SAN FRANCISCO LADIES AND DIVINATION
Curtis was as good as his word. The following day he remained indoors
eating, and planning what he should eat, whilst Hamar and Kelson went
out with the express purpose of adding to their banking accounts.
In a garden in Bryant Street, Hamar saw a man resting on his spade and
mopping the perspiration from his forehead. As he stopped mechanically
to see what was being done, a cold sensation ran up his right leg into
his right hand, the first and third fingers of which were drawn
violently down. With a cry of horror he shrank back. Directly beneath
where he had been standing, he saw, under a fifteen or sixteen feet
layer of gravel soil--water; a huge caldron of water, black and
silent; water, that gave him the impression of tremendous depth and
coldness.
"Hulloa! matey, what's the matter?" the man with the spade called out.
"Are you looking for your skin, for I never saw any one so completely
jump out of it?"
"So would you," Hamar said with a shudder, "if you saw what I do!"
"What's that, then?" the man said leering on the ground. "Snakes!
That's what I always see when I've got them."
"So long as you don't see yourself, there's some chance for you!"
Hamar retorted. "What makes you so hot?"
"Why, digging!" the man laughed; "any one would get hot digging at
such hard ground as this. As for a little whippersnapper like you,
you'd melt right away and only your nose would remain. Nothing would
ever melt that--there's too much of it."
Hamar scowled. "You needn't be insulting," he said, "I asked you a
civil question, and I repeat it. What makes you so hot--when you
should be cold--or at least cool?"
"Oh, should I!" the man mimicked, "I thought first you was merely
drunk; I can see quite clearly now that you're mad."
"And yet you have such defective sight."
"What makes you say that?" the man said testily.
"Why," Hamar responded, "because you can't see what lies beneath your
very nose. Shall I tell you what it is?"
"Yes, tell away," the man replied, "tell me my old mother's got twins,
and that Boss Croker is coming to lodge with us. I'd know you for a
liar anywhere by those teeth of yours."
"Look here," said Hamar drawing himself up angrily, "I have had enough
of your abuse. If I have any more I'll tell your employers. It is
evident you take me for a bummer, but see,"--and plunging his hand in
his pocket he pulled it out full of gold. "Kindly understand I'm
somebody," he went on, "and that I'm staying at one of the biggest
hotels in the town."
"I'm damned if I know what to make of you," the man muttered, "unless
you're a hoptical delusion!"
"Underneath where I was standing--just here,"--and Hamar indicated the
spot--"is water. Any amount of it, you have only to sink a shaft
fifteen feet and you would come to it."
"Water!" the man laughed, "yes, there is any amount of it--on your
brain, that's the only water near here."
"Then you don't believe me?" Hamar demanded.
"Not likely!" the man responded, "I only believe what I see! And when
I see a face like yours holding out a potful of dollars, I know as how
you've stolen them. Git!"--and Hamar flew.
But Hamar was not so easily nonplussed; not at least when he saw a
chance of making money. Entering the garden, and keeping well out of
sight of the gardener, he arrived at the front door by a side path, and
with much formality requested to see the owner of the establishment.
The latter happening to be crossing the hall at the time, heard Hamar
and asked what he wanted.
Hamar at once informed him he was a dowser, and that, chancing to pass
by the garden on his way to his hotel, he had divined the presence of
water.
"I only wish there were," the gentleman exclaimed, "but I fear you are
mistaken. I have attempted several times to sink a well but never with
the slightest degree of success. I have had all the ground carefully
prospected by Figgins of Sacramento Street--he has a very big
reputation--and he assures me there isn't a drop of water anywhere
near here within two hundred feet of the surface."
"I know better," Hamar said. "Will you get your gardener--who by the
way was very rude to me just now when I spoke to him--to dig where I
tell him. I have absolute confidence in my power of divination."
The owner of the property, whom I will call Mr. B. assented, and
several gardeners, including the one who had so insulted Hamar, were
soon digging vigorously. At the depth of fifteen feet, water was
found, and, indeed, so fast did it begin to come in that within a few
minutes it had risen a foot. The onlookers were jubilant.
