Written and Composed by HERBERT HARRADEN.
_Characters:_
HYACINTHIA The Fairy of the Dell.
FAIRY GOVERNESS (Elderly looking).
FLIBBIE An Elf.
ALICE A Mortal Child.
Fairies and Elves in attendance on HYACINTHIA (but these can be dispensed with).
_Introduction:_ Play the Accompaniment of No. 3 for the Introduction.
_Scene: A DELL._
_Enter FAIRY GOVERNESS._
No. 1. SAD AND SORROWFUL.
(SONG.--GOVERNESS.)
[Music]
1. For me the sun doth ne - ver shine,
For me there is no peace,
A wea - ry, drea - ry lot is mine,
My troubles nev - er cease,
A wea - ry, drea - ry lot is mine,
My troubles nev - er cease.
A stranger to joy and glee,
With ne - ver a mo - ment free,
There’s rest for me ne - ver,
For ev - er and ev - er
A Go - ver - ness I must be,
A sad and sor - row - ful, tired - out
Go - ver - ness I must ev - er be.
2. And will the sun ne’er shine a - gain
As in the days of yore?
Ah, no! my hopes _have_ been in vain,
And will be ev - er - more.
Ah, no! my hopes _have_ been in vain,
And will be ev - er - more.
A stranger to joy and glee,
With ne - ver a mo - ment free,
There’s rest for me ne - ver,
For ev - er and ev - er
A Go - ver - ness I must be,
A sad and sor - row - ful, tired - out
Go - ver - ness I must ev - er be.
GOV. (_sitting down_). Ah! it is a cruel punishment! Once I was
a mortal child, but that was years ago, and when I came
into Hyacinth Dell I was made a Fairy, and was appointed
Governess to the most trying and perverse Elf in all Fairy
Land. I don’t dare to think that _I_ was as trying and
perverse to _my_ Governess. She told me that this Dell was
enchanted, and forbade me to enter it, and only when it
was _too late_ did I regret my disobedience. Here comes my
precious pupil.
_Enter FLIBBIE._
GOV. Now, Flibbie, late again! You are always unpunctual. It is
very wrong to be unpunctual. Come here at once!
FLIB. (_slyly_). Please, Governess, is it worse to be unpunctual
than disobedient?
GOV. Whatever you do that is not right is wrong.
FLIB. That is rather an artful answer.
GOV. How dare you speak to me like that?
FLIB. (_laughs slyly_).
GOV. Don’t laugh!
FLIB. (_serious_). I’m not laughing.
GOV. But you _were_ laughing. And how many times have I told you
not to twiddle your thumbs?
FLIB. I really don’t know, Governess; it never occurred to me to
count.
GOV. We will commence with History. How was William Rufus killed?
FLIB. With an arrow.
GOV. There’s a good Flibbie! You see you _can_ be good if you
try. And who killed him?
FLIB. A sparrow.
GOV. A sparrow?
FLIB. Yes, Governess. “I, said the sparrow, with my bow and
arrow.” Shakespeare!
GOV. But I was asking about William Rufus.
FLIB. Oh, I beg your pardon, Governess, I thought you were asking
about Cock Robin. Of course, William Rufus was killed by
Sir Walter Squirrel.
GOV. “Sir Walter” is right, Flibbie, but not “Squirrel.”
FLIB. Oh, I beg your pardon, Governess, I saw one on that
oak-tree, and it diverted my thoughts. Of course, it was
Sir Walter Tyrrel.
GOV. Quite right, Flibbie. And why was William called Rufus?
FLIB. On account of the colour of his hair.
GOV. And what colour was his hair?
FLIB. Blue; and he had a big beard of the same colour, and he
had ever so many wives, and he cut off their heads, and,
and--hung them up in the drawing-room, and locked the
door--and----
GOV. No, no, Flibbie! You are thinking of Blue Beard. What
colour was the hair of William Rufus?
FLIB. Green.
GOV. No.
FLIB. Magenta.
GOV. No.
FLIB. Vandyke brown.
GOV. No.
FLIB. Crimson lake.
GOV. Oh, Flibbie, how trying you are!
FLIB. Pink.
GOV. No.
