I
_First Meeting between a Citizen in Spectacles and the Great
Pleasure-Dog Behemoth; also of Charles Gardiner West, a
Personage at Thirty_. 3
II
_Mrs. Paynter's Boarding-House: which was not founded as an
Eleemosynary Institution_. 14
III
_Encounter between Charlotte Lee Weyland, a Landlady's Agent,
and Doctor Queed, a Young Man who wouldn't pay his Board_. 25
IV
_Relating how Two Stars in their Courses fought for Mr. Queed;
and how he accepted Remunerative Employment under Colonel
Cowles, the Military Political Economist_. 40
V
_Selections from Contemporary Opinions of Mr. Queed; also concerning
Henry G. Surface, his Life and Deeds; of Fifi, the Landlady's
Daughter, and how she happened to look up Altruism in the
Dictionary_. 51
VI
_Autobiographical Data imparted, for Sound Business Reasons,
to a Landlady's Agent; of the Agent's Other Title, etc._ 64
VII
_In which an Assistant Editor, experiencing the Common Desire
to thrash a Proof-Reader, makes a Humiliating Discovery;
and of how Trainer Klinker gets a Pupil the Same Evening_. 79
VIII
_Formal Invitation to Fifi to share Queed's Dining-Room (provided
it is very cold upstairs); and First Outrage upon the Sacred
Schedule of Hours_. 93
IX
_Of Charles Gardiner West, President-Elect of Blaines College,
and his Ladies Fair: all in Mr. West's Lighter Manner_. 104
X
_Of Fifi on Friendship, and who would be sorry if Queed died;
of Queed's Mad Impulse, sternly overcome; of his Indignant
Call upon Nicolovius, the Old Professor_. 114
XI
_Concerning a Plan to make a Small Gift to a Fellow-Boarder,
and what it led to in the Way of Calls; also touching upon
Mr. Queed's Dismissal from the Post, and the Generous Resolve
of the Young Lady, Charles Weyland_. 127
XII
_More Consequences of the Plan about the Gift, and of how Mr.
Queed drinks his Medicine like a Man; Fifi on Men, and how
they do; Second Corruption of the Sacred Schedule_. 137
XIII
_"Taking the Little Doctor Down a Peg or Two": as performed
for the First and Only Time by Sharlee Weyland_. 146
XIV
_In which Klinker quotes Scripture, and Queed has helped Fifi
with her Lessons for the Last Time_. 163
XV
_In a Country Churchyard, and afterwards; of Friends: how they
take your Time while they live, and then die, upsetting your
Evening's Work; and what Buck Klinker saw in the Scriptorium
at 2 a.m._. 174
XVI
_Triumphal Return of Charles Gardiner West from the Old World;
and of how the Other World had wagged in his Absence_. 186
XVII
_A Remeeting in a Cemetery: the Unglassed Queed who loafed on
Rustic Bridges; of the Consequences of failing to tell a Lady
that you hope to see her again soon_. 200
XVIII
_Of President West of Old Blaines College, his Trustees and his
Troubles; his Firmness in the Brown-Jones Hazing Incident
so misconstrued by Malicious Asses; his Article for the Post,
and why it was never printed: all ending in West's Profound
Dissatisfaction with the Rewards of Patriotism_. 216
XIX
_The Little House on Duke of Gloucester Street; and the Beginning
of Various Feelings, Sensibilities, and Attitudes between two
Lonely Men_. 239
XX
_Meeting of the Post Directors to elect a Successor to Colonel
Cowles; Charles Gardiner West's Sensible Remarks on Mr. Queed; Mr.
West's Resignation from Old Blaines College, and New Consecration
to the Uplift_. 248
XXI
_Queed sits on the Steps with Sharlee, and sees Some Old Soldiers
go marching by_. 257
XXII
_In which Professor Nicolovius drops a Letter on the Floor, and
Queed conjectures that happiness sometimes comes to Men
wearing a Strange Face_. 274
XXIII
_Of the Bill for the Reformatory, and its Critical Situation; of
West's Second Disappointment with the Rewards of Patriotism;
of the Consolation he found in the Most Charming Resolve
in the World_. 290
XXIV
_Sharlee's Parlor on Another Evening; how One Caller outsat Two,
and why; also, how Sharlee looked in her Mirror for a Long
Time, and why_. 300
XXV
_Recording a Discussion about the Reformatory between Editor
West and his Dog-like Admirer, the City Boss; and a Briefer
Conversation between West and Prof. Nicolovius's Boarder_. 312
XXVI
_In which Queed forces the Old Professor's Hand, and the Old
Professor takes to his Bed_. 330
XXVII
_Sharlee Weyland reads the Morning Post; of Rev. Mr. Dayne's
Fight at Ephesus and the Telephone Message that never came;
of the Editor's Comment upon the Assistant Editor's Resignation,
which perhaps lacked Clarity; and of how Eight Men elect a
Mayor_. 345
XXVIII
_How Words can be like Blows, and Blue Eyes stab deep; how
Queed sits by a Bedside and reviews his Life; and how a
Thought leaps at him and will not down_. 363
XXIX
_In which Queed's Shoulders can bear One Man's Roguery and
Another's Dishonor, and of what these Fardels cost him: how
for the Second Time in his Life he stays out of Bed to think_. 375
XXX
_Death of the Old Professor, and how Queed finds that his List of
Friends has grown; a Last Will and Testament; Exchange of
Letters among Prominent Attorneys, which unhappily proves
futile_. 387
XXXI
_God moves in a Mysterious Way: how the finished Miss Avery
appears as the Instrument of Providence; how Sharlee sees
her Idol of Many Years go toppling in the Dust, and how it is
her Turn to meditate in the Still Watches_. 397
XXXII
_Second Meeting between a Citizen and the Great Pleasure-Dog
Behemoth, involving Plans for Two New Homes_. 416