FIRELIGHT TALK.
The warmth and quietness of the library made such a bright and
pleasant contrast to the dreary scene in the Culm burying-ground that
Noll gave a great sigh of pleasure and relief as he entered the room
and found it light and cheerful with the blaze of a brisk fire on the
hearth. He sat down in one of the big arm-chairs which stood either
side of the fireplace, and held his numbed hands in the warmth, and
looked about him, thinking that the old stone house was a palace in
comparison with the other Culm habitations. Uncle Richard sat in his
usual seat by the window, with his face toward the darkening sea, and,
with the dismal scene which he had just witnessed fresh in his mind,
Noll felt a tenderer yearning toward the stern man,--feeling, somehow,
as if they could not be too near and dear to each other on this lonely
Rock, where, just now, it seemed as if there was little else than
wretchedness. Perhaps it was this feeling which led the boy to leave
his seat and stand by his uncle's chair, and, with one hand on the
grim man's shoulder, to say, "Dirk's child is dead, Uncle Richard, and
they've just buried it. Oh! what a lonely place to be buried in! I
would rather lie in the sea, it seems to me."
Trafford turned suddenly about at these words, exclaiming, "Hush,
hush! don't talk about death, boy! What have you been up to that
dreary little heap of graves for?"
"Partly to please Dirk,--partly because I wished, Uncle Richard. It's
a dismal place! I'm glad enough to get back."
"We shall both sleep there soon enough," said Trafford, who seemed to
be in one of his gloomiest moods. "Why go there till we go for the
last time?"
Noll's arm went about his uncle's neck. "Don't say such things!" he
said. "Perhaps we'll not live here always, Uncle Richard; and, if we
do have to be buried up there in the sand, heaven is just as near,
after all."
Trafford looked at the boy's face, ruddy and glowing from the long
walk in the wind, and sighed,--
"Yes, for you, Noll. But for me,--no, no!"
"Why, Uncle Richard?"
"Because--it is all dark,--dark! I have nothing, see nothing to hope
for beyond."
"Why won't you try to hope?" said Noll, softly.
"Hush! it's no use. Your Aunt Marguerite bade me follow after her long
ago. I did not try. Your father said almost the same, Noll. Yet here I
am,--I have not tried, I see no light, there is no hope for me."
The crackle of the fire and the hoarse voice of the sea had the
silence all to themselves for a long time. At last Noll said,--
"When papa died, he did not fear at all, Uncle Richard. He said it was
only the end of his journey, and that I was to follow on in the same
way till I got to him at last. And papa said the truth, Uncle
Richard."
"Yes! he never said aught else, Noll,--never!"
"And," continued the boy, his face growing grave, "papa said I was
never to forget God, and never to forget to help any of his creatures
if they were in trouble, and, oh! Uncle Richard, I hope I never
shall!"
"Ah!" said Trafford, thoughtfully, "your father ever had others'
welfare at heart. I remember, when we were lads, how, one day, in
coming from the woods with nuts and grapes, we passed a poor creature
by the roadside, who seemed fainting with fatigue or hunger. We both
laughed at the queer figure at first, and passed by merrily, and went
on our way; but Noll's face grew graver and graver, I remember, and by
and by he would turn about, in spite of me, and go all the long way
back to empty his pockets of their pennies and bits of silver into the
wanderer's lap. Yes, he had a heart for every unfortunate, and it was
not closed against them as he grew older."
Again the room was silent, while the fire flickered and painted
flame-shadows on the wall, and lit up the dusky corners with its red
glow. Noll sat on the arm of his uncle's chair, and watched the
quivering shapes, and, in fancy, went back over the sea to Hastings.
It was something such a night as this, he remembered, that papa had
bidden him farewell,--lying so calm and patient in the great south
chamber, where people were stepping softly about, and speaking in
whispers and sighs. And papa's dear arms had been around him till the
last, Noll thought, with his eyes brimming, and seeming yet to feel
their gentle pressure; and, as long as it could whisper, the dear
voice had breathed love and solemn counsel and fervent prayer into his
ears. Back to the boy came the vivid recollection of all the hushed
voice had said,--all the injunctions, the earnest entreaties to follow
in the path which led only heavenward, and his heart was so full that
he longed to cry out, "Papa, papa! If I might only see your face in
this dreary place!"
