special consideration; indeed, that very situation is too often made
the occasion for increased passional indulgence on the part of the
husband, or of neglect and contempt. Woman must have had, doubtless
has, a very large amount of what you call the God-element in her
nature, to enable her to do as well as she does in the function of
Maternity, under such debasing and depressing influences.
“The strength and energy of body and mind which were required properly
to develop and give birth to _one_ child, have been often taxed to
conceive and develop six or eight, or perhaps ten or twelve. Would it
not be well to study economy in the function of Parentage, as well as
in some other departments of domestic life?
“There are few, very few, wives and mothers who could not reveal a
sad, dark picture in their own experience, in their relations to their
husbands and their children. Maternity, and the relation in which it
originates, are thrust upon them by their husbands, often without
regard to their spiritual or physical conditions, and often in
contempt of their earnest and urgent entreaties. No joy comes to their
hearts at the conception and birth of their children, except that
which arises from the consciousness that they have survived the
sufferings wantonly and selfishly inflicted on them.
“There are facts enough illustrating the dire effects of an undesigned
and an undesired maternity to move the whole earth to sorrow and
repentance, if woman, as a wife and mother, dared give utterance to
the wrongs inflicted upon her and her children. The living
illustrations of woman’s wrongs, inflicted on her in the holy of
holies of her home, by those who had promised to ‘love, cherish and
protect’ her, do now fill the earth. To the influences bearing on the
unborn babe, in consequence of the disregard, by the husband, of the
conditions and wishes of the wife in reference to maternity, and the
intercourse that leads to it, must we go to learn the causes of much
of the wrong and suffering of this world.”
When woman’s rights in regard to Maternity, and to the relation that
leads to it, are truly understood and appreciated by man, then, and not
before, can marriage become what it was designed to be,—a diadem of
beauty, a crown of glory, to the husband and wife, and “the power of God
and the wisdom of God” unto salvation to the generations of the future.
Husbands! if you would secure the loving respect of your wives, you must
reverently regard their protest against an undesired Maternity.
H. C. W.
LETTER III.
THE CRIME AGAINST THE CHILD.
DEAR FRIEND:
In my last, I showed, at some length, the crime of an undesired
maternity against the _mother_; how it affects her mind towards the
father of her child; how it tends to destroy all love and respect for
him, instead of increasing them; how it destroys her self-respect,
strips her of the conscious pride and dignity of a loved and loving
wife, and reduces her to the feeling and condition of a degraded,
self-condemned victim of legalized sensualism. She feels polluted,
degraded, outraged; and that, too, through the very function of her
nature, which should have filled and thrilled her soul with conscious
pride and happiness.
THE CRIME AGAINST THE CHILD.—Allow me now to direct your attention to
this. Let the child of an undesigned and unwilling maternity arise
before your mind. Ponder what life is, and how it is affected by
birthright tendencies,—physical, intellectual and spiritual; see what a
struggle it is, at best, and how difficult it is for those of the
soundest bodies and healthiest souls, happily and successfully to meet
the conflict. Call to mind the two great facts alluded to in a former
letter, viz.: (1) That whatever comes to the child _before_ birth, must
come to it through the blood and organism of the mother. (2) That, as
this substance passes through her system, it must receive the impress of
her physical and mental conditions. Whatever _temporarily_ affects her
conditions, must _permanently_ affect the character and destiny of her
child.
You may grievously wrong your child, and subject it to physical and
mental tendencies that may deeply affect its character and happiness,
during its earthly existence, by subjecting it to the liability of
inheriting the unhealthy and imbecile conditions in which you and the
mother may be, at the time the relation was held in which it originated.