"I shall send an account of it to the local papers," Mr. B. remarked.
"Your fame will be spread everywhere. You have increased the value of
my property a thousandfold, I cannot tell you how grateful I am"--and
he, then and there, invited Hamar to luncheon.
After luncheon Mr. B. made him a present of a cheque--rather in excess
of the sum which Hamar had all along intended to have, and could not
have refrained from demanding much longer.
In the afternoon all the San Francisco specials were full of the
incident, and Hamar, seeing his name placarded for the first time, was
so overcome that he spent the rest of the evening in the hotel
deliberating how he could best turn his sudden notoriety to account.
At ten o'clock Kelson came in, looking somewhat fatigued, but,
nevertheless, pleased. He, too, had had adventures, and he detailed
them with so much elaboration that the other two had frequently to
tell him to "dry up."
"I began the morning," he commenced, "by accosting a very fashionably
dressed lady coming out of Bushwell's Store in Commercial Street.
Divination at once told me she was the popular widow of J.K. Bater,
the Biscuit King of Nob Hill, and that she was carrying in her big
seal-skin muff a gold hatpin mounted with an emerald butterfly, a
silver-backed hair brush, a blue enamelled scent bottle, and a
porcelain jar, all of which she had slyly 'nicked,' when no one was
looking.
"I stepped up to her, and politely raising my hat said, 'Good morning,
Mrs. Bater. I've a message for you.'
"'I don't know you,' she said eyeing me very doubtfully, 'who are
you?'
"'Forgotten!' I said tragically, 'and I had flattered myself it would
be otherwise. Still I must try and survive. I wanted to ask you a
favour, Mrs. Bater.'
"'A favour!' she exclaimed nervously, 'what is it? You are really a
very extraordinary individual.'
"'I was only going to ask if I might examine the contents of your
muff? I think you have certain articles in it that have not been paid
for--and I believe I am right in saying this is by no means the first
time such a thing has happened.'
"She turned so pale I thought she was going to faint. 'Why, whatever
do you mean,' she stammered, 'I've nothing that does not belong to
me.'
"'Opinions differ on that score, Mrs. Bater,' I replied, 'you have a
pin, a hair brush, a scent bottle and a jar,' and I described them
each minutely, 'whilst in your house you have on your dressing-table a
silver-backed clothes brush, a silver manicure set you kleptomaniad--if
you prefer to call it so--from Deacon's in Sacramento Street; a
tortoiseshell manicure set, and an ivory card case you obtained in the
same manner from Varter's in Market Street; a set of silver buttons, a
glove stretcher, and a mauve pin-cushion--you likewise helped yourself
to--from Selter's in Kearney Street; but I might go on detailing them
to you till further orders, for your house is literally crammed with
them. You have done very well, Mrs. Bater, with the San Francisco
storekeepers.'
"'Good God, man, what are you?' she gasped. 'You seem to read into the
innermost recesses of my soul, and to know everything.'
"'You are right, madam,' I said, trying to appear very stern and
almost failing, she was so pretty. By Jove! you fellows, I wonder I
didn't kiss her; she had such fine eyes, my favourite nose, a ripping
mouth and--"
"Oh! go on! go on with your story. Never mind her looks," Curtis
interrupted, "I've got a touch of indigestion."
"As I was saying," Kelson went on complacently, "I could have kissed
her and I felt downright mean for upsetting her so.
"'Now you have found me out,' she said, 'what do you intend doing?
Show me up in there?' and she pointed shudderingly at the store.
"'No,' I said, 'not if you are sensible and come to terms. I will
agreeto say nothing about either this or any of your other--ahem!--
thefts--if you let me escort you home, and write me out a cheque for
a thousand dollars!'
"'Beast!' she hissed, 'so you are a blackmailer!'
"'A black beetle if you like,' I responded, 'but I assure you, Mrs.
Bater, I am letting you off cheap. I have only to call for a policeman
and your reputation would be gone at once. Besides, I know other
things about you.'
