Lucifer sat playing chess with Man for his soul.
The game was evidently going ill for Man. He had but pawns left, few
and straggling. Lucifer had rooks, knights, and, of course, bishops.
It was but natural under such circumstances that Man should be in no
great hurry to move. Lucifer grew impatient.
“It is a pity,” said he at last, “that we did not fix some period
within which the player must move, or resign.”
“Oh, Lucifer,” returned the young man, in heart-rending accents, “it is
not the impending loss of my soul that thus unmans me, but the loss of
my betrothed. When I think of the grief of the Lady Adeliza, that
paragon of terrestrial loveliness!” Tears choked his utterance; Lucifer
was touched.
“Is the Lady Adeliza’s loveliness in sooth so transcendent?” he
inquired.
“She is a rose, a lily, a diamond, a morning star!”
“If that is the case,” rejoined Lucifer, “thou mayest reassure thyself.
The Lady Adeliza shall not want for consolation. I will assume thy
shape and woo her in thy stead.”
The young man hardly seemed to receive all the comfort from this
promise which Lucifer no doubt designed. He made a desperate move. In
an instant the Devil checkmated him, and he disappeared.
“Upon my word, if I had known what a business this was going to be, I
don’t think I should have gone in for it,” soliloquised the Devil, as,
wearing his captive’s semblance and installed in his apartments, he
surveyed the effects to which he now had to administer. They included
coats, shirts, collars, neckties, foils, cigars, and the like _ad
libitum_; and very little else except three challenges, ten writs, and
seventy-four unpaid bills, elegantly disposed around the looking-glass.
To the poor youth’s praise be it said, there were no billets-doux,
except from the Lady Adeliza herself.
Noting the address of these carefully, the Devil sallied forth, and
nothing but his ignorance of the topography of the hotel, which made
him take the back stairs, saved him from the clutches of two bailiffs
lurking on the principal staircase. Leaping into a cab, he thus escaped
a perfumer and a bootmaker, and shortly found himself at the Lady
Adeliza’s feet.
The truth had not been half told him. Such beauty, such wit, such
correctness of principle! Lucifer went forth from her presence a
love-sick fiend. Not Merlin’s mother had produced half the impression
upon him; and Adeliza on her part had never found her lover
one-hundredth part so interesting as he seemed that morning.
Lucifer proceeded at once to the City, where, assuming his proper shape
for the occasion, he negotiated a loan without the smallest difficulty.
All debts were promptly discharged, and Adeliza was astonished at the
splendour and variety of the presents she was constantly receiving.
Lucifer had all but brought her to name the day, when he was informed
that a gentleman of clerical appearance desired to wait upon him.
“Wants money for a new church or mission, I suppose,” said he. “Show
him up.”
But when the visitor was ushered in, Lucifer found with discomposure
that he was no earthly clergyman, but a celestial saint; a saint, too,
with whom Lucifer had never been able to get on. He had served in the
army while on earth, and his address was curt, precise, and peremptory.
“I have called,” he said, “to notify to you my appointment as Inspector
of Devils.”
“What!” exclaimed Lucifer, in consternation. “To the post of my old
friend Michael!”
“Too old,” said the Saint laconically. “Millions of years older than
the world. About your age, I think?”
Lucifer winced, remembering the particular business he was then about.
The Saint continued:
“I am a new broom, and am expected to sweep clean. I warn you that I
mean to be strict, and there is one little matter which I must set
right immediately. You are going to marry that poor young fellow’s
betrothed, are you? Now you know you cannot take his wife, unless you
give him yours.”
“Oh, my dear friend,” exclaimed Lucifer, “what an inexpressibly
blissful prospect you do open unto me!”
“I don’t know that,” said the Saint. “I must remind you that the
dominion of the infernal regions is unalterably attached to the person
of the present Queen thereof. If you part with her you immediately lose
all your authority and possessions. I don’t care a brass button which
you do, but you must understand that you cannot eat your cake and have
it too. Good morning!”
Who shall describe the conflict in Lucifer’s bosom? If any stronger
passion existed therein at that moment than attachment to Adeliza, it
was aversion to his consort, and the two combined were well-nigh
irresistible. But to disenthrone himself, to descend to the condition
of a poor devil!
Feeling himself incapable of coming to a decision, he sent for Belial,
unfolded the matter, and requested his advice.
“What a shame that our new inspector will not let you marry Adeliza!”
lamented his counsellor. “If you did, my private opinion is that
forty-eight hours afterwards you would care just as much for her as you
do now for Madam Lucifer, neither more nor less. Are your intentions
really honourable?”
“Yes,” replied Lucifer, “it is to be a Lucifer match.”
“The more fool you,” rejoined Belial. “If you tempted her to commit a
sin, she would be yours without any conditions at all.”
“Oh, Belial,” said Lucifer, “I cannot bring myself to be a tempter of
so much innocence and loveliness.”
And he meant what he said.
“Well then, let me try,” proposed Belial.
