"Until you do, it's your responsibility. Now today we have two reports.
Mr. Otto Kahler--a very capable man, and I understand he is the real
inventor of the full-projection process--has discovered how the
projections manage to survive although cut off from studio power. Also,
he has some comments on their nature. Before we hear from him, there is
a report from the Secretary of the Interior."
The Secretary was a bald, tired, paunchy man who reminded people of a
banker. Perhaps because he had been a banker. He opened his mouth to
begin.
_"Tell your mother,
"Tell your brother,
"Ain't no better
"Peanut butter!"_
The raspy song came from beneath the table. Archy dived under and out
frisked an Andy Armadillo projection, natty in green breeches and
prospector's hat.
The cartoon sat jauntily in the middle of the table. "Say, kids," he
addressed the group, "Teeny-Crunch Peaner Butter really has it. This
peaner butter is like going to heaven. It's smooth yet--"
"Get out of here!" screamed Archy.
The Armadillo eyed him. "Look, Mac, I'm doing an act. I'm tired of
being turned off." He began the commercial again.
The conference moved to another room. "Better chink the door," said
Otto.
The Secretary of the Interior began anew. Archy listened closely; there
would be a chance to trip this guy up.
"It's estimated that 500,000,000 projections are at large," said the
secretary. "Here are some things that have happened:
"Throngs of the cowboy projections are heading west. They get on horses
and chase cattle. The horses buck them off, they climb right back
on. Half the horses in the country are so crazed they'll be useless
forever. Villain projections are hiding all over the nation. The cowboy
hero projections are fighting the villains in a million bar-rooms.
Fortunately they can't use real guns, but customers aren't convinced."
"Who cares about a bunch of drunks?" said Archy. Everybody scowled.
"The Pixie Owens projections I needn't dwell on. They've caused
thousands of auto wrecks just by appearing along highways.
"The clowns and jugglers have put the circuses out of business by
invading at show time. The jugglers get into ping-pong tournaments,
juggle the balls. Nobody can keep them out.
"The armadillo cartoons have bankrupt Teeny-Crunch Peanut
Butter--nobody will buy it.
"The projections are claiming U.S. citizenship and the right to vote.
The Archy projections are organizing them. They've horned into every
village, town, city, state, and national governmental conclave.
"Projections hunt audiences. They have disrupted every stage show in
the country. They put on shows in people's living rooms, in parks,
in the middle of the street. A few got jobs with stock companies, in
movies, and so on, but they can only play one part--the one they were
doing for Full-Projection."
"I'm entitled to a percentage of their earnings," said Archy.
"They've all been fired," said Otto. "If the secretary is through--the
report is beginning to border on the nature of the projections--perhaps
I can make my report now."
* * * * *
President Conklin glanced at the Secretary, who nodded.
"I guess you know their mental properties," said Otto.
"Sort of monomaniacs. They're counterfeit humans, of course, but
limited counterfeits. The configuration projected for any given actor
is solely of the elements in that person which are involved in the part
being played. Part of the neural patterns synapses, so on--only a
part, but complete circuits--are projected.
"This part is enough to allow a certain freedom of development,
acquisition of new ideas, individuality. Basically a projection is a
replica of the person being projected. Pixie, for instance, has never
strip-teased on one of the shows...."
"I should hope not!" snuffed the Secretary.
"... but the projection Pixie does what the real Pixie has implicit
in her nature. Our friend the armadillo, being only a cartoon, is
different. About all he can do is repeat commercials.
"Physically, the projections eat no food. They are not quite solid--one
couldn't pick up a coin or a hammer, but could handle a ping-pong ball
or a fluff of cotton.
"They are somewhat plastic and slip through restricted openings. I
saw one walk through a screen door, and I'm told they can get through
keyholes. They can be temporarily broken up by physical means, but come
right back together."
"I know how to lick 'em!" shouted Archy. "Chop 'em up fine and disperse
the pieces."
"The sheriff of Pickle, W.Va., tried that," said Otto. "Ran a bunch of
clown projections through a fine chopper. They reconstituted into one
gigantic clown currently scaring hell out of half the state."
"Maybe we could make portable scramblers," said Archy. "Everybody could
carry one."
"That's been considered," said the President. "Hunting down projections
one by one would take years. Please continue, Mr. Kahler."
"I've found out how they keep going without studio power," said Otto.
"They hang around electrical installations--high-tension lines,
generators, radio and TV transmitters, even auto batteries. Wherever
there are electro-magnetic fields. They go a day or two on their own,
then get recharged. There are gangs of them hanging around these
places."
"That's it!" pronounced Archy. "That's where we can scramble them."
"We'll probably try it," said Otto, "but it won't get many. They'll
just go to the millions of miles of power lines."
"Then turn off all the power," said Archy. "Starve 'em."
Several people spoke at once, and Archy's chest went up. The president
silenced them.
"Do you realize what that would mean, turning off the country's power?
Deliberate disaster."