My sixth brother, he of the cropt lips, O Commander of the
Faithful, was once rich, but after became poor. One day he went
out to seek somewhat to keep life in him and came presently to a
handsome house, with a wide and lofty portico and servants and
others at the door, ordering and forbidding. My brother enquired
of one of those standing there and he told him that the house
belonged to one of the Barmecide family. So he accosted the
door-keepers and begged an alms of them. "Enter," said they, "and
thou shalt get what thou seekest of our master." Accordingly, he
entered and passing through the vestibule, found himself in a
mansion of the utmost beauty and elegance, paved with marble and
hung with curtains and having in the midst a garden whose like he
had never seen. He stood awhile perplexed, knowing not whither to
direct his steps: then seeing the door of a sitting-chamber,
he entered and saw at the upper end a man of comely presence
and goodly beard. When the latter saw my brother, he rose and
welcomed him and enquired how he did; to which he replied that he
was in need of charity. Whereupon the other showed great concern
and putting his hand to his clothes, rent them, exclaiming, "Art
thou hungry in a city of which I am an inhabitant? I cannot
endure this!" and promised him all manner of good. Then said he,
"Thou must eat with me." "O my lord," replied my brother, "I can
wait no longer; for I am sore an hungred." So, the Barmecide
cried out, "Ho, boy! bring the ewer and the basin!" and said to
my brother, "O my guest, come forward and wash thy hands." My
brother rose to do so, but saw neither ewer nor basin. However,
the host made as if he were washing his hands and cried out,
"Bring the table." But my brother saw nothing. Then said the
Barmecide, "Honour me by eating of this food and be not ashamed."
And he made as if he ate, saying the while, "Thou eatest but
little: do not stint thyself, for I know thou art famished."
So my brother began to make as if he ate, whilst the other said
to him, "Eat and note the excellence of this bread and its
whiteness." My brother could see nothing and said to himself,
"This man loves to jest with the folk." So he replied, "O my
lord, never in my life have I seen whiter or more delicious
bread." And the host said, "I gave five hundred dinars for the
slave-girl who bakes it for me." Then he called out, "Ho, boy!
bring the frumenty first and do not spare butter on it." And
turning to my brother, "O my guest," said he, "sawst thou ever
aught better than this frumenty? Eat, I conjure thee, and be not
ashamed!" Then he cried out again, "Ho, boy! bring in the pasty
with the fatted grouse in it." And he said to my brother, "Eat, O
my guest, for thou art hungry and needest it." So my brother
began to move his jaws and make as if he chewed; whilst the other
ceased not to call for dish after dish and press my brother to
eat, though not a thing appeared. Presently, he cried out, "Ho,
boy I bring us the chickens stuffed with pistachio-kernels!"
And said to my brother, "These chickens have been fattened on
pistachio-nuts; eat, for thou hast never tasted the like of
them." "O my lord," replied my brother, "they are indeed
excellent." Then the host feigned to put his hand to my brother's
mouth, as if to feed him, and ceased not to name various dishes
and expatiate upon their excellence. Meanwhile my brother was
starving, and hunger was so sore on him that his soul lusted for
a cake of barley bread. Quoth the Barmecide, "Didst thou ever
taste aught more delicious than the seasoning of these dishes?"
"Never, O my lord," replied my brother. "Eat heartily and be not
ashamed," repeated the host. "O my lord," said my brother, "I
have had enough of meat." So the Barmecide cried out, "Take away
and bring the sweetmeats." Then he said, "Eat of this almond
conserve, for it is excellent, and of these fritters. My life on
thee, take this one before the syrup runs out of it!" "May I
never be bereaved of thee, O my lord!" replied my brother, and
asked him of the abundance of musk in the fritters. "It is my
custom," said the other, "to have three pennyweights of musk and
half that quantity of ambergris put into each fritter." All
this time my brother was wagging his jaws and moving his head
and mouth, till the host said, "Enough of this! Bring us the
dessert." Then said he to him, "Eat of these almonds and walnuts
and raisins and of this and that," naming different kinds of
dried fruits, "and be not ashamed." "O my lord," answered my
brother, "indeed I am full: I can eat no more." "O my guest,"
repeated the other, "if thou have a mind to eat more, for God's
sake do not remain hungry!" "O my lord," replied my brother, "how
should one who has eaten of all these dishes be hungry?" Then he
considered and said to himself "I will do that which shall make
him repent of having acted thus." Presently the host called out,
"Bring me the wine," and making as if it had come, feigned to
give my brother to drink, saying, "Take this cup, and if it
please thee, let me know." "O my lord," replied he, "it has a
pleasant smell, but I am used to drink old wine twenty years of
age." "Then knock at this door,"[FN#106] said his host; "for thou
canst not drink of aught better." "O my lord, this is of thy
bounty!" replied my brother and made as if he drank. "Health and
pleasure to thee!" exclaimed the host, and feigned, in like wise,
to fill a cup and drink it off and hand a second cup to my
brother, who pretended to drink and made as if he were drunken.
