JERRY _determined to give up all thoughts of_ LIFE IN LONDON; _to
retire from the Day and Night Scenes altogether. Moralises on his late
imminent danger, and almost miraculous escape from death._ LOGIC
_rapidly declines in health. The_ OXONIAN _makes his Will. His advice
to_ JERRY _before his exit._ EPITAPH _on_ LOGIC, _written by the_
CORINTHIAN.
* * * * *
“I hope LOGIC will be able to accompany us in our visit to LORD LIBERAL’S
Gallery,” said TOM, when he was interrupted by the footman putting the
following letter into his hand--“Aye,” observed TOM to JERRY, “here is a
note from BOB; let us hear what he has to offer upon the subject:--”
MY DEAR TOM,
I regret very much that my health will not permit me to accompany you
and the “Young One” to view my LORD LIBERAL’S fine gallery of
paintings; a pleasure which I had sincerely anticipated, as it is
well known that his Lordship’s taste respecting the fine arts, is
considerably above _par_. But “_necessitas non habet legem!_” To tell
you the truth, I am seriously ill, although not alarmed; yet, I must
confess, that I never felt so _strangely_ in the whole course of my
life. I think the _volume_ is nearly _spun_ out; and that the BOOK
will soon be closed for ever! But DR. FINISH’EM will not have it so,
nay, he insists on the contrary, “Lots of _pages_,” says he, “yet
remain to be _read_;” and several CHAPTERS must be _perused_, before
you arrive at that emphatical word--FINIS! Be that as it may; you are
aware that doctors differ, and I do not like appearances; yet, as we
say at Oxford, _forti et fideli nil difficile_! Nevertheless, I am
anxious to see you, my dear friend, as soon as convenient; and I wish
JERRY to be your companion, as I have something to communicate to both
of you, rather of a _serious_ nature, concerning myself; yet, I am far
from labouring under _un cœur contrit_. Therefore tell the “Young
One,” I hope his person is now quite _cool_--that his flame is also
_cool_; and instead of lamenting over the--&c., &c.--I am happy to
hear he is _Mens sana in corpore sano_:--
I remain, my dear TOM,
Yours, truly,
ROBERT LOGIC.
_Corinthian Tom, Esq._
“There’s something behind this letter that I do not like,” said TOM; “BOB
is very ill, you may rely upon it, or else he would not be so pressing for
us to visit him.” “Yes, I am afraid it is too true,” replied JERRY; “but
let us hope he is not so bad, neither, as you perceive, he is _joking_
about my late affair.” “Joke with you!” echoed TOM, “I expect LOGIC will
die with a _joke_ in his mouth, he is so fond of _punning_? But we will
lose no time, as I am anxious to ascertain the true cause of his illness.”
Upon the arrival of our heroes at the apartments of LOGIC, they found him
sitting at a table, in his arm chair, with pens and ink before him: his
countenance most woefully changed for the worse. Indeed, TOM and JERRY
were quite shocked with his altered appearance in so short a time. He
endeavoured to smile upon them, as usual; but it savoured more of the
“_ghastly!_” than that sort of enlivening humour which so generally
imparted animation to his cheerful face. “I am very glad to see you, my
boys,” said he, “before I start on my long journey, which I have been
preparing for these last five or six days.” “I was not aware you had any
such intention,” answered TOM; “but may I ask, where are you going?”
“To that bourne from whence no traveller returns!”
replied LOGIC, accompanied by a most penetrating look at the CORINTHIAN.
“DR. FINISH’EM has given me my _quietus_, like an honest fellow. On
feeling my pulse, he observed--“Your _hour-glass_ is almost run out!
