with the tree-shadows sloping over them, you would behold a
marvel and incline to them with delight.' And they fell to
describing Cairo and the Nile. When I heard their accounts of
Cairo, my mind dwelt on it and I longed to visit it; and when
they had done talking, each went to his own dwelling. As for me,
I slept not that night, for stress of yearning after Egypt, nor
was meat nor drink pleasant to me. After awhile, my uncles
prepared to set out for Cairo, and I wept before my father, till
he made ready for me merchandise and consented to my going wish
them, saying to them, 'Let him not enter Egypt, but leave him to
sell his goods at Damascus.' Then I took leave of my father and
we left Mosul and journeyed till we reached Aleppo, where we
abode some days. Then we fared on, till we came to Damascus and
found it a city as it were a paradise, abounding in trees and
rivers and birds and fruits of all kinds. We alighted at one of
the Khans, where my uncles tarried awhile, selling and buying:
and they sold my goods also at a profit of five dirhems on every
one, to my great satisfaction; after which they left me and went
on to Egypt, whilst I abode at Damascus in a handsome house, such
as the tongue fails to describe, which I had hired for two dinars
a month. Here I remained, eating and drinking and spending the
money in my hands, till, one day, as I sat at the door of my
lodging, there came up a young lady, clad in costly apparel,
never saw my eyes richer. I winked at her; and she entered
without hesitation. I entered with her and shut the door, and she
raised her kerchief and did off her veil, when I found her of
surpassing beauty, and love of her took hold upon my heart. So I
rose and fetched a tray of the most delicate viands and fruits
and all that was needed for a carouse, and we ate and sported and
drank till we were warm with wine. Then I lay with her the most
delightful of nights, till the morning, when I offered to give
her ten dinars; but she frowned and knit her brows and said, 'For
shame! Thinkest thou I covet thy money?' And she took out from
the bosom of her shift ten dinars and laid them before me,
saying, 'By Allah, except thou take them, I will never come
back!' So I accepted them, and she said to me, 'O my beloved,
expect me again in three days' time, when I will be with thee
between sundown and nightfall; and do thou provide us with these
dinars the like of yesterday's entertainment.' So saying, she
bade me adieu and went away, taking my reason with her. At the
end of the three days, she came again, dressed in gold brocade
and wearing richer ornaments than before. I had made ready a
repast; so we ate and drank and lay together, as before, till the
morning, when she gave me other ten dinars and appointed me again
for three days thence. Accordingly, I made ready as before, and
at the appointed time she came again, more richly dressed than
ever, and said to me, 'O my lord, am I not fair?' 'Yea, by
Allah!' answered I. Then she said, 'Wilt thou give me leave to
bring with me a young lady handsomer than I and younger, that she
may frolic with us and that thou and she may laugh and make merry
and rejoice her heart, for she has been sad at heart this long
time past and has asked me to let her go out and spend the night
abroad with me?' 'Ay, by Allah!' answered I; and we drank till we
were warm with wine and slept together till the morning, when she
gave me twenty dinars and said to me, 'Add to thy usual
provision, on account of the young lady who will come with me.'
Then she went away, and on the fourth day, I made ready as usual,
and soon after sundown she came, accompanied by another damsel,
wrapped in a veil. They entered and sat down; and when I saw
them, I repeated the following verses:
How lovely and how pleasant is our day! The railer's absent,
reckless of our play,
Love and delight and wine with us abide, Each one enough to charm
the wit away;
The full moon[FN#85] glitters through the falling veil;
Bough-like, the shapes within the vestments sway:
The rose blooms in the cheeks, and in the eyes Narcissus
languishes, in soft decay[FN#86].
Delight with those I love fulfilled for me And life, as I would
have it, fair and gay!
Then I lighted the candles and received them with joy and
gladness. They put off their outer clothing, and the new damsel
unveiled her face, when I saw that she was like the moon at its
full, never beheld I one more beautiful. Then I rose and set meat
and drink before them, and we ate and drank: and I began to feed
the new damsel and to fill her cup and drink with her. At this
the first lady was secretly jealous and said to me, 'Is not this
girl more charming than I?' 'Ay, by Allah!' replied I. Quoth she,
'It is my intent that thou lie with her this night.' And I
answered, 'On my head and eyes!' Then she rose and spread the bed
for us, and I took the young lady and lay with her that night
till the morning, when I awoke and found myself wet, as I
thought, with sweat. I sat up and tried to rouse the damsel, but
when I shook her by the shoulders, her head rolled off the
pillow. Thereupon my reason fled and I cried out, saying, 'O
gracious Protector, extend to me Thy protection!' Then I saw that
she had been murdered, and the world became black in my sight and
I sought the lady my first mistress, but could not find her. So I
knew that it was she who had murdered the girl, out of jealousy,
and said, 'There is no power and no virtue but in God the Most
High, the Supreme! What is to be done?' I considered awhile, then
rose and taking off my clothes, dug a hole midmost the courtyard,
in which I laid the dead girl, with her jewellery and ornaments,
and throwing back the earth over her, replaced the marble of the
pavement. After this I washed and put on clean clothes and taking
what money I had left, locked up the house and took courage and
went to the owner of the house, to whom I paid a year's rent,
telling him that I was about to join my uncles at Cairo. Then I
set out and journeying to Egypt, foregathered with my uncles, who
rejoiced in me and I found that they had made an end of selling
their goods. They enquired the reason of my coming, and I said,
'I yearned after you;' but did not let them know that I had any
money with me. I abode with them a year, enjoying the pleasures
of the city and the Nile and squandering the rest of my money in
feasting and drinking, till the time drew near for my uncles'
departure when I hid myself from them and they sought for me, but
could hear no news of me and said, 'He must have gone back to
Damascus.' So they departed, and I came out from my hiding and
sojourned in Cairo three years, sending year by year the rent of
the house at Damascus to its owner, until at last I had nothing
left but one year's rent. At this my breast was straitened and I
set out and journeyed till I reached Damascus, where my landlord
received me with joy. I alighted at the house and found
everything locked up as I had left it: so I opened the closets
and took out what was in them and found under the bed, where I
had lain with the murdered girl, a necklet of gold set with
jewels. I took it up and cleansing it of her blood, examined it
and wept awhile. Then I abode in the house two days and on the
third day, I went to the bath and changed my clothes. I had now
no money left and the devil prompted me to sell the necklet, that
destiny might be accomplished; so I took it to the market and
handed it to a broker, who made me sit down in the shop of my
landlord and waited till the market was full, when he took the
necklet and offered it for sale privily without my knowledge. The
price bidden for it was two thousand dinars; but the broker
returned and said to me, 'This necklet is a brass counterfeit of
Frank manufacture, and a thousand dirhems have been bidden for
it.' 'Yes,' answered I; 'I knew it to be brass, for we had it
made for such an one, that we might mock her: and now my wife has
inherited it and we wish to sell it; so go and take the thousand
dirhems.' When the broker heard this, his suspicions were roused;
so he carried the necklet to the chief of the market, who took it
to the prefect of police and said to him, 'This necklet was
stolen from me, and we have found the thief in the habit of a
merchant.' So the officers fell on me unawares and brought me to
the prefect, who questioned me and I told him what I had told the
broker: but he laughed and said, 'This is not the truth.' Then,
before I knew what was toward, his people stripped me and beat me
with rods on my sides, till for the smart of the blows I said, 'I
did steal it,' bethinking me that it was better to confess that I
stole it than let them know that she who owned it had been
murdered in my house, lest they should put me to death for her.
