THWAITES. Now, I thought I had said something very pretty--but she
don't look pleased.
AGATHA. No one has arrived, of course?
THWAITES. On the contrary, Miss Agatha--I'm sorry to differ from you,
but I rather think one has arrived, and is coffee-ing in the back
parlor;--here he is, too!
_Enter WHITEWASH, C. from L. C., and down, C._
Mr. Whitewash, as I'm alive!--No occasion to announce you, sir.
WHITE (C.). Ah, my dear Miss De Windsor, excuse me if I stopped a
minute to refresh myself with a _demitasse_ of your choice Mocha
instead of flying up stairs; but you see, a cause in which I was
retained came on late, and I was obliged to exert myself a good
deal--abnormally--if I may use the expression;--in short I was
regularly knocked up.
AGATHA. Don't think of apologies--as it is you are the first in the
room. So you have had another brief to-day--I hope you have been
victorious.
WHITE. One of my most brilliant triumphs! I actually outshone myself!
(_THWAITES listens_) A rascal had stolen a watch from a gentleman's
pocket, and hid it!--ha, ha, ha!--in his umbrella.
THWAITES. Watch in an umbrella--come, that's not bad!--ho, ho, ho!
WHITE. Eh? (_looks half offended--then continues without noticing
THWAITES_) There is not the slightest doubt that the scoundrel was
guilty; indeed he had such a face that innocence would have been a
positive fraud upon nature--but, ha, ha, ha! I got him off--I got him
off!--a weeping jury declared that he was not guilty.
AGATHA. Capital!
THWAITES. Which it is capital!--just like you, sir.
WHITE. (_draws AGATHA aside_) I say--this person--rather familiar.
AGATHA. Yes, I know--I'm quite annoyed. He's our greengrocer. 'Pa
jokes with him in the morning when he buys the vegetables, and now
he's come to wait in the evening, he don't understand his position at
all.
WHITE. I think I'll take the liberty of dropping a hint. I say,
Mr.----
THWAITES. Thwaites, at your service, sir. Cards ain't common in our
business; but my address is----
WHITE. Of your address, Mr. Thwaites, I have not the slightest doubt.
But I would speak a word with you.
THWAITES. And I'll listen if you talk for an hour. If I take up the
newspaper, is it to read about politics? No! About plays?--No, I
should rather think not! About pictures? bother, no! I look to see if
Mr. Whitewash has been saying something for some poor devil in the
Central Criminal Court. That's my intellectual treat!
WHITE. (_flattered_) Indeed! ha! ha! Really, my dear Miss de Windsor
we should do wrong to check this diffusion of intelligence among the
masses.
_Enter DE WINDSOR, C. from L. C._
DE W. He is here--is he--the dear boy. I must shake him by the hand.
(_rushes forward, R. C. and grasps THWAITES by the hand_) Eh! ha! ha!
You're not Whitewash! Ridiculous! I'm always making myself ridiculous;
I've too much heart. You feel what I mean, Whitewash. (_shakes his
hand violently_) You feel what I mean.