Apollodorus came in the other morning and announced to the Easy Chair that
it had been made by common consent arbiter of a dispute in a circle of
young men. "The question," said he, "is not a new one in itself, but it
constantly recurs, for it is the inquiry under what conditions a gentleman
may smoke in the presence of ladies."
The Easy Chair replied that it could not answer more pertinently than in
the words of the famous Princess Emilia, who, upon being asked by a youth
who was attending her in a promenade around the garden, "What should you
say if a gentleman asked to smoke as he walked with you?" replied, "It is
not supposable, for no gentleman would propose it."
Naturally that youth did not venture to light even a cigarette. Emilia had
parried his question so dexterously that, although the rebuke was stinging,
he could not even pretend to be offended. His question was merely a form of
saying, "I am about to smoke, and what have you to say?" That he asked the
question was evidence of a lingering persuasion, inherited from an ancestry
of gentlemen, that it was not seemly to puff tobacco smoke around a lady
with whom he was walking.
Apollodorus was silent for a moment, as if reflecting whether this anecdote
was to be regarded as a general judgment of the arbiter that a gentleman
will never smoke in the presence of a lady. But the Easy Chair broke in
upon his meditation with a question, "If you had a son, should you wish to
meet him smoking as he accompanied a lady upon the avenue? or, were you
the father of a daughter, should you wish to see her cavalier smoking as
he walked by her side? Upon your own theory of what is gentlemanly and
courteous and respectful and becoming in the manner of a man towards a
woman, should you regard the spectacle with satisfaction?"
"Well," replied Apollodorus, "isn't that rather a high-flying view? When
can a man smoke--"
"But you are not answering," interrupted the Easy Chair. "Of two youths
walking with your daughter, one of whom was smoking a cigarette, or a
cigar, or a pipe, as he attended her, and the other was not smoking, which
would seem to you the more gentlemanly?"
"The latter," said Apollodorus, promptly and frankly.
"It appears, then," returned the Easy Chair, assuming the Socratic manner,
"that there are circumstances under which a gentleman will not smoke in
the presence of a lady. But to answer your question directly, it is not
possible to prescribe an exact code, although certain conditions may be
definitely stated. For instance, a gentleman will not smoke while walking
with a lady in the street. He will not smoke while paying her an evening
visit in her drawing-room. He will not smoke while driving with her in the
Park."
It is significant of a radical change in manners that such rules can
be laid down, because formerly the question could not have arisen. The
grandfather of Apollodorus, who was the flower of courtesy, could no more
have smoked with a lady with whom he was walking or driving than he could
have attended her without a coat or collar. Yet manners change, and the
grandfather must not insist that those of his time were best because they
were those of his time. It is but a little while since that a gentleman
who appeared at a party without gloves would have been a "queer" figure.
But now should he wear gloves he would be remarked as unfamiliar with good
usage.
It does not argue a decline of courtesy that the Grandisonian compliment
and the ineffable bending over a lady's hand and respectful kissing of the
finger-tips have yielded to a simpler and less stately manner. The woman
of the minuet was not really more respected than the woman of the waltz.
However the word gentlemanly may be defined, it will not be questioned
that the quality which it describes is sympathetic regard for the feelings
of others and the manner which evinces it. The manner, of course, may be
counterfeited and put to base uses. To say that Lovelace has a gentlemanly
manner is not to say that he is a gentleman, but only that he has caught
the trick of a gentleman. To call him or Robert Macaire or Richard Turpin a
gentleman is to say only that he behaves as a gentleman behaves. But he is
not a gentleman, unless that word describes manners and nothing more.
This is the key to the question of Apollodorus. It is not easy to define a
gentleman, but it is perfectly easy to see that in his pleasures and in the
little indifferent practices of society the gentleman will do nothing which
is disagreeable to others. He certainly will not assume that a personal
gratification or indulgence must necessarily be pleasant to others, nor
will he make the selfish habits of others a plea for his own.
Apollodorus listened patiently, and then said slowly that he understood the
judgment to be that a gentleman would smoke in the presence of ladies only
when he knew that it was agreeable to them, but that, as the infinite grace
and courtesy of women often led them, as an act of self-denial, to persuade
themselves that what others wish to do ought not to annoy them, it was very
difficult to know whether the practice was or was not offensive to any
particular lady, and therefore--therefore--
The youth seemed to be unable to draw the conclusion.
"Therefore," said the mentor, "it is well to remember the old rule in
whist."
"Which is--?" asked Apollodorus.
"When in doubt, trump the trick."
"But what is the special application of that rule to this case?"
"Precisely this, that the doubting smoker should follow the advice of
_Punch_ to those about to marry."
"Which is--?" asked Apollodorus.
"Don't."
(_September_, 1883)