"What is the use of this, Dodo? What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to say what you think. Jack, old boy, I'm very fond of you,
though I couldn't marry you. Oh, you must see that. We shouldn't have
suited. We neither of us will consent to play second fiddle, you know.
Then, of course, there's the question of money. I must have lots of
money. Yes, a big must _and_ a big lot. It's not your fault that you
haven't got any, and it wouldn't have been your fault if you'd been
born with no nose; but I couldn't marry a man who was without either."
"After all, Dodo," said he, "you only say what every one else thinks
about that. I don't blame you for it. About the other, you're wrong. I
am sure I should not have been an exacting husband. You could have had
your own way pretty well."
"Oh, Jack, indeed no," said she;--"we are wandering from the point,
but I'll come back to it presently. My husband must be so devoted to
me that anything I do will seem good and charming. You don't answer
that requirement, as I've told you before. If I can't get that--I have
got it, by the way--I must have a man who doesn't care what I do. You
would have cared, you know it. You told me once I was in dreadfully bad
form. Of course that clinched the matter. To my husband I must never
be in bad form. If others did what I do, it might be bad form, but
with me, no. Bad form is one of those qualities which my husband must
think impossible for me, simply because I am I. Oh, Jack, you must see
that--don't be stupid! And then you aren't rich enough. It's all very
well to call it a worldly view, but it is a perfectly true one for me.
Don't you see I must have everything I want. It is what I live on, all
this," she said, spreading her hands out. "All these people must know
who I am, and that they should do that, I must have everything at my
command. Oh, it's all very well to talk of love in a cottage, but just
wait till the chimney begins to smoke."
Dodo nodded her head with an air of profound wisdom.
"It isn't for you that I'm anxious," said Jack, "it's for Chesterford.
He's an awfully good fellow. It is a trifle original to sing the
husband's praise to the wife, but I do want you to know that. And he
isn't one of those people who don't feel things because they don't show
it--it is just the other way. The feeling is so deep that he can't. You
know you like to turn yourself inside out for your friend's benefit,
but he doesn't do that. And he is in love with you."
"Yes, I know," she said, "but you do me an injustice. I shall be very
good to him. I can't pretend that I am what is known as being in love
with him--in fact I don't think I know what that means, except that
people get in a very ridiculous state, and write sonnets to their
mistress's front teeth, which reminds me that I am going to the dentist
to-morrow. Come and hold my hand--yes, and keep withered flowers and
that sort of thing. Ah, Jack, I wish that I really knew what it did
mean. It can't be all nonsense, because Chesterford's like that, and
he is an honest man if you like. And I do respect and admire him
very much, and I hope I shall make him happy, and I hear he's got a
delightful new yacht; and, oh! do look at that Arbuthnot girl opposite
with a magenta hat. It seems to me inconceivably stupid to have a
magenta hat. Really she is a fool. She wants to attract attention, but
she attracts the wrong sort. Now _she_ is in bad form. Bertie doesn't
look after his relations enough."
"Oh, bother the Arbuthnot girl," said Jack angrily. "I want to have
this out with you. Don't you see that that sort of thing won't do with
Chesterford? He is not a fool by any means, and he knows the difference
between the two things."
"Indeed he doesn't," said Dodo. "The other day he was talking to me,
and I simply kept on smiling when I was thinking of something quite
different, and he thought I was adorably sympathetic. And, besides, I
am not a fool either. He is far too happy for me to believe that he is
not satisfied."
"Well, but you'll have to keep it up," said Jack. "Don't you see I'm
not objecting to your theory of marriage in itself--though I think it's
disgusting--but it strikes me that you have got the wrong sort of man
to experiment upon. It might do very well if he was like you."
"Jack, you sha'n't lecture me," said Dodo; "I shall do precisely as
I like. Have you ever known me make a fool of myself? Of course you
haven't. Well, if I was going to make a mess of this, it would be
contrary to all you or anyone else knows of me. I'm sorry I asked your
opinion at all. I didn't think you would be so stupid."
"You told me to tell you what I thought," said Jack in self-defence.
"I offered to say what you wanted, or to congratulate or condole or
anything else; it's your own fault, and I wish I'd said it was charming
and delightful, and just what I had always hoped."
Dodo laughed.
"I like to see you cross, Jack," she remarked, "and now we'll be
friends again. Remember what you have said to-day--we shall see in time
who is right, you or I. If you like to bet about it you may--only you
would lose. I promise to tell you if you turn out to be right, even if
you don't see it, which you must if it happens, which it won't, so you
won't," she added with a fine disregard of grammar.