So they wrote down that I had stolen it and cut off my hand. The
stump they seared with boiling oil and I swooned away: but they
gave me wine to drink, and I revived and taking up my hand, was
returning to my lodging, when the landlord said to me, 'After
what has passed, thou must leave my house and look for another
lodging, since thou art convicted of theft.' 'O my lord,' said I,
'have patience with me two or three days, till I look me out a
new lodging.' 'So be it,' he answered and I returned to the
house, where I sat weeping and saying, 'How shall I return
to my people with my hand cut off and they know not that I am
innocent?' Then I abode in sore trouble and perplexity for two
days, and on the third day the landlord came in to me, and with
him some officers of police and the chief of the market, who had
accused me of stealing the necklace. I went out to them and
enquired what was the matter, but they seized on me, without
further parley, and tied my hands behind me and put a chain about
my neck, saying, 'The necklet that was with thee has been shown
to the Governor of Damascus, and he recognizes it as one that
belonged to his daughter, who has been missing these three
years.' When I heard this, my heart sank within me, and I said to
myself, 'I am lost without resource; but I must needs tell the
governor my story; and if he will, let him kill me, and if he
will, let him pardon me.' So they carried me to the governor's
house and made me stand before him. When he saw me, he looked at
me out of the corner of his eye and said to those present, 'Why
did ye cut off his hand? This man is unfortunate and hath
committed no offense; and indeed ye wronged him in cutting off
his hand.' When I heard this, I took heart and said to him, 'By
Allah, O my lord, I am no thief! But they accused me of this
grave offence and beat me with rods in the midst of the market,
bidding me confess, till for the pain of the beating, I lied
against myself and confessed to the theft, although I am
innocent.' 'Fear not,' said the governor; 'no harm shall come to
thee.' Then he laid the chief of the market under arrest, saying
to him, 'Give this man the price of his hand, or I will hang thee
and seize on all thy goods.' And he cried out to the officers,
who took him and dragged him away, leaving me with the governor,
who made his people unbind me and take the chain off my neck.
Then he looked at me and said, 'O my son, speak the truth and
tell me how thou camest by the necklet.' And he repeated the
following verse:
To tell the whole truth is thy duty, although It bring thee to
burn on the brasier of woe!
'By Allah, O my lord,' answered I, 'such is my intent!' And I
told him all that had passed between me and the first lady and
how she had brought the second one to me and had slain her out of
jealousy. When he heard my story, he shook his head and beat hand
upon hand; then putting his handkerchief to his eyes, wept awhile
and repeated the following verses:
I see that Fortune's maladies are many upon me, For, every
dweller in the world, sick unto death is he.
To every gathering of friends there comes a parting day: And few
indeed on earth are those that are from parting free?
Then he turned to me and said, 'Know, O my son, that she who
first came to thee was my eldest daughter. I brought her up in
strict seclusion and when she came to womanhood, I sent her to
Cairo and married her to my brother's son. After awhile, he died
and she came back to me: but she had learnt profligate habits
from the natives of Cairo: so she visited thee four times and at
last brought her younger sister. Now they were sisters by the
same mother and much attached to each other; and when this
happened to the elder, she let her sister into her secret, and
she desired to go out with her. So she asked thy leave and
carried her to thee; after which she returned alone, and I
questioned her of her sister, finding her weeping for her; but
she said, "I know nothing of her." However, after this, she told
her mother privily what had happened and how she had killed her
sister; and her mother told me. Then she ceased not to weep and
say, "By Allah, I will never leave weeping for her till I die!"
And so it fell out. This, O my son, is what happened, and now I
desire that thou baulk me not in what I am about to say to thee;
it is that I purpose to marry thee to my youngest daughter, for
she is a virgin and born of another mother, and I will take no
dower from thee, but on the contrary will appoint thee an
allowance, and thou shalt be to me as my very son.' 'I will
well,' replied I; 'how could I hope for such good fortune?' Then
he sent at once for the Cadi and the witnesses and married me to
his daughter, and I went in to her. Moreover, he got me a large
sum of money from the chief of the market and I became in high
favour with him. Soon after, news came to me that my father was
dead so the governor despatched a courier to fetch me the
property he had left behind him, and now I am living in all
prosperity. This is how I came to lose my right hand." His story
amazed me (continued the Jew) and I abode with him three days,
after which he gave me much money and I set out and travelled,
till I reached this thy city. The sojourn liked me well, so I
took up my abode here and there befell me what thou knowest with
the hunchback.' Quoth the King, 'This thy story is not more
wonderful than that of the hunchback, and I will certainly hang
you all. However, there still remains the tailor, who was the
head of the offending.' Then he said to the tailor, 'O tailor, if
thou canst tell me aught more wonderful than the story of the
hunchback, I will pardon you all your offenses.' So the tailor
came forward and said, 'Know, O King of the age, that a most rare
thing happened to me yesterday before I fell in with the
hunchback.
The Tailor's Story.
Yesterday morning early I was at an entertainment given by a
friend of mine, at which there were assembled near twenty men of
the people of the city, amongst them tailors and silk-weavers and
carpenters and other craftsmen. As soon as the sun had risen,
they set food before us that we might eat, when behold, the
master of the house entered, and with him a comely young man, a
stranger from Baghdad, dressed in the finest of clothes and
perfectly handsome, except that he was lame. He saluted us, while
we rose to receive him; and he was about to sit down, when he
espied amongst us a certain barber; whereupon he refused to sit
and would have gone away. But we stopped him and the host seized
him and adjured him, saying, "What is the reason of thy coming in
and going out again at once?" "By Allah, O my lord," answered he,
"do not hinder me, for the cause of my turning back is yonder
barber of ill-omen sitting there." When the host heard this, he
wondered and said, "How comes this young man, who is from
Baghdad. to be troubled in his mind about this barber?" Then we
looked at the young man and said to him, "Tell us the reason of
thine anger against the barber." "O company," replied he, "there
befell me a strange adventure with this barber in my native city
of Baghdad; he was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my
lameness, and I have sworn that I will never sit in the same
place with him nor tarry in any city of which he is an
inhabitant. I left Baghdad, to be rid of him, and took up my
abode in this city and lo, I find him with you! But now not
another night shall pass, before I depart hence." So we begged
him to sit down and tell us what had passed between him and the
barber in Baghdad, whereat the latter changed colour and hung
down his head. Then said the young man, "Know, O company, that my
father was one of the chief merchants of Baghdad, and God had
vouchsafed him no child but myself. When I grew up to man's
estate, my father was translated to the mercy of God, leaving me
great wealth in money and slaves and servants, and I began to
dress handsomely and feed daintily. Now God had made me a hater
of women, and one day, as I was going along one of the streets of
Baghdad, a company of women stopped the way before me; so I fled
from them, and entering a by-street without an outlet, sat down
upon a stone bench at the other end. I had not sat long, before
the lattice of one of the houses in the street opened and a young
lady, as she were the moon at its full, never in my life saw I
her like, put forth her head and began to water some flowers she
had on the balcony. Then she turned right and left and seeing me
watching her, smiled and shut the window and went away.