Mere sensual gratification was the sole and single motive that prompted
to the relation; and even in that, your wife had no part. Her heart, it
may be, not only prayed against conception, as a calamity more to be
dreaded than death, but this very horror of the consequences
disqualified her to participate in the relation, when it was entirely
mutual, and truly and rightly prompted. Her very soul shrank from it;
and she submitted to it merely to gratify you, or because she had been
taught to believe it a duty incumbent on all women who enter the married
relation,—a duty to which she _must_ submit, or be accounted a faithless
wife,—regardless of the wishes of her husband, and false to her
obligations as a wife.
Duty! Talk of _duty_ in such a relation! A _duty_ for a woman to submit
to such a relation, when her own soul not only does not sanction, but
loathes it! A _duty_ in a woman thus to lay her health, her
self-respect, and her very womanhood, on the altar of legalized
sensualism! A _duty_ to become a prostitute,—a mere tool of her
husband’s gratification! It is a horrid mockery! As well talk to her of
her _duty_ to cut her throat! No man, but a sensualist, could ever
accept the surrender of a woman’s person in such relation, when he knows
it is made without any call in her own nature, and merely to satisfy his
passion.
Your only object, it may be, in this relation, is _mere sensual
indulgence_. Not one thought or care for the welfare of the child that
may ensue enters your mind. Consequently, you are utterly indifferent to
your physical or mental conditions, at the time. Your passion being
excited, your only aim is, its gratification. Your wife may be in a
state of utter prostration, physically and mentally,—severe toil, deep
anxiety, sad disappointment, or some torturing care, may have exhausted
her energies, and reduced her to a state of imbecility, for the time
being. Despite all this, she is liable to conception. You heed not her
conditions nor her wishes, but demand indulgence, regardless of her
happiness or that of the child which may result therefrom. She submits,
rather than contend. Maternity ensues. The mother imparts no vitality to
the child in its conception. It is conceived in weakness, is developed
in joyless, lifeless imbecility, or intense anguish. It is born an
idiot, or without sufficient vital force to develop it into life with
the ordinary energies and faculties of a man or woman.
On all hands, society is full of the victims of such a relation,—of a
maternity forced on woman when, from various causes, body and soul are
prostrated, and too destitute of vital energy even for the ordinary
demands of daily life; how much more destitute of that fulness and vigor
of life, so necessary to the sublime and responsible act of true and
healthy conception! If ever the current of life should flow with deep,
concentrated, joyous energy in woman, it should be in the moment of
conception, when she takes charge of the germ of a new and immortal
life, and enters upon the sublime and overwhelming responsibilities of
maternity. Then, indeed, she needs that all the energies of her
womanhood should be in most perfect and healthful activity; then, if
ever, she should be filled “with all the fulness of God.”
But not only are the vital forces of your wife exhausted by other labors
and anxieties, but your own energies are, from various causes,
prostrated. Yet, excited by some artificial stimulant, and when the
vital forces of your manhood are powerless, you demand this relation
with your wife. Maternity is the result. What have you done for your
child? Imparted to it, not the true life and vigor of your manhood, but
its momentary imbecility. Your child, it may be, is rendered imbecile in
body and idiotic in mind, solely through your fault. You exhausted your
life, and then gave that exhausted, soulless life to your child. You
exercised no wise and manly forethought for your child. Its well-being
entered not into your designs; only your own gratification. Hence, for
your child’s sake, you used no exertions, by abstinence from exhausting
toil or enfeebling amusements and indulgences, to exalt and perfect your
physical and mental energies; but by debilitating pleasures, by
sleepless nights, spent in pursuit of amusement, by dissipating games,
and by exhausting indulgences in the use of narcotic and alcoholic
drugs, drinks and food, you are rendered imbecile to think, to feel, or
to act. And these conditions you entail on your child as its birthright,
lifelong, fearful legacy, from the effects of which no power can rescue
it. Can you do a greater wrong to your child? Can you commit against it
a greater crime? A living death is its doom.
When should man be a _living_ soul, if not in that relation in which he
originates a new immortal? In that moment, so replete with human
destiny, if ever, every nerve of his being should be filled and thrilled
with that creative energy, that concentrated, vitalizing power which
said, “Let there be light, and there was light;” and which says of
creation, “He spake, and it was done; he commanded, and it stood fast.”