_Tempus fugit!_ Therefore, what you have to do, let it be done quickly, or
else it will not be done at all!” _Old Bolus_, too, was rather funny with
me on the occasion; “I know,” said he, “your WILL was always good to serve
everybody; therefore, MR. LOGIC, have a good WILL now towards your
friends.” I took _Pill_ and _Potions_ advice, and the few hours allotted
to me I have made the best use of that I possibly could; and here is my
WILL for your approbation.” The tear started down TOM’S cheek, and JERRY
was much affected by the unexpected circumstance. “I sincerely hope it is
not so bad as you apprehend,” said TOM. “Yes, my dear friends,” replied
LOGIC, “it is all over with me. I have suffered severely from an
inflammation in my bowels; but the pain has subsided, and that is the sign
of approaching death. You will perceive, on looking over my
TESTAMENT,[39] that I have not adhered to any of the technical terms of
lawyers, being well aware that the distribution of my property will never
puzzle the pericranium of the _Lord Chancellor_, or occasion a row among
the _learned_ brethren, to obtain a brief upon the subject; and if I have
not made myself perfectly intelligible, I hope you will now point out any
errors that may appear to you, in order to avoid disputes hereafter. It is
true, I have no _blunt_ to leave you, my boys, but several _notes_, which
I hope, will always bear an interest, and prove as _valuable_ to you in
the hour of need--as _cash_! You will, my dear TOM, as my last request,
read it aloud, for the approbation of my friend JERRY.”
THE LAST WORDS AND TESTAMENT OF ROBERT LOGIC.
Being wide _awake_--my UPPER STORY in perfect repair--and _down_ to what I
am about--I have seized hold of the _feather_, with a firm hand, to render
myself intelligible, and also to communicate the objects I have in view; I
give and bequeath unto my friend, JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., my _tile_, my
_castor_, my _topper_, my _upper-crust_, my _pimple coverer_, otherwise MY
HAT, which, I hope, will never be the means of changing the appearance of
“an old friend with a new face.” To my out and out friend and companion,
CORINTHIAN TOM, I give my _spread_, my _summer-cabbage_, my _water-plant_,
but more generally understood as my UMBRELLA; who, I feel assured will
never let it be made use of as a _shelter_ for duplicity, ingratitude, or
hum-buggery of any sort! Also, to JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., I resign my
_fam-snatchers_, _i.e._, my GLOVES, under the consideration, if ever he
should part with them, that they are only to be worn by those persons, who
have “a _hand_ to give, and a _heart_ that forgives!” Likewise to JERRY
HAWTHORN, Esq., I bequeath my _four-eyes_, my _barnacles_, my
_green-specs_, but amongst opticians, denominated SPECTACLES. It is my
sincere wish, that nothing _green_ will be ever seen appertaining to them,
except their _colour_; I also hope they will not, upon any occasion
whatever _magnify_ TRIFLES into _difficulties_: but enable the wearer to
see his way through LIFE as clear as _crystal_! I press upon JERRY
HAWTHORN, Esq., his acceptance of my _fogle_, my _wipe_, my _clout_, my
_sneezer_, politely termed a SILK HANDKERCHIEF. This article has often
been used to _wipe_ off a tear of pity, and always forthcoming at a tale
of _distress_; may it ever be at _hand_ on such Christian-like occasions!
To PHILIP TIMOTHY SPLINTER, Esq., I bequeath my _upper tog_, my
_Benjaman_, my _wrapper_, generally called a TOP COAT, with the advice,
that however it may be _mended_ and _mended_ again, he will never let it
be _turned_ against unavoidable misfortune, and charity. My _ticker_, my
_tatler_, my _thimble_, otherwise my WATCH, I bequeath to JERRY HAWTHORN,
Esq., as an emblematical gift to keep TIME upon all occasions--to remember
its inestimable value, and also to recollect that he will, some day or
another, be _wound-up_ for the last _time_. My two SEALS I give conjointly
to my most valued and dear friends, CORINTHIAN TOM and JERRY HAWTHORN,
Esqrs., in order, if possible, that the bonds of friendship may be more
firmly _sealed_ between them, to the end of their lives. To Miss MARY
ROSEBUD, I give and bequeath my DIAMOND RING, as a representative of her
excellent brilliant qualities, and also as a golden fence, to secure her
virtue, reputation, and dignity. To my worthy friend, Sir JOHN BLUBBER,
Knt. I give and bequeath my _padders_, my _stampers_, my _buckets_,
otherwise my BOOTS, whose knowledge of mankind, united with kindness
towards the failings of others, teaches him to tread lightly o’er the
ashes of the dead! To prevent mistakes respecting my BIT, I have not a
_bit_ to leave; it having been with me, for some time past--POCKETS to
LET, unfurnished; _Sic transit gloria mundi!_ But nevertheless, I trust I
have always proved _amicus humani generis_! My BOOKS having been long
_booked_ for their value, and afforded me consolation and support in the
hour of need--I, therefore, leave as I found it, for other folks to bustle
in, that GREAT VOLUME--the WORLD! which upon all occasions, was my
sheet-anchor! assisted by the following good old maxims, as my guide:--
_Tempus edax rerum._--Time that devours all things.