Therewithal, fire flamed up in my heart and my mind was taken up
with her, and my hatred (of women) was changed to love. I
continued sitting there, lost to the world, till sundown, when
the Cadi of the city came riding up the street, with slaves
before him and servants behind him, and alighting, entered the
very house at which the young lady had appeared. By this I
guessed that he was her father; so I went home, sorrowful, and
fell on my bed, oppressed with melancholy thoughts. My women came
in to me and sat round me, puzzled to know what ailed me; but I
would not speak to them nor answer their questions, and they wept
and lamented over me. Presently, in came an old woman, who looked
at me and saw at once what was the matter with me. So she sat
down at my head and spoke me fair and said, 'O my son, tell me
what ails thee, and I will bring thee to thy desire.' So I told
her what had happened to me, and she said, 'O my son, this girl is
the Cadi's daughter of Baghdad; she is kept in strict seclusion,
and the window at which thou sawest her is that of her apartment,
where she dwells alone, her father occupying a great suite of
rooms underneath. I often visit her, and thou shalt not come at
her but through me; so gird thy middle and be of good cheer.' So
saying, she went away, whilst I took comfort at what she said and
arose in the morning well, to the great satisfaction of my
people. By-and-by the old woman came in, chopfallen, and said to
me, 'O my son, do not ask how I have fared with her! When I
opened the subject to her, she said to me, "An thou leave not
this talk, pestilent hag that thou art, I will assuredly use thee
as thou deserves!" But needs must I have at her again.' When I
heard this, it added sickness to my sickness: but after some
days, the old woman came again and said to me, 'O my son, I must
have of thee a present for good news.' With this, life returned
to me, and I said, 'Whatever thou wilt is thine.' Then said she,
'O my son, I went yesterday to the young lady, who seeing me
broken-spirited and tearful-eyed, said to me, "O my aunt, what
ails thee that I see thy heart thus straitened?" Whereupon I wept
and replied, "O my lady, I am just come from a youth who loves
thee and is like to die for thy sake." Quoth she (and indeed her
heart was moved to pity), "And who is this youth of whom thou
speakest?" "He is my son," answered I, "and the darling of my
heart. He saw thee, some days since, at the window, tending thy
flowers, and fell madly in love with thee. I told him what passed
between thee and me the other day, whereupon his disorder
increased and he took to his bed and will surely die." At this
her colour changed and she said, "Is all this on my account?"
"Yea, by Allah!" answered I. "What wouldst thou have me do?" Then
said she, "Go back to him and salute him for me and tell him that
my sufferings are twice as great as his. And on Friday, before
the time of prayer, let him come hither and I will come down and
open the door to him. Then I will carry him to my chamber, where
we can converse awhile and he can go away, before my father comes
back from the mosque."' When I heard this, my anguish ceased and
my heart was comforted. So I took off the clothes I was wearing
and gave them to the old woman; and she said, 'Be of good cheer.'
'There is no pain left in me,' answered I; and she went away. My
household and friends rejoiced in my restoration to health, and I
abode thus till Friday, when the old woman entered and asked me
how I did, to which I replied that I was well and in good case.
Then I dressed and perfumed myself and sat down to await the
going in of the folk to the mosque, that I might betake myself to
the young lady. But the old woman said to me, 'Thou hast time and
to spare; so thou wouldst do well to go to the bath and have thy
head shaved, to do away the traces of thy disorder.' 'It is well
thought,' answered I; 'I will first have my head shaved and then
go to the bath.' Then I said to my servant, 'Go to the market and
bring me a barber, and look that he be no meddler, but a man of
sense, who will not split my head with his much talk.' So he went
out and returned with this wretched old man. When he came in, he
saluted me, and I returned his salutation. Then said he, 'Surely,
I see thee thin of body.' And I replied, 'I have been ill.' Quoth
he, 'God cause affliction and trouble and anxiety to depart from
thee!' 'May God hear thy prayer!' answered I: and he said, 'Be of
good cheer, O my lord, for indeed recovery is come to thee. Dost
thou wish to be polled or let blood? Indeed, it is reported, on
the authority of Ibn Abbas[FN#87] (whom God accept!), that the
Prophet said, "Whoso is polled on a Friday, God shall avert from
him threescore and ten diseases;" and again, "He who is cupped
on a Friday is safe from loss of sight and a host of other
ailments."' 'Leave this talk,' said I; 'come, shave my head at
once, for I am yet weak.' With this he pulled out a handkerchief,
from which he took an astrolabe with seven plates, mounted in
silver, and going into the courtyard, held the instrument up to
the sun's rays and looked for some time. Then he came back and
said to me, 'Know that eight degrees and six minutes have elapsed
of this our day, which is Friday, the tenth of Sefer, in the six
hundred and fifty-third year of the Flight of the Prophet (upon
whom be the most excellent of blessing and peace!) and the seven
thousand three hundred and twentieth year of the Alexandrian era,
and the planet now in the ascendant, according to the rules of
mathematics, is Mars, which being in conjunction with Mercury,
denotes a favourable time for cutting hair; and this also
indicates to me that thou purposest to foregather with some one
and that your interview will be propitious; but after this there
occurs a sign, respecting a thing which I will not name to thee.'
'By Allah,' exclaimed I, 'thou weariest me and pesterest me with
thy foolish auguries, when I only sent for thee to shave my head!
So come, shave me at once and give me no more talk.' 'By Allah,'
rejoined he, 'if thou knewest what is about to befall thee, thou
wouldst do nothing this day; and I counsel thee to do as I shall
tell thee, by observation of the stars.' 'By Allah,' said I, 'I
never saw a barber skilled in astrology except thee: but I think
and know that thou art prodigal of idle talk. I sent for thee to
shave my head, and thou plaguest me with this sorry prate!' 'What
more wouldst thou have!' replied he. 'God hath vouchsafed thee a
barber, who is an astrologer, versed in the arts of alchemy and
white magic, syntax, grammar and lexicology, rhetoric and logic,
arithmetic, astronomy and geometry, as well as in the knowledge
of the Law and the Traditions of the Prophet and in exegesis.
Moreover, I have read many books and digested them and have had
experience of affairs and understand them thoroughly. In short, I
have examined into all things and studied all arts and crafts and
sciences and mastered them; and thy father loved me because of my
lack of officiousness, for which reason my service is obligatory
on thee. I am no meddler, as thou pretendest, and on this account
I am known as the Silent, the Grave One. Wherefore it behoves
thee to give thanks to God and not cross me for I am a true
counsellor to thee and take an affectionate interest in thee. I
would I were in thy service a whole year, that thou mightst do me
justice: and I would ask no hire of thee for this.' When I heard
this, I said, 'Thou wilt certainly be the death of me this day!'
