such consideration; they want none from the opposite sex, but only room
to fight the battle side by side; but we who do not wish to see life
robbed of all its grace and courtliness would respectfully insist that
this reserve should not be entirely dispensed with. We still like a man
to take off his hat to us in the street, instead of jerking his head on
one side; we have no objection to the inside of the pavement or the most
comfortable seat in carriage or tram, for which we have still a word of
appreciative thanks left, though we may thereby show how far we are left
behind in the race. I wish to make myself very clear. We do not want our
girls to be namby-pamby, selfish, silly creatures, who imagine it is
interesting and fascinating to pose as weak, dependent, fluttering
creatures; but neither do we want our sons to be boors, and it is in the
home where manners as well as morals are formed. So let us not despise
the little courtesies which do so much to sweeten daily intercourse, but
teach them to the children from the beginning, so that to be chivalrous,
courteous, gentle to rich and poor, gentle and simple of both sexes,
will become as natural for them as to breathe.
[Illustration]
XII.
_THE EDUCATION OF OUR DAUGHTERS._
Even a very young daughter can be of use to her mother, and her
influence felt in the house, if she is taught how. Of course, the first
concern, when our little maid gets out of the nursery, is that she
should be educated, and her mental powers have the best possible chance
of being brought to their full power.
The education of our girls is one of the great questions of the
day--engrossing the interest of those in the highest places; and a
healthy sign of the times it is. For since it is upon the women of
to-day that the future of the race depends, what could be of greater
importance than that all her powers, physical, mental, and moral,
should be brought as near perfection as possible?
Do I of a set purpose mention the physical first? Yes; because the older
I grow the more it comes home to me that unless we have sound and
healthy bodies we can but poorly serve our day and generation. Therefore
the food the children eat should be one of our chief studies and
concerns; because if we can send them out into the world with
constitutions built upon a sure and common-sense foundation, it is the
best possible service we can render them; and one for which they and
theirs will be grateful always.
This question of education is rather a perplexing one, which gives
parents a great deal of anxious thought. The present system is
undoubtedly a great improvement upon any we have had heretofore, and yet
it seems to leave something to be desired. In the board schools, where
the bulk of the lower middle-class children are educated, and where
tuition is very excellent and thorough, there is yet this
drawback,--all are sought to be raised to one dead level, the passing of
so many standards being imperative, nor any consideration given to
individual capacity or fitness. The inevitable result of this is that
the teacher is bound to concentrate his attention on the dull pupils, in
order to get them dragged up to the required standard, the bright ones
being left pretty much to their own devices. However much he may deplore
this, he cannot help himself, since it is upon his percentage of passes
that his status as a teacher, to say nothing of his salary, depends.
Therefore in some respects the old system of parochial teaching had its
advantage over the new.
But it is very specially of the education of the girls we wish to speak,
and it is gratifying to observe that many parents are awaking to the
absurdity of insisting that their daughters shall acquire a superficial
knowledge of certain accomplishments, whatever the bent of their minds.
How much money, to say nothing of precious time, has been sacrificed in
the vain pursuit of music, that sweetest of the arts; which is so often
desecrated and tortured by unwilling and unsympathetic votaries. It very
soon becomes evident whether the child has an aptitude for music or not;
and if she has not, but finds the study of it an imposition and a trial,
what is the use of forcing her to such unwilling drudgery, when very
likely she possesses some other aptitude, the cultivation of which will
be both profitable and pleasant? How many girls upon whom pounds and
pounds have been spent never touch the piano when they are emancipated
from schoolroom control; and how much more usefully could both time and
money have been employed in the pursuit of something else!
Mothers are beginning to see this, and it is a welcome awakening. So
long as our young maiden is occupied with school and lessons, she has
not time to learn much else, since it is imperative that she has
recreation likewise; it is when she leaves school that the wise mother,
having an eye to the future, will at once seek to initiate her into the
mysteries of housekeeping. True, she may never have a home of her own;
she may be one of those called to labour, perhaps, in the very forefront
of the working women outside; but all the same she ought not to be
ignorant of what used to be considered the chief, if not the only
occupation for women,--she ought to be fit to keep house on the shortest
notice. It is a woman's heritage. Whatever she may or may not know, I
hold that she ought to acquire a certain amount of domestic knowledge,
whether she uses it or not. Most young girls are interested in domestic
affairs, and are never happier than when allowed to have their finger in
the domestic pie; but in this as in other things a thorough grounding is
the most satisfactory.
It is astonishing what undreamed-of qualities a sense of responsibility
awakens in a young soul; how the very idea that something depends on
her, that she is being trusted, puts our little maid upon her mettle.