"'What other things?' she stuttered.
"'Well, madam!' I replied, 'some things are rather delicate--er--for
single men like me to mention, but I do know that--er--a lady--very
like--remarkably like--you, has in her pocket at this moment a rattle
which she bought and paid for in Oakland's late last night. And as,
madam, Mr. Bater has been dead over two years--let me see--yes, two
years yesterday--one can--!'
"'Stay! that will do,' she whispered; 'come to my house and I will
give you the thousand dollars. You must pretend you are my cousin.'
"'I will pretend anything, Mrs. Bater,' I murmured, helping her into a
taxi, 'anything so long as I can be with you.'"
"You got the money?" Hamar queried.
"Yes," Kelson said with a smile, "I got the money--in fact, everything
I asked for."
There was silence for some minutes, and then Hamar said, "What next?"
"What next!" Kelson said, "why I thought I had done a very good day's
work and was on my way back here to take a much needed rest, when I'm
dashed if the Unknown hadn't another adventure in store for me. Coming
out of a garden in Gough Street, within sight of Goad's house, was a
lady, young and very plain, but rigged out in one of those latest
fashion costumes--a very tight, short skirt, and huge hat with high
plume in it. By the bye, I can't think why this costume, which is so
admirably suited to pretty girls--because it attracts attention to
them--should be almost exclusively adopted by the ugly ones. But to
continue. I knew immediately that she was Ella Barlow, the
much-pampered and only daughter of J.B. Barlow, the vinegar magnate;
that she was in love, or imagined herself in love with Herbert Delmas,
the manager of the Columbian Bank--a young, good-looking fellow, whom
she had been trying to set against his fiancée, Dora Roberts. Dora is
only nineteen, very pretty and a trifle giddy--nothing more. But this
failing of hers--if you can call it a failing, was just the very
weapon Ella Barlow wanted. She worked on it at once, and by sending
Delmas a series of anonymous letters made him mad with jealousy. This
resulted in a breach between Delmas and Dora, and Ella Barlow, much
elated, at once tried to step into her shoes. She has been going out a
good deal with Delmas, who is in reality still very much in love with
Dora, and consequently exceedingly miserable. This morning Ella,
anxious to show off a magnificent set of diamonds, given her by her
father, telephoned to Delmas to take her to the Baldwyn Theatre, where
she has engaged a box for this evening--fondly hoping that the
diamonds will bring him up to the scratch, and that he will propose to
her. When I saw her she was on her way to a notorious quack doctor and
beauty specialist in Californian Street. She suffers from some nasty
skin disease, and is in mortal terror lest Delmas should get to know
of it, and also of the fact that all her teeth are false, and that two
of her toes are badly deformed."
"By Jupiter!" Hamar ejaculated, "this divination of yours beats mine
into fits--nothing escapes you!"
"No!" Kelson laughed, "nothing! Ella Barlow, metaphysical and physical
was laid before me just as bare as if the Almighty had got hold of her
with his dissecting knife. I saw everything--and what is more I said
to myself--here's plenty I can turn to a profitable account. Well! I
didn't stop her--I let her go."
"Let her go!" Curtis growled, his mouth full of almonds and raisins.
"You squirrel!"
"Only for a time," Kelson said, "I went to see Delmas!"
"Delmas!" Hamar interlocuted, "why the deuce Delmas?"
"Impulse!" Kelson explained, "purely impulse."
"Yes, but impulse is often a dangerous thing!" Hamar said, "it is
essential for us three, especially, to be on our guard against
impulse. What did you get out of Delmas?"
"Nothing!" Kelson said looking rather shamefaced, "But the matter
hasn't ended yet. I'm going to the theatre after I've had something to
eat. I'll tell you what happens, to-morrow."
It was late ere Kelson came down to breakfast the following day, and
Hamar and Curtis were comfortably seated in armchairs reading the
_Examiner_, when he joined them.
"Well!" Hamar said, looking up at him, "what luck?"