'O my lord,' replied he, 'I am he whom the folk call the Silent,
by reason of my few words, to distinguish me from my six
brothers, the eldest of whom was called Becbac,[FN#88] the
second Heddar,[FN#89] the third Fekic,[FN#90] the fourth El
Kouz el Aswani,[FN#91] the fifth El Feshar,[FN#92] the sixth
Shecashic[FN#93] and the seventh (myself) Samit[FN#94].' Whilst
he thus overwhelmed me with his talk, I thought my gall-bladder
would burst so I said to the servant, 'Give him a quarter-dinar
and let him go, for God's sake! I won't have my head shaved
to-day.' 'What words are these, O my lord?' said he. 'By Allah, I
will take no hire of thee till I have served thee; and needs must
I serve thee, for indeed it is incumbent on me to do so and
fulfil thy need; and I care not if I take no money of thee. If
thou knowest not my worth, I know thine; and I owe thy father
(may God the Most High have mercy on him!) many a kindness, for
he was a generous man. By Allah, he sent for me one day as it
were this blessed day, and I went in to him and found a company
of his friends with him. He would have had me let him blood; but
I pulled out my astrolabe and taking an altitude for him, found
the aspect inauspicious and the hour unfavourable for the letting
of blood. I told him of this and he conformed to my advice and
put off the operation to a more convenient season. So I recited
the following verses in his honour:
I came one day unto my lord, that I might let him blood, But
found that for his body's health the season was not good;
So sat me down and talked with him of many a pleasant thing And
all the treasures of my mind before him freely strewed.
Well pleased, he listened, then, "O mine of knowledge!" he did
say, "Thy wit and wisdom overpass the bounds of likelihood!"
"Not so," quoth I; "my wit indeed were little, but for thee, O
prince of men, that pour'st on me thy wisdom like a flood!
Thou seem'st indeed the lord of grace, bounty and excellence,
World's treasure-house of knowledge, wit, sense and
mansuetude!"
Thy father was charmed and cried out to the servant, saying,
"Give him a hundred and three dinars and a dress of honour." The
servant did as he bade, and I waited till a favourable moment,
when I let him blood; and he did not cross me, but thanked me,
and all present also praised me. When the cupping was over, I
could not help saying to him, "By Allah, O my lord, what made
thee say to the servant, 'Give him a hundred and three dinars'?"
Quoth he, "One dinar was for the astrological observation,
another for thine entertaining converse, the third for the
bloodletting and the remaining hundred and the dress for thy
verses in my honour."' 'May God show no mercy to my father,'
exclaimed I, 'for knowing the like of thee?' He laughed and said,
'There is no god but God and Mohammed is His Apostle! Glory be to
Him who changes but is not changed! I took thee for a man of
sense; but I see thou dotest for illness. God says, in His
precious Book, that Paradise is prepared for "those who restrain
their wrath and forgive men", and in any case thou art excused.
But I am ignorant of the cause of thy haste, and thou must know
that thy father and grandfather did nothing without consulting
me, for indeed it is said that he with whom one takes counsel
should be trustworthy and that he who takes counsel shall not be
disappointed. It is said also that he who hath not an elder (to
advise him) will never be an elder himself; and indeed the poet
says:
Ere thou decide to venture thyself in aught, Consult an
experienced man and cross him not.
And indeed thou wilt find none better versed in affairs than I,
and I am here standing on my feet to serve thee. I am not vexed
with thee: why shouldst thou be vexed with me? But I will bear
with thee for the sake of the favours I owe thy father.' 'By
Allah,' exclaimed I, 'O thou whose tongue is as long as a
jackass's tail, thou persistest in pestering me with talk and
pelting me with words, when all I want of thee is to shave my
head and take thyself off!' Then he lathered my head, saying, 'I
know that thou art vexed with me, but I bear thee no malice; for
thy wit is weak and thou art a boy: it was but yesterday I took
thee on my shoulders and carried thee to the school' 'O my
brother,'. cried I, 'for God's sake, do what I want and go thy
way!' And I rent my clothes. When he saw me do this, he took the
razor and fell to sharpening it and stinted not, till I was
well-nigh distraught. Then he came up to me and shaved a part of
my head, then held his hand and said, 'O my lord, hurry is of the
Devil and deliberation of the Merciful One. Methinks thou knowest
not my station; verily my hand falls on the heads of kings and
amirs and viziers and sages and learned men: and it was of me the
poet said:
All the trades are like necklets of jewels and gold And this
barber indeed's the chief pearl of the strings.
He excelleth all others that boast of their skill. And under his
hand are the topknots of kings.'
'Leave what concerns thee not,' said I: 'indeed thou hast
straitened my breast and troubled my mind.' Quoth he, Meseems
thou art in haste. 'Yes, yes, yes!' answered I, and he, 'Thou
wouldst do well to proceed with deliberation, for haste is of the
Devil and bequeaths repentance and disappointment. Verily he upon
whom be blessing and peace[FN#95] hath said, "The best affair is
that which is undertaken with deliberation." By Allah, thy case
troubles me, and I would have thee let me know what it is thou
art in such haste to do, for I fear me it is other than good.'
Then said he, 'It wants three hours yet of the time of prayer.
However, I do not wish to be in doubt as to this, but am minded
to know the time for certain; for speech, when it is conjectural,
is but faulty, especially in the like of me, whose merit is plain
and known of all men; and it does not befit me to talk at random,
as do the common sort of astrologers.' So saying, he threw down
the razor and taking up the astrolabe, went out under the sun and
stood a long while, after which he returned and said to me, 'It
wants three hours of the time of prayer, neither more nor less.'
'By Allah,' answered I, 'hold thy tongue, for thou breakest my
heart in pieces!' So he took his razor and after sharpening it as
before, shaved another part of my head. Then he said, 'I am
concerned about thy haste; and indeed thou wouldst do well to
tell me the cause of it, for thou knowest that thy father and
grandfather did nothing without my counsel.' When I saw that
there was no getting rid of him, I said to myself, 'The time of
prayer draws near and I wish to go to her before the folk come
out from the mosque. If I am delayed much longer, I know not
how I shall come at her.' Then I said to him, 'Be quick and
leave this prating and officiousness, for I have to go to an
entertainment at the house of one of my friends.' When he heard
me speak of an entertainment, he said, 'This thy day is a blessed
one for me! Verily, yesterday I invited a party of my intimate
friends and I have forgotten to provide aught for them to eat. I
bethought me of it but now, on hearing thee speak of an
entertainment. Alack, how I shall be disgraced in their eyes!'
'Be in no concern for that,' answered I. 'Have I not told thee
that I am bidden abroad to-day? All the meat and drink in the
house shall be thine, so thou despatch my affair and make haste
to shave my head.' 'God requite thee with good!' rejoined he.
'Tell me what thou hast for my guests, that I may know.' Quoth I,
'I have five dishes of meat and ten fricasseed fowls and a
roasted lamb.' 'Bring them out to me,' said he, 'that I may see
them.' So I had all this brought, and when he saw it, he said,
'There lacks the wine.' 'I have a flagon or two in the house,'
answered I; and he said, 'Have it brought out.' So I sent for it,
and he exclaimed, 'God bless thee for a generous soul! But there
are still the perfumes and the essences.' So I brought him a box,
containing fifty dinars' worth of aloes-wood and ambergris and
musk and other perfumes. By this, the time began to run short and
my heart was straitened; so I said to him, 'Take it all and
finish shaving my head, by the life of Mohammed, whom God bless
and preserve!' 'By Allah,' said he, 'I will not take it till
I see all that is in it.' So I made the servant open the box,
and the barber threw down the astrolabe and sitting down on
the ground, turned over the contents, till I was well-nigh
distracted. Then he took the razor and coming up to me, shaved
some little of my head and recited the following verse:
The boy after his father's guise grows up and follows suit As
surely as the tree springs up from out its parent root.
