(_Left in the Hall of the Law Courts._)
The gentle genius of the night,
Of course I mean Diana,
Made me dilate with rapt delight
To you, my fair Susanna.
But please don’t think my words were true
The moon played me a sorry trick,
Beneath the sun I write to you,
I merely was a lunatic.
You’ve mulcted me to a pretty tune,
I’ll have revenge--I’ll shoot the moon!
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE TRIALS OF AN ANXIOUS “JUNIOR.”--Prompting a deaf and
testy “chief” in open court is not his idea of perfect bliss.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS
_His Honour._ “H’m! Will you kindly raise your veil. I find it
extremely difficult to--h’m--_hear_ anyone distinctly with those thick
veils----”]
[Illustration: WHAT THEY SEEM
“Er--er--_thank you!_ SILENCE! I will not have this court turned into a
place of amusement!”]
* * * * *
[Illustration: “THE MESHES OF THE LAW!”--_Rural Magistrate._ “Prisoner,
you are charged with--ah--loitering about in a suspicious manner,
without any ostensible employment. How do you obtain a living?”
_Prisoner._ “Your wusship, I’m engaged in the manufacture of smoked
glasses for observing eclipses--an ‘industry’”--(_solemnly_)--“an
‘industry,’ your wusship, which involves protracted periods of enforced
leisu-are!!”
_Discharged with a caution!_]
* * * * *
[Illustration: PITY THE POOR PRISONERS!--Scene--_County Prison:
Visiting Justices on Inspection._ _Visiting Justice._ “Any complaints?”
_Prisoner_. “Yes, your Honour. We’re guv on’y one bucket at shavin’
time, so we’ve all got to dip our razors in the same water, and who
knows wot skin diseases a cove might ketch!”]
* * * * *
THE BARRISTER’S FAVOURITE HYMN.--“_‘Brief’ life is here our portion._”
* * * * *
LEGAL QUERY. _(From an Earnest Enquirer.)_--“Sir, I have often heard
of _‘The Will of the Wisp.’_ Was this will ever proved? Who was ‘the
Wisp’? Why so called? Because he was a man of straw? Wisper your answer
to me, and oblige yours,
“COLNEY HATCHER, E. I.”
* * * * *
THE GAS COMPANIES’ LAWYER.--Coke.
* * * * *
TWO SORTS OF POLICE.--The Detective--and the Defective.
* * * * *
CRIMINAL QUERY.--Can a prisoner who commits himself, also form his own
conviction?
* * * * *
THE LEGAL FRATERNITY.--Brothers-in-law.
* * * * *
LEGAL QUESTION.--What are the “_Benchers_” of our Inns of Court?
Persons so called from their persistent adherence to _legal forms_.
* * * * *
LEGAL “INSTRUMENTS.”--“Soft recorders.”
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Solicitor_. “Now, as a matter of fact, when expressing
your opinion of your opponent, you _did_ use a _leetle_ strong
language?” _Client_. “Wull, I don’t know as I _forgot_ anything!”]
* * * * *
OLD SAYING (_By our own Detective_).--Professional thieves are
notoriously dense, hence the proverbial expression, “_Thick_ as
thieves.”
* * * * *
When a leading barrister gets someone to “devil” for him, may the
latter’s occupation be correctly described as “devilry”?
* * * * *
The result of going out for a “lark” very generally is, that the last
part of the lark you see is the beak.
* * * * *
SITTINGS IN ERROR.--A pew in a Mormonite chapel.
* * * * *
LAW AND TIME.--A “watching brief” must have much to do with second-hand
information.
* * * * *
CAUSE WITHOUT EFFECT.--An action resulting in a farthing’s damages.
* * * * *
A “COUNTER-CASE.”--Shop-lifting.
* * * * *
DIAMONDS OF THE CAPE.--Intelligent policemen.
* * * * *
INFORMATION WANTED.--At what time in the morning are barristers called?
* * * * *
[Illustration: MR. PUNCH’S ILLUSTRATED LAW REPORTS
“Alleged contempt of court by an infant”]
* * * * *
[Illustration: COMPLIMENTS.--_“The Court” (thinking aloud)._
“Hu--m--’markably fine young wom----.” _The Witness (overhearing)._
“Excellent judge!!”]
* * * * *
[Illustration: CANTANKEROUS.--_Legal Adviser (drawing up the old
gentleman’s will)._ “Um--seems a pity you should cut off your son with
a shilling. But, if you’re determined--hem!--what about the pictures?
You have a very valuable collection, sir?----” _Crusty Invalid._ “Oh,
drat the pictures! Leave ’em to the Blind Asylum!!”]
* * * * *