FLIB. Vermilion.
GOV. No.
FLIB. I recollect, now. Red.
GOV. Quite right, Flibbie.
FLIB. And for this reason the boys at school called him
“Carrots.”
GOV. I don’t think that’s in history, Flibbie.
FLIB. Then, please, Governess, I think it ought to be.
GOV. Now for Geography. What is an Island?
FLIB. An Island is a piece of water surrounded by land.
GOV. Oh, Flibbie, how _can_ you be so irritating? I must insist
upon knowing what an Island is.
FLIB. Don’t you know? As you are a Governess, you ought to know.
GOV. Of course I know, but I want you to tell me what an Island
is, so that _I_ may know that _you_ know.
FLIB. An Island is a piece of land surrounded by water.
GOV. Quite right! Why didn’t you say that at first?
FLIB. Didn’t I?
GOV. Flibbie, you know you didn’t. What is Sheffield celebrated
for?
FLIB. For the crocodiles that infest its shores.
GOV. Flibbie, your behaviour is shameful.
FLIB. Oh, I beg your pardon, Governess, that’s the answer to
“What is the Nile celebrated for?” Sheffield is celebrated
for its cutlets.
GOV. For its cutlets?
FLIB. I beg your pardon, Governess, I meant cutlery.
GOV. And now for Grammar. What is Grammar?
FLIB. A nuisance.
GOV. I don’t want your opinion of Grammar, Flibbie, I want your
definition of it.
FLIB. Please, Governess, I cannot give _my_ definition of it, but
I can give Webster’s.
GOV. Very well, Flibbie.
FLIB. Grammar is “the science of language; the theory of human
speech; the study of forms of speech, and their relations
to one another.”
GOV. Very good indeed, Flibbie. Now, what is a Conjunction?
FLIB. It is a place where different lines of railways meet.
There’s one at Clapham.
GOV. No, Flibbie, you are thinking of a Junction. What is a
Conjunction?
FLIB. Oh, I beg your pardon! A Conjunction is “a connective or
connecting word; an indeclinable word which serves to unite
sentences, clauses of a sentence, or words.” Also Webster.
And, please, Governess, there is a little point of grammar
that has always puzzled me. Will you kindly explain it?
GOV. Certainly, Flibbie. What is it?
FLIB. Is it correct to say “Four and seven _is_ twelve,” or,
“Four and seven _are_ twelve”?
GOV. Why, of course, Flibbie, it is correct to say “Four and
seven _are_ twelve.”
FLIB. (_laughing_). Please, Governess, I’m sure it isn’t, for
four and seven are eleven. I caught you there!
GOV. Was there ever such an imp! Now for Spelling.
No. 2. SPELLING DUET.
(GOVERNESS AND FLIBBIE.)
[Music]
GOVERNESS.
1. How do you spell Cat?
FLIBBIE.
Please, Go - ver - ness, did you say Rat?
GOVERNESS.
No, I said Cat.
FLIBBIE.
I beg your par - don! I thought you said Rat.
GOVERNESS.
No, I said Cat!
FLIBBIE.
I thought you said Rat.
GOVERNESS.
Spell Cat!
FLIBBIE.
I can ea - si - ly do that.
K A T, Kat.
GOVERNESS.
You are so wil - ful and per - verse,
It’s real - ly ve - ry sad;
Each day you’re get - ting worse and worse,
And soon you’ll drive me mad!
FLIBBIE.
I’m ve - ry sor - ry, Go - ver - ness,
I real - ly _can’t_ be good;
How much I try you can - not guess,
I on - ly wish I could.
GOVERNESS.
2. How do you spell Fat?
FLIBBIE.
Please, Go - ver - ness, did you say Mat?
GOVERNESS.
No, I said Fat.
FLIBBIE.
Kind - ly ex - cuse me! I thought you said Mat.
GOVERNESS.
No, I said Fat!
FLIBBIE.
I thought you said Mat.
GOVERNESS.
Spell Fat!
FLIBBIE.
I can ea - si - ly do that.
P H A T, Phat.
GOVERNESS.
You are so wil - ful and per - verse,
It’s real - ly ve - ry sad;
Each day you’re get - ting worse and worse,
And soon you’ll drive me mad!