Then said he, 'O my son, I know not whether to thank thee or thy
father; for my entertainment to-day is all due to thy kindness
and liberality, and none of my company is worthy of it; though I
have none but men of consideration, such as Zentout the
bath-keeper and Selya the corn-chandler and Silet the bean-seller
and Akresheh the grocer and Hemid the scavenger and Said the
camel-driver and Suweyd the porter and Abou Mukarish the
bathman[FN#96] and Cassim the watchman and Kerim the groom.
There is not among them all one curmudgeon or make-bate or
meddler or spoil-sport; each has his own dance that he dances
and his own couplets that he repeats, and the best of them is
that they are like thy servant, knowing not abundance of talk
nor meddlesomeness. The bath-keeper sings enchantingly to the
tambourine and dances and says, "I am going, O my mother, to fill
my jar!" As for the corn-chandler, he brings more skill to it
than any of them; he dances and says, "O mourner, my mistress,
thou dost not fall short!" and draws the very heart out of one
for laughing at him. Whilst the scavenger sings, so that the
birds stop to listen to him, and dances and says, "News with my
wife is not kept in a chest!" And indeed he is a witty,
accomplished rogue, and of his excellence I use to say the
following:
My life redeem the scavenger! I love him passing dear, For, in
his goodly gait, he's like the zephyr-shaken bough.
Fate blessed my eyes with him one night; and I to him did say,
(Whilst in my bosom, as I spoke, desire did ebb and flow,)
"Thou'st lit thy fire within my heart!" Whereto he answer made
"What wonder though the scavenger have turned a
fire-man[FN#97] now?"
And indeed each is perfection in all that can charm the wit with
mirth and jollity. But hearing is not like seeing; and indeed if
thou wilt join us and put off going to thy friends, it will be
better both for us and for thee: for the traces of sickness are
yet upon thee and belike thou art going amongst talkative folk,
who will prate of what does not concern them, or there may be
amongst them some impertinent busybody who will split thy head,
and thou still weak from illness.' 'This shall be for another
day,' answered I and laughed in spite of my anger. 'Finish what
thou hast to do for me and go in peace and enjoy thyself with thy
friends, for they will be awaiting thy coming.' 'O my lord,'
replied he, 'I only seek to bring thee in company with these
pleasant folk, amongst whom there is neither meddlesomeness nor
excess of talk; for never, since I came to years of discretion,
could I endure to consort with those who ask of what concerns
them not, nor with any except those who are, like myself, men of
few words. Verily, if thou wert once to see them and company with
them, thou wouldst forsake all thy friends.' 'God fulfil thy
gladness with them!' rejoined I. 'Needs must I foregather with
them one of these days.' And he said, 'I would it were to be
to-day, for I had made up my mind that thou shouldst make one of
us: but if thou must indeed go to thy friends to-day, I will take
the good things, with which thy bounty hath provided me for them,
to my guests, and leave them to eat and drink, without waiting
for me, whilst I return to thee in haste and accompany thee
whither thou goest; for there is no ceremony between me and my
friends to hinder me from leaving them.' 'There is no power and
no virtue but in God the Most High, the Supreme!' cried I. 'Go
thou to thy friends and make merry with them and let me go to
mine and be with them this day, for they expect me.' 'I will
not let thee go alone,' replied he: and I said, 'None can enter
where I am going but myself.' Then said he, 'I believe thou
hast an assignation with some woman to-day; else thou wouldst
take me with thee, for it is the like of me that furnishes a
merry-making; or if thou go to any one with whom thou wouldst be
private, I am the fittest of all men for thy purpose, for I would
help thee to what thou desirest and look that none saw thee. I
fear lest thou go in to some strange woman and lose thy life; for
in this city one cannot do aught of the kind, especially on a day
like this and under so keen and masterful a chief of the police
as ours of Baghdad.' 'Out on thee, O wretched old man!' cried I.
'Avaunt! what words are these thou givest me?' 'O dolt!' rejoined
he, 'thou sayest to me what is not true and hidest thy mind from
me; but I know that this is so and am certain of it, and I only
seek to help thee this day.' I was fearful lest my people or the
neighbours should hear the barber's talk, so kept silence, whilst
he finished shaving my head; by which time the hour of prayer was
come and it was wellnigh time for the exhortation.[FN#98] When he
had done, I said to him, 'Take the meat and drink and carry them
to thy friends. I will await thy return.' For I thought it best
to dissemble with the accursed fellow and feign compliance with
his wishes, so haply he might go away and leave me. Quoth he,
'Thou art deceiving me and wilt go alone and cast thyself into
some peril, from which there will be no escape for thee. For
God's sake, do not go till I return, that I may accompany thee
and see what comes of thine affair.' 'It is well,' answered I:
'do not be long absent.' Then he took all that I had given him
and went out; but, instead of going home with it, the cursed
fellow delivered it to a porter, to carry to his house, and hid
himself in a by-street. As for me, I rose at once, for the
Muezzins had already chanted the Salutation,[FN#99] and, dressing
myself in haste, went out and hurried to the house where I had
seen the young lady. I found the old woman standing at the door,
awaiting me, and went up with her to the young lady's apartment.
Hardly had I done so, when the master of the house returned from
the mosque and entering the saloon, shut the door. I looked out
from the window and saw this barber (God's malison on him!)
sitting over against the door, and said, 'How did this devil find
me out?' At this moment, as God had decreed it for my undoing, it
befell that a slave-girl belonging to the master of the house
committed some offence, for which he beat her. She cried out, and
a male slave came in to deliver her, whereupon the Cadi beat him
also, and he too cried out. The cursed barber concluded that it
was I he was beating and fell to tearing his clothes and strewing
dust on his head, shrieking and calling for help. So the folk
came round him, and he said to them, 'My master is being murdered
in the Cadi's house!' Then he ran, shrieking, to my house, with
the folk after him, and told my people and servants: and before I
knew what was forward, up they came, with torn clothes and
dishevelled hair, calling out, 'Alas, our master!' and the barber
at their head, in a fine pickle, tearing his clothes and
shouting. They made for the house in which I was, headed by the
barber, crying out, 'Woe is us for our murdered master!' And the
Cadi, hearing the uproar at his door, said to one of his
servants, 'Go and see what is the matter.' The man went out and
came back, saying, 'O my lord, there are more than ten thousand
men and women at the door, crying out, "Woe is us for our
murdered master!" and pointing to our house.' When the Cadi heard
this, he was troubled and vexed; so he went to the door and
opening it, saw a great concourse of people; whereat he was
amazed and said, 'O folk, what is the matter?' 'O accursed one, O
dog, O hog,' replied my servants, 'thou hast killed our master!'
Quoth he, 'And what has your master done to me that I should kill
him? Behold, this my house is open to you!' 'Thou didst beat him
but now with rods,' answered the barber; 'for I heard his cries.'