So man, in that moment of sublime consecration of his manhood to its
purest and most august function, should have a great, energetic, living
soul, in a living body. He performs an act of deeper significance than
that which gave existence and glory to the sun and stars—an act, from
which is to arise a living soul, deathless as God in its being, and
capable of reaching unimaginable heights of wisdom and love.
Your child has claims which you cannot, without injustice,
ignore,—claims that reach beyond its birth, and even its conception. Its
first claim is, to a _designed_ existence, if it is to exist at all.
Only in such an existence can it hope for a true and noble nature. Only
in a relation, designed to give existence to a well-organized child, can
you exercise a true, rational, and tender forethought for your
offspring. The offspring of a relation held merely for the gratification
of one or both parents, of a mere chance maternity, how can it but
reflect with sorrow and bitterness on the wrong of its parents? The
child, as it comes to years of reflection, feels degraded in its origin.
No lofty aspirations, no tender love, no animating hopes, no earnest
prayer, no deep, holy longings, no vitalizing joy, no conscious pride
and dignity, no God, presided over the relation in which it originated;
but shrinking disgust in one parent, and brutal sensuality, and
indifference to its welfare, in the other. No _Gloria in Excelsis_ was
sung by angels or men over its conception or birth; but sensualism,
shame, anguish, and, it may be, curses deep and bitter, attended its
entrance into life. What must a child, as it grows to maturity, think of
an existence thus begun, and of those who could trifle with the deepest
and most potent memories of the past in their offspring? Would you thus
live in the hearts of your children? If not, then do them not this foul
wrong. On your part, let the existence of your child be a _designed_ and
a _longed-for_ existence. What proportion of cases of maternity result
from a relation held with a view to the development of a child? Few,
very few, compared to the number born. The relation was held without any
wish or design to have a child; but solely with a view to sensual
gratification. Consequently, the child must inherit, to some extent, the
conditions the parents happen to be in at the moment. The child is
robbed of a pure, true, thoughtful birthright, and is the offspring of
reckless, selfish passion, rather than of a tender, anxious, thoughtful
and far-seeing love. Never subject your wife to the possibility of a
maternity which, on your part, is undesigned, and, on her part,
undesired. Your reward will be great and sure, in the ever-growing love
and respect of your wife, in the healthful and harmonious organization
and upward tendencies of your children, and in the consciousness of an
ever-growing tenderness and nobleness of manhood in yourself.
The power of the mother over the child, after birth, is conceded to be
great; what, then, must it be before? Who can estimate it? Reasoning
from the facts I have stated, we should conclude it to be absolute, and
without limit. For good or for evil, it must be great. The organic and
constitutional tendencies of body and soul to health or disease, to good
or evil, are settled previous to birth. The character and destiny of the
future man or woman depend, essentially, on those ante-natal tendencies.
These depend on the influences that are brought to bear on the child
during that period. Whatever agencies bear, injuriously or otherwise, on
the mother, must control the unborn child with greater and more
permanent effect. What influence has an abhorred maternity on the
conditions of the mother? It must be great; but great as it is, it is
still greater and more abiding on the child. Its _post-natal_ life will
be more affected by those ante-natal influences, than by all that are
brought to bear on it after its birth. The crime against the mother is
great, but the crime against the child is greater, and more enduring and
terrible in its consequences.
When maternity is imposed on your wife without her consent, and contrary
to her appeal, how will her mind necessarily be affected towards her
child? It was conceived in dread, and in bitterness of spirit. Every
stage of its fœtal development is watched with a feeling of settled
repugnance. In every step of its ante-natal progress, the child meets
only with grief and indignation in the mother. She would crush out its
life, if she could. She loathed its conception; she loathed it in every
stage of its ante-natal development. She cannot love and cherish it, for
nought, it may be, is associated with its existence, from the beginning,
but pain and sorrow. Tender, cherishing, vitalizing love does not
preside over its conception and development, but grief and anguish.