Then he took the Barmecide unawares and raising his arm, till the
whiteness of his arm-pit appeared, dealt him such a buffet on the
neck that the place rang to it. Then he gave him a second cuff
and the host exclaimed, "What is this, O vile fellow?" "O my
lord," replied my brother "thou hast graciously admitted thy
slave into thine abode and fed him with thy victual and plied him
with old wine, till he became drunk and dealt unmannerly by thee;
but thou art too noble not to bear with his ignorance and pardon
his offence." When the Barmecide heard my brother's words, he
laughed heartily and exclaimed, "Long have I used to make mock of
men and play the fool with those who are apt at jesting and
horse-play; but never have I come across any, who had patience
and wit to enter into all my humours, but thee; so I pardon thee,
and now thou shalt be my boon companion, in very deed, and never
leave me." Then he bade his servants lay the table in good
earnest, and they set on all the dishes of which he had spoken,
and he and my brother ate till they were satisfied, after which
they removed to the drinking-chamber, where they found damsels
like moons, who sang all manner of songs and played on all kinds
of musical instruments. There they remained, drinking, till
drunkenness overcame them, and the host used my brother as a
familiar friend, so that he became as it were his brother, and
bestowed on him a dress of honour and loved him with an exceeding
love. Next morning, they fell again to feasting and carousing,
and ceased not to lead this life for twenty years, at the end of
which time the Barmecide died and the Sultan laid hands on all
his property and squeezed my brother, till he stripped him of all
he had. So he left the city and fled forth at random, but the
Arabs fell on him midway and taking him prisoner, carried him to
their camp, where the Bedouin, his captor, tortured him, saying,
"Ransom thyself with money, or I will kill thee." My brother fell
a-weeping and replied, "By Allah, I have nought! I am thy
prisoner; do with me as thou wilt." Thereupon the Bedouin took
out a knife and cut off my brother's lips, still urging his
demand. Now this Bedouin had a handsome wife, who used to make
advances to my brother, in her husband's absence, and offer him
her favours, but he held off from her. One day, she began to
tempt him as usual, and he toyed with her and took her on his
knee, when lo, in came the Bedouin, and seeing this, cried out,
"Woe to thee, thou villain! Wouldst thou debauch my wife?" Then
he took out a knife and cut off my brother's yard, after which he
set him on a camel and carried him to a mountain, where he threw
him down and left him. Here he was found by some travellers, who
recognized him and gave him meat and drink and acquainted me with
his plight, whereupon I went forth to him and brought him back to
Baghdad, where I provided him with enough to live on. This then,
O Commander of the Faithful, is the history of my brothers, and I
was unwilling to go away without relating it to thee, that I
might disabuse thee of thine error in confounding me with them.
And now thou knowest that I have six brothers and support them
all.' When the Khalif heard my words, he laughed and said, 'Thou
sayst sooth, O Silent One! Thou art neither a man of many words
nor an impertinent meddler; but now go out from this city and
settle in another.' And he banished me from the city; so I left
Baghdad and travelled in foreign countries, till I heard of his
death and the coming of another to the Khalifate. Then I returned
to Baghdad, where I found my brothers dead and fell in with this
young man, to whom I rendered the best of services, for without
me he had been killed. Indeed he accuses me of what is foreign to
my nature and what he relates of my impertinence is false; for
verily I left Baghdad on his account and wandered in many
countries, till I came to this city and happened on him with you;
and was not this, O good people, of the generosity of my nature?"
When we heard the barber's story (continued the tailor) and saw
the abundance of his speech and the way in which he had oppressed
the young man, we laid hands on him and shut him up, after which
we sat down in peace and ate and drank till the time of the call
to afternoon-prayer, when I left the company and returned home.