Trafford presently said, speaking his thoughts aloud, "It was an evil
day that separated us. God only knows what I might have been, had I
always lived in the sunshine of his pure, warm heart. Why are you so
silent, Noll?"
The boy could not trust himself to speak, and Trafford suddenly saw
that there were tears shining in his eyes. Noll felt his uncle's hand
laid upon his head, and the stern voice said, with all the tenderness
of which it was capable,--
"It's a hard life for you, Noll. I can see,--I know it."
"No, no!" said the boy, quickly, "it's not that, Uncle Richard! I was
only thinking of--of papa,--that was all."
"What about him?" queried Trafford; "I never knew that you mourned
before."
"Why," said Noll, chokingly, "papa told me so much,--so much that he
wished me to do and be,--and it all came to me just then, as if he
were saying it over again."
"What did he wish you to do and be?" Trafford quietly asked.
"He said that--that I should find Christ's work to do wherever I might
be, and that I must do his work and follow him wherever I should go;
and--and I'm a long way from that, Uncle Richard; though," Noll added,
turning his face away from the shining firelight, "I do try to do it,
and not forget him nor his work."
Again Trafford's hand was laid upon the boy's head, this time to
stroke his curly locks away from his eyes, where the wind had blown
them.
"Did he tell you aught of me?" he asked, presently.
"No,--only that if you ever found me, or I you, that I was to be your
boy. Papa said you would care for me."
"He believed in me still! He trusted me!" said Trafford. "Alas! he
knew not what a father I should make his child."
Noll slipped off the chair arm, saying, "Don't say that again, Uncle
Richard. Papa trusted you,--so do I. And, if you please, will you go
out to supper? Hagar called a long time ago. Come, Uncle Richard,
don't look so gloomy! Papa smiled even when--when he was saying
good-by to me."
The instant these words escaped Noll's lips he half regretted them. He
had never before allowed his uncle to know that he thought him sad and
gloomy, and he was not quite sure that the careless word would strike
agreeably upon his ears. But Trafford only said,--
"Yes, Noll, I know. We will go out to supper," and rose from the chair
and followed after his nephew.
The boy did his best to make the meal a cheery one, thinking to
himself that this, as much as anything, was a part of the work which
papa wished him to do; and, observing his efforts, Trafford endeavored
to keep pace with his nephew's cheerful talk. Noll did not go back to
the library after tea was over, but followed Hagar out to her kitchen
as she went thither with her tray of dishes, and sat down in the cozy
corner by the fireplace. Somehow, the boy thought, the old
housekeeper's humble kitchen seemed to gather more brightness and
cheerfulness into its rough and smoke-tarnished precincts than the
great library, with all its comforts and elegancies, ever held. The
reason for this he did not seek; he only knew that it was so, and
liked the wooden seat in the chimney-corner accordingly. Hagar came
out with her last tray-load from the dining-room, and set it down upon
the table with,--
"Bress ye, honey, Hagar's glad 'nough to see ye sittin' dar. 'Pears
like I never heard de sea shoutin' like it is dis yer ebenin'. Seems
as ef all de folks dat de cruel ole monster hab swallered wur jes'
openin' the'r moufs and cryin' 'loud! Hagar t'anks de Lord dat yer
ain't in de bottom ob it, honey."
The old housekeeper took two or three side glances at the boy's sober
face as she poured the hot water over her dishes, and said at last,
"Now don' ye s'pose Hagar knows what ye're t'inkin' ob so hard, chile?
Ki! she c'u'd tell ye quicker'n nuffin. You's t'inkin' ob dem mis'able
Culm folks, you is."
"You are partly right," said Noll. "It seems to me as if I couldn't
think of anything else. I try to sometimes, but the sight of their
wretched ways keeps coming to me, and it's no use to try and put it
away. Oh, dear, I wish something could be done for them!"