Therefore it is a good plan to leave to a young daughter some particular
duty or duties for which she is entirely responsible.
This may of course be a very slight thing to begin with--the dusting of
a room, or the arrangement of flowers or books, or the superintendence
of the tea-table; but whatever it is, the mother should insist that it
be done regularly and at the appointed time. Thus will she teach her
child punctuality and a primary lesson in a method, which is the key to
all perfect housekeeping. Of course it is a little trouble to the mother
to superintend the performance of such little duties, but she will have
her reward in the daily increasing helpfulness of the daughter in the
home.
Most young girls, if skilfully dealt with, speedily learn to take a
special pride in their own little duties, especially if their efforts be
met with appreciation. Never snub a child; the young heart is very
sensitive, and takes a long time to forget. Little changes in the
domestic routine will be introduced by the wise mother, in order that
the work may not become irksome.
Where there are several daughters, it is a good plan for them to
exchange their particular duties for a time. Thus, one may assist with
the cooking for a week, then change with her sister who has the care and
arrangement of the drawing-room or sitting-room, or with the one who
helps with the mending. So the daily round would never become
monotonous, and by gradual and pleasant degrees a knowledge of the whole
system of housekeeping is acquired, which will be simply invaluable to
her, whatever her future may be. If the family circumstances demand that
she shall go out into the world to earn her living by teaching or
typewriting or shopkeeping, the wise mother will not for this reason
relax her desire and effort to teach her the art and mystery of
housekeeping. True, while she is occupied outside she has little
opportunity to learn it, but "where there's a will there's a way"; and
though it may not appear at present of much practical value to her, yet
she may marry, or have to go to single housekeeping, when the home is no
longer open to her. I again insist that it is every woman's duty to
know, or to acquire some practical knowledge of housekeeping, so that
she may be ready for any emergency. Her fitness for it will be a
perpetual source of satisfaction to her, for there is nothing more
self-satisfying than to feel that one is capable; it gives confidence,
strength, and self-reliance.
One of the very necessary lessons to be taught a young girl is the value
of money. The sooner she learns what equivalent in household necessaries
money can procure the better. The day may come when the tired mother
will be glad to be relieved even of the responsibility of spending, and
when, thanks to her own wisdom and foresight, she can place the family
purse in younger hands, knowing that the contents will not be recklessly
or extravagantly spent. Let our young maiden feel that she is entirely
trusted, and that a great deal is expected of her, then will she display
qualities undreamed-of. She will be eager to show what she can do; and
when the word of encouragement and appreciation is not lacking she will
be proud and happy indeed. Of course there are perverse natures, of whom
one is tempted at times to despair--irresponsible young persons who
would make wild havoc in any establishment left to their care; but I am
speaking of the average young girl, who may be expected to be
thoughtless and forgetful often, as is the way of youth, but who
nevertheless has the makings of a fine, gentle-hearted, noble woman in
her.
"What shall we do with our daughters?" is one of the great questions of
the day. Formerly marriage was their only destiny; if they missed that,
they were supposed to have missed all that was worth the winning here.
But that old fallacy is exploded. While still holding that in happy
marriage is to be found the fullest and most soul-satisfying life for
women, no open-eyed person will deny that a single, independent, and
self-respecting life is far preferable to the miserable, starved,
inadequate wifehood to which many women are bound. Having dealt in a
former chapter with the question of matrimony, I must here avoid
repetition, but in connection with this subject of our daughters we must
touch upon it once again. The wise mother will rear her daughters to be
independent, self-respecting, and, if possible, self-supporting; not
hiding from them that she considers a real marriage (not the mockery of
it so often seen) the highest destiny for them, but at the same time
impressing on them that there are other spheres in which women may be as
happy and comfortable, and where they will certainly have less anxiety
and care.
The woman who trains her daughters in the belief that marriage is their
only end and aim, the very _raison d'etre_ of their being, is a
mistaken, despicable creature, and in all probability her daughters will
take after her.
If they do not marry, then what is to become of our daughters? Of late
years their path of life has opened up more widely and clearly, and
though the avocations open to women are very crowded there is still room
for the best equipped. That is the secret,--to bring to the market the
highest value only, to render oneself as efficient as nature and
circumstances permit. I would have our girls fully comprehend that in
this age of unprecedented strain and stress there is absolutely no room
for mediocrity, and that they cannot afford to be anything but the most
efficient workers in whatever department they have made their own. There
is still room for the best, and persevering, conscientious labour, worth
the highest market value, sooner or later meets its due appreciation and
reward.