'What has he done that I should beat him?' repeated the Cadi;
'and what brings him into my house?' 'Be not a vile, perverse old
man!' replied the barber; 'I know the whole story. The long and
the short of it is that thy daughter is in love with him and he
with her; and when thou knewest that he had entered the house,
thou badest thy servants beat him, and they did so. By Allah,
none shall judge between us and thee but the Khalif! So bring us
out our master, that his people may take him, before I go and
fetch him forth of thy house and thou be put to shame.' When the
Cadi heard this, he was dumb for amazement and confusion before
the people, but presently said to the barber, 'If thou speak
truth, come in and fetch him out.' Whereupon the barber pushed
forward and entered the house. When I saw this, I looked about
for a means of escape, but saw no hiding-place save a great chest
that stood in the room. So I got into the chest and pulled the
lid down on me and held my breath. Hardly had I done this, when
the barber came straight to the place where I was and catching up
the chest, set it on his head and made off with it in haste. At
this, my reason forsook me and I was assured that he would not
let me be; so I took courage and opening the chest, threw myself
to the ground. My leg was broken in the fall, and the door of the
house being opened, I saw without a great crowd of people. Now I
had much gold in my sleeve, which I had provided against the like
of this occasion; so I fell to scattering it among the people, to
divert their attention from me; and whilst they were busy
scrambling for it, I set off running through the by-streets of
Baghdad, and this cursed barber, whom nothing could divert from
me, after me. Wherever I went, he followed, crying out, 'They
would have bereft me of my master and slain him who has been a
benefactor to me and my family and friends! But praised be God
who aided me against them and delivered my lord from their hands!
Where wilt thou go now? Thou persistedst in following thine own
evil devices, till thou broughtest thyself to this pass, and if
God had not vouchsafed me to thee, thou hadst never won free from
this strait, for they would have plunged thee into irremediable
ruin. How long dost thou expect I shall live to save thee? By
Allah, thou hast well-nigh undone me by thy folly and thy
perverseness in wishing to go by thyself! But I will not reproach
thee with ignorance, for thou art little of wit and hasty.' 'Does
not what thou hast brought upon me suffice thee,' replied I, 'but
thou must pursue me with the like of this talk through the public
streets?' And I well-nigh gave up the ghost for excess of rage
against him. Then I took refuge in the shop of a weaver in the
midst of the market and sought protection of the owner, who drove
the barber away. I sat down in the back shop and said to myself,
'If I return home, I shall never be able to get rid of this
accursed barber, for he will be with me night and day, and I
cannot endure the sight of him.' So I sent out at once for
witnesses and made a will, dividing the greater part of my money
among my people, and appointed a guardian over them, to whom I
committed the charge of great and small directing him to sell my
house and estates. Then I set out at once on my travels, that I
might be free of this ruffian, and came to settle in your town,
where I have lived for some time. When you invited me and I came
hither the first thing I saw was this accursed pimp seated in the
place of honour. How, then, can I be at my ease and how can it be
pleasant to me to consort with you, in company with this fellow,
who brought all this upon me and was the cause of the breaking of
my leg and of my exile from my country and family?" And he
refused to sit down and went away. When we heard the young man's
story (continued the tailor), we were beyond measure amazed and
diverted and said to the barber, "Is it true that this young man
says of thee?" "By Allah," replied he, "I dealt thus with him of
my courtesy and good sense and humanity. But for me, he had
perished and none but I was the cause of his escape. Well for him
that it was in his leg that he suffered and not in his life! Were
I a man of many words or a busybody, I had not done him this
kindness; but now I will tell you something that happened to me,
that ye may know that I am indeed sparing of speech and no
impertinent meddler, as were my six brothers; and it is this:
The Barber's Story.
I was living at Baghdad, in the time of the Khalif Mustensir
Billah,[FN#100] who loved the poor and needy and companied with
the learned and the pious. One day, it befell that he was wroth
with a band of highway robbers, ten in number, who infested the
neighbourhood, and ordered the chief of the Baghdad police to
bring them before him on the day of the Festival. So the prefect
sallied out and capturing the robbers, embarked with them in a
boat. I caught sight of them, as they were embarking, and said to
myself, 'These people are surely bound on some party of pleasure;
methinks they mean to spend the day in eating and drinking, and
none shall be their messmate but I.' So, of the greatness of my
courtesy and the gravity of my understanding, I embarked in the
boat and mingled with them. They rowed across to the opposite
bank, where they landed, and there came up soldiers and police
officers with chains, which they put round the necks of the
robbers. They chained me with the rest, and, O company, is it not
a proof of my courtesy and spareness of speech that I kept
silence and did not choose to speak? Then they took us away in
chains and next morning they carried us all before the Commander
of the Faithful, who bade strike off the heads of the ten
robbers. So the herdsman came forward and made us kneel before
him on the carpet of blood;[FN#101] then drawing his sword,
struck off one head after another, till none was left but
myself. The Khalif looked at me and said to the headsman, 'What
ails thee thou thou struck off but nine heads?' 'God forbid,'
replied he, 'that I should behead only nine, when thou didst
order me to behead ten!' Quoth the Khalif, 'Meseems, thou hast
beheaded but nine and he who is before thee is the tenth.' 'By
thy munificence,' replied the headsman, 'I have beheaded ten!' So
they counted the dead men, and behold, they were ten. Then said
the Khalif to me, 'What made thee keep silence at such a time and
how camest thou in company with these men of blood? Thou art a
man of great age, but assuredly thy wit is but little.' When I
heard the Khalif's words, I replied, 'Know, O Commander of the
Faithful, that I am the Silent Elder, and am thus called to
distinguish me from my six brothers. I am a man of great
learning, whilst, as for the gravity of my understanding, the
excellence of my apprehension and the spareness of my speech,
there is no end to them; and by craft I am a barber. I went out
early yesterday morning and saw these ten men making for a boat,
and thinking they were bound on a party of pleasure, joined
myself to them and embarked with them. After awhile, there came
up the officers, who put chains round their necks and round mine
amongst the rest, but in the excess of my courtesy, I kept
silence and did not speak, nor was this other than generosity on
my part. Then they brought us before thee and thou didst order
the ten robbers' heads to be stricken off; yet did I not make
myself known to thee, purely of my great generosity and courtesy,
which led me to share with them in their death. But all my life
have I dealt thus nobly with the folk, and they still requite me
after the foulest fashion.' When the Khalif heard what I said and
knew that I was a man of exceeding generosity and few words and
no meddler (as this young man would have it, whom I rescued from
horrors and who has so scurvily repaid me), he laughed so
immoderately that he fell backward. Then said he to me, 'O silent
man, are thy six brothers like thee distinguished for wisdom and
knowledge and spareness of speech?' 'Never were they like me,'
answered I; 'thou dost me injustice, O Commander of the Faithful,
and it becomes thee not to even my brothers with me: for, of the
abundance of their speech and their lack of conduct and courtesy,
each one of them has gotten some bodily defect. One is blind of
an eye, another paralysed, a third blind, a fourth cropped of the
ears and nose, a fifth crop-lipped and a sixth hunchbacked and a
cripple. Thou must not think, O Commander of the Faithful, that I
am a man of many words; but I must needs explain to thee that I
am a man of greater worth and of fewer words than they. By each
one of my brothers hangs a tale of how he came by his defect,
[FN#102] and these I will relate to thee. Know then, O Commander
of the Faithful that
Story of the Barber's First Brother.