“You?” replied Lucifer contemptuously; “do you imagine that Adeliza
would look at _you_?”
“Why not?” asked Belial, surveying himself complacently in the glass.
He was humpbacked, squinting, and lame, and his horns stood up under
his wig.
The discussion ended in a wager after which there was no retreat for
Lucifer.
The infernal Iachimo was introduced to Adeliza as a distinguished
foreigner, and was soon prosecuting his suit with all the success which
Lucifer had predicted. One thing protected while it baffled him—the
entire inability of Adeliza to understand what he meant. At length he
was constrained to make the matter clear by producing an enormous
treasure, which he offered Adeliza in exchange for the abandonment of
her lover.
The tempest of indignation which ensued would have swept away any
ordinary demon, but Belial listened unmoved. When Adeliza had exhausted
herself he smilingly rallied her upon her affection for an unworthy
lover, of whose infidelity he undertook to give her proof. Frantic with
jealousy, Adeliza consented, and in a trice found herself in the
infernal regions.
Adeliza’s arrival in Pandemonium, as Belial had planned, occurred
immediately after the receipt of a message from Lucifer, in whose bosom
love had finally gained the victory, and who had telegraphed his
abdication and resignation of Madam Lucifer to Adeliza’s betrothed. The
poor young man had just been hauled up from the lower depths, and was
beset by legions of demons obsequiously pressing all manner of
treasures upon his acceptance. He stared, helpless and bewildered,
unable to realise his position in the smallest degree. In the
background grave and serious demons, the princes of the infernal realm,
discussed the new departure, and consulted especially how to break it
to Madam Lucifer—a commission of which no one seemed ambitious.
“Stay where you are,” whispered Belial to Adeliza; “stir not; you shall
put his constancy to the proof within five minutes.”
Not all the hustling, mowing, and gibbering of the fiends would under
ordinary circumstances have kept Adeliza from her lover’s side: but
what is all hell to jealousy?
In even less time than he had promised Belial returned, accompanied by
Madam Lucifer. This lady’s black robe, dripping with blood, contrasted
agreeably with her complexion of sulphurous yellow; the absence of hair
was compensated by the exceptional length of her nails; she was a
thousand million years old, and, but for her remarkable muscular
vigour, looked every one of them. The rage into which Belial’s
communication had thrown her was something indescribable; but, as her
eye fell on the handsome youth, a different order of thoughts seemed to
take possession of her mind.
“Let the monster go!” she exclaimed; “who cares? Come, my love, ascend
the throne with me, and share the empire and the treasures of thy fond
Luciferetta.”
“If you don’t, back you go,” interjected Belial.
What might have been the young man’s decision if Madam Lucifer had
borne more resemblance to Madam Vulcan, it would be wholly impertinent
to inquire, for the question never arose.
“Take me away!” he screamed, “take me away, anywhere I anywhere out of
her reach! Oh, Adeliza!”
With a bound Adeliza stood by his side. She was darting a triumphant
glance at the discomfited Queen of Hell, when suddenly her expression
changed, and she screamed loudly. Two adorers stood before her, alike
in every lineament and every detail of costume, utterly
indistinguishable, even by the eye of Love.
Lucifer, in fact, hastening to throw himself at Adeliza’s feet and pray
her to defer his bliss no longer, had been thunderstruck by the tidings
of her elopement with Belial. Fearing to lose his wife and his
dominions along with his sweetheart, he had sped to the nether regions
with such expedition that he had had no time to change his costume.
Hence the equivocation which confounded Adeliza, but at the same time
preserved her from being torn to pieces by the no less mystified Madam
Lucifer.
Perceiving the state of the case, Lucifer with true gentlemanly feeling
resumed his proper semblance, and Madam Lucifer’s talons were
immediately inserted into his whiskers.
“My dear! my love!” he gasped, as audibly as she would let him, “is
this the way it welcomes its own Lucy-pucy?”
“Who is that person?” demanded Madam Lucifer.
“I don’t know her,” screamed the wretched Lucifer. “I never saw her
before. Take her away; shut her up in the deepest dungeon!”
“Not if I know it,” sharply replied Madam Lucifer, “You can’t bear to
part with her, can’t you? You would intrigue with her under my nose,
would you? Take that! and that! Turn them both out, I say! turn them
both out!”
“Certainly, my dearest love, most certainly,” responded Lucifer.
“Oh, Sire,” cried Moloch and Beelzebub together, “for Heaven’s sake let
your Majesty consider what he is doing. The Inspector——”
“Bother the Inspector!” screeched Lucifer. “D’ye think I’m not a
thousand times more afraid of your mistress than of all the saints in
the calendar? There,” addressing Adeliza and her betrothed, “be off!
You’ll find all debts paid, and a nice balance at the bank. Cut! Run!”
They did not wait to be told twice. Earth yawned. The gates of Tartarus
stood wide. They found themselves on the side of a steep mountain, down
which they scoured madly, hand linked in hand. But fast as they ran, it
was long ere they ceased to hear the tongue of Madam Lucifer.