DE W. Of course you are. Look you, it's only now that I like you; this
very morning I weighed your merits with those of Tom Tango of the
Stock Exchange, who you know has a sneaking kindness for my girl, and
the balance was considerably in Tom's favour. He's a better looking
fellow than you, and his conversation is more agreeable. Then, what's
a lawyer? said I, a creature all brains and no heart? no heart, sir!
But now, I'm changed, my views are more enlarged--more expansive--I
have been----
WHITE. Dining out?
DE W. No, I have been in the Central Criminal Court, during the cause,
"The Queen _v._ Pawkins."
WHITE. Ah, I see! and you heard my speech for the defence. It was not
bad, was it?
DE W. It was noble--it was glorious. While I looked upon that poor man
in the dock, and I heard you enunciate his virtues and expatiate on
the largeness of his small family, he assumed in my eyes the sanctity
of a martyr.
WHITE. You don't say so?
DE W. Perhaps you noticed that among the persons in the court one wept
aloud--very loud?
WHITE. I did. The policeman turned him out, I believe.
DE W. True--ahem! Some such brutal occurrence did take place; I was
the man that wept, sir, you were the man that made me weep; you
touched my heart, sir, you touched my heart.
WHITE. (_aside_) Really, a most sensible old gentleman!
DE W. Lingering at the door, I learned that the prisoner was
acquitted. So I walked home, and I said to myself--Whitewash is my
destined son-in-law. I as a manufacturer of fancy soap remove physical
impurities from the skin; Whitewash effaces the blots that calumny has
cast upon innocence.
WHITE. Innocence!
DE W. Of course; no one knows better than you that that poor
persecuted being was innocence itself.
WHITE. (_coolly_) Oh, yes--yes.
DE W. What delight you must have felt in restoring him to his weeping
wife, and those five small children!
WHITE. Wife! children! Oh! ah! I believe I did use the expression.
DE W. But there's a further pleasure in store for you. You know I
always follow the dictates of my heart. Well--well, my heart told me
that society owed that poor persecuted being a reparation, and was
bound to declare that he had not forfeited his social position. In a
word, sir, I've invited him to my ball this evening.
WHITE. (_rises_) Here? To your house? A fellow with the taint of the
dock fresh upon him!
DE W. A taint that he did not merit--a taint that you have so nobly
removed. (_rises_)
WHITE. (_aside_) Oh, this is an old fool!
_Enter AGATHA, C., and down, L._
AGATHA. (L.) Oh, papa, they are nearly all assembled in the other
room.
DE W. (C.) Come along then--come along, that I may introduce you as my
son-in-law. Come, defender of persecuted innocence!