My first brother, the hunchback, was a tailor in Baghdad, and
plied his craft in a shop, which he hired of a very rich man, who
dwelt over against him and had a mill in the lower part of the
house. One day, as my brother the hunchback was sitting in his
shop, sewing, he chanced to raise his head and saw, at the
bay-window of his landlord's house, a lady like the rising full
moon, engaged in looking at the passers-by. His heart was taken
with love of her and he passed the day gazing at her and
neglecting his business, till the evening. Next day, he opened
his shop and sat down to sew: but as often as he made a stitch,
he looked at the bay-window and saw her as before; and his
passion and infatuation for her redoubled. On the third day, as
he was sitting in his usual place, gazing on her, she caught
sight of him, and perceiving that he had fallen a captive to her
love, smiled in his face, and he smiled back at her. Then she
withdrew and sent her slave-girl to him with a parcel of red
flowered silk. The girl accosted him and said to him, "My lady
salutes thee and would have thee cut out for her, with a skilful
hand, a shift of this stuff and sew it handsomely." "I hear and
obey," answered he; and cut out the shift and made an end of
sewing it the same day. Next morning early, the girl came back
and said to him, "My mistress salutes thee and would fain know
how thou hast passed the night; for she has not tasted sleep by
reason of her heart being taken up with thee." Then she laid
before him a piece of yellow satin and said to him, "My mistress
bids thee cut her two pairs of trousers of this stuff and sew
them this day." "I hear and obey," answered he; "salute her for
me with abundant salutation and say to her, 'Thy slave is
obedient to thy commands so order him as thou wilt.'" Then he
applied himself to cut out the trousers and used all diligence in
sewing them. Presently the lady appeared at the window and
saluted him by signs, now casting down her eyes and now smiling
in his face, so that he made sure of getting his will of her. She
did not let him budge till he had finished the two pairs of
trousers, when she withdrew and sent the slave-girl, to whom he
delivered them, and she took them and went away. When it was
night, he threw himself on his bed and tossed from side to side,
till morning, when he rose and sat down in his shop. By-and-by,
the slave-girl came to him and said, "My master calls for thee."
When he heard this, he was afraid; but the girl, seeing his
alarm, to him, "Fear not: nought but good shall befall thee. My
lady would have thee make acquaintance with my master." So my
brother rejoiced greatly and went out with her. When he came into
his landlord's presence he kissed the earth before him, and the
latter returned his salute; then gave him a great piece of linen,
saying, "Make this into shirts for me." "I hear and obey,"
replied my brother, and fell to work at once and cut out twenty
shirts by nightfall, without stopping to taste food. Then said
the husband "What is thy hire for this?" "Twenty dirhems,"
answered my brother. So the man cried out to the slave-girl to
give him twenty dirhems; but the lady signed to my brother not to
take them, and he said, "By Allah, I will take nothing from
thee!" And took his work and went away, though he was sorely in
want of money. Then he applied himself to do their work, eating
and drinking but little for three days, in his great diligence.
At the end of this time, the slave-girl came to him and said,
"What hast thou done?" Quoth he, "They are finished;" and carried
the shirts to his landlord, who would have paid him his hire; but
he said, "I will take nothing," for fear of the lady, and
returning to his shop, passed the night without sleep for hunger.
Now the lady had told her husband how the case stood, and they
had agreed to take advantage of his infatuation to make him sew
for them for nothing and laugh at him. Next morning, as he sat in
his shop, the servant came to him and said, "My master would
speak with thee." So he accompanied her to the husband, who said
to him, "I wish thee to make me five cassocks." So he cut them
out and took the stuff and went away. Then he sewed them and
carried them to the man, who praised his work and offered him a
purse of money. He put out his hand to take it, but the lady
signed to him from behind her husband not to do so, and he
replied, "O my lord, there is no hurry: by-and-by." Then he went
out, more abject than an ass, for verily five things at once were
sore upon him, love and beggary and hunger and nakedness and
toil; nevertheless, he heartened himself with the hope of gaining
the lady's favours. When he had made an end of all their work,
they put a cheat upon him and married him to their slave-girl.
but when he thought to go in to her, they said to him, "Lie this
night in the mill; and to-morrow all will be well." My brother
concluded that there was some good reason for this and passed the
night alone in the mill. Now the husband had set on the miller to
make my brother turn the mill; so in the middle of the night, the
miller came in and began to say, "This ox is lazy and stands
still and will not turn, and there is much wheat to be ground. So
I will yoke him and make him finish grinding it this night, for
the folk are impatient for their flour." Then he filled the
hoppers with grain and going up to my brother, with a rope in his
hand, bound him to the yoke and said to him, "Come, turn the
mill! Thou thinkest of nothing but eating and voiding." Then he
took a whip and laid on to my brother, who began to weep and cry
out; but none came to his aid, and he was forced to grind the
wheat till near daylight, when the husband came in and seeing him
yoked to the shaft and the miller flogging him, went away. At
daybreak the miller went away and left him still yoked and well
nigh dead; and soon after in came the slave-girl, who unbound him
and said to him, "I am grieved for what has befallen thee, and
both I and my lady are full of concern for thee." But he had no
tongue wherewith to answer her, for excess of beating and toil.
Then he returned to his lodging, and presently the notary who had
drawn up the marriage contract came to him and saluted him,
saying, "God give thee long life! May thy marriage be blessed!
Thou hast doubtless passed the night clipping and kissing and
dalliance from dusk to dawn." "May God curse thee for a liar,
thousandfold cuckold that thou art!" replied my brother. "By
Allah, I did nothing but turn the mill in the place of the ox all
night!" Quoth the notary, "Tell me thy story." So my brother told
him what had happened, and he said, "Thy star agrees not with
hers: but if thou wilt, I can alter the contract for thee." And
my brother answered, "See if thou have another device." Then the
notary left him and he sat down in his shop, till some one should
bring him work by which he might earn his day's bread. Presently
the slave-girl came to him and said, "My mistress would speak
with thee." "Go, my good girl," replied he; "I will have no more
to do with thy mistress." So the girl returned to her mistress
and told her what my brother had said, and presently she put her
head out of the window, weeping and saying, "O my beloved, why
wilt thou have no more to do with me?" But he made her no answer.
Then she swore to him that all that had befallen him in the mill
was without her sanction and that she was guiltless of the whole
affair. When he saw her beauty and grace and heard the sweetness
of her speech, he forgot what had befallen him and accepted her
excuse and rejoiced in her sight. So he saluted her and talked
with her and sat at his sewing awhile, after which the servant
came to him and said, "My mistress salutes thee and would have
thee to know that her husband purposes to lie this night abroad
with some intimate friends of his; so when he is gone, do thou
come to us and pass the night with her in all delight till the
morning." Now the man had said to his wile, "How shall we do to
turn him away from thee?" Quoth she, "Let me play him another
trick and make him a byword in the city." But my brother knew
nothing of the malice of women. As soon as it was night, the
servant came to him and carried him to the house; and when the
lady saw him, she said to him, "By Allah, O my lord, I have been
longing for thee!" "By Allah," replied he, "make haste and give
me a kiss first of all." Hardly had he spoken, when the master of
the house came in from an inner room and seized him, saying, "By
Allah, I will not let thee go, till I deliver thee to the chief
of the police." My brother humbled himself to him; but he would
not listen to him and carried him to the prefect, who gave him a
hundred lashes with a whip and mounting him on a camel, paraded
him about the city, whilst the folk proclaimed aloud, "This is
the punishment of those who violate people's harems!" Moreover,
he fell off the camel and broke his leg and so became lame. Then
the prefect banished him from the city and he went forth, not
knowing whither to turn; but I heard of his mishap and going out
after him, brought him back and took him to live with me.'
