_House of Commons, Monday, April 21._--House really beginning to fill
up. HARTINGTON back from the Riviera. First time he has appeared this
Session; lounged in with pretty air of having been there yesterday and
just looked in again. Blushed with surprise to find Members on both
sides welcoming him with cheer.
"We all like HARTINGTON," said SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE. "Of course we
liked him better when he agreed with our opinions; but we can't all keep
straight, and he's gone wrong. Still, we bear him no malice. Sorry he
was ill; glad he's better. Must encourage this benevolent attitude
towards him, since it enables us, with fuller vigour to denounce
CHAMBERLAIN. You see, when we howl at CHAMBERLAIN, they can't say we are
simply moved by personal spite, because here we are cheering HARTINGTON
as he returns to the fray."
JOHN DILLON back too; bronzed with Australian suns; ruddy with the
breezes of lusty Colorado. Everyone glad to see JOHN back; first because
everyone likes him; next for reasons akin to those which the SAGE
frankly acknowledges when cheering HARTINGTON. Even in the evil days
when JOHN DILLON used to fold his arms and flash dark glances of
defiance on Speaker BRAND, House didn't include him in same angry,
uncompromising, denunciation as hurtled round head of WILLIAM O'BRIEN,
TIM HEALY, and dear old JOSEPH GILLIS. JOHN DILLON sometimes suspended;
occasionally sent to prison; but the honesty of his motives, the purity
of his patriotism, always acknowledged. Mistaken, led astray (that is to
say differed from us on matters of opinion), but meant well.
[Illustration: The Sage.]
"Yes, TOBY," said the SAGE, lighting another cigarette; "always well
when you're going it hot for a Party to have some individual in it whom
you can omit from general implication of infamous motives. Gives one
high moral standpoint, doncha know. Thus, when I want to suggest that
THE MARKISS is a mere tool in hands of BISMARCK, I extol honest purposes
of OLD MORALITY; hint, you know, that he is not so sharp of perception
as he might be; but that gives him the fuller claim upon our sympathy,
seeing that he is yoked with a colleague of the natural depravity, and
capable of the infinite iniquity, which marks the MARKISS'S relations
with public affairs. The great thing, dear TOBY, in public controversy
is to assume an attitude of impartiality. When you have to suggest that
a political adversary was privy to the putting-away of his grandmother,
do it rather in sorrow than in anger, and if you can find or make an
opportunity of saying at the same time a kind word for one of his
colleagues, seize it. That's why we cheer HARTINGTON to-night, and why
the Tories sometimes admit that JOHN DILLON'S an honest man."
_Business done._--_Parnell_ moved rejection of Land Purchase Bill.
_Tuesday._--COURTNEY on in his famous quick-change scene. One minute he
is discovered in recesses of canopied chair as Speaker; the next is
seated at table as Chairman of Committees. SPEAKER, everyone sorry to
learn, is ill in bed. So COURTNEY doubles his part. Proceeding watched
with profound interest from Strangers' Gallery. At ten minutes and ten
seconds to Seven House in Committee of Supply. COURTNEY in Chair at
table; Mace off the table; TANNER on his legs. As hand of clock falters
over the numeral ten, COURTNEY gets up, says never a word, wheels to
right out of Chair and marches to rear. TANNER stops midway in sentence
and resumes seat. Sergeant-at-Arms bowing thrice advances, lifts Mace on
to table, and retires. Stranger in Gallery wondering what has become of
COURTNEY, appalled by discovering him in SPEAKER'S Chair, quite a new
man. On these occasions marks his swiftly varying condition by altered
tone of voice. As Chairman of Committees, assumes piping treble voice,
as Deputy-Chairman drops occasional observations in profound bass.
[Illustration: Sergeant-at-Arms (and Legs).]
"Only thing left to me, dear TOBY," he said, when I congratulated him on
his treble. "Haven't time to change dress, even if it were permissible;
must do something to mark wide gulf fixed between Chairman of Committee
and SPEAKER; so hit upon this scheme. Glad you like the treble; a little
out of my line, but practice makes perfect."
At Evening Sitting question of Labour and Capital brought on by BARTLEY.
CUNNINGHAME-GRAHAM let House see what a terrible fellow he is. Doesn't
look the part; but after speech to-night no question of his innate
ferocity. _Sim Tappertit_ not in it for such blood-curdling remarks. "I
have," he said just now, "often interfered between Capital and Labour;
but, thank Heaven! I have never interfered in the character of a
conciliator."
