CONDUCT IN THE STREET.
When three ladies are walking together, it is better for one to keep a
little in advance of the other two, than for all three to persist in
maintaining one unbroken line. They cannot all join in conversation
without talking across each other—a thing that, in-doors or out of
doors, is awkward, inconvenient, ungenteel, and should always be
avoided. Also, three ladies walking abreast occupy too much of the
pavement, and therefore incommode the other passengers. Three young
_men_ sometimes lounge along the pavement, arm in arm. Three young
_gentlemen_ never do so.
If you meet a lady with whom you have become but slightly acquainted,
and had merely a little conversation, (for instance, at a party or a
morning visit,) and who moves in a circle somewhat higher or more
fashionable than your own, it is safest to wait till she recognises you.
Let her not see in you a disposition to obtrude yourself on her notice.
It is not expected that all intimacies formed at watering-places shall
continue after the parties have returned to their homes. A mutual bow
when meeting in the street is sufficient. But there is no interchanging
of visits, unless both ladies have, before parting, testified a desire
to continue the acquaintance. In this case, the lady who is eldest, or
palpably highest in station, makes the first call. It is not customary
for a young lady to make the first visit to a married lady.
When meeting them in the street, always speak first to your milliner,
mantua-maker, seamstress, or to any one you have been in the practice of
employing. To pass without notice any servant that you know, is rude and
unfeeling, as they will attribute it to pride, not presuming to speak to
you themselves, unless in reply. There are persons who having accepted,
when in the country, much kindness from the country-people, are ashamed
to recognise them when they come to town, on account of their rustic or
unfashionable dress. This is a very vulgar, contemptible, and foolish
pride; and is always seen through, and despised. There is no danger of
plain country-people being mistaken for vulgar city-people. In our
country, there is no reason for keeping aloof from any who are
respectable in character and appearance. Those to be avoided are such as
wear tawdry finery, paint their faces, and leer out of the corners of
their eyes, _looking_ disreputably, even if they are not disreputable in
reality.
When a gentleman meets a lady with whom his acquaintance is very slight,
(perhaps nothing more than a few words of talk at a party,) he allows
her the option of continuing the acquaintance or not, at her pleasure;
therefore, he waits till she recognises him, and till she evinces it by
a bow,—he looking at her to give the opportunity. Thus, if she has no
objection to numbering him among her acquaintances, she denotes it by
bowing first. American ladies never curtsey in the street. If she has
any reason to disapprove of his character or habits, she is perfectly
justifiable in “cutting” him, as it is termed. Let her bow very coldly
the first time, and after that, not at all.
Young ladies should yield the wall to old ladies. Gentlemen do so to all
ladies.
In some cities it is the custom for all gentlemen to give their arm to
all ladies, when walking with them. In others, a gentleman’s arm is
neither offered nor taken, unless in the evening, on slippery pavements,
or when the streets are very muddy. A lady only takes the arm of her
husband, her affianced lover, or of her male relatives. In the country
the custom is different. There, a gentleman, when walking with a lady,
always gives her his arm; and is much offended when, on offering his
arm, the lady refuses to take it. Still, if it is contrary to the custom
of her place, she can explain it to him delicately, and he will at once
see the propriety of her declining.
When a lady is walking between two gentlemen, she should divide her
conversation as equally as practicable, or address most of it to him who
is most of a stranger to her. He, with whom she is least on ceremony,
will excuse her.
A gentleman on escorting a lady to her own home, must not leave her till
he has rung the bell, and waited till the servant has come and opened
the door, and till she is actually in the house. Men who know no better,
think it sufficient to walk with her to the foot of the steps and there
take their departure, leaving her to get in as she can. This we have
seen—but not often, and the offenders were not Americans.
If you stop a few minutes in the street to talk to an acquaintance, draw
to one side of the pavement near the wall, so as not to impede the
passengers—or you may turn and walk with her as far as the next corner.
And never stop to talk in the middle of a crossing. To speak loudly in
the street is exceedingly ungenteel, and foolish, as what you say will
be heard by all who pass by. To call across the way to an acquaintance,
is very unlady-like. It is best to hasten over, and speak to her, if you
have any thing of importance to say.
When a stranger offers to assist you across a brimming gutter, or over a
puddle, or a glare of slippery ice, do not hesitate, or decline, as if
you thought he was taking an unwarrantable liberty. He means nothing but
civility. So accept it frankly, and thank him for it.
When you see persons slip down on the ice, do not laugh at them. There
is no fun in being hurt, or in being mortified by a fall in the public
street; and we know not how a _lady_ can see any thing diverting in so
painful a circumstance. It is more feminine, on witnessing such a sight,
to utter an involuntary scream than a shout of laughter. And still more
so, to stop and ascertain if the person that fell has been hurt.
If, on stopping an omnibus, you find that a dozen people are already
seated in it, draw back, and refuse to add to the number; giving no heed
to the assertion of the driver, that “there is plenty of room.” The
_passengers_ will not say so, and you have no right to crowd them all,
even if you are willing to be crowded yourself—a thing that is extremely
uncomfortable, and very injurious to your dress, which may, in
consequence, be so squeezed and rumpled as never to look well again.
None of the omnibuses are large enough to accommodate even twelve grown
people _comfortably_; and that number is the utmost the law permits. A
child occupies more than half the space of a grown person, yet children
are brought into omnibuses _ad libitum_. Ten grown persons are as many
as can be really well seated in an omnibus—twelve are too many; and a
_lady_ will always regret making the thirteenth—and her want of
consideration in doing so will cause her to be regarded with
unfavourable eyes by the other passengers. It is better for her to go
into a shop, and wait for the next omnibus, or even to walk home, unless
it is actually raining.
Have your sixpence ready in your fingers a few minutes before you are to
get out; and you may request any gentleman near you to hand it up to the
driver. So many accidents have happened from the driver setting off
before a lady was entirely out of the vehicle and safely landed in the
street, that it is well to desire the gentleman not to hand up the
sixpence till after you are fairly clear of the steps.
When expecting to ride in an omnibus, take care to have sufficient small
change in your purse—that is, sixpences. We have seen, when a
quarter-dollar has been handed up, and the driver was handing down the
change, that it has fallen, and been scattered among the straw. There
was no stopping to search for it, and therefore the ride cost
twenty-five cents instead of six: the driver, of course, finding the
change himself, as soon as he got rid of all his passengers.
It is most imprudent to ride in an omnibus with much money in your
purse. Pickpockets of genteel appearance are too frequently among the
passengers. We know a gentleman who in this way lost a pocket-book
containing eighty dollars; and various ladies have had their purses
taken from them, by well-dressed passengers. If you are obliged to have
money of any consequence about you, keep your hand all the time in that
pocket.
If the driver allows a drunken man to come into an omnibus, the ladies
will find it best to get out; at least those whose seats are near his.
It is, however, the duty of the gentlemen to insist on such fellows
being refused admittance where there are ladies.
No lady should venture to ride in an omnibus after dark, unless she is
escorted by a gentleman whom she knows. She had better walk home, even
under the protection of a servant. If alone in an omnibus at night, she
is liable to meet with improper company, and perhaps be insulted.