"Charming, isn't she?" said Lady Viping, and I discovered those infernal
glasses were for a moment honoring me. They shut with a click. "Ham,"
said Lady Viping. "I told him no ham--and now I remember--I like ham. Or
rather I like spinach. I forgot the spinach. One has the ham for the
spinach,--don't you think? Yes,--tell him. She's a perfect Dresden
ornament, Mr. Stratton. She's adorable ... (lorgnette and search for
fresh topics). Who is the dark lady with the slight moustache--sitting
there next to Guy? Sir Godfrey, who is the dark lady? No, I don't mean
Mary Fitton. Over there! Mrs. Roperstone. Ooh. _The_ Mrs. Roperstone.
(Renewed lorgnette and click.) Yes--ham. With spinach. A lot of spinach.
There's Mr. Evesham laughing again. He's greatly amused. Unusual for him
to laugh twice. At least, aloud. (Rustle and adjustment of lorgnette.)
Mr. Stratton, don't you think?--exactly like a little shepherdess. Only
I can't say I think Mr. Justin is like a shepherd. On the whole, more
like a large cloisonné jar. Now Guy would do. As a pair they're
beautiful. Pity they're brother and sister. Curious how that boy manages
to be big and yet delicate. H'm. Mixed mantel ornaments. Sir Godfrey,
how old _is_ Mrs. Roperstone?... You never know on principle. I think I
shall make Mr. Stratton guess. What do you think, Mr. Stratton?... You
never guess on principle! Well, we're all very high principled. (Fresh
exploratory movements of the lorgnette.) Mr. Stratton, tell me; is that
little peaked man near Lady Ladislaw Mr. Roperstone? I thought as much!"
All this chatter is mixed up in my mind with an unusual sense of
hovering attentive menservants, who seemed all of them to my heated
imagination to be watching me (and particularly one clean-shaven,
reddish-haired, full-faced young man) lest I looked too much at the Lady
Mary Christian. Of course they were merely watching our plates and
glasses, but my nerves and temper were now in such a state that if my
man went off to the buffet to get Sir Godfrey the pickled walnuts, I
fancied he went to report the progress of my infatuation, and if a
strange face appeared with the cider cup, that this was a new observer
come to mark the revelation of my behavior. My food embarrassed me. I
found hidden meanings in the talk of the Roden girl and her guardsman,
and an ironical discovery in Sir Godfrey's eye....
I felt indignant with Mary. I felt she disowned me and deserted me and
repudiated me, that she ought in some manner to have recognized me. I
gave her no credit for her speech to me before the lunch, or her promise
to measure against me again. I blinded myself to all her frank
friendliness. I felt she ought not to notice Justin, ought not to answer
him....
Clearly she liked those men to flatter her, she liked it....
I remember too, so that I must have noted it and felt it then as a thing
perceived for the first time, the large dignity of the room, the tall
windows and splendid rich curtains, the darkened Hoppners upon the
walls. I noted too the quality and abundance of the table things, and
there were grapes and peaches, strawberries, cherries and green almonds,
piled lavishly above the waiting dessert plates with the golden knives
and forks, upon a table in the sunshine of the great bay. The very
sunshine filtered through the tall narrow panes from the great chestnut
trees without, seemed of a different quality from the common light of
day....
I felt like a poor relation. I sympathized with Anarchists. We had come
out of the Park now finally, both Mary and I--into this....
"Mr. Stratton I am sure agrees with me."
For a time I had been marooned conversationally, and Lady Viping had
engaged Sir Godfrey. Evidently he was refractory and she was back at me.
"Look at it now in profile," she said, and directed me once more to that
unendurable grouping. Justin again!
"It's a heavy face," I said.
"It's a powerful face. I wouldn't care anyhow to be up against it--as
people say." And the lorgnette shut with a click. "What is this?
Peaches!--Yes, and give me some cream." ...
I hovered long for that measuring I had been promised on the steps, but
either Mary had forgotten or she deemed it wiser to forget.
§ 11
I took my leave of Lady Ladislaw when the departure of Evesham broke the
party into dispersing fragments. I started down the drive towards the
rectory and then vaulted the railings by the paddock and struck across
beyond the mere. I could not go home with the immense burthen of thought
and new ideas and emotions that had come upon me. I felt confused and
shattered to incoherence by the new quality of Mary's atmosphere. I
turned my steps towards the wilder, lonelier part of the park beyond the
Killing Wood, and lay down in a wide space of grass between two
divergent thickets of bracken, and remained there for a very long time.
There it was in the park that for the first time I pitted myself against
life upon a definite issue, and prepared my first experience of defeat.
"I _will_ have her," I said, hammering at the turf with my fist. "I
will. I do not care if I give all my life...."
Then I lay still and bit the sweetness out of joints of grass, and
presently thought and planned.