(_A long way after “The Throstle”_)
Vacation is over, vacation is over,
I know it, I know it, I know it.
Back to the Strand again, home to the Courts again,
Come counsel and clients to go it.
Welcome awaits you, High Court of Justice,
Thousands will flock to you daily.
“You, you, you, you.” Is it then for you,
That we forget the Old Bailey?
Jostling and squeezing and struggling and shoving,
What else were the Courts ever made for?
The Courts ’twixt the Temple and grey Lincoln’s Inn,
They’re not yet entirely paid for!
Now till next year, all of us cry,
We’ll say (for a fee) what we’re bidden.
Vacation is over, is over, hurrah!
And all past sorrow is hidden.
* * * * *
THE FEMALE PREROGATIVE COURT.--A woman’s will knows no codicil.
* * * * *
THE BEST PLACE FOR A POLICE-OFFICE.--Beak Street.
* * * * *
CRIMINAL.--Why is a prisoner’s time like an abominable joke? Because
it’s past in durance.
* * * * *
[Illustration: HOW THINGS WILL OUT
(_The judge is not at home, and Brown, Q.C., asks permission to write
him a note_)
_Mary Elizabeth Jane._ “Would you like this book, sir? Master always
uses it when he writes letters!”
[_Heavens! it’s an English dictionary!_]
* * * * *
“LAUGHTER IN COURT”
“Mr. Pickwick envied the facility with which Mr. Peter Magnus’ friends
were amused.”--DICKENS.
SCENE--_Any Court_. TIME--_Any Trial_.
_Q. C._ What sort of a night was it?
_Witness._ It was dark. (_Laughter._)
_Judge._ My learned friend hardly expected the night to be light, I
should think. (_Laughter._)
_Junior._ Perhaps m’lud, the learned counsel was thinking of a
nightlight. (_Roars of laughter._)
_Q. C._ Well, we’ll take it that it was a dark night. You went out for
a stroll?
_Witness._ No, I went for a walk.
_Judge._ At any rate the witness was walking about.
_Witness._ No, my lord, I wasn’t walking a “bout.” I was walking fast.
(_Great Laughter._)
_Q. C._ You were walking fast. Now did you see anything?
_Witness._ I saw the prisoner.
_Q. C._ Well, tell us what he was doing.
_Witness._ He was doing nothing. (_Laughter._)
_Judge._ How did he do it? (_Renewed Laughter._)
_Witness._ Very busily, my lord. (_Laughter._)
_Junior._ Like a briefless barrister, m’lud. (_Roars of laughter._)
_Q. C._ Did he continue to do nothing long?
_Witness._ No; he soon seemed to get tired of it.
_Q. C._ What did he do then?
_Witness._ He went into a public-house.
_Q. C._ What for?
_Judge._ What does my learned friend go into a public-house for?
(_Great Laughter._)
_Q. C._ Will you answer my question?
_Witness._ He went for some rum-shrub.
_Q. C. (proud of his acquaintance with slang, and with a knowing look
towards the Junior Bar)._ It was a very “rum plant” the prisoner was
engaged on.
[_Shrieks of laughter, during which the Court rose, being too
convulsed to transact any further business._
* * * * *
[Illustration: NOTHING LIKE LOGIC
(An echo of the Tichborne case)
_Orton Demonstrator._ “I don’ care whether he’s Orton or Tishbo’n or
Cashtr’ or who he is, bu’ I don’ like t’ see a po’r man kep’ out of ’s
prop’ty!!”
_Second Orton Demonstrator._ “Jesh sho!”
[_They retire to refresh._]
* * * * *
NO COSTS.--If you want to enjoy the luxury of law for nothing, all you
have to do is to prosecute an inquiry.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE LAST SELL
“Oh sir, please sir, is this Chancery Lane!”
“It is.”
“Ah! I knowed it was!”
“Then why did you ask?”
“’Cos I wanted to have counsel’s opinion!”]
* * * * *