Jack was silent.
"Jack, you are horrible," said Dodo impatiently, "you don't believe in
me one bit. I believe you are jealous of Chesterford; you needn't be."
Then he interrupted her quickly.
"Ah, Dodo, take care what you say. When you say I needn't be, it
implies that you are not going to do your share. I want to be jealous
of Chesterford, and I am sorry I am not. If I thought you loved him,
or would ever get to love him, I should be jealous. I wish to goodness
I was. Really, if you come to think of it, I am very generous. I want
this to be entirely a success. If there is one man in the world who
deserves to be happy it is Chesterford. He is not brilliant, he does
not even think he is, which is the best substitute. It doesn't much
matter how hard you are hit if you are well protected. Try to make him
conceited--it is the best you can do for him."
He said these words in a low tone, as if he hardly wished Dodo to hear.
But Dodo did hear.
"You don't believe in me a bit," she said. "Never mind, I will force
you to. That's always the way--as long as I amuse you, you like me well
enough, but you distrust me at bottom. A woman's a bore when she is
serious. Isn't it so? Because I talk nonsense you think I am entirely
untrustworthy about things that matter."
Dodo struck the ground angrily with the point of her parasol.
"I have thought about it. I know I am right," she went on. "I shall
be immensely happy as his wife, and he will be immensely happy as my
husband."
"I don't think it's much use discussing it," said he. "But don't be
vexed with me, Dodo. You reminded me that we were old friends at the
beginning of this extremely candid conversation. I have told you that
I think it is a mistake. If he didn't love you it wouldn't matter.
Unfortunately he does."
"Well, Jack," she said, "I can't prove it, but you ought to know me
well enough by this time not to misjudge me so badly. It is not only
unjust but stupid, and you are not usually stupid. However, I am not
angry with you, which is the result of my beautiful nature. Come, Jack,
shake hands and wish me happiness."
She stood up, holding out both her hands to him. Jack was rather moved.
"Dodo, of course I do. I wish all the best wishes that my nature can
desire and my brain conceive, both to you and him, him too; and I hope
I shall be outrageously jealous before many months are over."
He shook her hands, and then dropped them. She stood for a moment with
her eyes on the ground, looking still grave. Then she retreated a step
or two, leaned against the rail, and broke into a laugh.
"That's right, Jack, begone, dull care. I suppose you'll be
Chesterford's best man. I shall tell him you must be. Really he is an
excellent lover; he doesn't say too much or too little, and he lets me
do exactly as I like. Jack, come and see us this evening; we're having
a sort of Barnum's Show, and I'm to be the white elephant. Come and be
a white elephant too. Oh, no, you can't; Chesterford's the other. The
elephant is an amiable beast, and I am going to be remarkably amiable.
Come to dinner first, the Show begins afterwards. No, on the whole,
don't come to dinner, because I want to talk to Chesterford all the
time, and do my duty in that state of life in which it has pleased
Chesterford to ask me to play my part. That's profane, but it's only
out of the Catechism. Who wrote the Catechism? I always regard the
Catechism as only a half-sacred work, and so profanity doesn't count,
at least you may make two profane remarks out of the Catechism, which
will only count as one. I shall sing, too. Evelyn has taught me two
little nigger minstrel songs. Shall I black my face? I'm not at all
sure that I shouldn't look rather well with my face blacked, though I
suppose it would frighten Chesterford. Here are Maud and Bertie back
again. I must go. I'm lunching somewhere, I can't remember where, only
Maud will know. Maud, where are we lunching, and have you had a nice
drive, and has Bertie been making love to you? Good-bye, Jack. Remember
to come this evening. You can come, too, Bertie, if you like. I have
had a very nice talk with Jack, and he has been remarkably rude, but I
forgive him."
Jack went with her to her dog-cart, and helped her in.
"This pony's name is Beelzebub," she remarked, as she took the reins,
"because he is the prince of the other things. Good-bye."
Then he went back and rejoined Bertie.
"There was a scene last night," said Bertie. "Maud told me about it.
She came home with Dodo and Chesterford, and stopped to open a letter
in the hall, and when she went upstairs into the drawing-room, she
found Dodo sobbing among the sofa cushions, and Chesterford standing
by, not quite knowing what to do. It appeared that he had just given
her the engagement ring. She was awfully-pleased with it, and said it
was charming, then suddenly she threw it down on the floor, and buried
her face in the cushions. After that she rushed out of the room, and
didn't appear again for a quarter of an hour, and then went to the
Foreign Office party, and to two balls."