_Vincit veritas._--Truth conquors.
_Principiis obsta._--Resist the first beginnings.
_Vitiis nemo sine nascitur._--No man without his faults.
_Spes mea in Deo._--My hope is in God.
_Spero meliora._--I hope for better things.
ROBERT LOGIC.
TOM and JERRY were both considerably affected at the kindness displayed
towards them by the _Oxonian_; and had it been at any other time, the
singularity of the above _Testament_ would have produced much laughter
between them; at all events, it convinced them that LOGIC still preserved
his _character_ for ORIGINALITY. Three proper witnesses, disinterested
persons, belonging to the house, were instantly called in to sign it,
when the Testament, in the eye of the law, became a valid document. “My
dear JERRY,” said LOGIC, “as we must soon part, I had intended to offer a
few remarks for your consideration; but, finding that my strength will not
second my intentions, I shall be very concise on the matter: you must
perceive that the _comical_ part of my career is at an end, and you are
well aware that I always was a merry fellow; but, as _Mercutio_ says, I
shall be found a _grave_ man to-morrow. Endeavour, then, “To do unto all
men, as you would they should do unto you,” and you will not be a great
way off the right path to happiness. I feel myself very faint; my breath
getting short; and having settled everything to my satisfaction, have the
kindness to assist me into bed, that I may die like a
Christian--contented, and in peace with all mankind! Tom, give me your
hand; JERRY, yours likewise--I grasp them both with sincerity!” Then
looking them full in the face; with a placid smile on his countenance, his
last words were--“God bless you!” His lip fell; his eyes lost their
brilliancy; and the once-merry, lively, facetious, friendly LOGIC, was now
numbered with the dead!
[Illustration]
For several days, our heroes were absorbed in grief, at the sudden loss of
their much-admired and valued friend; and CORINTHIAN HOUSE, for a long
time after the decease of the _Oxonian_, was dull in the extreme. The
funeral of LOGIC, under the direction of TOM, was of the most splendid
description; and a handsome monument was also erected by his order,
bearing the following inscription:--
This Tablet
Was erected in remembrance of
ROBERT LOGIC, Esq.,
Who was viewed throughout the circle of his acquaintances as
A MAN,
In every sense of the word,
VALUABLE AS GOLD!
MIRTH and GOOD HUMOUR were always at his elbows; but
DULL CARE
Was never allowed a seat in his presence.
He played the _first fiddle_ in all companies, and was never out
of tune:
BOB was a wit of the first quality;
But his SATIRE was general, and levelled against the follies
of mankind:
PERSONALITY and SCANDAL he disclaimed:
His exertions were always directed to make others happy.
As a CHOICE SPIRIT, he was unequalled;
And as a SINCERE FRIEND, never excelled; but in his character of a
MAN OF THE WORLD,
BOB LOGIC was a Mirror to all his Companions.
MANKIND had been his study; and he had perused the Great
Book of Life
With superior advantages; and his COMMENTARIES on
MEN AND MANNERS
Displayed not only an enlarged mind; but his OPINIONS were
gentlemanly and liberal.
His intimate knowledge of VICE had preserved him from
being VICIOUS.
By which source he was able to discriminate with effect; and
VIRTUE appeared more beautiful in his eyes.
TRUTH was his polar star; and INTEGRITY his sheet anchor.
ADVERSITY could not reduce his noble mind,
And PROSPERITY was not suffered to play tricks with his feelings;
HE WAS A MAN UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!
FLATTERY he despised; while CANDOUR obtained his respect;
and the corner stone of his character was--SINCERITY.
He was charitable, but not ostentatious, and a well-wisher to
all the world.
His Friends,
TOM AND JERRY,
Lamenting his severe loss in society, trust, that upon the
AWFUL, DAY OF RECKONING,
The Great Auditor of Accounts will find his BALANCE SHEET
correct, (_errors excepted_):
And as the whole tenour of BOB LOGIC’S life had been A VOLUME
OF PLEASURE they sincerely hope it will be
WELL BOUND at the last!