FLIBBIE.
I’m ve - ry sor - ry, Go - ver - ness,
I real - ly _can’t_ be good;
How much I try you can - not guess,
I real - ly wish I could,
How much I try you can - not guess,
I on - ly wish I could.
{GOVERNESS.}
{FLIBBIE. }
{You are so wil - ful and per - verse,}
{I’m ve - ry sor - ry, Go - ver - ness,}
{It’s real - ly ve - ry sad;}
{I real - ly _can’t_ be good;}
{Each day you’re get - ting worse and worse,}
{How much I try you can - not guess,}
{And soon you’ll drive me mad,}
{I real - ly wish I could,}
{Each day you’re get - ting worse and worse,}
{How much I try you can - not guess,}
{And soon you’ll drive me mad!}
{I on - ly wish I could.}
FLIB. Please, Governess, I’m tired of lessons. Take me for a
little walk.
GOV. Very well, Flibbie, but you must try to walk slower. I am
not so active as you are.
FLIB. I’ll try, Governess. (_Aside_) Won’t I lead her a dance!
That’s all.
GOV. Come along, then!
_Exeunt GOVERNESS and FLIBBIE._
_Enter ALICE._
No. 3. “I’M NOT TO DO THIS.”
(SONG.--ALICE.)
[Music]
1. I’ve es - caped from my Go - ver - ness! Oh, what a treat!
Some fault she has al - ways to find;
And when I get home, with a scold - ing I’ll meet,
But not in the least shall I mind.
She’ll be in a ter - ri - ble fright, I can tell,
But she’ll hunt for me vain - ly, I fear;
She for - bade me to en - ter this beau - ti - ful Dell,
And that is the rea - son I’m here.
I’m not to do this, I am to do that,
I’m grum - bled at all the day long;
What - ev - er I don’t do,
What - ev - er I do do,
I’m sure to be told it is wrong, wrong, wrong,
Ne - ver right, ne - ver right, al - ways wrong.
2. And this is the Dell that’s en - chant - ed, she said,
I’m sure it looks harm - less e - nough;
The sto - ry in some chil - dren’s book she has read,
So it must all be non - sense and stuff.
Of course she will say to me, “Where did you go?”
And the truth I will cer - tain - ly tell;
And then I can tease her and laugh at her so,
For be - liev - ing in Hy - a - cinth Dell.
I’m not to do this, I am to do that,
I’m grum - bled at all the day long;
What - ev - er I don’t do,
What - ev - er I do do,
I’m sure to be told it is wrong, wrong, wrong,
Ne - ver right, ne - ver right, al - ways wrong.
ALICE (_looking off_). But who is this coming so slowly along?
She certainly looks as if she wanted stirring up a bit.
_Enter GOVERNESS. ALICE retires to the back and listens._
GOV. (_sitting down_). I seem to get weaker and weaker and more
tired every day. I’m sure it is hard enough to have to take
Flibbie out for a walk, for he goes so fast on purpose, as
he knows that I am obliged to keep up with him; but when
it comes to have to run after him, it is intolerable. Of
course, if he gets into mischief, I get into trouble for
it; and as he is always getting into mischief, on purpose,
I am always getting into trouble. He’s run away and hidden
himself somewhere. I’ve hunted for him high and low, and
it’s almost time for his Euclid lesson. Oh, dear me! Who’d
be a Governess, a miserable Governess!
ALICE (_coming forward_). Oh, tell me that I have not heard
rightly. Tell me that you are _not_ a Governess.
GOV. (_rising_). A mortal child! Unhappy One! Why, oh, why did
you venture into Hyacinth Dell. I _am_ a Governess--a Fairy
Governess.
ALICE. Then what my Governess told me was true! Why didn’t I
believe her?
GOV. What did she tell you?
ALICE. She told me that this Dell was enchanted, and forbade me
to enter it.
GOV. History repeats itself. It was the same in my case.
ALICE. She told me of a child called Alice--and my name is Alice,
too--and how the other Alice lived with her parents in Ivy
Hall, where we are all living now; and my Governess told me
how the other Alice disobeyed her Governess and came into
this Dell, and how her parents never saw her again, and
how they both died broken-hearted, for she was their only
child, and was very dear to them. But I only laughed at her.