[Illustration]
XIII.
_THE SERVANT IN THE HOME._
Any little book attempting to treat of home-life must necessarily be
incomplete without some reference to the place and power of the servant
therein. We housekeepers all know that this servant question is just as
pressing as any upon which we have yet touched, and it is one that is
with us every day. We cannot rid ourselves of it, even if we would,
because it involves so much of our domestic comfort and happiness.
We of modern days are filled with a vague envy when we read of such
treasures as Caleb Balderstone, Bell of the Manse, and various other
types of a class now, we fear, extinct--the faithful servitor, who
lived in the service of one house for generations and desired to die in
it. Perhaps such types had their drawbacks likewise, and sometimes
presumed past endurance, doing what seemed good in their own eyes, and
that alone. But all that could be forgiven, because, weighed in the
balance with a lifelong devotion and loyalty and love, they were as
nothing. A few Calebs and Bells undoubtedly still exist, but the bulk of
modern housekeepers know them not, and regard them as pleasant creatures
of fiction, impossible to real life.
Are servants really less efficient, less conscientious, less diligent
than they were? Or is it that we expect and exact more? Modern life has
undergone such a tremendous change, there have been so many upheavals in
relative positions, that we are inclined to think domestic service is
now regarded from a very different standpoint than it was fifty, or even
twenty, years ago. It is no longer regarded as honourable; those who
enter it seem to do so under protest, the result being a most
unsatisfactory relation within doors. Some blame education for this; and
yet it seems hard to believe that education, the pioneer of progress
everywhere and in all ages, should be responsible for such a distorted
view. Some will tell us that this very dissatisfaction is a sign of the
times, indicating the march of progress towards the time when all men
shall be equal, and no more lines of demarcation shall be drawn. Never
were wages higher; never, I am very sure, were domestic servants treated
with more consideration and respect; and yet the fact remains that girls
prefer almost any other occupation to it. They will stand for hours
behind a counter, suffering untold tortures from exhaustion and
insufficient food, content to receive a mere pittance, and subjected to
a system of espionage and bullying far harder to bear than anything
found in domestic service; and they will give you as their reasons, in
general, these: It is more genteel, they have their evenings and their
Sundays free, and they are not required to wear the livery of cap and
apron. These are the reasons, then; what are we to make of them?
Can we make domestic service more genteel; give evenings and Sundays
free; and are we willing to dispense with the badge distinguishing maid
from mistress? These are the questions we have before us, waiting an
answer; in that answer perhaps may be found the solution of the whole
stupendous difficulty.
I write under one disadvantage. I have never been a domestic servant,
and I cannot therefore look at the situation from that particular
standpoint; but I have had for some years servants under my roof, and I
have my own experiences of these years to guide me from the mistress's
point of view. During these years I can truthfully say that I have most
conscientiously, kindly, and systematically done my best to make them
happy; that I have considered them very often at the expense of my own
comfort; and though I have had no startling experiences whatsoever, I am
bound to admit that the result on the whole is not particularly
encouraging. I have seldom found that corresponding consideration, that
devotion to my concerns, that warm personal interest, which make one
feel that one has friends in the household. I have had my pound of
flesh, nothing more; they have done the work for which they have been
paid, sometimes well, but often carelessly; and that is all. When it
came to a question of personal consideration, of caring for my
substance, looking after my interests as I have honestly tried to look
after theirs, I have been disappointed, and now I expect no more,
thankful if I have average comfort, and do not have my nerves and temper
tried a hundred times a day. This I suppose is the experience of
two-thirds of the women who may read this book.
Nobody feels more keenly than I do the monotonous drudgery of a
servant's life. Day in, day out, the same weary round; and while the
same may be said of all workers, in whatsoever estate they may find
themselves, yet is the lot of the domestic servant notoriously a dull
routine. I often wonder, indeed, that without that element of personal
interest which is the only thing to make the multitudinous and weary
round of household duties sweet, or in any way tolerable, she should do
it half so well; but, on the other hand, when one thinks of her absolute
freedom from care, sordid or otherwise, a feeling of impatience is bound
to arise. "All found" is a comprehensive phrase, and it is those who
have to "find" it who have the care, the thought, the anxious planning.
How, then, can we establish a better understanding between mistress and
maid, how lift this question to its highest platform, and render the
service one which will be honoured and sought after, instead of
despised, and entered on under compulsion, or as a last resource? I
confess, for once, I am baffled completely, and beyond redemption. I
have thought of it long and earnestly, have done my best with my own
opportunities, and I have no glorified results to offer. I am as others,
worried and often weary, and grateful for every small mercy that comes
in my way. It seems to me that we want to enlarge our own minds and the
minds of those we take into our employ; we need a wider vision, which
shall lift us clean above mere petty and selfish concerns. That is a
baptism we all need. When shall it descend?