"Dat's yer bressed father all ober!" said Hagar. "'Spects ef he was
'live an' livin' on dis yer wild'ness, we'd see somethin' did fur 'em.
But Mas'r Dick--well, his heart is all frizzed up, jes' as I telled ye
afore. But de Lord'll open it sometime, honey,--Hagar's got faith
'nough to b'lieve dat!"
"Oh! I hope so," said Noll; "but what are the people going to do till
then?"
"Can't tell ye nuffin 'bout dat," said Hagar, making a vigorous
clatter among her dishes; "'spects the day's comin', tho', when de
Lord gets ready fur't. 'Tain't till _he_ says, honey."
Noll gravely replenished the fire from the great basket of cones and
chips which stood on the hearth, and stood listening, for a little
time, to their brisk snap and crackle, then turned to Hagar, saying,--
"Do you think I could do anything for them, Hagar? I've been thinking
this long time about it, and there's no one to ask but you, for I
can't quite get courage enough to say anything to Uncle Richard about
it,--he would be angry, I'm afraid. Do you think I could do anything,
Hagar?"
The old housekeeper let go her dishcloth, and turned about to look at
Noll, as he stood before the fire. Her eyes surveyed the lad from head
to foot,--as if it was the first time she had seen him,--and after a
few minutes of silence she slowly said, "What put dat in yer head,
chile?"
"I don't know; it's been there this great while. It was the misery
over there, I suppose," said Noll.
"Well, well," said she, turning back to her dishes, "Hagar's
'stonished, she is! Does I 'spect ye ken do anything fur dem yer?
Bress de Lord! He'll help ye, honey!--he'll help ye! An' ef it wa'n't
de Lord dat put it in yer head--Well, chile," Hagar added, "de Lord's
eberywhere, an' 'pears to me like as ef it was his doin'. What ye
t'ink, honey?"
Noll was looking in the rosy bed of coals, and for a few minutes made
no reply; then he said, in answer to Hagar's question,--
"I'd like to think that, Hagar. I'd like to have all my thoughts and
plans come from him, and I'd like to do the Lord's work; for that's
what I promised,--that's what I am trying to do."
Hagar wiped a pile of plates, and laying down her towel, said,
reverently,--
"Promise, chile? Did ye promise de Lord, or who?"
After she had asked this question, she looked furtively over her
shoulder at Noll, as if fearing she had asked about something which
she had no right to know.
But Noll, with hands clasped over knee, was looking straight into the
firelight, and did not appear offended; and pretty soon he said,
slowly and softly, Hagar stopping her clatter to listen,--
"Before mamma died--Did you know mamma, Hagar?"
"Not muchly, chile," said Hagar; "yer Uncle Dick's wife was my lady."
"Well, before mamma died," continued Noll, "we used to take long walks
upon the shore by the town. A great shining shore it was, I remember,
and yellow like gold sometimes when the sun shone upon it."
"Like de shore ob de new Jerusalem," interposed Hagar, gazing
abstractedly in her dish-pan.
"And there were great cedars and pines drooping down from the rocks,"
continued Noll, "and here mamma and I used to walk up and down when
papa was busy in his study; and almost always he used to come out to
walk a little with us before we were through. And one day we waited a
long time for him to come out, and at last sat down on a rock, for
mamma was not well then, and could not walk long without a rest; and
as she looked across the smooth water, she said, 'And the building of
the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto
clear glass.' Though I was a good deal smaller than I am now, I knew
what she meant, and of what she was thinking, for mamma used to talk
about leaving me then; and I laid my head in her lap and cried a
little, and said,--
"'Oh, don't talk of that, mamma, for what am I going to do?'"
Noll choked a little here at the remembrance, and Hagar drew a long
breath.
"Then," continued Noll, with a quivering voice, "she bent her face
over me and the tears in her eyes ran over on to my cheeks, and she
said,--
"'Oh, my little Noll, if mamma could feel sure that you were ready to
come after her into that city, she would never cry or mourn again!'