Instead of fixing her mind on devising ways and means for the healthful
and happy organization and development of her child, before it is born,
and for its post-natal comfort and support, her soul is intent on its
destruction, and her thoughts devise plans to kill it.
In this, how often is she aided by others! There are those, and they are
called men and women, whose profession is to devise ways to kill
children before they are born. Those who do this would not hesitate to
kill them after they are born; for the state of mind that would justify
and instigate _ante-natal_ child-murder, would justify and instigate
_post-natal_ child-murder. Yet, public sentiment consigns the murderer
of post-natal children to the dungeon or the gallows; while the
murderers of ante-natal children are often allowed to pass in society as
honest and honorable men and women.
The unwelcome child is ever before the mother. She regards it as a
sacrilegious intruder into the domain of her life; an invader of the
holy of holies of her being. She had never called for it; it was thrust
upon her, as it were, by fraud and violence. Besides, it is the child of
one whom this very outrage has caused her to dread or despise. The child
is ever present to her, not as a pledge of love, an answer to the
earnest prayer of her wifely soul, as a source of living joy and
ennobling hopes; but as a witness of her shame and degradation, and of
the great wrong done her by its father, and by one whom she had loved
and trusted, but to be betrayed. She meets her innocent, unconscious
babe, at every step of its ante-natal development, with a frown, and
beats it back with threats and weapons of death.
What makes that mother feel so towards her unborn babe? It is to her an
_unwelcome_ child. Maternity is thrust upon her before she is prepared
for it. Her body shrinks from the suffering it brings to her; her soul
sanctions not, but abhors, its existence. God, speaking through the body
and soul of that mother, frowns on its conception, its development, and
its birth. Its mother, and the God of its mother, are conspiring against
the health, the happiness, the character and destiny, of the child, and
of the future man or woman. How can that child, as it comes to man’s or
woman’s estate, possibly be in harmony with God or man? Elements of
strife were incorporated, by its father’s agency, into its body and
soul, as its birthright inheritance.
It is vain to talk to her about cheerfully and joyfully submitting to
her condition, and, for her child’s sake, to give it a loving, joyous
welcome. She cannot, by an effort of will, nor by any course of
discipline, nor from considerations of duty, compel her nature to
acquiesce in such a wrong to herself and her child, and willingly and
joyfully accept a maternity thrust upon her in contempt of her dearest
and most sacred rights, and in opposition to her heart’s appeals for
mercy. She finds no call in her nature for a child; she cannot create it
by an effort of will. She is not yet prepared, mentally or physically,
to meet the sufferings and responsibilities of such a relation. She can
no more force herself into giving a loving reception to that unwelcome
child, and to that undesired maternity, than she can force herself into
a true love and respect for the father of such a child, and the doer of
this wrong.
Just so far as she was accessory to its conception, and a willing
partner in the relation in which it originated, she is responsible, and
worthy of condemnation; but she is not to blame for not joyfully
accepting a maternity thrust upon her without her consent. As well blame
a woman for not loving and respecting a husband thrust upon her by
parental, ecclesiastical, or civil authority, and from whom, by the
instincts of her nature, she is strongly repelled. As well blame the
flower for shrinking from the mildew that blights it, or the dove for
shrinking from the vulture that would rend it.
