(_By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet._)
The Duke of DUMPSHIRE seems to have been much annoyed by my statement
that he killed two trainers with his own hand, for being caught watching
a trial of his Derby horses, and that the Jockey Club took no action. I
beg to inform his Grace and those who approve his methods, that I care
no more for their annoyance than I do for the muddy-minded lucubrations
of Mr. JEREMY and his servile tribe of moon-calves. I have public duties
to perform, and if, in the course of my comments on racing, I should
find myself occasionally compelled to run counter to the imbecile
prejudices of some of the aristocratic patrons of the turf, I can assure
my readers that I shall not flinch from the task. I therefore repeat
that, in the middle of last month, the Duke of DUMPSHIRE killed two
trainers, and that up to the present time the Jockey Club have not
enforced against him the five-pound penalty which is specially provided
by their rules for offences of this sort. When Mr. JACOBS, who has no
aristocratic connections, ventured to lynch a rascally tout on Newmarket
Heath last year, he was made to pay up at once. The contrast is
suggestive.
A lot of jannering nonsense has been talked about _Bazaar_ by the
Will-o'-the-Wisps who mislead the long-suffering public in turf matters.
_Bazaar_ is by _Rector_ out of _Church Mouse_, and in his pedigree are
to be found such well-known roarers as _Boanerges_ and _Hallelujah
Sal_--not much of a recommendation to anybody except Mr. JEREMY. His own
performances are worse than contemptible. As a two-year old, he was
placed second at eight stone to _Candlestick_ in the Warmington Open
Welter Handicap. After that he sprang a curb in the middle of his back,
and the fools who train him actually brought him out to run in the
All-aged Selling Plate at Ballymacwhacket. He won the race easily enough
of course, but only an impostor, whose head was stuffed with horsehair,
would attach the least importance to that. Since then he has eaten two
pairs of spurs, a halter, and half of a jockey, which scarcely looks
like winning races. I have now relieved my conscience on the matter, so
if the puddle-brains wish to back him, their loss must lie at their own
doors.
The Marquis de MILLEPARDON has bought _Chowbock_ for L2000. At the last
Epsom Meeting _Chowbock_ showed himself a fine pace-maker in an East
wind, having cantered in from _Sister Mary_, who as good as walked round
_Vilikins_ when the latter was being tried without his pastern-pad on
the Cotswold Hills. At the same time it must be remembered, that _Sister
Mary_ only got home by a length from _Smockfrock_, after having been
double-girthed and provided with a bucket of POCOCK'S antiseptic,
anti-crib-biting condition balls for internal application over the
Newmarket T. Y. C.
Next week, I may have something to say about Derby prospects. For the
present, I can only advise would-be investors to steer clear of Mr.
JEREMY and his quacking, goose-headed parasites.
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CHANGE OF NAME.--M. SUCCI, having succeeded in existing for forty days
on water alone, will henceforth be known as Water-SUCCI.
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[Illustration: FELICITOUS QUOTATIONS.
"IS THIS A DAGGER THAT I SEE BEFORE ME?"]
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