GOV. Poor child! There will be no more laughter for you. _I_ am
that other Alice.
_Enter FLIBBIE._
FLIB. Oh, there you are, Governess! I’ll report you for leaving
me during school time.
GOV. (_to ALICE_). This is my pupil.
FLIB. (_seeing ALICE_). Who’s this? What’s this? Why, it’s a
mortal child! Oh, naughty, naughty! Haven’t you put your
foot into it! (_dancing round her_). What fun, what fun!
ALICE. Oh, let me go! (_To GOVERNESS_) Help me to get away.
_Enter HYACINTHIA with ATTENDANTS._
HYA. No, Alice, that cannot be.
ALICE (_to HYACINTHIA_). Who are _you_?
_FLIBBIE seats himself at the side and silently expresses his delight
during the following Trio._
No. 4. THE PUNISHMENT.
(TRIO.--HYACINTHIA, FAIRY GOVERNESS, AND ALICE.)
[Music]
RECIT.--HYACINTHIA.
I am the Fai - ry of the Dell,
And on it there’s a spell!
A - lice! A - lice!
You know a - bout it well.
The words of your Go - ver - ness scorn - ing,
And heed - less of her warn - ing,
In - to my realms you’ve dared to stray,
And the pe - nal - ty you must pay.
ALICE.
This is a dream, a ter - ri - ble dream,
Ah! would that I could wake!
HYACINTHIA.
This is no dream, un - hap - py child!
All hope you must for - sake!
GOVERNESS (_to HYACINTHIA_).
Oh! save her from the grief in store!
Spare her, spare her, I im - plore!
Spare her, spare her, I im - plore!
HYACINTHIA (_to ALICE_)
1. Your Go - ver - ness was good and kind,
And pa - tient as could be;
But ah! how good and kind she was
You nev - er seemed to see.
You al - ways did your ve - ry best
To vex her in each way,
And e’en the slight - est wish of hers,
At once you’d dis - o - bey.
Such bit - ter pain as you have caus’d,
Now, A - lice, you shall know,
And com - ing ’neath my ma - gic power,
No mer - cy may I show.
HYACINTHIA (_to ALICE_)
2. Your dis - o - be - dience you will rue,
Your pun - ish - ment is great;
You’ll find it more than hard to bear,
So lis - ten to your fate.
From hence - forth it will be your task
To try to teach this elf,
Whom you will find as cru - el and
As wil - ful as your - self.
He’ll mock at you, and jeer at you,
And vain - ly you’ll com - plain,
And in this Dell as Go - ver - ness
For ev - er you’ll re - main.
{ALICE. }
{GOVERNESS.}
Spare {me, } I im - plore!
{her,}
Oh, spare {me, } I im - plore!
{her,}
HYACINTHIA.
No! in this Dell as Go - ver - ness,
{HYACINTHIA. }
{GOVERNESS & ALICE.}
{For ev - er you’ll re - main.}
{Oh, spare {her,} I im - plore!}
{me, }
FLIB. (_coming forward_). Well, this _has_ been a treat. I
haven’t enjoyed myself so much for ever so long.
ALICE (_to HYACINTHIA_). Oh, spare me!
HYA. Why should you be spared? Did you spare your poor, patient
Governess?
ALICE. Bitterly, most bitterly do I repent my conduct. Ah! let me
go back, and I will make up to her for the past.
HYA. It is too late.
FLIB. (_to ALICE_). Cry-Baby!
GOV. Shame on you, Flibbie! How unkind you are!
ALICE. And am I to remain in this Dell for ever?
HYA. For ever.
ALICE. Shall I never again see my parents, nor my sisters and
brother?
HYA. Never!
FLIB. Nor your pet rabbit, Cry-Baby.
GOV. Flibbie, how heartless you are! And besides, how do you
know that she has a pet rabbit?
FLIB. She looks that sort of girl.
HYA. (_to ALICE_). All that you hold dear is forfeited.
ALICE. Spare me! Forgive me!
HYA. I _would_ spare you, I _would_ forgive you, but I am
powerless to do so, except under one condition.
