* * * * *
IN A COUNTY COURT.--_Judge (to Mr. Pettiphog, plaintiff’s
solicitor)._ I really cannot see that you have proved the defendant’s
means.
_Mr. P. (excitedly, to defendant)._ No means! How did you get here,
sir?
_Defendant._ I walked.
_Mr. P._ Where did you get the boots to walk in?
_Defendant._ I borrowed them.
_Mr. P. (triumphantly)._ On what security, sir, on what security?
_Defendant._ On the fact that you had taken up the case against me.
[_General merriment. No order._
* * * * *
BRIEF “BAGS.”--Short trousers.
* * * * *
DRINK FOR LAWYERS.--The Wool-sack.
* * * * *
THE POLICEMAN’S LADY-LOVE.--AR(e)ABELLA.
* * * * *
THE JURY STARVATION SYSTEM.--_Q._ What foreign institution does
starving a jury approach the nearest to?
_A._ The Diet of Hungary.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A CASE OF SELF-SACRIFICE.--_Mrs. Grimes._ “No, sir, Mr.
Smith ain’t a-bin in ’is chambers not for a week, sir.”
_Mr. Brown._ “Oh! You’re sure now you know the gentleman I mean--Mr.
Meldon Smith?”
_Mrs. Grimes._ “_Hi_ knows ’im right enough. Wy, I does all ’is washin’
and mendin’ for ’im!”]
* * * * *
[Illustration: AT THE SESSIONS
_Counsel._ “Do you know the nature of an oath, my good woman?”
_Witness (with a black eye)._ “I did ought to, sir! Which my ’usban’ ’s
a Covin’ Garden porter, sir!”]
* * * * *
AN EXPENSIVE CALL TO PAY.--A call to the Bar.
* * * * *
LEGAL INQUIRY.--If I buy a pair of trousers warranted to wear well, and
they turn out a failure, should I, on bringing an action for damages,
be “_non-suited_,” or could I counterclaim damages for “_breeches of
promise_”?
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY
These gentlemen are expected to be in a judicial frame of mind after
hanging about the precincts of the court for several days, under
penalty of a heavy fine, while their private business in the city and
elsewhere is going to the dogs. (Why should not half-pay officers do
the work, and relieve busy men?)]
* * * * *
BRIEF AUTHORITY.--A barrister’s.
* * * * *
THE DIVISION LIST.--Divorce Court causes.
* * * * *
CENTRE OF GRAVITY.--A judge in court.
* * * * *
THE BLOCK OF LEGAL BUSINESS.--The wig block.
* * * * *