the greatest amount of present and
future happiness. It is of far more consequence, then, that parents
should be intelligent, social, affectionate, and agreeable, at home, and
to their friends, than that they should earn money enough to live in a
large house, and have handsome furniture. It is far more needful, for
children, that a father should attend to the formation of their
character and habits, and aid in developing their social, intellectual,
and moral nature, than it is, that he should earn money to furnish them
with handsome clothes, and a variety of tempting food.
It will be wise for those parents, who find little time to attend to
their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic and
social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public cares
or benevolent objects, to inquire, whether their first duty is not to
train up their own families, to be useful members of society. A man, who
neglects the mind and morals of his children, to take care of the
public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation, to
that of him, who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has
"denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
There are husbands and fathers, who conscientiously subtract time from
their business, to spend at home, in reading with their wives and
children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and improve.
The children of such parents will grow up with a love of home and
kindred, which will be the greatest safeguard against future
temptations, as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.
There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up
family attachments, after the children are scattered abroad; and, in
some cases, secure the means for doing this, by saving money, which
would otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress. Some
families have adopted, for this end, a practice, which if widely
imitated, would be productive of extensive benefit. The method is this.
On the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each
extreme point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of a
page. This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add
another contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family
circular, once a month, goes from each extreme, to all the members of a
widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the joys,
sorrows, plans, and pursuits, of all the rest. At the same time,
frequent family meetings are sought; and the expense, thus incurred, is
cheerfully met by retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of
some unnecessary physical indulgence, (such, for instance, as the use of
tea and coffee,) will often purchase many social and domestic
enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful, than the
retrenched luxury.
There is no social duty, which the Supreme Lawgiver more strenuously
urges, than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed with
the widow and the fatherless, as the special objects of Divine
tenderness. There are some reasons, why this duty peculiarly demands
attention from the American people.
Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected, and
the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many in
every part of the Country, who, having seen all their temporal plans and
hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted
comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society, so
needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and
lonely, with no comforter but Him who "knoweth the heart of a stranger."
Whenever, therefore, new comers enter a community, inquiry should
immediately be made, whether they have friends and associates, to render
sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need for it, the
ministries of kind neighborhood should immediately be offered. And it
should be remembered, that the first days of a stranger's sojourn, are
the most dreary, and that civility and kindness are doubled in value, by
being offered at an early period.
In social gatherings, the claims of the stranger are too apt to be
forgotten; especially, in cases where there are no peculiar attractions
of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such a one should
be treated with attention, _because he is a stranger_; and when
communities learn to act more from principle, and less from selfish
impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the stranger will be less
frequently forgotten.
The most agreeable hospitality, to visiters, who become inmates of a
family, is, that which puts them entirely at ease. This can never be the
case, where the guest perceives that the order of family arrangements is
essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and convenience are
sacrificed, for his accommodation.
Offering the best to visiters, showing a polite regard to every wish
expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort and
convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which makes
the stranger feel at home; and this is the perfection of hospitable
entertainment.