But Kelson wouldn't say a word till he had finished eating. He then
lolled back in his seat and began:--
"Arriving at the Baldwyn I went straight to box one. A tall figure
rose to greet me, and then, an angry voice exclaimed, 'Why it's not
Herbert! Who are you, sir? Do you know this box is engaged?'
"'I humbly beg your pardon, Miss Barlow,' I said, 'I do know it is
engaged, but I came as Mr. Delmas' deputy and friend.'
"'Came as Herbert's deputy and friend,' Ella Barlow repeated--and by
Jove the diamonds did shine--she was simply a mass of them, hair,
neck, arms and fingers--and she had been so well faked up for the
occasion that she was almost good-looking; but I thought of all I knew
about her--and shuddered.
"'I will explain myself,' I said, 'Mr. Delmas telephoned to you this
afternoon, did he not?'
"She nodded.
"'Saying that he very much regretted he could not leave business in
time to escort you here. Would you mind very much going by yourself,
and he would join you as soon as possible.'
"'Yes,' Ella Barlow said, 'he told me all that.'
"'Very well, then,' I went on, 'he rang me up some minutes later and
asked me if I would take his place for the first hour or so, and he
would be here by the end of the first act.'
"'But it is most unheard of,' Ella Barlow ejaculated, 'I don't know
you--I've never seen you before!'
"'That is, of course, very regrettable,' I said, 'but I will do all I
can for the past. I've something to say that I'm sure will interest
you. Have I your permission?'--and without waiting for her reply I sat
next to her. The box was a big one, big enough to hold half a dozen
people, and we sat in the extreme front of it. The lights were not
full up, as the orchestra had not started playing. I kept her
attention fixed on my face so that she was unaware what was taking
place, immediately behind her.
"'What is it?' she said, 'whatever can you have to say that can be of
any possible interest to me?'
"'Why,' I replied, 'to begin with I know something about your
character!'
"'Then you're a fortune teller!' she exclaimed eagerly, 'can you read
hands?'
"'I can read everything,' I said looking hard at her, 'hands, head,
and feet. I am psychometrist, dentist, physician, metaphysician all in
one!'
"'I don't understand,' she said looking queer, 'what is the meaning of
all this?'
"'It means,' I said slowly, 'that I have discovered who sent those
anonymous letters to Herbert Delmas!'
"'Anonymous letters! how dare you!' she cried, 'what have anonymous
letters to do with me?'
"'A very great deal, madam,' I replied, 'shall I remind you of their
contents and the occasions on which you wrote them?' I did so. I
recited every word in them and told her the hour, day and
place--namely, when and where each was written, and I summed up by
asking what she would pay me not to tell Delmas.
"For some minutes she was too overcome to say anything; she sat grim
and silent, her pale eyes glaring at me, her freckled fingers toying
with the diamonds. She was baffled and perplexed--she did not know
what course to pursue!
"'Well,' I repeated, 'what have you to say? Do you deny it?'
"She roused herself with an effort. 'No,' she said venomously, 'I
don't deny it. Denial would be useless. How did you find out? Through
one of the maids, I suppose. They were bribed to spy on me!'
"'How I discovered it is of no consequence,' I said, 'but what is of
consequence to you as much as to me--is the payment for hushing it
up!'
"'Payment!' she cried, raising her voice to a positive shriek in her
excitement, 'pay _you_--you nasty, beastly, cadging toad. You--' but I
can't repeat all she said, it would make you both blush! I let her go
on till she had worn herself out and then I said, 'Well, Miss Barlow,
why all this fuss--why these fireworks! It can't do you any good. We
must come to business sooner or later. If you don't pay me handsomely
I shall tell Miss Roberts as well as Mr. Delmas.'
"'Mr. Delmas won't believe you,' she hissed, 'you've no proofs at
all!'
"'Perhaps not,' I said, 'but I've proofs of this. I know you have two
deformed toes on your left foot, that all your teeth are false, and
that you go to that charlatan, Howard Prince, in Californian Street to
be faked up. I must be brutal--it's no use being anything else to
women of your sort. You've got a certain species of eczema, and you
flatter yourself that no one but you and Prince are aware of it. What
have you got to say now, Miss Barlow?' But Ella Barlow had fainted.