"Ha, ha!" he cried, a little later, _a propos_ of nothing. "You talk of
inciting to violence. I have never incited to violence, and wherefore?
Because, in present state of affairs, with society a vast organised
conspiracy, violence would recoil on the heads of the Working Classes.
But, Sir, the time will come when things will be otherwise, and the very
moment that power is in the hands of the Working Classes I shall incite
them to violence."
After this House took early opportunity of adjourning. Pretty to see
Members stealing across Palace Yard in the dark, looking furtively right
and left, not sure that moment was not come, and SIMON CUNNINGHAME
TAPPERTIT GRAHAM was not hounding on his "United Bulldogs" against the
Classes. "We must look out, BROADHURST," said JAMES ROWLANDS, nervously
rubbing his hand. "It's all very well of your retiring to Cromer. I
think I shall practise with a revolver; shall certainly carry a
sword-stick."
_Business done._--Budget Resolutions through Committee.
_Thursday Night._--HOME SECRETARY came down to-day in unusually good
spirits. Nothing happened of late to give enemy occasion to blaspheme.
Crewe affair seems quite forgotten; nobody going to be hanged when he
ought to be reprieved, or reprieved when he ought to be hanged. Seems
almost as if, after all, life for HOME SECRETARY would be worth living.
Whatever embarrassments ahead belong to other Departments of Ministry.
Land Purchase troubles, not the HOME SECRETARY, nor Bi-Metallism either.
RAIKES been doing something at the Post Office. GOSCHEN been tampering
with tea, and sinning in the matter of currants. Something wrong with
the Newfoundland Fisheries, but that FERGUSSON'S look-out. True, ELCHO
wanting to know about some prisoners taken from Ipswich to Bury in
chains. Sounds bad sort of thing; sure to be letters in newspapers about
it. But HOME SECRETARY able to lay hand on heart and swear the chains
were light. ELCHO blustered a bit. Irish Members, naturally interested
in arrangements for going to prison, threateningly cheered; but after
what MATTHEWS had suffered in other times this affair lighter than the
chains themselves.
Incident had passed; questions on paper disposed of; soon be debating
Land Purchase Bill; all would be well for at least another day. Suddenly
up gets HARCOURT; wants to know who is responsible for the design of new
police buildings on Thames Embankment? Flush of pride mantles brow of
MATTHEWS. This red-hot building--its gables, its roofs, its windows, its
doorways, and its twisted knockers--was designed under his direction. It
is his dower to London, set forth on one of its most spacious sites.
What does HARCOURT want to know about it? Why is PLUNKET so studious in
repudiating all responsibility for the thing? Wherefore does crowded
House cheer and laugh when HARCOURT gives notice to call attention to
building on Home Office Vote? Can it be possible that here is another
mistake? Ought he to have hanged the architect instead of encouraging
him? Always doing things for the best, and they turn out the very worst.
Been occasionally misunderstood; but did, at least, think that London
would be grateful for this emanation from the heated architectural mind.
"Looks so like a carbuncle suddenly developed on Embankment, with the
stately Thames swirling below, that I really thought they would like
it," said HOME SECRETARY, mopping his furrowed brow. "But there are some
people, TOBY, who are never pleased, and prominent among them are the
people of London."
_Business done._--Debate on Land Purchase Bill.
_Friday._--Things rather in a muddle to-day all round. At Morning
Sitting didn't get Supply which everybody expected would be order of
day; didn't proceed with Allotments Bill, which was first on Orders. At
night, PROVAND on first with Dried Currants; MCLAREN to follow with
Woman's Suffrage, neither turned up, and at half-past eleven by dint of
Closure, got into Committee of Supply. GEORGE CAMPBELL cruising up and
down in New Guinea steamer; finally docked. Then ARTHUR WILLIAMS moved
to report progress; more discussion; OLD MORALITY pounced; Division on
Closure; COURTNEY named SHEEHY as one of tellers; SHEEHY in Limerick;
House couldn't wait for him to return; so WADDY brought out of Lobby to
tell with TANNER. When Closure carried, it was ten minutes past one.
House bound to rise at one o'clock; Chairman equally bound to put the
question, which was to report progress. Motion for progress negatived,
which meant that the House would go on with business; but it being a
quarter past one Deputy-Speaker must needs leave Chair, and so sitting
collapsed.
"Dear me!" said BOLTON, "this is hard to understand. Must go off to the
Garrick and think it over."
_Business done._--None.
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