ALICE. Oh, what is it? I promise faithfully to perform any
condition.
HYA. I may not tell you. It is a secret entrusted to me, and
only to me, by the Queen of the Fairies.
GOV. (_to HYACINTHIA_). Mistress, have pity! Long, long ago,
when I was a mortal child I disobeyed my Governess and
came into Hyacinth Dell. For all these weary years I have
borne the bitter punishment of being Governess to this
Elf. I have lost every happiness, and there only remains
the memory of the bright and golden days of my childhood
to make me more unhappy still. Ah! do not doom poor Alice
to such a fate as mine. I know that by the laws of Fairy
Land the coming of this mortal child releases me from my
dreadful post. I know that she will have to fill this, and
that I shall be appointed to a lighter punishment; but
rather than that she should suffer as I have suffered, ah!
let me remain still a Governess, and set Alice free!
HYA. All your pleadings would have been in vain, but you
yourself, unknowingly, have fulfilled the condition. Your
loving words of self-denial have broken the charm, and
Alice is free.
ALICE. Free!
FLIB. Oh, I _am_ sorry! I was _so_ looking forward to having a
Cry-Baby for a new Governess. I’d have given her something
to cry for. Never mind! I’ll give the old Governess a worse
time of it.
ALICE (_to FLIBBIE_). You horrid little monster! (_To GOVERNESS_)
Oh, but this is too terrible! How can I leave you to all
this misery, and for my sake? I should always be thinking
of you. No! you shall not make this sacrifice for me. (_To
HYACINTHIA_) Fairy, forget what she has said, and give me
my punishment!
HYA. No, Alice, that cannot be, for the charm is broken! But be
comforted, for there is also happiness for her who has
restored you your happiness. (_To GOVERNESS_) Once having
been made a Fairy, you must always remain a Fairy, but the
memory of the days when you were a mortal child shall fade
away, and only glad thoughts shall be yours. You have aged
beneath your constant cares, but a Governess no longer, be
young once more, and let a bright raiment be in keeping
with your Future!
_HYACINTHIA waves her wand and a change comes over the FAIRY GOVERNESS.
She is now young looking, and she wears a glittering dress._
HYA. (_to GOVERNESS_). I appoint you to be Alice’s Good Fairy;
to watch over her, and to guide her lovingly all through
her life.
ALICE (_to GOVERNESS_). Ah! how beautiful you are, and as good as
you are beautiful!
HYA. Look your last on her, Alice, for you will never see her
again. When you have left Hyacinth Dell she will be
invisible to you, but she will always be with you, and you
will only _feel_ her presence.
FLIB. And what about _me_? Without any Governess to tease and
torment, life won’t be worth living.
HYA. Then, Flibbie, I will make it worth living. Your nature
shall change, and, from being the most wilful and perverse
Elf in Fairy Land, in future all the other Elves will look
upon you as a model of obedience, sweetness, and goodness,
in your new appointment as _aide-de-camp_ to Alice’s Good
Fairy.
FLIB. (_to GOVERNESS_). For the last time ask me to spell
something!
GOV. (_laughing_). No, Flibbie; you are sure to make a mistake
on purpose. I know your tricks.
FLIB. Ask me to spell “A phenomenally exquisite Dear.”
HYA. What a big word for such a little thing.
ALICE. I half think I couldn’t _pronounce_ that long word.
It must be at least twelve syllables; and I certainly
altogether think that no one could spell it.
FLIB. (_to ALICE_). I beg your pardon! _I_ can. (_To_ GOVERNESS)
Please, ask me to spell “A phenomenally exquisite Dear.”
GOV. Oh, Flibbie, Flibbie, I know perfectly well that you’ll
spell “phenomenally” with an F instead of with P H; and
“exquisite” with K S, instead of with an X; and as to
“Dear,” there are two ways of spelling it, and I don’t know
which one you mean.
FLIB. Please, ask me to spell it.
GOV. Very well, then. Spell “A phenomenally exquisite Dear.”
FLIB. (_embracing her_). Now hear me spell it, quite correctly,
and in _one_ letter.
GOV. In _one_ letter, Flibbie?