My wife was sulky and said to me, "Thou hast taken thy pleasure
all day, whilst I have been moping at home. So now, except thou
carry me abroad and amuse me for the rest of the day, it will be
the cause of my separation from thee." So I took her out and we
amused ourselves till nightfall, when we returned home and met
the hunchback, brimming over with drunkenness and repeating the
following verses:
The glass is pellucid, and so is the wine: So bring them together
and see them combine:
Tis a puzzle; one moment, all wine and no cup; At another, in
turn, 'tis all cup and no wine.
So I invited him to pass the evening with us and went out to buy
fried fish, after which we sat down to eat. Presently my wife
took a piece of bread and fish and crammed them into his mouth,
and he choked and died. Then I took him up and made shift to
throw him into the house of the Jewish physician. He in his turn
let him down into the house of the controller, who threw him in
the way of the Christian broker. This, then, is my story. Is it
not more wonderful than that of the hunchback?'
When the King heard the tailor's story, he shook his head for
delight and showed astonishment, saying, 'This that passed
between the young man and the meddlesome barber is indeed more
pleasant and more wonderful than the story of that knave of a
hunchback.' Then he bade the tailor take one of the chamberlains
and fetch the barber out of his duresse, saying, 'Bring him to
me, that I may hear his talk, and it shall be the means of the
release of all of you. Then we will bury the hunchback, for he is
dead since yesterday, and set up a tomb over him.' So the
chamberlain and the tailor went away and presently returned with
the barber. The King looked at him and behold, he was a very old
man, more than ninety years of age, of a swarthy complexion and
white beard and eyebrows, flap-eared, long-nosed and simple and
conceited of aspect. The King laughed at his appearance and said
to him, 'O silent man, I desire thee to tell me somewhat of thy
history.' 'O King of the age,' replied the barber, 'why are all
these men and this dead hunchback before thee?' Said the King,
'Why dost thou ask?' 'I ask this,' rejoined the barber, 'that
your Majesty may know that I am no impertinent meddler and that I
am guiltless of that they lay to my charge of overmuch talk; for
I am called the Silent, and indeed I am the man of my name, as
says the poet:
Thine eyes shall seldom see a man that doth a nickname bear, But,
if thou search, thou'lt find the name his nature doth
declare.
So the King said, 'Explain the hunchback's case to him and repeat
to him the stories told by the physician, the controller, the
broker and the tailor.' They did as he commanded, and the barber
shook his head and exclaimed, 'By Allah, this is indeed a wonder
of wonders!' Then said he, 'Uncover the hunchback's body, that
I may see it.' They did so, and he sat down and taking the
hunchback's head in his lap, looked at his face and laughed till
he fell backward. Then said he, 'To every death there is a cause;
but the story of this hunchback deserves to be recorded in
letters of gold!' The bystanders were astounded at his words and
the King wondered and said to him, 'O silent man, explain thy
words to us.' 'O King of the age,' replied the barber, 'by thy
munificence, there is yet life in this hunchback.' Then he pulled
out from his girdle a barber's budget, whence he took a pot of
ointment and anointed therewith the neck of the hunchback and its
veins. Then he took out a pair of tweezers and thrusting them
down the hunchback's throat, drew out the piece of fish and its
bone, soaked in blood. Thereupon the hunchback sneezed and sat
up, and passing his hand over his face, exclaimed, 'I testify
that there is no god but God and that Mohammed is His Apostle!'
At this all present wondered and the King laughed, till he
fainted, and so did the others. Then said the King, 'By Allah,
this is the most wonderful thing I ever saw! O Muslims, O
soldiers all, did you ever in your lives see a man die and come
to life again? For verily, had not God vouchsafed him this barber
to be the cause of his preservation, he had been dead!' 'By
Allah,' said they, 'this is a wonder of wonders!' Then the King
caused the whole history to be recorded and laid up in the royal
treasury; after which he bestowed splendid dresses of honour on
the Jew, the broker and the controller and sent them away. Then
he gave the tailor a costly dress of honour and appointed him his
own tailor, with a suitable stipend, and made peace between him
and the hunchback, on whom he also bestowed a rich and fair dress
of honour and made him his boon-companion, appointing him due
allowances. As for the barber, he made him a like present and
appointed him state barber and one of his boon-companions,
assigning him regular allowances and a fixed salary. And they all
ceased not from the enjoyment of all the delights and comforts of
life, till there overtook them the Destroyer of delights and the
Sunderer of companies.