When she came to, which I managed after vigorous application of salts
and water--the effects of the latter on her complexion I leave you to
imagine--I again broached the subject.
"'What is it you propose?' she said feebly.
"'Why this,' I said, 'you hand me over all those diamonds, and your
defects will--as far as I am concerned--always remain a secret.
Refuse, and Miss Roberts and Mr. Delmas shall know all there is to be
known at once.'
"For some minutes she sat with her face buried in her
hands--shivering. Then she looked up at me--and Jerusalem! it was like
looking at an old woman. 'Take them,' she said, 'take them! I shall
never wear them again, anyhow. Take them--and leave me.'
"Well, you fellows, I steeled my heart, and slipped every Jack one
that was on her into my pocket.
"'You won't tell them,' she whispered, catching hold of me by the arm,
'you swear you won't.' I won't try and remember exactly what I
answered--but outside the door of the box Delmas joined me. He had
been concealed within and had heard everything that passed.
"'I can't say how grateful I am to you,' he said. 'It's a bit low
down, perhaps, but, then, we were dealing with a low-down person. You
thoroughly deserve those diamonds--will you accept an offer for them
from me? I should like to buy them for Miss Roberts and present them
to her on our reconciliation.' We came to terms then and there, and he
'phoned through to me an hour ago to say that he had made it up with
Miss Roberts, that she was delighted with the diamonds, and that they
are going to be married next month."
"So out of evil good comes," Hamar said, "the maxim for us, remember,
is--out of evil evil alone must come. What are you going to do to-day,
you two?"
"Rest!" said Kelson, "I'm tired."
"Eat!" said Curtis, "I'm hungry!"
"Now look here, this won't do," Hamar remarked, "you've earned your
rest, Matt, but you haven't, Ed. You can't go on eating eternally."
"Can't I?" Curtis snapped, "I'm not so sure of that, I've years to
make up for."
"Then do the thing in moderation, for goodness sake!" Hamar
expostulated, "and recollect we must, at all costs, act together. We
have now twelve thousand dollars between us in the bank--that is to
say, the capital of the Firm of Hamar, Curtis and Kelson represents
that amount. It is our ambition to increase that amount--and to go on
increasing it till we can fairly claim to be the richest Firm in the
world. Now to do that we must work, and work hard, if we are to live
at the pace Ed is setting us--but there is no reason why we should
remain here, and I propose that we move elsewhere. I've got a scheme
in my head, rather a colossal one I admit, but not altogether
impossible."
"What is it?" Kelson asked.
"Yes, out with it," Curtis grunted.
"It is this," Hamar said, "I suggest that we go to London--London in
England--I guess it's the richest town in the world--and there set up
as sorcerers--The Sorcery Company Ltd. We should begin with divination
and juggling, and go on, according to the seven stages. We should of
course sell our cures and spells, and there is not the slightest doubt
but that we should make an enormous pile, with which we would
gradually buy up, not merely London, but the whole of England."
"That's rather a tall order," Kelson murmured.
"A small one, you mean," Curtis sneered, "you could put the whole of
England twice over in California, and from what I've heard I don't go
much on London. I reckon it isn't much bigger than San Francisco."
"Still you wouldn't mind being joint owner of it," Hamar laughed."
"No, perhaps not," Curtis said rather dubiously. "I guess we could buy
the crown and wear it in turn. Sam Westlake up at Meidler's always
used to say the Britishers would sell their souls if any one bid high
enough. They think of nothing but money over there. When shall we go?"
"At the end of our week," Hamar said, "that is to say on Wednesday--in
three days' time."
"First class all the way, of course," Curtis said, "I'll see to the
arrangements for the catering and berths."
"All right!" Hamar laughed, as he filled three glasses with champagne.
"Here, drink, you fellows, 'Long life, health and prosperity--to
Hamar, Curtis and Kelson, the Modern Sorcery Company Ltd.'"