"It seemed as if my heart would break to see her cry and to know that
I was _not_ ready, and that I could not stop her tears. I wanted to
scream and groan, my heart swelled so."
"Ob course ye did," said Hagar, with ready sympathy.
Noll was silent for a long minute. Somehow, the talk with Uncle
Richard in the library had brought back the remembrance of all these
past events so brightly and vividly that it was like living them over
again. But he had not yet got to the "promise," and Hagar was waiting
patiently. So he continued, with a slight effort, saying,--
"Mamma dried her tears very suddenly, for papa came in sight just
then, and I suppose she feared he would be worried or anxious about
her, and though she said nothing more to me about the city to which
she was going, I couldn't forget her tears, nor that she was sorrowful
and unhappy on my account. It made me miserable. I didn't want to walk
with her the next day, for fear I should see her tears again; and I
knew I could not bear _that_. So when it came time to go, I hid away,
and she went alone."
"Poor honey!" said Hagar, reflectively.
"But that only made it all worse. I knew that I was all wrong, and
that I ought to try and find Jesus, through whom, mamma said, she
could only enter into the city. But it seemed as if he had hidden away
from me; and the way was all dark and I was afraid and wretched and
miserable."
"Oh, chile," said Hagar, "de bressed Lord was waitin' an' ready to
take ye up in his arms de berry minnit ye frowed yerself on his
mercy!"
"Yes," said Noll, "but I was not ready. I held back, and was wicked
and wretched; but it couldn't last alway, and one night when I had
said my prayer and been tucked in bed by mamma's poor weak, patient
hands, I could delay no longer, and throwing my arms about her neck
when she bent down to kiss me, I cried and sobbed, and begged her to
help me find Jesus, who reigned over the city, and mamma cried
too,--tears of joy they were, she said,--and told me that I had not to
seek for him as for a great stranger, but that he stood ready to enter
in and dwell in my heart the moment I yielded it up to him."
"Dat was de bressed troof!" said Hagar, with shining eyes; "an' what
did ye do den, honey?"
"Mamma called papa to come, and he prayed that Jesus would forgive me
and make my heart his own, and help me to always walk in the path that
ends at last at the gate of his city. And," Noll added, turning partly
about to Hagar, "I did give up, and--and I think he forgave me. The
dreary load went off my heart, and I promised Jesus then to never
forget him nor his work. When mamma did at last go to the city, I
promised her the same; when papa went, I promised him too. That is my
promise," said Noll, a little tremulously. "Do you think I can forget
it, Hagar? Do you think I can help wanting to do what is his work?"
Hagar wiped her eyes. "'Spects dere's no need ob answerin' dat
question," said she, quietly; "when de Lord's wid ye, dar ain't nobody
gwine to 'vent yer workin' good, nohow."
"But I don't know how to begin," said Noll, "even if I could do
anything. There's so much to be done, and I've nothing to do with. And
I'm afraid that Uncle Richard will forbid me to do anything about it.
He doesn't want me to go to Culm, he says, and he dislikes the Culm
people."
Hagar did not know what consolation to offer for this unfavorable
prospect. She could not counsel the boy to disobey his uncle's
commands, neither did she accept the idea of having Noll's projects
defeated for lack of permission to carry them out.
"Don' know, honey," said she, after a long meditation; "can't tell ye
nuffin 'bout dat, nohow. But jes' go right on wid yer plans, an' de
Lord'll find a way fur ye. He ken do it,--he ken do it, chile."
But the question was not settled in Noll's mind. It was not a thing to
be undertaken without much deliberation, and, as yet, only the vaguest
of schemes floated through his mind. He wished to aid, he longed to be
doing something of the work that was to be done, but there did not
seem to be the smallest prospect of a commencement.
Christmas came and went. The eve was not an unpleasant one to Noll,
though he remembered all too well what a blithe evening the last
Christmas-eve had been, and could not help thinking yearningly of the
dear friends gathered merrily together across the sea, and wonder
whether he was missed from the throng, as he sat by the fire all the
solitary evening.