War is declared between that mother and her child before it is born; a
war that must be lasting as life,—a deadly conflict, to which the
happiness, and, it may be, the life of the child must be victimized. No
efforts of the mother of your child, after it is born, can make peace
between her and her child, and obliterate from its mind all traces of
the wrong done to it before it was born. And this internal, organic
discord, this war, must extend to you, the father, as well as to the
mother. The mother cannot feel toward your child, thus originated, as
she would had her soul rejoiced in its conception, its development and
birth, with a pure, concentrated joy, which such a maternity alone can
bring. After the child of an undesired maternity is born, pity for the
helpless babe, rather than a rapturous welcome to a longed-for treasure,
prompts her to care for it,—though facts demonstrate that a deadly hate
in the mother’s heart can pursue the offspring of such a maternity after
it is born. Yet before it is born, but one feeling fills her soul,—a
feeling of deep, settled hostility against its existence,—a feeling that
it has no right to be. Its existence is unsanctioned and unconsecrated
by its mother. The child struggles into life against the spirit of
murder in her heart. Talk of a mother’s joy over such a birth! It is
blasphemy against Maternity.
Pause, my friend, and let your thoughts dwell on this subject. You would
exalt and perfect human nature. You live but to people this earth with
nobler types of men and women. It is the only true and great end of
life. If you would labor for this sublime object, pause and consider
this crime, in its bearing on the mother towards your child, and through
her, on the character and destiny of that child. Enter into and
comprehend, if you can, the feelings which an undesired maternity must
excite in the mind of your wife towards your child. Measure, if you can,
the wrong done your child by giving it being under such circumstances.
See its helplessness, its innocence, and the crime you perpetrate
against it. Can that child love and respect you? Can it ever forgive
you? Can it ever be reconciled to you? In vain you talk to such a child
about filial gratitude and obedience. It will answer by pointing you to
_paternal_ wrong, inflicted on its helplessness. Disobedience,
ingratitude and defiance are constitutional,—bred in its bones,
organized into every fibre of its being.
Consider well the power your wife holds over your child, and over its
destiny as a man or woman, and ask—Shall that power be for good or evil?
Shall it be exerted to give your child a beautiful, healthy, vigorous
body, or a body corrupted and deformed by a painful and loathsome
disease? Shall it be used to secure to your child’s soul tenderness,
truth, justice, generosity and nobleness, or wrath, revenge, meanness
and falsehood?—to impress on its moral nature the stamp of Divinity, or
the stamp of a thief, a slaveholder, a pirate, a murderer, or an
assassin?
It is for you, the husband and father, to answer these questions.
_Mainly_, if not entirely, you are to decide whether this great power
shall be a blessing or a curse to your child. How? _Never impose on your
wife a maternity, except at the call of her own nature._ When she is
ready to take charge of the germ of a new life, and can joyfully welcome
the responsibilities and trials of its development and birth, then, and
_never till then_, impart it to her. Then will a tenderness ineffable, a
love that is all-hoping, all-enduring and all-pervading, and a joy
unspeakable and full of glory, preside, like a wise and loving
Providence, over the conception, ante-natal growth and education, and
the birth of your child. A heart, tender, loving and vigilant as the
heart of God, will watch over it for good. The perfection and happiness
of your child will be the one controlling motive of her life, and
whether she eat or drink, labor or rest, or whatever she does, she will
do all to the glory of that priceless and most welcome charge you have
committed to her care.
How ennobling, how imposing is Maternity, when thus bestowed and thus
accepted! How sublime its responsibilities, how pure its joys! How
heroic its sufferings, how august its martyrdom, when thus joyfully and
calmly endured! There is no heroism of earth so imposing, so sublime,
and so full of glory, as that of Maternity, when joyfully accepted, and
lovingly and calmly endured! No human act can be so potent and so
lasting in its results. But no agony is so appalling as that of a
Maternity from which the soul of woman shrinks with disgust and horror.
The character of individual and social man, and the destiny of the race,
are wrapped up in Maternity. Shall a function so replete with suffering
and responsibility be imposed on woman, against her prayers and her
tears, merely for the momentary gratification of man? Manhood as well as
womanhood, cries out against the outrage. All that is true and noble in
man says, “Forbear!” Only that which is sensual, brutal, devilish, can
perpetrate this wrong against the mother and child, or approve of it.