I am forced to this conclusion--that it is this question of all others
that is absolutely dependent on the grace of God. We must have the true
spirit of Christianity in our kitchens and in our drawing-rooms,--that
spirit whose gracious teaching is never ambiguous or difficult to
understand; in a word, there is nothing but the Sermon on the Mount will
do us any good. Of human preaching, teaching, and writing we have enough
and to spare--it does not appear to go home, or to bear any practical
fruit.
We can only pray that He, whose great heart is open now as it was then
to every human need, will help us to realise our responsibility to each
other, will give us new lessons in the law of love, and show us that
service is the highest form of praise, and that nothing is really small
or mean or despicable, except sin and the littleness of human aims.
All work is honourable, nay, it is the highest calling on earth. It can
only be dishonoured in the doing. If each one, master and man, mistress
and maid, could adopt this attitude towards their daily duty to the
world and to each other, there would be found the solution of the
problem vexing the souls of so many at the present day.
[Illustration]
XIV.
_RELIGION IN THE HOME._
Perhaps this chapter might more appropriately have been placed at the
beginning of the book than at the end, seeing we have in it the root of
the whole matter, the key to all happiness, fitness, comfort, and peace.
Religion is a word much misunderstood, yet it is given to us in the
Epistle of St. James in the clearest, most intelligible language,--"Pure
religion and undefiled is to visit the widows and the fatherless in
their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."
It always seems to me that the former part of the injunction is easier
than the latter. There is so much in the world with which we must
combat, so much that, though we can avoid in one sense, comes so very
near to us, that it is well-nigh impossible to keep ourselves unspotted.
But though there is a great deal of evil around us, we must not be such
cowards as to shrink from facing it, and shut ourselves up in selfish
safety, lest it should come near us at all. This is not what the Apostle
means, for it is possible to be in the world and yet not of it, it is
written too that "to the pure all things are pure." What we have to do
is to see that in our inmost thoughts we are pure, not giving lodgment
in our mind to any unholy thing which if revealed would bring the blush
of shame to our cheek. But in the high standard of personal purity,
which we may rightly set up for ourselves, let us not be too arrogant,
or forgetful that such as fall away from purity may have been subjected
to such terrible temptations as we know nothing of. Let us cultivate
more of that Divine compassion towards them which Christ showed of old
towards the Magdalene. It is in matters of such immediate and personal
interest that the spirit of the religion we profess is to be
exhibited,--in a word, we must consecrate all to the high service God
requires of us, honouring us in the requirement. We are placed in this
world to be happy and useful; and though we are reminded many times by
personal sorrows and bereavements that we have no continuing city here,
yet the knowledge need not make us gloomy, or restless, or dissatisfied.
In this lovely world, so full of beauty and variety, we are bidden to
rejoice; it is for our enjoyment and our use, there is no stint or
condition attached to our citizenship of God's earth. Nature is mother
to all, and has a message for the meanest and most tried of her
children; and it is a message of divinest love. Through Nature, His
handmaid, God speaks to us, giving us in the dawn of each new day, in
the return of each season, in the shining of the sun and the blessing
of the rain, grand and practical lessons in faith, fulfilment of
promises which should mean a great deal to us, and teach us more and
more to trust Him in all and through all. While we are in the world we
have a duty to it, and those who neglect or think lightly of the
practical and commonplace requirements of daily life are in the wrong.
What is needed is a deepened sense of responsibility concerning the
charge God has given us to keep for Him, in the house, the workshop, or
the busy mart of life.
It is with the home we have presently to deal; and it is in the home, I
think, we need certainly, in as great a degree as elsewhere, all the aid
and stimulus religion can give. It teaches us to make the very best of
all our circumstances, adverse or pleasant; and aids us to the
performance of all duties, however monotonous or irksome in themselves.
It is not ours to inquire whether these duties are just what we would
desire or choose for ourselves, had choice remained with us. Religion
does not consist in the performance of religious ordinances, in
conscientious reading of the Word or the utterance of its formal
prayers; these are its attributes, its natural outcome, not by any means
the thing itself. Religion is, I take it, to be a principle, a powerful
guiding motive to direct us in the ordinary affairs of life, and its
mainspring is love. Love for whom? For the Lord Jesus. And if we love
Him, and truly desire to serve Him, it will be no difficulty for us, but
a natural and exquisite result, that we love one another.