The Khalif laughed at my story and said, 'Thou hast done well, O
Silent One, O man of few words!' and bade me take a present and
go away. But I said, 'I will take nothing except I tell thee what
befell my other brothers: and do not think me a man of many
words. Know, O Commander of the Faithful, that
Story of the Barber's Second Brother.
My second brother's name was Becbac and he was the paralytic. One
day, as he was going about his business, an old woman accosted
him and said to him, "Harkye, stop a little, that I may tell thee
of somewhat, which, if it please thee, thou shalt do for me." My
brother stopped and she went on, "I will put thee in the way of a
certain thing, so thy words be not many." "Say on," replied my
brother; and she, "What sayest thou to a handsome house and a
pleasant garden, with running waters and fruits and wine and a
fair-faced one to hold in thine arms from dark till dawn?" "And
is all this in the world?" asked my brother. "Yes," answered she;
"and it shall be thine, so thou be reasonable and leave
impertinent curiosity and many words and do as I bid thee." "I
will well, O my lady," rejoined my brother; "but what made thee
choose me of all men for this affair and what is it pleases thee
in me?" Quoth she, "Did I not bid thee be sparing of speech? Hold
thy peace and follow me. Thou must know that the young lady, to
whom I shall carry thee, loves to have her own way and hates to
be crossed, so if thou fall in with her humour, thou shalt come
to thy desire of her." And my brother said, "I will not thwart
her in aught." Then she went on and he followed her, eager to
enjoy what she had promised him, till she brought him to a fine
large house, richly furnished and full of servants, and carried
him to an upper story. When the people of the house saw him, they
said to him, "What dost thou here?" But the old woman bade them,
"Let him be and trouble him not; for he is a workman and we have
occasion for him." Then she brought him into a fine great
gallery, with a fair garden in its midst, and made him sit down
upon a handsome couch. He had not sat long, before he heard a
great noise and in came a troop of damsels, with a lady in their
midst, as she were the moon on the night of its full. When he saw
her, he rose and made an obeisance to her; whereupon she bade him
welcome and ordered him to be seated. So he sat down and she said
to him. "God advance thee! Is all well with thee?" "O my lady,"
replied my brother, "all is well." Then she called for food, and
they brought her a table richly served. So she sat down to eat,
making a show of affection to my brother and jesting with him,
though all the while she could not keep from laughing: but as
often as he looked at her, she signed towards the waiting-maids,
as if she laughed at them. My ass of a brother understood
nothing, but concluded, in the blindness of his doting, that the
lady was in love with him and would admit him to his desire. When
they had finished eating, they set on wine, and there came in ten
damsels like moons, with strung lutes in their hands, and fell a
singing right melodiously; whereupon delight got hold upon him
and he took the cup from the lady's hands and drank it off. Then
she drank a cup of wine, and he rose and bowed to her, saying,
"Health to thee!" She filled him another cup and he drank it off,
and she gave him a cuff on the nape of his neck; whereupon he
rose and went out in a rage; but the old woman followed him and
winked to him to return. So he came back and the lady bade him
sit, and he sat down without speaking. Then she dealt him a
second cuff, and nothing would serve her but she must make all
her maids cuff him also. Quoth he to the old woman, "Never saw I
aught finer than this!" And she kept saying, "Enough, enough, I
conjure thee, O my lady!" The women cuffed him till he was
well-nigh senseless, and he rose and went out again in a rage;
but the old woman followed him and said, "Wait a little, and thou
shalt come to what thou wishest." "How much longer must I wait?"
asked he. "Indeed I am faint with cuffing." "As soon as she is
warm with wine," answered she, "thou shalt have thy desire." So
he returned to his place and sat down, whereupon all the damsels
rose and the lady bade them fumigate him and sprinkle rose-water
on his face. Then said she to him, "God advance thee! Thou hast
entered my house and submitted to my conditions; for whoso
thwarts me, I turn him away, but he who is patient has his
desire." "O my lady," replied he, "I am thy slave and in the
hollow of thy hand." "Know then," continued she, "that God has
made me passionately fond of frolic, and whoso falls in with my
humour comes by what he wishes." Then she ordered the damsels to
sing with loud voices, and they sang, till the whole company was
in ecstasy: after which she said to one of the maids, "Take thy
lord and do what is wanting to him and bring him back to me
forthright." So the damsel took my brother, who knew not what she
would do with him; but the old woman came up to him and said, "Be
patient; there remains but little to do." At this his face
cleared and he said, "Tell me what she would have the maid do
with me." "Nothing but good," replied she, as I am thy ransom.
She only wishes to dye thine eyebrows and pluck out thy
moustaches." Quoth he, "As for the dyeing of my eyebrows, that
will come off with washing, but the plucking out of my moustaches
will be irksome." "Beware of crossing her," said the old woman;
"for her heart is set on thee." So my brother suffered them to
dye his eyebrows and pluck out his moustaches, after which the
damsel returned to her mistress and told her. Quoth she, "There
is one thing more to be done; thou must shave his chin, that he
may be beardless." So the maid went back and told my brother what
her mistress bade her do, whereupon cried my fool of a brother,
"How can I do what will dishonour me among the folk?" But the old
woman said, "She only wishes to do thus with thee, that thou
mayst be as a beardless youth and that no hair may be left on thy
face to prick her; for she is passionately in love with thee. Be
patient and thou shalt attain thy desire." So he submitted to
have his beard shaved off and his face rouged, after which they
carried him back to the lady. When she saw him with his eyebrows
dyed, his whiskers and moustaches plucked out, his beard shaved
off and his face rouged, she was affrighted at him, then laughed
till she fell backward and said, "O my lord, thou hast won my
heart with thy good nature!" Then she conjured him, by her life,
to rise and dance; so he began to dance, and there was not a
cushion in the place but she threw it at him, whilst the damsels
pelted him with oranges and limes and citrons, till he fell down
senseless. When he came to himself, the old woman said to him,
"Now thou hast attained thy desire. There is no more beating for
thee and there remains but one thing more. It is her wont, when
she is heated with wine, to let no one have to do with her till
she put off her clothes and remain stark naked. Then she will bid
thee strip, in like manner, and run before thee from place to
place, as if she fled from thee, and thou after her, till thy
yard be in good point, when she will stop and give herself up to
thee. So now rise and put off thy clothes." So he rose, well-nigh
beside himself, and stripped himself stark naked; whereupon the
lady stripped also and saying to my brother, "Follow me, if thou
desire aught," set off running in at one place and out at another
and he after her, transported for desire, till his yard rose, as
he were mad. Presently she entered a dark passage, and in
following her, he trod upon a soft place, which gave way with
him, and before he knew where he was, he found himself in the
midst of the market of the fell-mongers, who were calling skins
for sale and buying and selling. When they saw him in this
plight, naked, with yard on end, shaven face, dyed eyebrows and
rouged cheeks, they cried out and clapped their hands at him and
flogged him with skins upon his naked body, till he swooned away;
when they set him on an ass and carried him to the chief of the
police, who said, "What is this?" Quoth they, "This fellow came
out upon us from the Vizier's house, in this plight." So the
prefect gave him a hundred lashes and banished him from Baghdad.
However, I went out after him and brought him back privily into
the city and made him an allowance for his living, though, but
for my generous disposition, I had not put up with such a fellow.